Astra, buying a house and desperately need a reading!
I hope all is well. I'm in the process of buying a new home. The home will be in my name but my fiance will be moving in with his two kids. Mind you I don't have a relationship with his kids and he seems to be A okay with that. I've even mentioned the fact that I want get closer to his kids since they'll be living with us eventually. But again, he doesn't see it as something that is neccessary. He wants to get married but I'm not all the way comfortable marrying someone that has kids and I'm not even close with them! The fact that he doesn't see it neccessary to have a relationship with them is very weird to me. Part of me feels like he thinks I'm not worthy enough to be close to his kids.
That's one issue. The other issue is that I think he may be seeing someone else. This is making me feel lkike I'm just being used so he and kids can live in my home. Although he is helping with the small down payment and closing costs, part of me feels like I'm being used for some reason. Right now, I'm not one hundred percent sure and that's making me feel like I'm crazy, and that feels awful. I'm back in the same place I've been in a long time ago. I keep feeling like I'm with the wrong person. I know the logical thing to do is breakout and definitely don't buy a house but I really like the house. Just a little confused here. Both matters. House and marriage are very serious and I need to be absolutely sure I want to do these things. So I guess the question to you is, is he being unfaithful and is purchasing this home the right thing to do?
Finally, the last thing is about my friend you and I discussed some time ago. I believe you called him Mike :). Anyway, I still feel very strong for him and he told me he still feels very strongly for me. Howvwever he asked for me to come see him and I said okay but the day before I confirmed with him whether or not we would meet and he didn't respond. That was two weeks ago. Still haven't heard anything yet. Part of me felt like he got cold feet but another part of me feels like he's just playing games. Can you tell me what you see with regard to that situation?
I wrote a bunch of stuff and then deleted it...
Anyway I could give you my opinion on the house thing, however my opinion is not a tarot reading. (My opinion is you should place the whole thing on hold until you know deep deep down that this marriage is the best thing for you).
I can provide some tarot work regarding YOU and the relationship. I see two people determined to build a new life for themselves, pooling their resources and their love for each other. The only issue though is that it appears that the both of you are making some financial decisions while there are emotional issues going on. *the cheating suspicion, and so forth. Hmm...
The "is he cheating?" and "I (could) feel like I am the wrong person" here, those are all pointing to communication issues. And here is a simple, easy test (that anyone can do!) to find out whether or not you have true love, a real connection with your person. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING. A connection will prove itself by you being able to bring anything up that is bugging you and see how he/she reacts. Because that is what a true union is... you two are transparent with each other! That is the whole point of relationship, the two become one. Totally naked and vulnerable with each other. That is my vision anyway. I refuse to settle for substitutes.
A true friend and partner (we hope that is within a marriage!) would empathize and help you work through whatever it is. A "cheating fiance" will not want to talk about it and will use emotional tactics to try and make you feel bad for bringing it up. You perhaps were either raised, or were in some relationship(s) where these kinds of "corrective" emotional tactics were used. We call them abusive, I don't think the persons mean wrong, they are doing it instinctively.
That is about it. The house thing is another issue. Can you afford the home on your income alone? I know that should you decide to pull out of this house deal while you work on your new relationship, you will find an even NICER home for the two of you later.
I would zero in on the relationship, communication issues. Get that working and NOW you have a real home... the two of your hearts solidly identified with each other. THAT is the real house, the walls and roof and bricks are all just icing on the cake, and the cake is the two of you. Get the cake right and the rest will go on so nice...
Thanks so much for the response and opinion - it always means so much. I think pretty much communication is an issue I have. I get angry and throw things then the message I'm trying to get across gets lost. What should have been a simple discussion turned into a horrible screaming match. I felt he was unclear with what his plans with his children were and that didn't make me feel comfortable. Just to back track a bit, this is a holiday weekend and where I am people normally have cookouts and spend time with their loved ones. He told me he was only going to play catch in the park with his kids but later that day when he came to pick me up, he told me his whole family came out and rented a park and had a cookout! I felt a little left out because he for one acted as if he had no idea he was going to be doing that as he told me thoughout the day he was only playing catch in the park. Now I don't know if it's just me but to hear later it was actually a huge event was a little unnerving. I thought: why doesn't he want me to know that this was a family event and why did he sort of hide for the entire day? So when he told me what it was I sort caught an attitude (wrong on my part) and I held in my thoughts until I could no longer keep them in. When I finally let him know how I felt, it was too late because now he was upset that I had an attitude in the first place. At this point, if I did try to talk he would turn the music up so he couldn't hear me. That made me very upset. I felt like he wasn't respecting the fact that I had an issue. So thing got heated, I threw my phone at his dashboard and it landed on his leg. He then grabbed my hair and began pulling it. He said he was afraid I would hit him so he pulled my hair.
Today, I try to talk calmly and gently about everything but that made him upset. He said I was crazy and that I needed help. Astra, I am in tears right now because I am the furthest thing from being violent. That isn't me at all. But I can say I need to work on my relationships with people. Right now I am not speaking with any of my family members, except for my dad and sometimes my mom. I don't have too many friends so my fiancé is all I have at the moment and that is just pathetic to me.
I think I know the answer and it's is I need to be alone for a while. The problem with that is if I leave, I will literally be ALL ALONE. I guess it's the lesser of two evils?
About him cheating, that honestly isn't a big concern to me. The other woman I see is the children's mother. I guess I was upset because I feel like she may not want me around her kids so he was therefore very vague about what he and his kids were doing. He knows that had he told me it was a family cookout, I would have asked to join and me being there would go against her rules.
I do think he is trying to keep you sort of disconnected from his "kids and that family scene".
My sense is he may see you as a new start with something very nice in a relationship, and is trying to limit how much of that previous life of his is allowed to enter what he has with you. It does sound like he still feels some responsibility or something toward his kids. What are their ages, any idea? So he could be trying to manage two worlds in a way... the past with his kids, and a new world with you. He may be longing to keep the world he has with you as innocent and new and pristine as he can. So I would be very sensitive to that possibility. Once he sees that you understand, he may then be in a position to be more attentive to you with your feelings in it. Right now though it seems as though he wants that to not be a part of the life you two share. That can change though.
You two are developing some communication skills too. The symbol of the cell phone ricocheting
off the dashboard and hitting his knee - what better symbol from the Universe to say "you two are learning how to communicate!"
So there is that... it does sound like you two can be kinda heated around this "what is going on with his children" and stuff... you could be feeling shut out of an area in his life. Maybe he just needs to talk about it with you that would be the best thing (eventually). I still think it all comes down to communicating calmly and logically. Right now though it sounds like you two just need some time to stay quiet for a while.
Four of wands and the star are both very bright and optimistic cards, everything will work out. No matter what you are feeling at this moment, that will change okay? Love is pretty resilient, and a wrong should provide the two of you an opportunity to talk it out and achieve deeper union. Actually - this may sound bizarre - however this can all turn in your (the relationship's favor) as long as everyone can keep a cool head. Next time instead of actually throwing something, just pretend to throw it, that way you can't cause any actual (possible) damage. I have done that a lot, I have thrown my iphone through a lot of windows in this house, I have thrown computers through plate glass windows... all imaginary of course, but it does get it out of your system. So next time you want to throw something at him, pick up an imaginary small boulder and hurl that at him in your imagination haha...
Um, so I would try try to relax on this "his children" and that life of his... he is probably trying to find his balance in all that. So let time work on that and try not to imagine him misleading you. I don't see him really doing that, you know.. he could be nervous about that issue as he knows that has touched a nerve with you in the past... so maybe he did know there was going to be the whole family there, however he didn't want to tell you that to avoid "a discussion"... who knows... its possible that he is simply trying to avoid topic that are bothersome, so I would let that whole area rest if you can...
I hope something helps, I am just throwing ideas at you... not like I am an expert on relationships, I just know that as long as everyone can stay calm anything can be discussed and nice answers and paths are then found. Theoretically anyway.
Actually, that doesnt make sense. He is wanting to move his kids into this house with you and him? Then he has to open that completely out for discussion and so I can see how you are feeling manipulated here. I don't know what his deal is... I would take a nice l-o-n-g break to mull this thing over. So he has custody of his children? What the ****, I mean fudge, is going on here?
AHHAHAHA, I love your invisible objects you throw- I have to try that!
Right now he and I are in seperate rooms and he no longer wants to speak. I asked if I could have the ring back that I threw athim and he said its lost. So I'm going to let go at this point.
I really wish he would take time and talk to me since I clearly am unsure of the dynamics. I think well I know he thinks that I am crazy for feeling left out. He says it's no big deal that he didn't mention the family cookout to me. Right now his children (10 yrs old and twins) live with their mom. The mom has said she doesn't want me around her or her kids, but I am supposed to be his wife soon. How can he expect me to be okay with that?n I recently heard her, the kids mom, twice mention my name. Once to him to say she no longer wants her kids around me and then on mothers day she called his mothers house while I was there and asked of I was ther. Minmy head I'm like what gives??? What is wrong with this woman? In my mind she still is resentful that she and the father of her children didn't work out. But he should really give her the closure she needs to move on.
In any event, my life has been a roller coaster ride with this relationship for about the last four years. I'm third. I just want normal. That's all I want. I hate the weirdness. How does he expect me to marry him and not have a relationship with his kids that may one day move in with us, if not full time deftly part time. Honestly Astra, this makes me want to move on for good,
Ugh, so many typos! Not I'm third - I'm through. Not deftly - definitely
I drew 18 cards (for some reason) however I think they tell a story about you two, see what you think. I think this is recapping the relationship mostly and then giving you some future insights.
The Chariot - you and him started off really fast, I think the relationship was exciting from the beginning. Exhilarating.
The Three of Wands - he has been very accommodating and easy to blend with. His nature early on was to really join with you, it was very yielding and open right away in the relationship.
The Seven of Swords, so somewhere in the 3 - 5 month mark you two start to talk more about plans. Marriage must have even come up for discussion early?
Then the Page of Cups seems to be the marriage talk, toward the end of the first year.
Then, the six swords and the thinking between you here is nice, everything flows along nice...
The eight of wands is a organizing energy related to the identity, so somewhere in the mid 2nd year there was some serious commitments considered... and then the two of cups and the 7 of cups, would this be the start of the engagement? Later in the 2nd year.
Then, very soon after that. is the beginning of a discussion about a home. Or something is discussed that involves a risk, a step of faith, a home purchase has some of that.
So then first part of 3rd year, there is planning of this possibility and then 8 swords, I think you two really latched on to this house idea pretty soon after the engagement.
then the Justice card so some legal issues related to the purchase I guess... mid 3rd year
Then the Temperance (blending) card, so the later part of your third year you are serious about pooling your resources to get into a home.
Then the Ace of Pentacles is a commitment first part of this year to go for it with the home plans I think.
Then the wheel of fortune - that must be sorta where we are at right now. Things spinning seemingly haphazard...
Then the 5 of swords, so that represents some intellectual adjustments... you are discussing and communicating and making adjustments...
then the Lovers! So I think you two do work through things.
And then the Ace of Wands later in this year which is a new identity. Could be the marriage?
I think the general message is to focus on YOU and HIM and your feelings, tender concern for one another, and really try to turn down the intensity on things... just be calm and quiet with each other just touch, put on some nice music and slow dance or something... get back in touch with how much you deeply love each other... some incence... some candles... some kissing... you see how nice that is? That is where you belong, not in all of this other stuff. Try to stay focused on touch would be the thing right now. To me anyway.
I hope that provided something....
Thank you for your lovely insight. since he and I have been together for almost eight years now, engaged for two, I honestly think it may be time to move on. If he is unable to hear or think about my feelings there is nothing to save for the future. I also have been dreaming of vomit which means deception and also been dreaming of cats which means I need to really listen to my intuition. Which is telling me that his mishandling of my feelings as it relates to his family will only get worse.
But Astra, really, I thank you so much for taking your time and giving advice and pulling those cards, it really means a lot and is always helpful.
Blessings to you,