Virgo men & their way of handling sadness/problems
what is the best way to deal with a virgo who feels depressed, ashamed and therefore withdraws?
My husband and I have currently a LDR due to a visa process and all the delays with docs happen on his side. It is going on for 6 months already and it is really back-breaking.
I can usually cheer him up well; I know it is only a matter of time. But he cannot handle the whole situation easily and after a call 6 weeks ago he withdrew; he even did not send any wishes to my birthday. Well, thats fine.. there are many more to come. There is only one document missing actually, of which he thought he already has it and told me so. His brother said he got very depressed because this delays everything now.
I already heard and read a lot that virgos withdraw when their own problems become too much. They withdraw so that they can solve it. Well, I would not be able to do it but virgos are a bit special anyways.
So my question, maybe also to virgos. Can anyone tell me how to support him best now? He told his brother that he will send me a message and when I reply we will talk (once he is ready for it of course). But is there anything I can do now to show that I care? I send little e-mails from time to time, just funny ones without any pressure. In the beginning of these 6 weeks I told him how I feel, that we can manage everything together.. but virgos and their caves.. sigh.
It is a tough situation because I can hardly tell anyone. Maybe ppl who are into astrology can understand a bit.. all others think that this is just crazy.
Any ideas or experience from your side?
Shayflower, by Virgo friend (ex boy friend and a room mate) has been depressed for the last 5 months, basically it happened out of blue. It is some kind of existencial crisis in his case, maybe connected to low self esteem, or fear of aging/ mortality. I think you are doing the right thing - being positive without putting pressure on him. In the end, he is the only one who can help himself, if he choses to. My friend has recently started reading self help/spiritually orientated books, and I think it helps his, at least to some degree.
Just a word of caution - being around a depressed person can actually make you get depressed as well. You have to take care of your own needs first, and surround yourself with positive people.
So it sounds that you are geographically separated at the moment? If so, how often do you communicate? do you skype? how long would it be before you see each other again? I am asking those questions because depending on how it is there might be different things that you can do.
I agree with Voply Soply, my Virgo guy has blown hot and cold before and now seems pretty steady but I sense another one of this depressing times ahead. Like you said, he says he just relaxes just being around me but ultimately it must come from him. This Virgo man's crisis is similar to what VS is mentioning and it is based on security, mortality, aging, very similar. I think it is an age bracket thing possibly too. Also feeling that things are out of your control. In fact, one is more in control of anything when you are not exerting control over anything, but tell that to a Virgo!!!! I hope it does get better, I know you worry about him.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It seems to be a virgo thing that they often have low self-esteem or lower themselves when something is not going well.
You are right, being around a depressed person can be harmful for yourself. I am not around him now (as he quit contact for now) but I can still feel or sense it and it makes me depressed too.
However, I try to concentrate and care for myself now. So I will be at least fit and strong again when he comes out of his cave.
Yes, we are separated at the moment and live in different countries. Until he withdrew we were in touch every day. We have smartphones, so we could chat every day. This made the distance a bit more bearable. We also called every few days.
We thought that he will be here by now already but due to another document which is missing.. it all gets delayed. Once he has it (and I think at this time he will talk again) it might be only another month till we are together.
Yes, I think you got the point... things are out of his control at the moment. He needs to get this doc from an office in another country. You cannot do much more than call or write mails. If such things happen in our own city, you can go personally.
I know that he feels ashamed and like disappointing me... typical virgo worrier. The whole situation is just so hard because I am so far away and cannot help or support him. And just waiting without knowing when it will end.. thats not easy.