Blmoon, Drew met her this week
I don't know if you read my last post or not, but Saturday was Ron's fathers birthday and they had a big party for him.
Ron wanted all the boys to be there, but only Drew went and he brought his girlfriend.
Ron didn't know the other 2 weren't going and he brought her to the party.
This is the first time in 3 years he felt it was okay to have her near them., Drew wasn't happy about it and told me he wasn't nice to her, but I am sure he was polite like I raised him to be.
He came home with stories about how unattractive she is and how she has bad teeth and looks like a worn out bartender, but I dont believe him, I think he is trying to mke me feel better about it all.
It hurts like hell, but I won'[t let it get me down.
I think I finally understand what you have been saying about me not wanting him back, as him bringing her to meet my kids was the last lie I will ever let him tell me.
He has lied about everything big and small since he left, and so I am prettyn sure he lied all the years we were together.
How can a person cause so much pain and still breath, I know you think he is not mentally healthy, but even so, it is so bad to think he doesn't realize what he is doing to his own famiy.
It is very tradjic and Drew was not just trying to make you feel better! You did raise him to be connected and aware and it's not just her outer apearance--he feels it--she ihas no self esteem and is horribly self destructive---your son is a lot like you--sensitive and perceptive. It's painful but good for him to get that info so he can process better that something IS very wrong. That this is not about you failing his dad or his dad falling for something better and it will help him accept that his dad didn't reject him but his dad rejects HIMSELF--it's not so personal as he sees his dad has a problem. Let the emotions wash through you--you can walk through them--because it is a sad story and you can't fix this. I've been away so may have not seen your post. Ron lies to "himself". The truth is you were carring the weight of his half always Nancy---you pulled him up from his demons and did everything possible to make it work. You MADE the home and family a family. A self loathing part of him does not feel he deserves what you hold sacred. There's no way you can wrap yourself around his thinking. All you hold sacred is one big anxiety attack for him. With her he can lose himself. She has a lot in common with him but it is toxic---she abuses herself--drinks--does drugs and lets her body go--there is NO NURTURE whatso ever---she represents the sick side of his mother and in a way you were the soul side as his mom was more than her illness altho in the end the illness won. He never reconciled that--never healed. Nancy, things are going to get a lot better for you. Not saying that you will not have smoothe sailing but there is a great shift happening and a new life you never dreamed will surprise you. BLESSINGS!
WEll that is exactly what Drew said. He told me he thought his dad just wanted to be single and figure things out and then he would come back. That is what Ron told the boys.
Drew said when he met her and saw how bad she looked, how worn out and unattractive he couldn't believe his dad would leave us for her.'
The boys never say Ron left them, they still think it was just me he left for this new women and new life of his, with no money and no respect.
I know you keep telling me he will regret this, but we fight too much and haven't had a nice talk in a really long time because of his lack or resoponsibility financially.
His latest thing is he dropped them off his insurance coverage. Parents in California can cover there kids until 26 and Trevor and Ty just went to the dentist only to find they are not covered by him only me and so there will be a large copay.
He seems to feel he is right and he seems happy with his choices, it is making me hate him every time we have to interact.
I still want to hear his regret, I want him to be sorry and sad, not happy and satisfied.
She seems to be what he wants and he doesn't care about the money or the kids, and deffinatly not me.
How many more years is this going to take?
I feel almost ready to move on in my life, but my self worth is not where is needs to be.
I can't help but feel I wasn't worth of the lifetime commitment I so wanted.
I wanted to believe that true love can last for a whole lifetime.
If it can't, then why bother with all the pain?
I am affraid to give my heart away again, not that anyone wants it.
Somehow UI knew you wouldn't respond to that last post. Big pity party, me being a wimp and letting him get to me a gain I know.
What I didn't tell you is that when Drew came home he handed me a big envelope with all the pictures Ron had taken when he left that he didn't want anymore.
Pictures of the minute after Drew was born, me and him holding our first born grinning ear tio ear.
Pictures of the boys when they were small, or our life together.
He doesn't want them anymore, that hurt, and I haven't seen a picture of him in years, that hurt. So yes I have slipped a bit, but at least I get why.
yesterday I received a card from my mother---let ME share my pain. I am pushing 60 and still waiting for my mother to open HER heart. She has not sent me a word since my son passed--almost 4 years now. No fighting--just plain not there. Every so many years I break down and open my heart and make contact and she devistates me with some passive aggressive message that I mean nothing--although she will sign it with 'LOVE". Well I sent her a few very meaningful gifts---that had meaning ----a beautiful irish tea cup and saucer and desert dish--antique fine china with a note that it was from my father because where he's at (in Heaven) all women are treated like fine china and men never behave like tools---and then two coffee mugs with her name on them from my son who said that at her age everyone needs something with their name on it--and two coffee mugs from me because I'm psychic and even though I had no idea why I bought them---went home looked them up and it turned out they were valuable! I sent her a sweet note and a copy of my residency acceptance. I got a card yesterday and she said she was happy I was thinking of her BUT she's been downsizing and although my gifts were fun she hopes with my permission she can "pass them along". My moms a hoarder and keeps her house full. I'm sure passing along means "selling them" as she is an antique dealer. I was so distraught I had chest pains for hours and cried myself sick! But the odd thing was the note came on a RENOIR card--my favourite and I know she doesn't know that. I spent the evening crushed--small--that wounded child. I called a girlfriend--got it off my chest THEN I stayed up until 4am and did a portrait of Emily Dickinson that I will proudly show on Friday the last day of my residency. You are no wimp---victim IS AS VICTIM DOES. Choose love---where ever it lives. I do not regret reaching out to her one more time--it means I have a true heart---I am greatful not to be so damaged I would be like her. I saved every little morsal of love all my children gave me and still do. OH included in the card were two pics of my niece--the crazy one--this is the second time she has sent me pics of my mentaly ill niece even though I have several nieces. She is NUTS. Ron is NUTS. Don't buy into it Nancy---be the great soul YOU ARE--you get to choose not Ron. I get to choose. YES IT FREAKIN HURTS! But at least our hearts are not dead and both Ron and my mom will be returning to earth with a big karmic debt next time. Ron has time--but it's getting close his room to change. My mom will leave this earth soon--she's eighty. BLESSINGS!
I am so sorry to hear about your pain You are so kind and giving it makes me sad to hear your story.
As moothers we both know the love that comes the moment we concieve and grows always.
There must be some sad story that made her they way she is with you.
Again I am so sorry.
Well I got an email from my lawyer yesterday with a copy of a fax they sent to the court asking for a trial date.
They estimated our trial would take at least 8 hours . The court sent a fax back stating they recieved the request and would get a date asap.
I worked all day and din't get a chance to call them, but I was wondering if Ron got a copy of this?
does he know it's really coming?
You told me awhile back he would make a new offer within a week of hearing about a trial date, do you still think that, and do you think it will be reasonable?
I have so much on my mind right now.
Drew was up in the attack looking around on Tuesday and he found a lot of pictures, he went through them and threw all the ones of Ron in the garbage. I told him he didn't have to do that, he could keep them with his things, and he said no I don't want them.
Oh how sad--YET at least he is getting out his anger in harmless ways as at his age it could hurt him. Young men act out or hurt themselves when acting out--they have way too much emotion and hormones. All you can do is love him and comfort him as much as he'll let you. There will be a delay for Ron as he has no lawyer so he will either get a mailed copy from your lawyer or be served. Actually, your lawyer at this point feels no obligation to inform him other than legal--if he avoids the server your lawyer can announce it in the newspaper ad but if he doesn't show--you will get all you ask for by default. I believe he will know by Friday. I see her getting the papers---I just see her shaking them at him.There is much argument between his girlfriend and him over this as he has been telling her he's taking care of it. He will freak over the court date and he has not at all thought that far.. I think he will first scarmble for legal advice and that will be very short lived (the lawyer wil want big cash as he knows he will not get paid as you are the one entiled not him)--he will want an extention but your bull dog lawyer will object to the court that Ron has non complied for over three years. He will desperately probably contact you---ask for more time--make promises and you will be wise to refuse any discussion and tell him to talk through your lawyer. After he gets legal advice he will try going back to an earlier offer but Nancy you should only do what your lawyer advises and settling at this point may be not good---your lawyer will know if it is fair. I just got back and tired but do feel for sure you will hear from Ron by friday or next weekend but do not talk to him about the divorce---he will go both ways---tug at your heart THEN try and shatter you weak. Do not give him the chance. Tell him since you are going to court it is best not to talk. I am getting that health issue about him as well.! BLESSINGS!
I was wondering if you have any idea what happened to me today. I was having a good day, pretty good as yesterday I had afew texts with Ron about Drew's birthday gift.
I didn't talk to him about anything else and felt strong, but you know me.
Anyway I was tired today, at work doing fine , On my break I had a almond snickers bar, one of my favorites, and I think I got an allergic reaction to it.
My neck started itching, inside and out and I couldn't catch my breath.
It felt like one of my panic attacks, so I sat for awhile and ended up coming home from work early.
It lasted about 2 hours, and eneded up making me cry.