My sons are going to meet her

  • Dear Blmoon,

    WEll I am on vacation and was having a really good week. I gardened alot, got the backyard ready for summer, shampooed the carpets, deep cleaned the house. I went to a casino wit my mom and sister on Monday and came out way ahead, bought a few things on my wish list, feeling great.

    I wasn't worried about sleep because I had no alarm clock to wake up to, and it seems I have gotten power over them in the night so they can't bother me.

    Yesterday I made a big meal for the boys and in the middle of all of us laughing and having a good time, we were talking about Ty's car that is broken and I asked if he had talked to his dad about the regitration that is 3 months past due.

    He looked at me and then his brothers and said " I'm just going to tell her", Both his brothers looked sick and then Ty said " we are going with dad to Grampas birthday on Saturday."

    I lost it, for alot of resons, first off she wil be there and in the last 3 years they have managed to not meet her, and thats how I wanted it to stay, also because they were keeping it a secret from me.

    I know he is there dad and they have a right to see hm and his family, but I have sacrificed my life to keep this family together for them and he does nothing.

    Also I am still waiting for a divorce and feel they should be on my side until that is over.

    I am not sure why I got so hurt and angry, but I hate her and I don't want her near my boys.

    I know Ron did this to us, but I blame her also, as she came looking for him more than once in out marriage and didn't give up until she got him.

    WE all said really bad things to each other and went to bed sngry and I don't know how to feel today as I feel totaslly betrayed by the people I have been protecting for so long.

    They are all grown men and can do what is right for them, but I don't want to deal with anymore hurt and so don't really want to be near them right now and yet we all live here. It is ugly and painful and I don't know what to do.

    I know I should just get over it, but I can't Please help.

  • I completely understand how you are feeling. You have a right to be angry, and you are definately hurt, anyone would be.

    But don't be mad at your boys. They do recognise your sacrifice and love you dearly for all that you have done for them, but try to understand that they still have feelings for their father as well. They feel just as betrayed by him as you do. Childen have a tendency to be very forgiving of their parents, no matter what they have done, because the kids always want their family to be OK. But think of it this way, they are going to see their grandfather. And grandparents are golden. They are just doing what they think is right for the whole family, not just for themselves, and certaintly not to betray you, honey. They also will not like the female that tore their family apart. But since she is in their father's life, she will also ultimately be in their life one way or another.

    You feel that you have been protecting them, what do you mean by that? Because, they were just as much in the middle of the family trouble as you were/are. Maybe they feel they have the right to meet and see the person that did this to thier family. But mostly, I really think that they are going to meet their grandfather. So don't worry, honey. They are good boys, and they just want to keep love in the family. And their reason to not tell you about it was more to keep you from being hurt than to betray you. At least, in the end, they were honest about it, and didn't go behind your back. You should be proud of them for that.

    There is no one here to tell you to "just get over it!" Life is hard, and sometimes betrayal comes at the hand you'd least expect. What you have been through is devestating. But don't try to force your hurt and anger on your boys, it will just result in backlash to you. Trying to convince the children of the other parents' evil doings will only result in the children being confused, depressed, and pushing one or both parents away. Try to keep your heart open, for your sons' sakes, and you will see that you are blessed in many more ways than you can know at the moment. Say some prayers for strength, honey.

    Peace and Love!! ❤ ❤

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