Dark, Dark Scorpio???

  • Hi all!

    I've been involved with a fabulous Scorpio now steadily for 4 months - We've known each other for 7 and of course during that time I was put through all sorts of tests and being a Cancer of course I was swayed by them and questioned them (here on these very forums too!)

    We've blossomed over the past few months and in many ways I can't imagine my life without him. He IS a true Scorpio - and now that the walls have come down I am jsut blown away by his passion and capacity for love. We truly truly have bonded and I couldn't imagine a truer friend and lover. He's opened up to me on every level and even when those bad days and moods come on, he's usually been very good about keying me in to them and I've let things roll off my back, feeling totally confident that he will come out of them on his own (I am a nuturer and want to help help help) I've become a part of his daughter's life, I've met his family, we spend a lot of time with his family... I am told I am loved often and that he never realized how lonely and isolated he was until he met me....

    Within the past week, he's become very short tempered, easily irritated, it seems, by me and people in general. I can sense that he's brooding, sullen and removed. We communicate, throughout the day, but before it was more fun-loving and sweet. Now it's just, "Hi", or something more cold, I guess, in comparison to the past. When we get together, he's not affectionate (he used to always request a kiss upon meeting for the first time in the day). He's not expressive (whereas before he was knocking my socks off, and not in a tacky, over zelaous way, he was reaching my Cancerian heart and saying subtle things that I connected with). Now he's been a little mean, kinda snippy, when I ask simple questions, etc.

    So it's been a week and I'm fearful to bring anything up because I don't want to be snapped at. In the past, we've really gotten through disagreements very easily - our communication with there have been conflicts has been great (and I am a talker!) We have seen each other every day, but my fear is that he's either grown tired of the relationship and is on the way out. But I hear so much about Scorpios and their tests and dark dark moods. Is this another one? Help!

  • You say to him--I don't know what your problem is but whatever it is--CALL ME WHEN IT'S OVER! Then stop being a slave to his moods or you will be stuck. Nip it now. Either he'll share or take space to work it out. And if he says he has no idea what your talking about--just stare at him and do not budge. Then give him space---once you start cenusring yourself as if you are afraid of his mood--you are in trouble with a Scorpio---everyone has bad days but if it's ongoing--pull it into the light--SPEAK UP! Scorpios respecttruth. And you have to have boundries. You are sending a dangerouse message when you coddle his freeze out---you are saying I now need you so much I'll stay for whatever you dish out. And Scorpios will lose respect and poke you more for just plain being weak. If he can't act right---leave him to himself---you should have a life without him. ALWAYS have a life without him. BLESSINGS!

  • Hi BearyLoving76,

    I'm a Scorpio and I do have these moods sometimes. When they happen, I just retreat into my head and don't want to be around anyone. Even talking takes too much energy. For me it usually happens when there has been a major disappointment or unhappy event and I'm trying to work through the feelings. Scorpios, in general, are not afraid of confronting their darker emotions, their "Mr Hyde" side. We are introspective and we make sense of things that way.

    I would never want to hurt a loved one by choosing to be in this mood. We think we are doing the right thing by keeping communication at a minimal because we are in a dark place (as we may be confused with all the emotions, or may lash out because we're hurting - which I see he is doing, eg being snippy and all). I think the problem can arise when we might expect those close to us to understand that this is how we process life.

    Also, people who are in a mood feel that they cannot be expected to take care of another's feelings because they are trying so hard to take care of their own emotions. It's a self-preservation thing. I can see how this is difficult for a partner to deal with, for they can easily feel ignored or that the person is upset with them.

    Unless you've had a fight about something, it may really have nothing to do with you or how he feels about you. But I agree with Blmoon that there have to be boundaries about what is acceptable or not. Don't allow yourself to be the punching bag. If it were me, I would definitely appreciate it if my partner expresses concern and support and then allows me space to deal with whatever I'm dealing with. It is for your own good too really - if not it is easy to establish an unhealthy pattern of hanging around him even when he is in a 'mood' and then walking on eggshells around him. You don't want to do that... it is so true that you must absolutely have your own life aside from him.

    Blmoon has given very good advice. Hopefully this is a one-off thing and not ongoing. When he is feeling better about things, it may be a good time to bring up (in a loving way) how his behavior makes you feel. I can only vouch for myself on this part - if a partner can give constructive feedback that is aimed at improving things between us - I'd take that advice to heart. Because I'd never want to hurt someone I care about. And I think Scorpios are all about remaking and rebuilding (themselves). We're in a constant state of trying to transcend and become better people. This is what the introspection is partially about. It is a catalyst for us to become aware. I'd like to think that though we can be very stubborn and fixed in our ways, there is part of us that likes to contemplate other points of view and to see if and how they may apply to us.

    We may not be able to stop getting into moods, but over time (and with other's feedback) we can become aware of how it may affect others. And we could learn to be more 'tactful' while we're in the cave (like perhaps letting a partner know we're not feeling ok and need some time alone).

    At the end of the day we are all responsible for dealing with our own issues. We can express support and caring for each other and if there is a direct request for help, we can choose if we will help or not. But - and particularly if we are the nurturing sort, which you and I are - we should refrain from trying to 'help' when it is not warranted. Because it is easy to fall into the rabbit hole of co-dependency. Where you start to feel responsible for another's thoughts, feelings and actions.

    Just my two cents 🙂 Take care!

  • Thanks BlMoon and Danceur! We did have a talk about it. He came to me and apologized, knowing he was a bear. He's got a great way of completely coming clean and acknowledging when he's done something off - Here I am thinking that he's oblivious to the things he's done in a mood, yet he knows exactly what's happened and in time apologizes. This time around I told him I didn't appreciate it. I backed off for a couple days and sure enough. He really is an amazingly caring guy, and Danceur, I'm sure you are right - he's keeping me at arms length during those times because he doesn't WANT to get snippy. We will see how it goes. I really appreciate your help guys!

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