A reading from someone to please help me out
For the past few days something has been eating my brain out constantly.
Situation : 2 guys
Problem: don't know whom to marry or who is better for me
Guy 1 - i know him since 6 years. 4 years of which we were madly in love and together all the time. Then i moved and we broke up and it was an on and off thing with lots of fights. I have gotten over him (or so i believe). m occasionally in touch with him and last time i saw him was 2.5 years ago. This guy still loves me a lot and wants to marry me and both his family and mine want me to agree.
Reasons why i dont want to marry guy 1 - more immature than me, not romantic and never takes any initiative and is really dumb when it comes to treating a girl properly and we fight all the time
Guy 2: after i moved, i met him..i know him for nearly 2.5 years now. we dated briefly but he is such a player. I have been living with him for a year now (more like flatmates) and madly in love with him though i dont think he feels the same even though we are quite close. We are kind of in the middle of making a deal where i would marry him for some time (as in like contract marriage) because us being associated that way will help him greatly sort some things out. I was the one to initially put this idea into his head. he keeps telling me that i shouldnt get involved in his troubles and throw my life away and that u should marry the other guy and that what will i do after he leaves me.
But i convinced him thinking in my heart that in these 3 years surely smething will change and he will come to love me with me being his wife.
However now i am utterly confused between the two of them. I dunno what to do. If this guy 2 had feelings for me like guy 1 then it would be guy 2 anyday over him but because that is not the case m not so sure. m terrified of marrying guy 1 because i know i will keep thinking about guy 2 all the time and moreover guy 1 will be away most of the time and i will have to live on my own which doesnt help at all.
I have been together with guy 2 when he was going through the darkest period of his life where he hit rock bottom low..i stood by him and it saddens me that he still doesnt love me. I would give anything in the world to know how he feels about me.
to summarize, my questions are,
whom should i choose to marry?
if i marry guy 2 and be there for him , will he really leave me and go when the contract expires? or will something develop and he will realize?
What does this guy2 feel about me and what is on his mind right now?
Apologies for the long post. Thank you for your kindness and patience. xx
P.S if you need to any birthdates please let me know
I would say neither.
Why do you need to marry either of them? It seems to me like you're setting yourself up for failure. If you were with the first guy for over 6 years and still don't know if he's marriage material, then he isn't.
The second guy sounds like an even bigger problem.
I'd say don't bother marrying either one. Look for someone better that respects you and does treat you right.
You can't change a person by marrying them.
They don't change unless they really, and I mean really, want to.
But this is my speculative opinion. I hope someone does really give you a proper reading.
Captain does a great compatibility analysis.
thank you EIAI for the prompt response xx
but as i said i am confused about my feelings between the two of them. And it is another very long story why i need to marry and i cant wait any longer with a lot of other factors involved.
the first guy is marriage material just that i dont love him and love the second guy..the second guy..would he ever want to change or inclined towards change? i don't know
OH MY Heaven!!!
Why would you consider marriage to either one of these men. The first one you don't love and the second one doesn't love you. There are lessons in both of these relationships but neither should involve you settling for anything short of a loving caring mature relationship. Don't sell yourself short. You deserve to be happy and cared for with a life partner
You sound like you want a marriage but have not found the person that can help you grow as you help him.
its not like i want to marry..my parents want to desperately see me married and i cant refuse them so i need to make a decision quick which will work best for me in the long run.
i know m so badly screwed that i need a big miracle i dunno what lies ahead..if i dont do anything i will end up with guy 1 and i dunno how it will go from there..
Then there is no long run.
If you're doing it to please your parents, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons
You don't love one which means you're going to end up tired of him within the first year. Even then you'll probably try to escape. i.e. working longer hours, doing all you can to stay away, even being with other people, until neither one of you can't handle it and leave.
You choose to be with the one you love, but it may not end up so well either. You say you have been helping him since he's been down, but in those two years, he doesn't seem to care enough about you.
You seem to have fallen in love with an illusion or something that you can't have. Even if you do decide to marry the second guy, will he agree? Will he say yes? When you do get married, he'll probably be the one doing the escaping from your marriage.
Either one, all you gain is marriage.
Freebird, your name is ironic because you seem to close your options and don't give yourself real freedom at all.
My parents are quite old and they really want me to get married and settle down and I cannot keep telling no. The second guy has agreed to marry me but strangely m feeling more unsettled. I am not happy and I do not know what will make me happy and what do I chase. I am out of my mind thinking about this. Either ways m trapped :(( if only I could read the second guys mind!
Hello Freebird134, I agree with the other posts, Just think about it, your parents I AM SURE would want to see you HAPPILY MARRIED not in total stress and despair. You would not be happy with either one of these men and eventually the marriage would end up being a Divorce. Give yourself a chance to meet someone where LOVE for each other is mutual.
Are you planning to have children with these men?
I suppose the real reason your parents want you to get married is so that you can give them grandchildren.
If children are out of the equation, then go forth and marry which ever you want.
Now, if you're planning on children, again, I urge you not to marry either one. You will screw their life up. So you both won't be messing up your own lives, but also the lives of your innocent children.
Think logically on this.
Saying, "But my mommy and daddy want me to..." is not logic. It's irresponsible to yourself. You have a duty to your parents, but that duty is never to get married. We are in the 21st century after all.
Good luck, Freebird.
I hope you think more, and better, on this issue.