Help with manipulative wife, anyone?

  • A friend of mine has found an excellent position in Paris which is really going to promote his career to a level he had not dreamt of. He spends part of his time in the us but his wife refuses to move to Paris or even to visit him there. Her excuses are totally ridiculous, like that his apartment is not big enough and it would be like camping!!! (he has a very nice apartment with a fantastic view which many would envy him and would get a much bigger one if she moved there!). The fact is that she does not want to leave her suburban privileged housewife's life, even for a visit, and is angry with him for going and angry with everything in connection with it. They have counseling but she will not compromise on anything. He is a giver, even a pleaser... and she is so sure of him... she has manipulated him for many years but he is ambitious and doesn't want to throw away this opportunity for no reason. All I could tell him is that he should stop trying so hard to convince her. This is disturbing him very much and he is unhappy when he should feel on top of the world!

    Does anybody have any idea what he can do?

    Thank you


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  • Even for a visit? Thank you Marishkaa, you are very sweet. Even if she is afraid of flying long distance, her husband would be with her and it is not the first time she flies to Europe. She has no real friends, just acquaintances and she could make new friends. There is a huge American community in Paris, she would be meeting people she could never dream of meeting in the US. Friends and family don't disappear and she can keep her house in the US and go back as often as she wants!!! This is in the event where she would move, but right now she will not even consider a visit, a bit as if she was punishing him for going!!! She is just downright materialistic and selfish and takes her husband for granted !!! How many women dream of being in her shoes???

    Does anybody have any advice for my friend to help him deal with this?

    Thank you all


  • MAYBE, you could consider not being so judmental as you are not in her shoes and you are only looking at this relationship from one side. Honestly, it's not your place to insert yourself in this...

  • You may be right Watergirl, about it not being my place... but my friend confided in me and he is desperately trying to find a way of communicating with his wife... No, I am not in her shoes but I can assure you that there are not many husbands like him and I perhaps sooner or later another woman will appreciate him and she could be left with her perfect suburban house!

    And Watergirl, I have the feeling that if the man was the one acting in this way, you would be more understanding and would probably have a great deal of advice for the wife. Am I wrong? Do you honestly believe that a luxury holiday in Paris, the best restaurants, all the museums, sightseeing and shopping she likes should be considered domestic violence?

  • I honestly believe that this is between the man and wife. A marriage involves two people, not three. They each probably have a lesson to learn in this situation. I believe yours might be to not be so judgmental. I would do a reading if it was the husband asking or the wife asking.

  • He asked my advice and I can assure you that I was not "judgmental" when I talked to him. I told him I was going to think about this and maybe ask advice from a psychic and related it to him. He was pleased about that, but I know he would never ask directly. I can assure you Watergirl that I am not in the least interfering in this marriage. I think it is a pity but I do not try to influence my friend in any way, I just listen to him. All I told him is that maybe he should not try so hard to convince her, let it go.

  • Perhaps the position in Paris is a a wakup call to this guy to say hey I wont be manipulated anymore and go for the position.

  • tell your friend to take the job!!! if he doesnt he will regret it (been there done that) He has an opportunity to follow his dream and if wifey doesnt want to go then he should just let her sit home. and tell him not to feel guilty if he does take the job.

  • Thank you crazycap. He has taken the position and spends more than half of his time there. That is why she is angry, because this time she could not manipulate him but now she is making him "pay" by refusing to even visit!

    Shadowmist, thank you. He has taken the job and that is just it, he knows he has done the right thing but she does make him feel guilty! There is a kid involved and she uses that!

    It is a big challenge for him. He has a lot of responsibility and would need his wife to support him instead of being a distraction!!!

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