Captain, your insight again....

  • Dear Captain, I know it sounds pretty stupid, but I came out of a painful breakup last year and am still in the process of healing. I think of my ex sometime... actually everyday. Sometimes when I think of him, I feel like i am beating myself up as I regret so much about the past. He moved to another city far away from where I live now for work after we broke up. I am wondering how he's doing.... And for some odd reason, is this the end of our story? I am more than happy to move on, and I very much appreciate if you can give me some advice on why I failed in this relationship. I wanna learn from it and become a better and strong person when I meet the right one.

    Mine april 8, 1985

    his march 21, 1982

    Your help is much appreciated. Thanks, Captain.

  • Breaking up with someone you love can be as hard as if they died, maybe even harder because you still cling to a chance of reconciliation. You have to allow yourself time to heal and to understand what went wrong.

    Basically this was more of an adversarial, highly competitive relationship than a loving one. Jealousy and a desire to better or overcome the other person was at its core - you were both more like brother and sister slugging it out than lovers. The relationship demanded a high degree of excellence that had you both feeling the strain, though enjoying the challenge. Honesty and frankness may have been a bit too freely given here. Your partner was emotionally complex and felt you didn't really understand him (not a lot of people would). You may have had trouble with his sharp outspokenness - you can be sensitive to criticism and need to be accepted unconditionally as you are. Also your partner was very independent and probably wouldn't have been able to satisfy your need to be needed. What he could deliver to you was frustration and plenty of it. Mutual respect was not something that was very forthcoming here.

    In summary, the benefits of this relationship were that it taught good but hard lessons in ego toughening and self-defense. You were both just too wrong for each other. But by learning who is wrong for us, we get a glimmer of what and who would be right for us. Next time, go for less emotionally complex people and more "what-you-see-is-what-you-get" types of partners. Learn from this one and move on.

  • thanks so much for the reading, Captain. Spot on! I thought I knew him, but apparently I didnt, and I realized it after he left me. Anyway, I moved on although I think about him sometime. I just miss those happy days. We did share lots of laughter together. But I am sure I will find my Mr. right when I am ready. Thank you, Captain! much Love. xx

  • You're welcome! 🙂

  • Oh Captain, I actually have another question if you dont mind.. Im looking for a job. this recruiter contacted me today saying he wanted to interview me first, and go from there. So I am meeting him on Friday. I read some reviews on yelp. about this recruiting company.. and I started to get nervous. a lot of bad reviews and complaints! Am not sure if its a good idea to count on them?? will I be fooled by them? wasting my time?? What you think, Captain?? thanks!

  • You should check it out for yourself- your experience with them might be totally different to those who complained.

  • Oh yah! Good to know! I don't mind going there for a few hrs at all. I may not get a job after but since it's just a few hrs, No big deal. My prob is they ask for candidates personal information upfront! All the important private infor u can imagine... Not comfortable w that. Well, guess I will take some risk here. No pain, no gain 🙂 anyway, thanks for the reading, Captain. Eased my nerve.. :)))

  • Oh... I assume it's gonna be a good meeting and I'm down. Do you feel if I can get a job from their service?? Just curious...

  • BTW.. Captain, I am trying to get into big 4. Deloitte or E & Y... but I dont really have any connections from those two companies. Any idea on that? Do you feel if I can get into one of the firms??

    Thanks. Always looking forward to hearing from you. and learn from your insights. 😉 Thanks a lot

  • Just keep trying until you get something. Don't give up. You don't always need to be prepared for life's happenings but you can believe in your own strength and talents to help you survive anything. The reason people want to know the future is because they are not at all confident in their ability to handle whatever life throws at them. Trust in yourself by having the courage to take on big challenges. The more challenges you take on, you the more capable you will feel.

  • The reason people want to know the future is because they are not at all confident in their ability to handle whatever life throws at them.

    so true 😉

    thanks for the advice, Captain. will keep positive and keep trying.

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