Loving a Hurt Scorpio Man-HELP!

  • He was hurt by a woman he loved almost 3 years ago, and apparently he is too afraid to let go of those feelings enough to love me. He opens up to me about it, but it doesn't make it any less painful-I am totally hopelessly in love with this man.

    And to have him say he loves me but he isn't in love with me makes me cry my heart out. He confessed that he just wants to be free from those fearful emotions about being hurt again so he can be able to love me the way I deserve, but it hasn't happened for him yet-especially because I remind him of her. More importantly, last night he confessed he's afraid that by the time he is able to let go and begin to love me, I would be long gone.

    Being the carefree Sagittarius that I am, I understand his pain, and I don't want to force him to just "get over it", but I don't know if I have any fight in me left. We aren't getting any younger (both in our 30's) and I don't feel I have time to waste. Unfortunately, this is starting to feel like a lesson in futility. I have yet to be introduced to his family, or even have a conversation with 2 people who know him personally. He won't claim me on his Facebook, citing he's a private person, but the 2nd anyone flirts with me on Facebook or in real life, his jealous side pops up.

    Today I admitted I wish I didn't love him so I couldn't be hurt by him and he got sad, saying that makes him feel crummy-all of this coming from a man who says he isn't in love with me?! I'm utterly confused and hurt, and don't know if this is even worth pushing for anymore. The Sag in me wants to RUN! Please help me understand whats going on here, how to deal with it, and am I just wasting my time or should I hold on just a little bit longer??

  • Forgot to mention, we're approaching the year and a half mark.

  • Not one answer?? Geez...

  • well spunkysag why are you waiting? remain friends but go out and have fun date other people

    mr scorpio does not have the right to make you hang around and if it is meant to be he will commit. And why would you want to be a stand in for some one else (you remind him of her???)I am a sag too and our free spirit cannt be held down for long

  • Okay, hold on here.. you would honestly stay with some jerk that refuses to show you off to any of his friends, he claims he does not love you even though you have been with him for over a year. What's so difficult in seeing that you're in a dead end relationship with a guy who is using you on the side of a real thing?

    Drop his butt and move on to someone who wants to be with you and show you off. Obviously this guy you're with is full of crap! Why do you put up with it!?

    He's NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. This man is not worthy of you, anyone can see that just by what you've typed. Find someone who will treat you right.

    It saddens me to read things like this all the time on this site.. really.. gheesh.. Why can't people find someone who won't treat them like garbage? Affairs, usury, s e x only, swingers... good lord find someone worth your time!

  • spunky,

    I had a long term relationship with a scorpio once...they do tend to dwell on things and fall into depression, especially when they are hurt in love. They don't get over things quickly. This is what it sounds like yours is going through and I think that after a year and a half, you have done all you can. Stay friends, but distance yourself. You can't make someone love you...why are you doing this to yourself? You will never meet anyone else as long as you are not letting him go. Tell him kindly that you want more out of the relationship, more than he can give and then quit calling him. You are only hurting yourself at this point and wasting years you will never get back.

    Good luck....there is someone else out there for you!

  • Another tidbit yall-we live together. It was supposed to be temporary-maybe 2 weeks, but we both had financial hardships and he's been here 6 months now. Neither of us wanted to shack up, but stuff happens. Then I find out he doesn't HAVE to live here-he has family he can stay with. He's here because he WANTS to be. Knowing his jealous behind, probably to keep tabs on me.

  • @Shadowmist-yea, right? I hate that I remind him of her-we have a lot in common, we're both Sag's so we have similar personalities, both bi-sexual, and she's even shaped like me. It almost makes me start to wonder if he was attracted to me BECAUSE I remind him of her...smh

  • @LoveDetox, I actually did get introduced to his brother/best friend, but it was just a 2 second introduction right before they left out to go somewhere. And I was introduced to his son who was visiting from outta state last summer as his "friend".

    And in his defense, he doesn't have many friends. We have a mutual friend, and we've hung out with him and his girlfriend several times. But these small intros don't mean much, especially because I have yet to meet his Aunt, who is like a mother to him (his Mom passed away a long time ago). sigh I don't think he intends to be a dipsh!t, I really don't. He treats me like a Queen otherwise.

    Which is why I'm so confused. He makes it feel like love but denies he's in love with me...smh

  • @Libra-I think you hit it right on the nose!! Yes, he does fall into these deep depressions about things past-especially HER...And I think you may be right. Right now he sees me pulling away from him and it scares him, but I don't know if he's afraid enough to do right.

    Last night he gave me some mind-blowing love making, and it made me feel good for the moment, but today, I'm still distraught over the convo we had about him not being free enough to love me...I feel like he's wasting my time and any other man would've proposed by now (in fact I have an ex waiting in the wings wanting to propose to me-and we were together far shorter a time than my current bf and I!!)

  • Oh please move on this guy is not worth it and to know that he has a girlfriend then proves he is not into you. Go fond someone for you and let him move in with someone else. You don't need him period. Don't torture yourself anymore..

  • @LoveDetox-I think something got lost in translation. He doesn't have another girlfriend-I'M his only girlfriend, lol...I was saying we hang out with our friend and HIS girlfriend (like double dating).

  • Hey spunkysag, I know you love him but honestly you deserve to be with someone who loves you...it's not a one-way street and I feel like he's just using you to get over this other girl. My scorpio never told me he didn't love me, in fact it was the opposite he said he'd always love me but for now things aren't going to work out with us because of circumstances beyond our control...anyway, this guy just isn't worth it especially if he's telling you that he doesn't feel that way about you since that's not something you can change. Good luck!

  • spunkysag tell him he has to move (especially since he has family) and give him a deadline. I know it is hard but you deserve better so tell him he's gotta go and we are here for you

  • Spunky,

    By continuing to accept the relationship and stay in it you are showing him he doesn't have to make an effort in order to have you. Scorpio's are very sexual, don't confuse sex with love. We teach people how to treat us, as long as you accept him treating you like this, the longer he will act like this. You are not helping him and you are cheating yourself. You are obviously afraid you won't have anyone else or anyone better if you leave him but that is not true. You aren't going to get up one morning and he will be magically changed into what you need him to be....it doesn't happen that way. Tell him what you need, how you feel and then give him a deadline to move. You deserve to be with someone who gives you what you need emotionally. This will leave you feeling so worthless. You can't make someone love you, you just can't.

  • Okay I see where I missed that part Spunky. I still say he isn't worth it... go with the ex that WANTS to be with you.

    Why waste time on someone who just wants to have s e x with you and nothing more?

    I suppose you already know the answer but you just want the reassurance that the way you are thinking is correct? Drop him like a hot pan and go for the gold (aka, the ex). Believe me, just because the s e x is great doesn't make the person a great person. Been there and done that..

    You will do what you want but if I were in your shoes his butt would be hitting the door.. or the door would be hitting him.. either way he would be out of my life.

  • So the general concensus is to let the door hit him where the good Lord split him, huh? I've been feeling like that for some time but I guess because he ACTS like he loves me, tells me he loves me but isn't IN love with me, seems to be in the utmost depression if I try to leave and goes hard to make me stay with him, I was all types of confused. He's sending mixed signals and it's driving me batty.

    The people we're around comment and say "Aww he loves you so much", so he makes it LOOK like love really well, but as soon as I begin to feel like it just may be, he pulls the rug out from under me and says it's not. My Scorpio best girlfriend says that he's just saying that to protect his heart-he thinks I may use his words to hurt him if I knew he loved me...

  • And yes yall, the sex is the BEST I'VE EVER had, but that was just the icing on the cake. He actually courted me-I swear we had 50 1st dates, lol! So I got to know him before we ever laid down together-and he slowly became my best friend. So no, I'm not confusing sex with love-if I were I would've been fine after we had sex the other night. Not to mention, us Sag's don't get down like that, lol. For us to say we love you (and KEEP saying it), you must be something special.

    @Libra-don't forget us Sag's are pretty sexual too. In fact, I think we're #2 behind Scorpio on the list for that.

  • It sounds to me like you are trying to find things to justify staying with him and also making excuses as to why he isn't acting like you want him to and saying what you want him to. Ultimately, it is your choice....stay with him and keep waiting for what you need and feeling cheated day after day or leave. If it is worth it to stay just for the hot & cold treatment he gives you, plus the sex, then stay....your choice, but don't blame him if that is what you choose. He is telling you, over and over, how he feels and doesn't feel. You should never go into a relationship hoping or thinking the other person is going to change...they normally don't.

  • @Libra-I really am not making excuses for him. I was just trying to give you guys insight to why his behavior has me confused.

    I hate for you guys to paint me as a misguided, lovesick puppy-there is a reason I feel the way I do. He really is an EXCELLENT boyfriend, and a wonderful best friend. We share everything, we cry together, bring each other up when we're down, and celebrate together when we have successes. But this one hiccup with the love word is CRAZY. I'm not going to lie, I don't want to not be with him-he's a good guy. But his obsession with being afraid of being hurt and trying so hard to do things differently with me than he did with HER (like introducing her to his family and then being embarrassed when it didn't work out), is driving me nuts.

    However, I've had to fight for every elevation in this relationship, and I'm sure this is no different. I am going to have to leave him to get my just due. Potentially losing him forever is just the risk I'll have to take, but this relationship as it is is not going to be conducive to my life and the progression I'd like to have in this relationship.

    And trust me, I've never been the one to think I can get ANY man to change or to love me-although I have to admit this is extremely new territory for me-I've never had to-I usually have to beat 'em off with a stick, lol...

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