Codependency with me Taurus and my Leo husband
On st Patrick's day weekend I found condoms in my Leo husband pants pocket at 3 am. He was just getting back from going out with the guys while I was home with our 5 yr old and 1 month old baby girl. He admitted he felt left out and wanted to find intimacy with someone else but still love me. Out 2nd child Luna was not planned but I (Taurus) knew tha we can make it work as long as we sticker together. My Leo husband was very angry and took the entire pregnancy to start accepting I will not have an abortion and that will will have an addition to our family. During this time he said he wanted to have some control and cheat. I was making all the decisions and he felt we weren't financially ready to have another kid. He told me when we moved from Italy to germany(we're a army family) that he had a chance to cheat but didn't. Then he got big headed because of all the attention he's getting from the German women since he is a dj. We had sex at my 6 week post partum and he still took condoms with him looking to score with someone else. I'm going to counseling while he's out in the field till June and I realizes all he problems I had with him. But instead of putting up boundaries on him going out every weekend and staying out till 4 am I say it's ok cause he is a hard working soldier. I'm starting to see I make excuses for his selfish ways. We finally got a joint account him not wanting one for years and would always put up a fight. Now he says he wants to change and noticed he has took advantage of me the last 14 yrs. married for 9yrs. But I realized I let that happen and now looking to try new things. He always want to go on a trip alone and says I should do the same just to get make a sense of me. But I never did. Now I'm looking into flights for Barcelona but u believe he doenst think I will go through it. He even said he wouldn't mind if is stayed out past 3 am but that only gives him a pass to do what he wants. I'm at the poit of seeing what my marriage really is and feel he doesnt want to be married br he doesn't want to be single either. I'm just tired of trying to get quality time with him and him always thinking about himself. I love solitude as well but I understand I am a mother and wife. Should I just end this? I thing he'll be good for a couple of weeks and then want to go back out to the night life without even inviting me all over again. I'm at the point where I'm starting to put myself first for once. Yes my husband is a free spirit and I do not want to take that away but he's just inconsiderate at times too. I don't know what to do. Right now I'm just focusing in how I let this happen, and if I deserve better.
I am so sorry that you are going thru this bullbeach, but what your husband is doing is being selfish and wrong. 1st keep a separate account for yourself as an emergency account. He is a married man with children & he needs to grow up. set your boundries and stick to it. the risk of contracting an std is to great so do not accept the fact that he wants you to go out and stay out till 3am it is a cover & an excuse (he is feeling guilty & he will use the fact to his advantage)
You do deserve better & let him know this. If he doesn't straighten up you need to move on & take care of those babies as they are the most important thing in your lives right now. Talk to the military lawyer about your options for divorce & child support and if possible can you move back home for awhile?