Captain, hoping you can give me some insight as to compatibility
Hope you are well! I have recently started seeing someone new, and wonder if we are compatible. We have a great time together, but our lives are very different and I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. Wondering what you see here since you always seem to be spot on.
Thanks in advance. I really appreciate any insight you may have!
Acceptance is the focus of this relationship, and the key to success in emotional, physical and spiritual matters as well as intellectual ones. You two may come from different social or religious backgrounds and, if you realize how rich in diversity and therefore how valuable such a relationship can be, you will work hard to protect those differences instead of insisting on a meaningless uniformity or conformity. Your partner tends to believe in the value of formal education either in an institution or one-on-one while you are a graduate from the school of 'hard knocks' and believe that life experience is the true teacher. Formed by such different sources, this relationship can gather knowledge from the broadest spectrum of wisdom, as long as it can make space for the acceptance of differences.
Love here is likely to be direct, intense, and unpredictable. Both your more unstable sides will often meld in a wildly romantic affair, which can sweep everything before it. Carnally, each of you will meet your match in the other, but you will both need to check your combative instincts. Astronelly, your 'memory laspses' may be a problem, since your partner is unlikely to be patient, either wih any indiscretions and infidelities or with lying about them.
Marriage will likely dull the flame of romance, which feeds so richly here on uncertainty and secrecy. Yet your instability together may be enhanced by commitment, so that domestic matters benefit in a more permanent relationship. Your partner may be strong enough to hold onto you, though you combine a drive towards freedom and infidelity with an equal but more hidden need to be loyal. Family life may indeed come to agree with you both, seeing you sublimate your wildness to the steady energy needed for a whole gamut of activities ranging from domestic projects to a family business to travel.
You Astronelly want to be free to 'do your thing' in life while your partner wants to be right all the time and has a compulsive need for order that might not sit well with you. He also has a fear of not being able to have a fulfilling personal life. Yet if you can accept each other's differences and foibles, and learn to compromise, this relationship can be a good and enduring one.
Thanks so much Captain. This is very interesting. You have mentioned previously my tendency towards infidelity, and yet I have never been unfaithful to a partner, and except for brief periods of time have mostly been in relationships for the past 23 years (including 17 years with my ex husband) I have close friends who are unfaithful and have open marriages and while I don't judge them that is something that definitely would never work for me. I don't see the point of serious commitment if I don't intend to honor it. I am thinking my Capricorn moon and venus, and mars in Libra have something to do with this.
This Taurus man and I connected instantly on many levels, which is exciting an surprising to me as I do not let my guard down easily. He's funny and quick so we laugh a lot, and very independent like me - Sagittarius moon and mars, and venus in Aries may be the reason. He's also a nomad - will just take off for the weekend with his truck packed up and no particular destination which balances out his big demanding job in and life the City. I of course have 3 kids and a more domestic life while sharing a similar sense of adventure. Ironically, he has said a part of him wants what I have and I in turn envy a bit his free lifestyle. I'm not sure if I am really what he's looking for though despite how well we compliment one another as I think he wants kids of his own etc. and I'm close to the end of that road. He is very affectionate and interested when we are together, and then I will go a couple of days without hearing from him, and then he's back again. My life is busy and I am not a pursuer but I do wonder what his true feelings and intentions are with me as I am used to knowing where I stand. Do you see anything there?
Also, not sure if you remember from previous threads my conflict over my kids' medical care with my ex husband. (5/26/1968) We are in court now, with a custody battle looming. He wants medical decision making, and I in turn have asked for full legal custody. The kids are largely unaware of this and I am grateful for that. He is to be married in mid July and I believe his fiancee is a huge influence on this whole situation. His business appears to be in trouble as he is laying people off, has cancelled events and is possibly even being sued - all the while he has a wedding to pay for. His fiancee has been telling my kids she wants to quit her job and travel less and I'm pretty sure she wants kids and has no idea of his financial issues. He has also had two accidents in the past few weeks - he crashed a go cart and broke several ribs and then a week later totaled his car when he rear ended someone. I feel like these are signs of his life being in chaos yet all the while he continues to escalate this battle with me. I am both fearful and resolute in my intention to see this through despite what it costs me financially and emotionally. I know you told me a while back that if I pursued this I would win in the end. Do you still see this as the case?
Thanks so much for your insight and any advice you may have. I find it so helpful!!!
Infidelity does not always mean cheating on a partner - it can mean an inability or dislike of settling for just one person for the rest of your life.
Try not knowing where you stand for once - go by instinct. Life and love shouldn't always be planned out but lived spontaneously to increase enjoyment.
If you lose your strength by giving in to doubt and anxiety, you will win your case.
Should be - "If you don't lose your strength by giving in to doubt and anxiety, you will win your case."
Thank you so much. This helps more than you know!!!!
Wish I had something to repay you so I am sending love and light. May all the help you give others come back to you a thousand fold
Just spread the love!
So I know you said to just for once go with my instincts regarding the Taurus man, but I have this tendency to be too trusting while simultaneously a bit suspicious - which makes my instincts sometimes questionable.
Anyway, I mentioned earlier that I feel I am getting mixed signals from him and I wonder if there is anything you can tell me that you may see about him, or his intentions regarding me. We haven't known each other long, and he lives about an hour away and I want to make sure I am not wasting my time with someone who is trifling with me. He sends me these beautiful, well thought out texts out of nowhere saying he misses me and wants to see me - and then I don't hear from him at all for a couple of days. And any plans he initiates to see each other are always last minute - but his job is very demanding, (creative director at an ad agency) and he often has to work late into the night and sometimes over weekends which means most of his plans in general are last minute.
I just feel like he is someone I really could see myself getting involved with, and it's been so long since I've felt that way - just not sure whether or not he feels the same. As always, I so appreciate any insight you may have!
He is happy with the current state of things and in no hurry to commit further or spare you more of his time. For now he chooses to put his own affairs before you. He likes his life ordered and full of secure routine, and doesn't see yet where you can fit in permanently. He may change as it takes Taurus men a long time to trust but that means you could be waiting a very long time with little guarantee of a payoff.
Thanks, Captain. The irony here is that it appears in this man I am dating myself. I'm always the one that remains non committal until forced to make a decision, happy with my life as it is. Granted, for the past four months my life has felt completely in chaos because of the situation with my ex and the kids and then also a huge unexpected tax bill due last week. Perhaps that is why I am so drawn to this person and concerned about the status of our relationship in the first place - because it is something to focus on instead of the things happening in my life that I want to escape from, and because he is a challenge.
I have been wondering if his feelings and the things he says to me are genuine, or if he is just hoping to sleep with me. We had connected via email and text for about 6 weeks before actually meeting and then I felt so comfortable with him and we had such a great time that I let things go a little too far. He stayed over at my house and we went to the beach the next day for a little while (normally things I would never do having known him a short time) and it all felt so normal and natural - until after he left when I started to fear a bit I had given him the wrong idea. I did NOT have s e x with him, but definitely went out of my comfort zone ( I am an old fashioned kind of girl in general) and this has made me feel insecure. I even told him that all of this was out of character for me, but then brushed it off and have never brought it up again. He initiates basically all of our contact and has no idea of my feelings about any of this. I figure if he wants to talk to me and see me I will hear from him. I guess I will wait and see, but if he waits until Friday morning to see if I can see him that night, I definitely won't be available.
I wonder too when all of the chaos in my life will sort itself out. I realize there are people out there facing greater struggles than I and I'm normally an extremely optimistic person, but lately I feel I am a target for everything negative.
Thanks again, Captain. I truly appreciate your insight - it helps a lot.
All our external chaos is caused by our inner chaos. Look for what areas are out of order in your outer life and you will find a mirror inside of your internal turmoil. When you sort out your inner issues and make peace with life and love, everything will naturally fall into place for you. Check that you aren't repeating your parents' relationship issues because we often use that first example in our lives as a template for all our future relationships.
Thanks, Captain. Hope you are well! I think I have decided that the Taurus "is just not that into me" to use the phrase from the movie. He texts me occasionally to see how I am and says he wants to see me again, but not much effort beyond that. I figure if he really wanted to get to know me better, he would have made more of an effort by now. Oh well, such is life.
I have just learned my ex husband's fiancee's birthday and I am wondering if you can give me insight about their relationship and how you see it working out. He's 5/26/1968, and she's 5/6/1978. Also, they are getting married on 7/15/2012. Thanks in advance for anything you can tell me. I am hoping once they settle down they can be happy together and just leave me alone - but as I have mentioned to you before my ex has been especially difficult to deal with since they have gotten together, and I figure that unfortunately much of it comes from her.
Thanks again so much Captain!!!
Sorry but I feel uncomfortable reading for people who haven't requested or permitted it.
That's understandable. All I would really like to know is - do you feel that once my ex is married he will be more stable and perhaps reliable and involved with his kids? My hope is that if his life is in order he might stay out of mine and we might have a better co-parenting relationship.
Hope the month since your birthday has been wonderful for you!
Since I last wrote, I had nicely (and reluctantly) attempted to break things off with my Taurus friend (May 3,1969) He responded that he didn't want that and that he was sorry he had been so aloof and he wanted to keep seeing me. I decided that maybe I had been too hasty and should give him another chance.
Fast forward and for the past month I have been seeing him every week - always initiated by him. We spend time together on the weekend and it is always fun, easy and at the same time intense. The issue for me is that our plans are often last minute, and then he comes to me, says so many nice things about me and acts very affectionate and caring, and then I don't hear from him for a couple of days until he texts me that he misses me and can't wait to see me. He calls me sometimes but has made a big point to tell me he only calls his mom and dad (who live far away) so that I will feel special he does that for me. Anyway, this past weekend we got closer than ever and he told me a lot more about his family saying he wants to share more about himself and his life and then said so many nice things about me, and he knows a lot about my family and has met most of my friends. And yet then he left again on Sunday and I have not heard at all from him since then. (3 days) At the same time I know, mostly because he has set me up as a favorite, that he has been spending time on the dating site we met on. We never said we were exclusive yet, so he's not doing anything wrong, but I feel like this means he's not really that interested in me after all. So I wonder what is really going on. It is fair to say that he puts in most of the effort here, and yet I know that he knows I really like him and make myself available for him.
Captain, do you feel he is sincere? He pointed out before that there are plenty of girls closer in the City and that he travels to see me because he really cares for me, but I am so confused by his behavior and do not want to be taken for a fool. Please help!
On another note, my court case continues, and the Guardian appointed for my kids said she knows I am the better parent and that the kids are doing well with me and that she realizes that this is mostly motivated by the fiancee's concerns, not his. My lawyer asked if the Guardian could meet my kids, which might help my case as they would likely be on my side, and yet I'd rather keep them out of it. As for the religious exemption, she said she believes that it is more of a health concern for me, which can work against me, though she does not get to decide. Ultimately, the higher court will get to decide and I will need to convince them. Do you see anything here? I intend to pursue this all the way as you advised, but if you see anything please let me know.
Thanks in advance so much as always!!!!
Actually I think this guy is exactly what you want at the moment - someone who will allow you a lot of space and won't place too many demands for commitment on you. The attraction here is for someone just like yourself. This guy I feel keeps his options open and he talks to other women besides yourself. But I don't feel an exclusive romance is what you need or want at the moment until your life is more setlled.
Hope you're well and enjoyed your summer. Seeking your guidance once more.
So I am seeing the Taurus man regularly and we have a good, if complex relationship. I care about him very deeply and believe he feels the same about me. Neither of us is very good at expressing our feelings though and both assume the other just knows, which sometimes presents challenges. While we have yet to define our relationship - ie is it exclusive, etc - we spend most of our free time together and he has recently made a point of bringing me into his world, inviting me to his place and not just coming to mine, sharing his work challenges, friends' lives and family problems, talking about the future - even telling me the other night from his current trip out west that if I were there he probably wouldn't come back east. He's also told me many times that he wishes I'd waited to marry and have kids with him, and talks about the potential of our having a baby - though much of this is in a lighthearted, playful fashion that I don't take seriously. Anyway, he now confides in me a lot and regularly, which is very different from previously, when much was a mystery.
So my instinct is to trust him - he often says I should trust him more, and he's never given me any reason not to. Thing is, because I like him so much and we haven't discussed our status, I have had a few dates on the side here and there, mostly to serve as a distraction since the Taurus has never said he only wants to see me, and his profile remains on the dating site we met on and mine is on there too. We agreed a long while back to only be intimate with each other, but were never more specific than that.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago he asked out of the blue who I had been seeing midweek when he wasn't around, and specifically a night earlier when he hadn't been able to reach me. I was totally taken by surprise and told him I'd been on a few dates here and there, but they didn't really mean anything and that the guy I'd seen the night before was a second date but again nothing happened. Well, the Taurus freaked out - I mean, he was really upset and hurt and said the things I'd told him previously obviously didn't mean anything etc. I pointed out that he was still actively on a dating site and had never mentioned wanting to get off or wanting us to be exclusive so I had assumed he didn't but that I would have had he asked. He said he hadn't seen anyone else in months and didn't want to, and wondered why I did - and even mentioned that he had thought I was "his" and now wasn't sure. He also seemed convinced that I liked this guy I had seen twice and didn't understand why i had gone out with him more than once like that meant something - which it didn't, it was just a distraction to keep my mind off of him. Countless hours of discussion and a couple of weeks later and we seem to be past this, but he still brings it up in a joking fashion regularly.
Problem for me is that after all of this his profile is still active on the dating site. (mine is too but I told him I would happily take mine down if he did) Now I never asked him to take his down and told him I wouldn't because that was for him to decide, but he knows it bothers me that it's still up there. His answer previously had been it didn't matter because he was only seeing me. I have a real problem though with the fact that he gave me such a hard time about my seeing the other guy casually, while he's still on the dating site. The past couple of weeks the Taurus has been out of town visiting family, but he's been making a real effort to include me in his world and calls and texts me all the time to tell me what he's doing - but then when I go online and see his dating profile I feel confused. The other guy (5/27/77) I'm not really interested in beyond friendship - we get along well and have fun together but it's the Taurus I want to be with. So my question is: what's really going on with the Taurus? Why does he remain on a dating site when he claims to care so much for me? I actually believe he's not seeing anyone else, but it's hard for me to continue growing closer to him with this unanswered question. He started all of this a while ago, but now it's bothering me. I have come to realize the Taurus does everything very slowly and takes a lot of time to think things through, but in the meantime do I forsake meeting any others and put everything into him when he's apparently not totally convinced about me either?
Thanks in advance for any insight you may have!
Loyalty is something very precious to a Taurean and this guy's faith in you was shaken when he found out about the other man in your life. So he clings to the dating site in case you turn out to be disloyal again.
If you two really want to be serious and exclusive with each other, you are going to jolly well have to learn how to be open with each other and say exactly how you feel and what you want. Any problems you have in this relationship stem from holding back and fear. You say you know you both are not good at expressing your feelings but you don't do anything about it and subsequently misunderstandings and upsets occur. You have got to lose your fear of frightening someone away because you are too scared of upsetting him with the truth. You two need to be honest with each other if this relationship is to work. You must tell this guy pointblank that you want him to cancel his registration on the dating site andin return say you will not and don't want to see other men if he is serious about the relationship.
You both want to get serious about this thing between you - now you must follow up your desire with deep and meaningful action and sharing of feelings. Lay it all out - love demands nothing less from you.
This is the 'infidelity' thing I first talked about back on page one. Your partner's perception is that you have been unfaithful to him, despite nothing being set in stone. Now you two must decide together the relationship rules you want to live by.
Thanks so much for this. It's been hard for me to believe he's truly sincere about me or this relationship because of the mixed signals I've been getting. On one hand he's still on the dating site, never once mentioning a desire to get off and I've brought up in the past that this confuses me, but then he's so hurt and angry that I went out with someone else. He's been very slow to even allow me into his life but now is finally doing so. I've also found he's extremely sensitive in general - much more than I originally thought. I made it clear to him last weekend after some discussion about this that I would happily stop seeing the other man and that he was the person I really wanted to be with, but that I also did not understand why he needed to be on a dating site if he was serious about me. He told me the site meant nothing and that he was only seeing me, but has not taken his profile down and still goes on there regularly. What is his attachment to this site then? I feel like this is hypocritical on his part and it makes me feel like he doesn't really want to see just me after all.
As I mentioned earlier, he has been very different the last couple of weeks, perhaps in response to all of this, but has been reaching out more and talking about the future and just much more attentive and interested than before. He's also been out of town for the past 2+ weeks visiting his family out West. Turns out he had a huge falling out with his dad several days ago and he called me right after and told me many horrible and scary things about his dad and his childhood (suicide threats, threatening the kids, etc) that I never knew previously. He's the only one in the family that still has a relationship with his dad and feels responsible for him. I guess his dad actually threw punches at him this time and he had to restrain him until his step mom got home. Apparently his dad struggles from depression and takes medication and has now recently discovered drinking. He was very shaken and hurt and packed his things up, calling me from the car. Anyway, he has been calling me a lot to discuss this and his options, etc. and I know it all has been incredibly upsetting for him. I have tried to simply listen and be supportive and be available when he needs me.
Saturday night he called to say that he had seen his again dad briefly and was now actually camping outside on their property because he didn't want to be in the house. He started out discussing how weird and surreal it was that his dad acts like nothing ever happened and that it's hard for him to pretend, but that he also fears discussing it because his dad is so unstable. Anyway, the call got cut off several times over the course of a couple of hours because of bad cell service. Eventually I fell asleep and at about 1:30 am he called again. It started out with him being really sweet and thanking me for listening to him saying it meant a lot, and I told him I felt privileged he shared these things with me and that I was always there to listen to him. After a little while longer discussing the situation with his dad he said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. So I tried to change the subject, asking what he planned to do the rest of his trip. He cut me off abruptly and said he didn't want to talk about it. So then I asked what time he'd be getting back next week and he abruptly cut me off again and said he didn't want to think or talk about that either So then I tried changing the subject again telling him about a few things going on in my life but he seemed disinterested and negative and like he really didn't want to listen. Then he actually said that he felt it hard to talk to me when I had nothing of "substance" to say. So then I asked what he wanted to talk about and he said he didn't know. Soon after that I said I was tired and had to go.
Feeling a bit hurt about how condescending and dismissive he'd been with me when I'd only been trying to be helpful and supportive, I sent him a text right after the phone call to say I'd been happy to hear from him but now wonder why he called in the first place. His response was "honestly? I called because I was hoping to connect but connection comes when you're putting something on the table - emotion, wit, creativity or desire - but something" Now I was really angry and said if he really had wanted to connect with me he wouldn't be so judgemental or treat me so poorly, and that all he had brought to that conversation was negativity and judgement. He then responds that he has shared an extraordinary amount about his life with me recently, and also tried to initiate new conversations, but that I put little out there and he wonders whether I'm waiting for safety or need control, but that instead of real feelings I speak in inspirational slogans. I then told him he was just being mean and that overall I have shared far more of my life and myself than he has, and that I really didn't understand what I had done to deserve this. He then said he's been feeling like it's hard to connect with me, to get me to express real things beyond platitudes and control and that he's tried different approaches without much success to open me up and that I was probably seeing his frustration about that. Keep in mind that he'd been calling me several times a day, which puzzles me if it was so unsatisfying for him. I responded that it's tough to fully open up to someone when our relationship is undefined and that he rarely shares much of himself but even so I'd been trying and that every thing I've ever said to him has been true and sincere.
So I haven't talked to him since then (Sunday at about 2 am) and I've gone back and forth over whether to reach out to him. He sent me a text yesterday saying I've distorted too much what he actually said for him to properly respond - and I did not respond to that. I feel like he was just trying to pick a fight with me and that he didn't really want to connect with me at all, just express anger, find fault and tell me what to do. I have been only supportive and kind and available this week because I care deeply for him, and am left feeling attacked for no reason and am truly starting to wonder why he's been seeking me out if he's so unhappy with me. I know he's going through a tough time and was mostly putting his own stuff on me, but I'm not certain he's aware of that and I seem to have become his target for frustration in the meantime. My natural instinct is to distance myself from him because that's what I tend to do in these types of situations, and wait for him to contact me for us to resolve this. On the other hand, I'm genuinely concerned about him and want to make sure he's ok, and from his perspective he does most of the reaching out anyway. I fear if I contact him first then I am enabling this behavior that's not ok with me, but I'm also willing to take the high road if we can resolve things and grow closer through it. I wonder if he was just pushing me away a bit because he's shared so much with me lately and that's scary for him. Right now though I'm also questioning whether I've misread him completely - this is not the first time I feel he's picked a fight with me to get a reaction - and wonder if we are a good match after all.
Do you feel he was just lashing out at me because of the stress of a difficult situation, or will he always find fault with me and everyone else around him because it's hard for him to share and connect? How do I grow closer to someone that doesn't seem sure he wants to? Do you think we are a good match? As always, thanks in advance for you insight and help!