My ex Taurus BF
I'm not holding a grudge and I'm not trying to control him ... I am just staying away contacting him for me to get in a better place. I do think if I don't wish him a happy birthday, I wouldn't sleep well that night and I think he would feel disappointed not having me wish him a happy birthday. We are adults, and playing no contact for control is an unhealthy way to treat anyone.
Im sorry MascCancer, I thought thats what you were trying to do ( control him) Yes indeed , it is very unhealthy, I didnt mean to be rude, Im sorry , maybe Im just feeling antsy since I have a feeling thats exactly what My Cancer friend is up to. So im not expecting a birthday wish , and truthfully it stings a little.
Some people told me to block him on Facebook and also google chat ... I decided to just unfriend him, because I don't want to know all his business with his "new friend" but not block ... that seems mean and drastic. I decided to leave him on google chat. We are suppose to be adults here.
I just haven't text or called or emailed. Why would I? His birthday is the end of the week, so I have a reason to call. No expectations from it.
I am not the right one to answer this but i know one thing, i don´t think you should unfriend him just because you still have feelings for him and don´t want to see his new stuff afraid of whatever you see would make you sad.
On one side you shouldn´t be that affected by anything that could make you feel nostalgic or weak and i tell you don´t unfriend him because maybe taurus might think very wrong about such a drastic action against him and in the future you could be sorry for it if you ever want his affection back, believe me, i have seen my bf response in these situation with other people and he doesn´t even want to turn and look at them. Besides i am about to do something messy to my taurus guy and my legs shake only thinking about it.
make yourself SURE that you want to cut off all contact with him, because this stubborn lazy beast has his very hard head and they seem to remember every****ing detail that bothered their pride.
If its hard for you to still read him or talk to him, say that to him so he could slow the pace of his attempts with you, be simple and clear, but don´t hide your feelings for whatever reason or throw him out your life that fast because rejection is ugly(and they like beautiful stuff and actions). If you see any possible future chance again, try to face your own weakness by keeping him in your side as a friend. gosh i don´t know what i am talking about...
I believe taurus has some egoistical way of dealing with emotions, my bf doesn´t seem to like very emotional people (maybe because that means he has to move and work for the other and he is lazy as hell although aversely he moves a lot for own interests) but on the other side he is very sensitive to himself and touchy. I´ve learned i´ve to swallow my pride to content him many times.
in the letters you posted of his writtings i see him very detached and quite dumb (and cruel if you let me say) i´ve felt heartbroken before and i loathed the indifference and gaiety of the other while i sunk, i wanted to remove that person from my sight so it could stop the pain and start something apparently new asap. But i know now that´s was not the way, the best i could do was fight against my own frailness and accept things like they´re shown before you, that´s the hardest mission, and to be honest, i don´t think i ever got over it. But you´ll go forward although he´s there and you can see him or hear him and it hurts, that´s what you should live with.
keep him as a friend, not in your top priorities of course, and call him for his birthday or leave him a message. Be honest with him and if you feel hurt writting, tell him something like i hope you´re taking care of yourself and have a good time although i´d loved to be part of your enjoyment or i am not in my best to encourage you or add anything showing how are you feeling, honest!with the time, as this guys remember every detail, perhaps in time the roles change and he´ll think more about it while you´ll have no grudges because you did the right thing, and there wasn´t more into your grasp that could be done.
Think too that he´s acting quite insensitive and it could be his own way of dealing with his pain but later it will come back in his face in another shape and will be no chance for him to dodge it. I think he take you for granted in that letter by the way of speaking with these words of i don´t want you to be hurt bud, and that reminds me of my bf, if nobody stroke their ego, they do it themselves fictitiously or not.
And you can ask him too, for instance he says in the letter that he wants you to be friends and that he cares deeply about you, that leaves you an open door to attack him with some request and ask him if he really cares for you that deeply, if only as a friend, ask him for show it and help you.
would he keep you company while you try to overcome the pain? wouldn´t you like that? do you think it would hurt you much more if he´s just beside you while he sees how you break down? I think that would be GOOD and i wish i had that when i was passing thru this. If he would be able to do that, as he says, you should at least try it but if i am not wrong probably he would act smug in that situation anyway.
Peer ... I don't think you know the whole story. We broke up the end of October. We reconnected the middle of December. We discussed concentrating on the foundation of the friendship and leaving the door open for reconciliation. Well we both got sick ... him with Mono and me with sever case of gastroenteritis. Figures ... Taurus throat issues and Cancers with stomach. So reconciliation was slowed. We talked about it again and he never said he just wanted to be friends. I sent him a gift on St Patrick's Day ... he was very surprised and enamored. He took a picture of it and posted it on Facebook. We've had a couple of dinners together with friends, a movie and a beer fest. After the beer fest we ended up at his house and we started wrestling around and I tried to kiss him ... he pushed me away and said he didn't feel like that (I come to find out he just started dating this attorney) Well it went on for almost 4 weeks until my intuition put two and two together. I sent him an email saying I found out and this was his response ...
Let me start by saying I'm sorry. I wanted to have dinner with you, not to tell you anything, but only because I still value your friendship and wanted to catch up.
I met **** through friends a little over three weeks ago and we were not dating, so I don't know about **** knowing that I had met anyone. believe me man, i had no intention of dating or wanting to meet anyone, it just sort of happened. I should not have said Brian when you asked who i went with, but part of me wanted to tell you the truth and to honest with you. Don't be hurt by me saying i had fun. I can explain more about the charity org that they run at the games, but there was a big group, alcohol and me being not sick with mono is another reason why i had fun. And, i have fun with you..so please don't be hurt. Its been almost 7 months since we ended our relationship.
I want you to be happy, and I honestly, I don't think we had that and I don't think that i can give that to you. You need to get over me bud, there is no reason to think you cant find happiness with someone else, i don't want to be negative, but I can be more specific about the issues we had.
I think we can be great friends, and we have ALOT in common, and we were friends before we dated, so i hope that we can still keep that friendship that brought us together.
One of us meeting someone else was inevitable, but this should not be a reason to end a friendship. It still is not a valid reason in my head, but I UNDERSTAND where you are coming from. I don't know the future i have with anyone else on this planet, but dammit, i really thought we were friends.
I respect you as person and hope that you realize I do love you as friend, and care about you deeply, so please don't be hurt bud. We had something that was special, but it was not timeless. We gave it our all and I think that is the best we can do.
My response ....
I'm kind of surprised you want to be friends. You haven't had anything
to do with your past ex's. We'll get back to that in a minute. I know
you hate long letters but this will help me so much with closure!!
After we first broke up, I went to a counselor ... I was actually
planning to go even before we broke up in hopes of trying to salvage
our relationship but I couldn't get an appointment in time. The
counselor made me realize a lot of things that were going on. First of
all, I lived my life vicariously through you ... as he put it, I was a
grape vine in a planter, waiting to be planted ... you were watering
me, giving me fertilizer (I know this was becoming a chore to you) but
until I was planted and had my roots in the ground, I wasn't going to
bear good fruit. He said I needed to plant my own roots here in
Austin, make my own friends get my own self identity here to be in a
healthy relationship with any one. So I've been trying to do that.
Secondly, he made me realize that I was very self absorbed feeling
sorry for myself ... I guess it was because I missed my friends,
missed my parents, lost my house (that I put some much sweet equity
into); live in an apartment and was making a heck of a lot less money;
and lets not forget two very important people in my life were gravely
ill! My quality of life, my personal life outside our relationship and
my standard of living took a major hit. I felt like a failure! I was
in my "cancer shell" shelf absorbed, feeling sorry for myself, trying
to protect myself (I wasn't the same man, I was when I lived in
Orlando!!!). I know you started withdrawing from me because of me
appearing to be unhappy in our relationship, and the chore of
nurturing me. I started to dwell on having to move in with you in
order for my quality of life to improve. When these things weren't
happening, I was channeling my discontent with you ... saying you were
being Pass. Aggressive blah blah. So, I wasn't "unhappy" about us ...
I was unhappy and frustrated with my situation and taking it out on
you. I am so, so sorry! What do they say ... pull the steak out of
your own eye, before you pluck the spec out of your partners?
I want to let you know I was happy 80% of our relationship. I'm not
exaggerating. Sure we had some arguments and disagreements but every
relationship does. You were my light in my dark times here. Friday
mornings I would be so excited because I was going to see you and
spend time with my boy later in the day! I would get my stuff together
and tell **** we were going to see ****. we're going to see ****.
When I would leave Sunday evening, I was down .. I didn't want to
leave! I know I didn't tell you that or show it to you enough. The
brightest of times, I must say, was when we would go on trips
together, I was so freaking happy being with you! I've never been so
happy with someone. I never was so excited about the anticipation of
going on a trip with you.
Now back to being just friends. Like I said, I had HOPE we could get
back together. When you told me after the beer fest that you didn't
have those feelings for me any more. I have no clue how I made it
home. Once I made it back to the apartment parking lot, I sat in my
car and cried like a big old girl!!! When we've been at gatherings
with our friends, it doesn't feel right to me that I'm not sitting
next to you; I told you, I hate, actually despise shaking your hand;
and when I look at you across the table or room, I look into your eyes
wishing I was next to you! When you text me and tell me your doing
these things with D**** or J***, my heart aches because I want or I
feel like I should be with you. It's hard for us Cancers to let go of
our past loves. I loved you more than any other guy I have been with
in my life. With all this said, I've only maintained one friendship
with a past bf of significance ... JP but I don't really view
him as a good friend. The other two were long distance, so it was
easier for me to let go.
I'm not sure what the future holds ... I just need time!
So ... At this point in time, I don't want him to know whats going on in my life and I don't want to know what is going on with his .. I don't want to see pictures of him and this guy together ... I don't want to see them check into restaurants. If we are to be friends or whatever, then I need time to heal. I haven't blocked him on google chat like I thought I would and he hasn't done the same either. He needs to know, that hiding this guy from me wasn't right ... it was like he was having his cake and eating it too. He had my emotional support while the same time, he had this guy for play time!
Sorry ... I didn't see your second post I wouldnt have posted all that.
no problem, i feel bad for your bad time too, maybe because i passed thru something alike. Though your taurus doesn´t seem very Taurus in the fast way he found another buddy or at least as far as i know the treats of a taurus, or maybe like i said its his way of dealing with this(or he has some air or fire in him). What i asked you to try is hard and i feel stupid trying to advice you, but i think is the only way to heal oneself because you´ll habituate to see him and the pain will subside, in the other way, if you avoid him altogether then you won´t overcome him and in the future with a simple look back your weakness will come instantly all over you again.
i can only tell you for my experience, right now i am with this taurus and he always have to be right, part of him is very childish, but he rarely takes my opinions into account. In past arguments i left him hysterically and he didn´t come searching for me, he went his way forward without looking back, people told me he was bad but i didn´t see so, so i didn´t believe it. I guess he shields himself behind that charming faultless facade and likely his stubborness is due his ego, i can´t find another reason and that would explain why he looked so conceited. He ALWAYS thinks he is right. Nothing makes change his mind and that´s very loveless. So we reconcile only because i calmed my nerve, swallowed my pride and tried to be like if nothing ever happened and giving him the reason of everything he said. It´s a wrong thing i know, but i couldn´t let him go at that time.
Right now i have the tempting urge of cheat him for not apparent reason even though i don´t really want. He´s so bullheaded that it leaded me to feel that far..
That last email he sent me even though it was all over the place ... it was the first time in a while he let taurus guard down. The thought of me not being in his life freaks him out. I had a couple of Taurus' on here tell me that the only time they have held on to an former was that they thought they would be back together in the future. They also told me NOT to let him have his cake and eat it too, or to file me away for future reference. That I have to make him realize this is REAL and what it's like not having MascCancer in his life for an extended period of time. I had a couple of readings tell me the same thing ... that he deeply loves me but that he's very confused and time away will give him some clarity, recharge his battery and that I should wait until he comes to me.
I also had a Taurus buddy who has been through a couple of breakups with his Cancer girl friend. He did the same thing ... he stayed friends with her and a year after, they got back together and have been together ever since ... over 10 years. My relationship with my former kind mirrors theirs in many respects.
I know he checks my Facebook many times, so I thought it was important that he didn't have his fix of MascCancer every day ... No funny good morning texts, No Facebook, No Night Night text. Like I said, if you read that email ... he still wants me in his life and from what other Taurus' have told me on here ... the only reason would be to get back together with me some time down the road. I'm not holding my breath!
This is what another Taurus told me ...
No...You need to take him off of Google and Facebook, and everything else. It needs to FEEL REAL TO HIM. He doesnt need to have any kind of contact with you. Because thats his life line. The life line needs to be cut and he needs to basically swim on his own. Let his mind wonder a bit about what your doing.
Trust me I've wrote letters like this one to my ex. Ending it, and then 6 months later we were back together.
He just needs his time to recharge, but trust me he wont do that if you are around him. He's going to keep on reminding himself of the things that went wrong and he wont move on to forgiving you and realizing it wasnt all you.
His letter is all over the place because he's being stubbern. Thats what your reading. Him going back and forth with wanting to be with you. Blaming you, and then saying things where good. He's all kinds of confused. I know, because I've been there. He just needs time.
This new guy is a "Filler" boyfriend. Someone that he's using to get over you. But it wont last, and the sad part is its going to be bad on the new guy once they end it. How can you jump into a relationship that fast without really grieving and coming to terms with it. Granted it was six months...but still. Thats not a long time if you guys were together 3 or so years....
by all odds what other taurus suggest you it´s fine if we´re talking about him, but what i was saying is for you, to be selfish for a while because you must be having or had a hideous bad time, you even got sick, you two. When i was that bad i wished i had the guy at my side although he would see me loser all around, i was so very broken that i didn´t mind for a second, i lost my dignity. So i wished at that time i had him next to me, thing that never happened and today i have not yet gotten over it altogether. That´s why i recommended you that, from a selfish point.
Further to him it may be true, your taurus is leaving open doors for a future so it could be good to do what the others are telling you to remove him from your life but not totally please. Knowing how proud this bullheads seem to be, perhaps he´ll grudge a bit for your actions, my taurus has that bad blood. And it´s a little contradictory because if you cut him all off you are showing how much affected you are just seeing him and the purpose of that is to show him that you can go on without him too. I am not sure, i am insanely in love with one so i am as lost. And definitely that other new bud is a puppet for him to control now and deal with everything that happened. So probably you have everything in your favor, you´re lovely.
Friday is his birthday, so I will wish him a H-Birthday but then that's it. I haven't deleted him from google talk, so he sees me when i am on there and i am also helping on of his friends get an interview for a job. But he is off of facebook ... We have a strong group of friends, so total No Contact is stupid. I think it's like a child that doesn't get his way ... sitting in the corner pouting and not talking. I'm an adult and a Christian but I also have to take care of me first. It's like a football player or a basketball player that has had an ACL injury ... you have to take time away from the game ... heal up, rehab it ... take your time and take care of yourself. That's what I am doing.
earthangel2 --- I dont think its right for you to try and make MascCancer feel bad. I think what your doing is taking your own issues with your Cancer and placing it on him. If you have a problem with your cancer then start a new form and air your grievance but its not fare for you to base on every cancer you see because your hurting.
I honestly think you own him an apology.
Confusing ... She already did. It's cool. I've decided to go ahead and text him Happy Birthday.
Relax Confusing , c'mon you should know I absolutely mean no harm , my intentions are always to keep things real , plus i'm sure MascCancer can handle himself , and I am actually trying to help him , you should understand where im coming from , we are BOTH dealing with side stepping crabs , and you KNOW exactly how they can be , and from what Ive read from MascCancer he is just digging a deeper hole for himself, his former getting a new guy is a HUGE cry out for attention , he wants his jealous , possesive , crazy crab to come and fight for him already!!! But if you wait too long you'll go nowhere fast.
attention indeed... taurus crave attention in every form, so one could say this little crab it´s lucky somehow. I am seeing that cancers and taurus have many traits in common, but others radically opposite. Both taurus and cancers need attention but cancers need the love and be taken care of their emotions it´s less selfish than taurus who at times seems so materialistic and the attention they look for it´s shallower, so it could be violent for a crab. Anyway it looks like a good couple of signs... sure there are a lot of couples with these two, i am wondering now why i am with one...
EA ... Common ... MascCancer he is just digging a deeper hole for himself, his former getting a new guy is a HUGE cry out for attention , he wants his jealous , possesive , crazy crab to come and fight for him already!!!
First of all, he wasn't going to tell me, I found out through my gut, intuition feeling. I bet he was going to wait as long as possible before he told me. No ... he didn't want me to fight for him, he wanted me to be pocketed. Confusing was one of the Taurus' that told me to back away from him, to let him know what it is like without me around. I'm not going to 86 him, and I doubt he will me. If you read that letter, for HIM ... he was panicked that I found out and that I told him I couldn't be just friends with him, with a new man in his life, when I still loved him.
We need time apart for him to figure out what the heck he wants, recharge his batteries are get his head screwed on straight. I need time because I was really hurt. Led to believe that we were reconciling only to find out on my own, that he has been seeing someone else ... telling me what a great time he was having with ****, trying to make me believe it was **** friend of ours with a different last name. I told him two Sundays ago that it was my dogs 9th birthday ...and he goes, **** is a great dog, I love you both! Common! Don't play me like that!!!
Time for me to get in great shape, ripped looking better than when he first met me!
"I told him two Sundays ago that it was my dogs 9th birthday ...and he goes, **** is a great dog, I love you both! Common! Don't play me like that!!!"
MascCancer- What do you mean by Dont play me like that , do you think he doesnt meant it ? I have said things like that after me and my "cancer friend" broke it off and I would mean it and it was very appropriate for the moment (his birthday) and I gave him a big , tight hug and told him I loved him very like so, and it was almost like he took offense , I knew that look like" how dare you after you treat me so cold ", I mean just cause we werent together didnt mean my feelings had changed , it was the truth and it was called for!
"Time for me to get in great shape, ripped looking better than when he first met me!" Yes , do that , get his feathers ruffled
so it´s never late to discover new bastard sides of our dear taurus, anyway having you for granted in his pocket or whatever is part of his possessive s**t, in fact i think they can´t live without something or someone to control so then they pet you. The secretive indifference comes at same times and if they don´t want you to know anything about something then you will not, i don´t ask about the past of my taurus but i know he wouldn´t be honest if i did. The question is, after you take your time and heal yourself, would you be interested about him anymore, you could find out surprising yourself afterwards.
i kind of feel ashamed for any taurus reading all this about themselves... hope they keep it cool though...