My ex Taurus BF

  • Confusing ... I'm not sure why your Cancer bf is acting that way unless he wants to hang on to you until he is ready to be in a relationship. Is he having some sort of turmoil going on in his life that prevents him from fully committing? For me as a Cancer ...If I dated someone and realize that it's not going to workout, then generally, they become an acquaintance but not close friend. Now on the other hand, if I went out with someone and established a relationship with them and they break it off from me, I have a problem letting go and will torture myself until someone new comes into my life. I also know when I have loved someone, I will always love that person. I generally just shelve those feelings when someone new comes along.

    It sounds like this guy still loves you or has strong feelings for you but just isn't in the right place to be in a relationship with you. Are you willing to wait until he is? Like I said, he will probably always have those strong feelings. I don't think he just wants to be friends.

  • Also forgot to mention ... My former text me yesterday morning and said he wanted to grab dinner sometime this week and see my new bike. I am hoping that he just wants to enjoy hanging out together and not tell me he's starting to date someone else. Would a Taurus do that? Would that be out of character? I am not sure why my insecurities are running a muck but they are!

  • MascCancer--- When I first met my guy things where cool. We got really close really soon, and then he hit me with the whole "i'm not ready for this" line. He said he wasnt ready for a serious relationship and he was focusing on bettering himself, hanging out with friends, and getting to know new people. I ofcourse took this as a line, and thought it was his way of saying he just wanted to fuck other people (even tho we werent having sex yet, but you know how guys are).

    As far as I know he hasnt started seeing anyone, and he makes an effort to contact me on a regular basis. He even checks my facebook...a whole lot....and makes "Comments" on what he's seen. I think its pretty cute that he tries to watch my back so much.

    But yea I dont get him and his ways, and I dont know if I can "Wait" on someone. Thats just not me, but he makes it so hard to move on because he really is a good guy. No guy has really come close to comparing.

    He just broke up with his ex back in October. We met in November, and dated for a while, and broke it off back in March. But like I said we still pretty much talk everyday.

    So whats the difference between a close friend and a accquaintance to you guys??

  • You ex seems like he's feeling you out to make sure you havnt moved on yet. Its is VERY out of our charecter to stay friends with an ex and then to throw it in your face that were seeing someone else is not us. I think that you two need to maybe get drunk around one another and talk things out.

    Did you look into seeing a professional like I suggested?

  • After the break up, I went and talked to somebody. I felt like the floor fell out from under me. All my expectations were dashed. At the time, I thought I lost all my friends I met through him in my new city. That turned out not to be the case! I know he went through counselling when he was a teenager but I feel he needs more. His mom is a fundamentalist Christian that doesn't accept him being " g a y", His older brother is a former NFL player (But just told him he still loves him and that he could come to him about any personal issue. This was a definite positive that came from the break up. I had the same experience with my mom). He is a middle son and he was outed by his youth minister who he trusted. So he does have issues he needs to address.

    As for your Cancer ... I think the problem was you guys started hanging out way too soon since he broke up with his ex. Did he love the guy or was he just over the relationship because it wasn't working? If he loved the guy ... He might still love him and if that's the case I would move on. As a Cancer, I know it takes a long while for us to get over our past loves ... you don't need to be hurt! If he didn't love the guy ... then I don't know what his issue is! Is he hiding something and he's scared to tell you and knows if he was to commit to you he would have to tell you???

    This just seems out of character for a Cancer. I dated a guy for 6 or 7 months but he started stalking me, breaking into my emails ... I had no problem breaking it off and I didn't talk to him for over a year. When we did communicate again, to me he was just an acquaintance. I was never going to be a close friend to him. I also dated another guy that I knew for a few years ... he was way too anal, Napoleon complex too and dank too much ... that lasted three months ... didn't hang out with him much after. My former is different. I still love him. I broke up with him because he was pushing me away ... doing passive aggressive stuff because he was scared of "Change". My lease in my apartment was going to end and so the thought of me moving into his house really started to scare him. HE HATES CHANGE!

  • I don't get it.. LOL if he was straight, I'd take him back! 🙂 He sounds honerable, sweet, intelligent, etc. You really have no negatives that you've listed. Plus, that kind of connection you've described is unique. I've always dreamed to have that kind of connection. I'd count my blessings and dive back in, honey. You guys have something special. Relationships will always have a point where you make it or break it, and it comes more than once. Everytime you make it, the stronger you are together. Makes it harder to break it, unless something truly serious comes around. Just stating that he hates change could be a little shallow- maybe he just cares about you that much. Don't take that for granted! Also, while you may be concerned that you may never find someone just like him again, that's also giving him the short end of the stick- if you want someone LIKE him, then what's wrong with HIM? Do you really feel you would be settling, or do you just want to move on?

    I'll agree that it sounds like you're more confused than he- You have to decide yourself if you want to commit to someone to that level, because that's the level that lasts for lifetimes, whether he or you know it conciously or not.

    Good luck!

  • Leo ... I was confused that my former decided to distance himself put walls up and stop allowing himself become vulnerable because I wanted to moved forward and grow in our relationship. Now looking back, I do see what ConfusingCancer said ... I might have been wanting to grow on "my" terms and not his. But I wasn't all to blame for this. It takes someone to put walls up and that wasn't me. I did tell him I felt I reacted on emotion when I broke up with him (typical cancer) and that I regretted my actions. But he is sending me confusing signals about where we are. Now talking to people on here and reading more about typical taurus' ... I am more understanding on his actions and communication.

  • MascCancer --- Read that post that I posted about how to deal with Taurus. If you cant find It I will, and I will post it back on here for you to read. I think it will help you out. I really want you and your former to get back together because you two do sound like your a great couple.

    With my Guy....

    He and his Ex broke up because "It wasnt going anywhere" They where together for 3 years, and he said his ex broke up with him. They got back together and tried to make it work but it just wasnt the same. He said they are better off as friends versus Loves. What kinda gets me is that they hang out ALL THE TIME. Like his Ex lives right up the street from him. His ex has moved on, and found someone else, and we even double dated with them one time. But I do have this feeling like he's not fully over his ex. Just the way he talks about him its like not like an ex but someone whom he still has feelings for and your right. I dont need that kind of hurt in my life...I can only take him for his word, but I dont get this guy. Its like he keeps me around, but only acts enough to keep me around but where def not moving...or if we are its not to my knowledge.

  • Mascancer, why dont you tell him you love him and invite him out for dinner and have a look at the new bike? That way you can be sure from his reaction if you both are meant to move on.

  • I already told him I still love him three weeks ago. I said, I just want you to know where I am. He shook his head and didn't say much more. I just think he was processing it. He hasn't backed off, if anything it's increased and he's been more positive.

  • So to get some of you caught up .. I was posting on Confusing Cancer's post that my former Taurus wanted to go out to dinner this week. I had a gut feeling he was seeing someone else and he was going to tell me. Tuesday evening an acquaintance called me and told me he's been dating this attorney for the past month. I emailed him and told him what I heard and that I couldn't be friends with him while he was dating this guy because I still loved him. This is the response I received and my response back.

    His response ...

    Hey bud,

    Let me start by saying I'm sorry. I wanted to have dinner with you, not to tell you anything, but only because I still value your friendship and wanted to catch up.

    I met **** through friends a little over three weeks ago and we were not dating, so I don't know about **** knowing that I had met anyone. believe me man, i had no intention of dating or wanting to meet anyone, it just sort of happened. I should not have said Brian when you asked who i went with, but part of me wanted to tell you the truth and to honest with you. Don't be hurt by me saying i had fun. I can explain more about the charity org that they run at the games, but there was a big group, alcohol and me being not sick with mono is another reason why i had fun. And, i have fun with please don't be hurt. Its been almost 7 months since we ended our relationship.

    I want you to be happy, and I honestly, I don't think we had that and I don't think that i can give that to you. You need to get over me bud, there is no reason to think you cant find happiness with someone else, i don't want to be negative, but I can be more specific about the issues we had.

    I think we can be great friends, and we have ALOT in common, and we were friends before we dated, so i hope that we can still keep that friendship that brought us together.

    One of us meeting someone else was inevitable, but this should not be a reason to end a friendship. It still is not a valid reason in my head, but I UNDERSTAND where you are coming from. I don't know the future i have with anyone else on this planet, but dammit, i really thought we were friends.

    I respect you as person and hope that you realize I do love you as friend, and care about you deeply, so please don't be hurt bud. We had something that was special, but it was not timeless. We gave it our all and I think that is the best we can do.

    My response ...

    I'm kind of surprised you want to be friends. You haven't had anything

    to do with your past ex's. We'll get back to that in a minute. I know

    you hate long letters but this will help me so much with closure!!

    After we first broke up, I went to a counselor ... I was actually

    planning to go even before we broke up in hopes of trying to salvage

    our relationship but I couldn't get an appointment in time. The

    counselor made me realize a lot of things that were going on. First of

    all, I lived my life vicariously through you ... as he put it, I was a

    grape vine in a planter, waiting to be planted ... you were watering

    me, giving me fertilizer (I know this was becoming a chore to you) but

    until I was planted and had my roots in the ground, I wasn't going to

    bear good fruit. He said I needed to plant my own roots here in

    Austin, make my own friends get my own self identity here to be in a

    healthy relationship with any one. So I've been trying to do that.

    Secondly, he made me realize that I was very self absorbed feeling

    sorry for myself ... I guess it was because I missed my friends,

    missed my parents, lost my house (that I put some much sweet equity

    into); live in an apartment and was making a heck of a lot less money;

    and lets not forget two very important people in my life were gravely

    ill! My quality of life, my personal life outside our relationship and

    my standard of living took a major hit. I felt like a failure! I was

    in my "cancer shell" shelf absorbed, feeling sorry for myself, trying

    to protect myself (I wasn't the same man, I was when I lived in

    Orlando!!!). I know you started withdrawing from me because of me

    appearing to be unhappy in our relationship, and the chore of

    nurturing me. I started to dwell on having to move in with you in

    order for my quality of life to improve. When these things weren't

    happening, I was channeling my discontent with you ... saying you were

    being Pass. Aggressive blah blah. So, I wasn't "unhappy" about us ...

    I was unhappy and frustrated with my situation and taking it out on

    you. I am so, so sorry! What do they say ... pull the steak out of

    your own eye, before you pluck the spec out of your partners?

    I want to let you know I was happy 80% of our relationship. I'm not

    exaggerating. Sure we had some arguments and disagreements but every

    relationship does. You were my light in my dark times here. Friday

    mornings I would be so excited because I was going to see you and

    spend time with my boy later in the day! I would get my stuff together

    and tell Chance we were going to see Eric.. we're going to see Eric.

    When I would leave Sunday evening, I was down .. I didn't want to

    leave! I know I didn't tell you that or show it to you enough. The

    brightest of times, I must say, was when we would go on trips

    together, I was so freaking happy being with you! I've never been so

    happy with someone. I never was so excited about the anticipation of

    going on a trip with you.

    Now back to being just friends. Like I said, I had HOPE we could get

    back together. When you told me after the beer fest that you didn't

    have those feelings for me any more. I have no clue how I made it

    home. Once I made it back to the apartment parking lot, I sat in my

    car and cried like a big old girl!!! When we've been at gatherings

    with our friends, it doesn't feel right to me that I'm not sitting

    next to you; I told you, I hate, actually despise shaking your hand;

    and when I look at you across the table or room, I look into your eyes

    wishing I was next to you! When you text me and tell me your doing

    these things with DT or JC, my heart aches because I want or I

    feel like I should be with you. It's hard for us Cancers to let go of

    our past loves. I loved you more than any other guy I have been with

    in my life. With all this said, I've only maintained one friendship

    with a past bf of significance ... Jeff Parker but I don't really view

    him as a good friend. The other two were long distance, so it was

    easier for me to let go.

    I'm not sure what the future holds ... I just need time!

    I started no contact. Took him off my facebook and blocked him on my google chat. Also deleted him off my phone. I know he wasn't happy about because a co friend of ours that works with him said he called in sick yesterday.

    I really think I need to stay away from him for at least 3-4 months. I also told a few of our co friends to understand the boundaries I am setting.

  • Proud of you buddy!!!

  • I can't worry about him any longer. I just have to worry about myself and my needs. I also don't want to NEED him in my life. I rather be in the position that I would LIKE him in my life and that's not going to happen until both of us have healed and in a better place!

  • I'm done with my Cancer friends...finally starting to see that its not going ANYWHERE.

    He just doesnt seem like he has any time for me and I have feeling like I'm on the back burner.

    Plus...I just watched the movie "He's just not that into you".

  • Good CC, believe me its the best thing for these confused signs, they can be sooo fickle, we are just not cut out for it! We are patient , but we know what we stand for !

  • Oh we aren't that bad! But you are right, he's just not that into is pretty on the money! If I'm not really into a guy, I usually just tell them. If a cancer doesn't then he has issues besides his zodiac sign!

    I had a couple readings done and they both said my taurus loves me deeply but is scared of letting down his guard. That I am doing the right thing by giving us space and make him realize what he has lost! They also said this guy he is seeing is just superficial and won't last long.

  • I can't worry about him any longer. I just have to worry about myself and my needs. I also don't want to NEED him in my life. I rather be in the position that I would LIKE him in my life and that's not going to happen until both of us have healed and in a better place!

    I must agree with MascCancer on this, time to heal.

  • So need some advise ... I am still on board with NO Contact rule but my former half's birthday is coming up Friday. I want some advise ... Should I wish him A Happy Birthday? If I do, I plan on leaving a voice message on his phone, when i know he's busy. I've read some experts say, ignoring his birthday and not contacting him is cruel and is telling him your holding a grudge! Which I'm not.

  • My Ex (a Libra) sent me a text message saying happy birthday to me last week. It was quite shocking actually because we haven’t spoken since Christmas time. But even at Christmas and New Year’s he still reached out to me to send me well wishes. This in a way just showed me that he was at least being civial about the matter.

    No one is saying not to EVER talk to him. If by chance something would happen to where you felt he needed you there for support (death in the family, loss of job, or general bad news) I would say go. What I suggested is that you cut communication with him to kind of drawn him in his own emotions, realizations, and fears. And so he can see what the REALITY around what he choose to do is. Plus this will allow you to work on you and help you correct your faults (as well as he can).

    I think you saying happy birthday is a sweet jester. You can say happy birthday and still hold your ground when it comes to keeping him at arm’s length. A text message or a birthday card sent in the mail to me would be the best way of doing this. I wouldn’t call…but that’s me.

  • MascCancer- Don't rely on what experts say or what rule you have put in place, If it feels right and you say you love him , then don't let pride rule. Wishing someone a happy birthday should always come naturally and without much thought , an act of kidness from your heart doesn't cost you anything , but I am beginning to see how you Cancer men operate and its a little selfish if you ask me , which really has me doubting your character .

    By the way, My birthday is same date as your BF , I personally would be offended , After all you've shared and not to call and wish him A Happy Birthday says alot.

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