My ex Taurus BF

  • I broke up with my gay Taurus bf last fall after a two year relationship. We did have a brief parting of ways that lasted maybe 10 days a year ago. We are both very masculine gay men that you would be very surprised if we told you we batted for the other team. Needless to say, it's not like it's easy to date or find gay men that are like us ... i.e. like sports, camping and things like that. Given that it makes it that much harder to move on.

    I broke it off from my Taurus because I got tired of his passive aggressive behavior. Not able to make decisions. Slow at accomplishing a task, not being flexible or able to compromise. When he would clean the house or work in the yard; GET OUT OF THE WAY! When he would get made at me, he would either sulk or have a complete melt down ... throwing things around tearing off his shirt, causing my dog to run and hide. This would only happen a couple times a year. Reading more up on Taurus' after the break up, I found that much of his passive aggressiveness might have been common traits of a Taurus. There are other things that are between he and I and I had enough and felt I needed to break it off.

    Now I thought Taurus' would let someone go pretty easily but that hasn't been the case. Even though he and I say we are officially over, he still text me, calls me, wants to do things together making it very hard for me as a Cancer to move forward. I still have very strong feelings for him and like I said, they're ain't much fish in the Lake that I fish in. He hasn't said he wants to get back together but he hasn't shun me either. I think it's very true that it takes Cancer's a long time to be friends with their ex. Do you think he still wants to make things work and is just being stubborn and it's hard to admit it?

    What do you think it going through his head???

  • Taurus' are very thick-skulled, in a way to say. They enjoy the comfort of their daily life and feel that both the way they think is right, as well as unnessicary to change. The only thing I can say raises red flags is that when he gets mad, throws things, etc. those can be abusive traits, or they can be the passive aggressive results of bottling emotions and not expressing emotions properly. Only you can evaluate which is the case.

    I would think that a Taurus and a Cancer would be a good match, that they both have their feet on the ground, and know what they want in life. But the trouble can be when they butt heads, so if you feel that you are not going in the same directions, and that you don't have the same goals in life, then maybe it is best to let it go. Accept where a relationship is being forced. They should never be forced, there should always be some forward movements. The more it's forced, the more stress until something/someone breaks. What do you think, if you tried again, would it feel forced? Or would it feel natural to try again?

  • LOL I totally slaughtered the word "unnecessary." 😜 Sorry!

  • I read that when you anger a Taurus enough ... watch out ... the raging bull comes out. That's him. He won't become physical, he just has a big old temper tantrum. But I do agree with your statement ; he might be bottling emotions and not expressing emotions properly.

    I do know with his past ex, when he or they have broken them off ... He has let them go without looking back. He hasn't done that with me. Part of me also feels like he's going through an early mid-life crisis, which contributed to the breakup.

    If i haven't called or text him in a day or two, he starts freaking wanting to know if everything is ok.

    I think this might be partly because he is insecure and hates change with a passion!

  • Why if you broke it off with your Taurus, are you interested in knowing whats going through his head? Is it maybe now you realized you made a mistake. Question is , do you still think it can work, do you want to give it a second go? Time apart is good for reflecting on ones self, and getting to the core of what really went wrong or what is bothering you. He still calls, texts, ad wants to hang out together, cmon, He is clearly giving you enough to work with here. His actions speak loud wnough , it may be you that is confused here. You are the one who officially broke it off, so a breakthrough will be up to you. Dont wait to long to figure out what you want.

  • I miss him ... I am starting to understand how he ticks ... I am still physically attracted to him. I do know Taurus' take a very long time to make a decision on relationships. Sometimes they test you. So if I do make the decision to get back together, I don't want to waste my time waiting for him to figure things out.

  • Maybe that is exactly what you must do if you want to be with him? He needs time to make sure if this is the right decision for him before he enters into a relationship with you. Goes to show you that he doesnt take relationsships lightly but very seriously if he were to be in a serious relationship or really likes someone. Now whats the rush in you that is making you rush him, do you not have many time? Are you that inclined to take relationships lightly? If so perhaps its you that needs to let go of him and leave him alone. Perhaps its you that is testing him and portray him to be the one who is testing? If you test him it makes him think twice about being in a relationship with you. Are you going to waste time waiting for him?If not then go. Depends on what you want a serious relationship or a light relationship, seems to me your pushing him too much and he had enough of that. Ask yourself what you want from him? and do you want to be with hm? If so, Why do you want to be with him? This are all questions that take time to really figure out and understand and if thats wasting time to you perhaps its you that should tell him your going to go.

  • Alls I know is that if someone was pushing me for a relationship when I wasnt ready Id want for them to stay as a friend til I was ready. Luckily for me I am not in this situation, I am free and single and seriously wishing i could find the love of my life. Oh well that only happens in fairy tales and guess life aint like that. Goodluck.

  • MascCancer

    I have wanted to respond to your post for some time now. But I’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t had the chance to.

    I myself am a Taurus, and a GAY Man, so your story makes perfect sense to me from the eyes of both you and your lover. And from that I think I can help you out if you’re still needing help.

    You mentioned how your Taurus man would get when he would get mad at you, he would sulk. I truly believe that. We Taurus men are not the best when it comes to communication. We tend to self-medicate when we actually need to speak up and voice what our problems are. So don’t take offense to that…it’s just in his nature. Our mind set is…”Why bother you with this problem, when we can try and tend to it ourselves”. There are VERY few people that I open up with when I’m upset and most of them know their role (when I open up) is to just sit there and let me vent. We Taurus “Group” the people in our lives into certain categories. You are his Lover AKA his rock & his partner. All he does he does for you, and the progression of the both of you. The one he can depend on when the sky is falling and the walls are coming down. Your role is different from his best friend who might be that person who he talks to about things that he doesn’t want to bother you with. This is something that you have to except about him, because it won’t change. Look at it almost like your banana in his sundae, the icing on his cake, but you’re not the WHOLE thing. You’re just a piece to the puzzle. A VERY IMPORTANT piece, but just a piece…know your role, and except it and I guarantee you things with you two will get a whole lot better.

    Most people on this site ask how to get their lover back, you’re asking on how to get rid of him…am I understanding you right on that??

    Well…When you thought that your Taurus would let you go with ease is what I found to be laughable. We Taurus NEVER give up on someone that we truly care about unless you have wronged us BEYOND forgiveness. We are optimistic people by nature, so most likely he believes that you two will be getting back together later on down the road, or he still see’s potential there. He might always still see potential there, regardless of what you might say, do, or who you’re with. He will always see you as someone whom he loves. And honestly do you want him to see you in any other light? I totally get when you said he never stays friends with his ex’s. Because I am the SAME EXACT WAY! I never stay friend with them because I don’t see them in that “way” anymore. They had a role in my life (key word there ROLE) and they couldn’t live up to it for whatever reason. We Taurus are jealous people so to see them with someone else would be hell on my heart. To sit back and watch them achieve all the things that I wanted or saw for us in “Our” future together with someone else. Who would want to see that, so why even go through that pain? So for you to want him to leave and stop talking to you completely so you can move on…just think about what you’re saying. That might mean he will be gone FOREVER. Did you think about that before you broke up with him?

    And for him to text you, and still communicate means that you two are still communicating with him. If you want it to stop then simply don’t respond. He will eventually get the hint, and then you’ll have what you wanted. Him out of your life….

    I would just REALLY think about what you’re doing before you do it. You say you have very strong feelings for him, and I so can agree with you when you say that they are not that many “fish in the lake” in our community of great guys (no just masc ones at that). But having said all that do you really want to end things with this guy?

    Not judging you…but I think the worse thing about our community or this generation of people is that we tend to give up on things when times get a bit rough. We seem like a generation of “Temporary highs”. Things get rough…. Move on the next one. But what are we really getting by doing this? No one likes a quitter. There is no progression without Pain. It takes a whole lot of pressure to make a diamond right?

    I think the one thing that I’ve learned about Taurus and Cancers from all these forms is that we suck COLLECTIVLY in the communications department. So I say that to ask have you spoken to him about your discrepancies when it comes to the relationship?

    Hope this helps.

  • Confusing ... You have been a bunch of help! I am actually HuskerCancer ... I was just posting on here as a straight man ... but I was like what the hell!!! See if I get different answers ...

    I just get tired of waiting! blah!!!! I feel like I am getting confusing messages but it seems like he just wants to be sure before he is ready to recommit and I also think he wants to recharge his batteries. Long distance relationship for two years, then dealing with a self absorbed cancer who was missing his parents and friends back in his old city for another year. No wonder he was withdrawing from the relationship.

    I have noticed he is sending me more text ... he has to tell me what his plans are, even though he doesn't invite me. I have been good not to flake out ... just being very consistent even tempered.

    You are right when you talk about certain people are needed for certain aspects of his life. He has another Taurus gay friend who he has dinner with and helps him with projects around his house. Then he has this gal from work who I know he confides in ... almost but not quite his fruit fly! Then I guess I am still someone he appears to be connected with emotionally.

    I know we are very connected psychically. We call and text at the same exact time. I have had very real dreams with him in it ... telling me if we get back together ... he is scared if we break up again, it's going to hurt worse the second time. Also, when we slept together, on many occasions we had exactly the same dreams. Just very strange. I never had that connection with another person before.

    Any ways, I didn't mean to be deceitful posting as a straight guy on my first post. Just didn't know what kind of response if any I would get if I posted being me ... a gay male.

  • We both would always say our communication is lacking. So you are right, Taurus' and Cancer's don't communicate well!

  • Yeah, why is that, I am in the same situation , although it has been since January since we attempted to reconcile, I feel neither of us will give in so we both gave up. We BOTH lose !

  • I feel like I did my part , however small it was , Now I feel as though he let too much time go by and I honestly feel like its too late . The seed of doubt was planted and he allowed it just grow.

  • MAscCancer, If you dont mind me asking you a personal Ques, when was the last time you two were intimate ? You mentioned that you two broke it off around Oct, has there been any intimacy since then ? how do you deal with the break-up , do you replace Taurus in the meanwhile , while he makes up his mind. Please be honest.

  • No .. he won't be intimate if we aren't in a relationship ... that's his style. While I wait ... I am looking but not trying. Just letting things happen naturally. Like I told Confusing Cancer ... there aren't many fish in the sea that I can fish from.

  • I'm not emotionally available for anyone else right now ...

  • So my ex sent me an instant message on google chat at work yesterday ... that was a first in a long time. We chatted for a while! Little steps!!! I am starting to feel more positive about things!

  • Thats a good sign. Keep things light, wait a whike and then maybe talk to him. Have you ever thought about seeing a counciler

  • Confusing ... Yes ... we were talking about it about a year ago. He even told friends that we were probably going but then he pulled back and started to make excuses about the cost, time and other things. What bothered me when he complained about the cost ... he would spend money on typical Taurus things ... $160.00 Oakley sunglasses, expensive wine, clothes (he has more clothes than what he knows what to do with)! Oh well.

    We've talked on the phone a couple of times (I initiated it) but I decided that he needs to call me. I'm not a big phone talker any ways. His birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, so I am curious what he wants to do. I think he is going to have people over to his house. I'm kind of curious if he asks me but I also understand if he doesn't. We've been around one another in other friend's gathering.

    What's interesting and maybe you can enlighten me on this ... He does communicate with me a lot via text and now Google chat ... wanting to know what I am doing, telling me what he is doing things like that. But he hasn't called me on the phone in a while. We both aren't big phone talkers unless it's are folks. I know he does things together with his close friends and he tells me about it without inviting me. Needless to say, I see a a big difference on how is interacts with his "real" friends. I feel like he still doesn't view me as just a friend or close friend. Like I stated before, with his ex's or people he has dated ... he doesn't establish friendships or very rarely communicates with them. I also know he's not dating any one but I do think he might have hooked up or been on a date or two. He contracted mono a month after we broke up. LOL

  • I think that you might need to be a little bit more stern with him. It seems like you let him get away with too much. There is a fine line between compromising and controlling. If you think that you two need couciling then when he comes back into your life that needs to be one of the things that you two do before you get together. Take the steps to contact and find someone and setting something up.

    I think you need to hang up on you two "Being friends" thats just not going to happen. He's going to ALWAYS look at you in that loving you want him to look at you in another? Its either Love you or hate you at this point...nothin in the middle. And if that comes its going to come after a LONG time of not talking and you two being in totally different places in your lives.

    But the friends thing...I'm going through that right now with the Cancer I like. We started out grand (at lest in my eyes) and then he got scared an pumped the brakes and now wants to "Be friends" I truly dont want this...and it confuses the fuck out of me because he treats me like someone whom he "Likes" (pays for dinner, opens doors, constant contact, introduces me to friends) but he says "I want to be your friends". Thats what I mean about the being all the way in it or not.

    He seems like he needs some times to think. You might just want to be there for him at this time. Chances are he knew that eventually you would come a calling. If it was me I would put you through THE MOST before I let you "Back In". Because you need to EARN that level of trust again, because you had it and you let it go. So why would I allow you back in only to get hurt again?

    Go find someone to talk to. Sit down and think about the things that you know are wrong with your relationship. Write them down. The things that make you tick, him tick, and you both tick, and then bring them to someone. Sometimes its just nice to hear someone who isn't bias who can tell you like it is and put you on the right track again.

    Hope this helps...

    Check out some of my post. I once gave advice to a woman who was dealing with her Taurus man, and I gave her the things she needed to handle us. Try and look it up through my profile and read it. I know its not all you, so please dont ever think that I believe that. We can be A lot to handle!

    I'm rooting for you!!

Log in to reply