Captain, would you answer a question for me?

  • Hi Captain!

    I notice that your insight and advice is amazing, and I was wondering if you might offer some guidance regarding my situation.

    I've been divorced for 17 years, and while my life has been great and only getting better (career, finances, etc.) My personal life has stagnated. It's been a series of stops and starts, terrible blind dates, men who come on strong and are infatuated then run away, just the whole spectrum.

    Out of nowhere, I met someone online. I saw his profile and was instantly drawn to him, so much so that I didn't realize he lived over two hours away until after I'd already initiated contact. Well, he wrote me back, and sparks flew. He called me the next day (after the initial email communication) and we talked for nearly 3 hours. It was as if we knew each other, the conversation flowed so easily. He called me 8 times that day (he works as a cabbie, so he would call me between fares) and it was just like talking to an old friend.

    He was working all night, and yesterday morning, I woke up to a text from him that he was dropping someone off at the airport near my house. I don't know why, but I took a chance (I was working from home) and said "well, if you are in the neighborhood, why don't you swing by and meet me for a cup of coffee?" (he later confessed that he wanted me to invite him, that's why he texted me). There wasn't that usual nervousness or "oh I need to prep" (on my part) I just washed my face, brushed my hair and threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. When we did was electric. We were like giddy chidden (and he leaned in and kissed me as soon as I got out of the car!) coffee turned into 4 hours of talking!

    I'll be honest, I haven't felt this kind of connection in a long time. It was instantaneous and almost subliminal. No red flags, no fear, just an instant "knowing"...and truth is, I'm terrified! It seems he feels the same way, but maybe being a Taurus he needs time to process things..but his actions made it very clear that he felt the same way (and said so).

    So, I guess my question, is whether I'm crazy for feeling this way? He's a Taurus, 5-04-70..I'm Libra 10-21-69. He was widowed nearly four years ago, and while he loved his wife, I don't get the vibe from him that he's not ready for love. I guess I'd like an outside perspective on whether I am just temporarily insane, or if there may be a shot here? Ironically, all the forecasts I read for Taurus seem to suggest this end of the month being a high point for meeting "the one", but ironically, all the Libra forecasts seem less optimistic (most that I've read for me barely mention social and/or love) so as dumb as it sounds, I'm terrified that his positive energy and forecast of deeper connection, may not be with me?

    Thanks in advance!!!

  • Alex, the two of you do have a great deal in common. Unfortunately your common traits and talents tend not to coalesce and augment your relationship, but rather to diminish it. The sticking point is generally the issue of authority - both of you have a strong need to be the authority figure or more particularly the teacher, and to have others listen to you. Argument, criticism, and disagreement are likely to keep you two from moving in a positive direction. A love affair, friendship, or marriage here will be less dominating and combative than say a business relationship, but is usually just as competitive. Marriage is perhaps the safest bet of the three since both your strong energies will be grounded here by shared daily tasks and responsibilities. A lifelong truce may even be possible, with aggressive instincts being sublimated or directed outward, against other couples or individuals. An affair here will either be very passionate or completely prosaic (nothing in between), with an emphasis on frankness and open physicality, and little likelihood of deeper feelings or sympathy. Problems will arise because you both want the same thing in life - to be right all the time, with a compulsive need for order (both control freaks, if you will). This both creates conflict and makes you feel like you have found someone like you who understands you well. Your friend is afraid he may never have a fulfilling personal life and this can make him take a risk, while you can be indecisive about committing or running away.

    I feel you can be greater friends than lovers with this man. I think you like the idea of a grand love affair rather than the man himself. But that is not to say you should run from this relationship - there is a great deal to learn from each other about beginning over which you both need to learn, even you are only 'practising' on each other. You both need to lose your fear of relationships, dating, and otther people.

  • Thanks, Captain! At first, I was going to say that i don't run away from relationships, but I suppose my post implied otherwise. I also realize that I implied the need for a "grand love" which yes, is true to an extent, but i'll be honest it's at a more grounded level than you would think. I want someone who can be stable and loving without becoming boring. Maybe being on the cusp of Scorpio, I have a high passion drive, so boredom isn't my thing. Plus, another factor aside from my sign, having been diagnosed with epilepsy, i learned ALOT in the past two years about grounding myself, being realistic and trying to be calmer in my thinking and emotions.

    But, I did find something interesting out. When we met, he joked that I'd probably already looked him up online, and was shocked when I said I hadn't. I'm not a snooper, never have been. He teased that I was lying, and I laughed and said no..I hadn't. That, combined with something else. I knew he was a widower, and when we did first speak, i said that I didn't want to say the usual "I'm sorry" since I didn't know him it would sound wrong..and he thanked me because he said he hated people doing that and having to re-live the whole thing..and I dropped the subject. Well, in another conversation he said something about her (the ex) and when she "was killed".

    So, tonight I finally snooped a little...and found out that she was living with a boyfriend (the news article I found said he, the guy I went out with, was her best friend)...and that she died in a double suicide. Now, there were posts that it wasn't a suicide, but I never saw a follow up. He told me she had alcoholism problems, but I think he's seeing her in a saintly light because she has passed.

    But here is the weird part...she was a Libra! He calls her the love of his life! So, now I'm really confused! Am I competing with someone gone? But at the same time, I'm mad..I'm not an alcoholic, nor do I have issues. I am a grown woman who works hard and am stable to the point of being TOO predictable. I haven't heard from him in over a day. He texted yesterday but nothing today at all. I debated what to do, and read that with Taurus men it doesn't hurt to do a little chasing, so I texted a little while ago, haven't heard back.

    Part of me wants to email him and say "I know the whole story". But I have a feeling that will scare him off. Any advice on what to do here? Thanks again!

  • Actually in my experience, Taurus men like to be the boss and do the pursuing, preferring very feminine gentle women who let them take the lead in a relationship.

  • Ahh..ok, thanks for the insight. I only texted a smiley face (something we do)...nothing else.

    But, should I say anything about what I found out? Or, am I really going down a wrong path anyway with this?

  • You really have to relax about this - dating should be fun, not life or death. So what if this guy is not 'the one'? Just enjoy yourself in the present and leave the future to take care of itself. This is not your last chance for love. Every day presents opportunities to meet that special someone.

    You also need to find out what issues are causing you to keep attracting " a series of stops and starts, terrible blind dates, men who come on strong and are infatuated then run away, just the whole spectrum." I suspect it's because of your indecisiveness about getting committed or running away. You need to resolve any mixed feelings over getting involved with someone. You tend to attract what you give off - so if you are ambivalent about love, you will attract partners who are the same.

  • I agree that dating should be fun, but bear in mind, he's already pulling a cold shoulder, which is why I'm asking what to do. I don't consider dating to be see me, have a great date, text non-stop then suddenly vanish. But, I am going to just back off.

    As for issues, well, for once I'm going to defend myself. I'm not giving off vibes that I'm ambivalent, quite the contrary. I would LIKE a relationship. I posted regarding a Scorpio I met. Swept me off my feet, courted me, flowers, the whole nine yards..I emailed him daily (and he me), we talked daily four five times a day, I was happy, and I stress I NEVER pushed asking "where are we going with this" nothing..I enjoyed him completely to where I let my guard down. Then, suddenly, a day after telling me he's taking me to Hawaii with him on a business trip, I suddenly get an email from him that it went too fast too soon and that he was scared to death (the usual it's not you, it's me)..and I stress, he set the tone of things..I make it clear when I like a man, I don't play games nor do I push, i just make sure they understand that I do like them.

    I tend to be old school in that I don't push. If a guy likes me, I show him I like him right back. But a lot of people also feel they are "ready" and are not, and as of late, many of the men I've dated suddenly get freaked that they like me too much. I know, sounds totally stupid, but one man told me that because I'm stable, funny, have a job, support myself (and my mother) that they always think another shoe is going to drop and I am going to change "because that's what women do". Most of the relationships I have had in at least the last 5 years, I did not leave them, they left me, all saying the same thing...they weren't ready for "someone like me". Ironically, three of them have since come sauntering back begging for a second chance claiming they realize now they made a big mistake. If I could find someone willing to be open and honest and just enjoy dating, trust me, I'd have no problem jumping head long!

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