Getting back with a Taurus
I broke up with my Taurus on October 28th 2011. I started to feel distance and a pull away from the relationship. I think part of it was because I was talking about living together (after being together for 4 years). Finally that Friday when it looked like we weren't going to get together, I broke it off in a very emotional outburst. As you know, many cancers are very emotional and I could feel my emotions and anxiety building all week. My outburst was like that of George Prepard to Audrey Hepburn at the end of Breakfast at Tiffany's in the Taxi but the outcome wasn't as positive
After a month of no communication and no contact, I reached out. I received a nice reply. It took another 3 weeks before we met out to discuss what happened. We had a good discussion and I told her I thought it we should concentrate on the friendship but to leave the door open for more.
Three months later, we have hung out ... dinner, movies, couple dinner party with friends (but not as a couple) and nice little good morning text messages. After one going out event we were both a little tipsy and came back to her place, I asked if I could sleep on the couch and she said no. So then I playfully grabbed her and tried to kiss her but she said she didn't feel that way. I went back to my home that night in a very emotionally distraught state. The next morning she text me ... telling me what a great time she had and hoped I made it home ok.
When we are at the dinner parties, she is always giving me the eye. If I don't text her, she text me to say good morning or to see how my day is going. Am I missing something or is she just scared about getting back together? I realize I want her back and that I made a mistake breaking up with her. Am I doing the right thing by being patient and doing consistent communications with her? I am afraid if I cut contact, i will totally lose her.
Please Taurus' give me some input let me know if I am doing the right thing to win her back!
Hey there.:-).Well I know you were looking for feedback from a TAUREAN specifically from their point of view (as it concerns one)..but I hope I can at least try & help...but hey..we're both crabs:)
Ok..you seem to do the right thing by keeping in contact with her..because to me..by you having "cut" off the relationship..must've wounded her in pride & emotion (and at least you're hanging on a rope that she can still choose to climb back up to 2 u..friendly contact)...so she still has a soft spot for you..and that's why whenever (since after the break-up date last October)...you contact her..she has no ego in giving you a "nice reply".
She gives you the eye when you're at events.. & when you don't text..she gives you sweet morning texts -now you're a Cancerian - what does your intuiton tell you.. :)..she still has some feelings 4 u...yes she does.
To become more considerate of your own part..you felt the relationship was distancing..as in both you two were going different directions..you were ready to move in - but felt you both weren't on the same page at that point...that's why you emotionally called the quits. I do understand.
I do concur that you've realised you've lost something special..I have the same issue currently in buzz..and to go about winning her back..lies within your power to remain in contact with her,.
Lol..I do admire that you tried to kiss her at the house party while ya'll had become 'ex-lovers' - trust me - she wanted that kiss - that there was either 1 of 2 thingz....1. Fear of acknowledging she still loves you in your presence..or...2. You dumped her - so she's pridefully comported toward you now (hence her saying at the party "no I don't want that"..when you asked to sleep on her couch (that was her bull-headedness speaking there..and not her heart...and it is after all..understandable..they're badly susceptible to rejection/DEJECTION..just like us cancerians)
You have to woo..and woo..and woo..I am telling you man..and do it whenever possible in immediate affect - because the longer this friendship "idea" is digested and your former relationship becomes a phased-out regularity that only fizzles in "glances" and "heat of moments"...then time will make her distance herself even more..and DISTANCE was already a problem in your eyes to begin with at that life-making moment.
I do sympathize with you..4 years of a relationship w/ a partner..not easy to get over...Hey...there's still hope. I can imagine that she really gives you the impression that she's done bein with you sometimes..but dude..you know she has feelings. It is expected of her to even feel like that..you have to try & make it look like she's still your girlfriend..even if she's not. Luck! (go-slow)
oops..no house-party..i meant aftet that 'event'..that led to her home..
You pretty much nailed it on the head with all points! I've been reading a lot about Taureans and I know she still has strong feelings for me. As a cancer, it's hard being patient with their stubbornness and slowness. But I am trying!
I know she''s not dating and I know she has no real interest at this time. I also told her that night when I tried to show her my affection, that I still loved her but I didn't get all emotional about it. She didn't deny my feelings for her as a matter of fact I sensed she liked hearing it.
I forgot to mention, not only does she text me in the morning but she will tell me what she's doing with her friends and want to know what I am doing. Again as a cancer I get frustrated that she won't invite me to these gatherings. Sometimes in my cancer nature, I want to do or be passive/aggressive in my reaction to how she responds but I have fought those feelings off!
Also you mentioned I need to act as if we are still boyfriend and girlfriend. I think there is a fine line of showing I still have strong feelings without pressuring her. St. Patrick's Day, I sent her flowers and cookies. She text me and said ... A Leprechaun left me a present at my front door last night ... Your crazy! Then posted a picture of it on her Facebook page. I will also send her a nice gift and card for her birthday.
Do you think I am handling this properly?
Yes you are on the right track..definitely..as far as the birthday-present-planning & the consistency..that's good..keep the communication intact at least..because after all there is a yard-line where acting like you're still "love-birds" is concerned right...
I noticed you mentioned that she texts you saying what she's indulging in and with who, etc..even though ya'll aren't dating. Now listen.. she does that PURPOSEFULLY to spark that passive/agressive nature..in you. (saying how much fun u r having while u'r uninvited, that u feel left-out from her life)..those replies that she makes to your dismay in texts..is FOR YOUR OWN BAFFLING MIND..(lol..it's on purpose..she wants to implant love-seeds in your head..so that you don't grow from her..again..understandable)
She loves you man..You got a good chance to rekindle things..take it easy..don't let her bring out a fiery act in you - keep "fighting those feelings off"..because it's easy for her to turn around and rebound from your texts of frustration or something and say "Hey..we broke up..remember".
You got a good shot though man..as a Cancerian dealing with a Taurean..we have to be more practical and less irrational about our feelings..because they're emotional too - but very grounded - and oh yeah..stubbornness is just something you'll have to deal with.
Keep saying "I love you" spontaneously during your 'friendship' though.I don't know...personally...I think it helps...because as you said "she liked hearing it"..reasssuring her that she can pick up some pride-broken-pieces from that prior heartache & invest emotions in you..and not only that..if not for anything else..it's your way of letting some steam off..on what can be a very torturing, non-relationship with potential lover..whose actions sometimes make you fury about the reasoning behind all these hard-to-get, insensible signs that's shown.
Keep it going man..keep it moving man..the pace is good so far..her compliments on the flowers and cookies are well-hidden in sarcasm..but she liked it. You can intuit that I'm sure Husker Cancer.
Youre not getting to the core of the problem.
Just temporarily 'patchworking' a roof that will eventually leak again.
Tauruses..... we take relationships just as serious as Cancers. just not in an over-romanticized way as Cancers.
Here is an example of a Taurus' love devotion:
'When you're ill, or have lost your job, or the world has abandoned you or ridiculed you....we will NEVER leave your side. There are just no love letters, roses, or a whirlwind romance associated with it. It's not that we're not romantic, we can be very loving, faithful, sweet and affectionate...but most likely it will be on our terms.
To get to the root of the problem with your Taurus...you will need to observe what went wrong in your relationship from a logical perspective. Block or learn to control your emotions when you do this.
We almost NEVER invest years in someone we don't see longevity with. something went wrong. she's hesitant. You will have to ask why.
1. if you were to change some things about me ....or the relationship..what would you change?
2. are you still in my corner? remember it's you and me...me and you. are we on the same page?
3.(acknowledge some of your flaws)...i know i can be a _____ at times...but i am willing to change, but i need to be assured that you're not going to abandon me, and understand and be patient when i'm trying.
4. what are your goals and plans for the future?
If you notice that she's warming up....and communicating, SEIZE this opportunity. don't withdraw or sit on it. we're at our most vulnerable moment when this happens. we can be quite private and secretive too.
When this kicks in....
Just be your 'normal cancer self'...and utilze this time to be very affectionate, and nurturing....
...and just simply...LISTEN
she will feel safe.
Then discuss her fears, phobias or hesitancy.
Thanks TaurusFemmeFatale. I think some of those are good points to ask or point out but we are officially single, so I don't believe it would be the appropriate time to ask these questions. Yes, I am doing some patch work on the roof, but once the leaking stops, I can make plans to try to find solutions to properly fix the problem.
I've already asked her some of her input of why she pulled away and problems with our relationship. She comes up with some what I feel is an excuse ... We were brought up differently and have had different experiences growing up. I felt that there was something not right through the entire relationship and it points to this. I also know she has concerns with her career and is thinking about going back to school to get her masters. I have talked to a couple of friends and they said she was devastated by the breakup, so I know I have to pay penance for me hurting her before we have a chance to get back together.
My concern is ... like all said, Taurus' don't like change and I don't want her to get use to doing things without me. It's a fine line not to pressure her but to keep her knowing I still love her, care for her and want her back.
So sorry I didn’t even see your post until I went back to re-read some of what CancerTeen had wrote (I find myself doing that from time to time).
I think I can help with your situation/story.
Where you went wrong was that you broke the routine, and you rushed her. I don’t know much about your relationship other than what you shared but there must be a good reason why it’s taken you guys 4 years to live together, but I’m sure this wasn’t the only conversation you two must have had about it. I think you might have been rushing her a bit on the moving in scenario, and we Bulls don’t like to be rushed. In fact the best way we get back at someone for rushing us is to purposely take our times.
Granted I do believe you weren’t asking for much…I mean come on now it’s been 4 years. She needs to either Pis*s or get off the pot…
But you rushed her. She might have been getting doubts about you two and that added with you pushing her into doing something that she wasn’t ready for and maybe not listening to what her concerns where about moving in together or taking that step. But those doubts where set on fire when you broke things off with her. You basically proved her right about her insecurities about the relationship to be true when you did this.
Fast forward….and you two decided to be friends but “leave the door open”. Big No-No…we bulls don’t generally do this whole “leave the door open” thing. We are either all the way in it or not at all. Leaving the door open just makes it seems like were you back up plan (even if its not true), or an option in your quest to find a priority. And ask yourself who really wants to go from being someone Priority to someone’s Option? It’s that crazy “Grey Area”, and we don’t like that color. We more so like the color red…cause that at least has us charging and moving towards something. It just makes us feel like where being taken for granted, and if you are “Love” is going to take us for granted then we will go out there and find someone who won’t, someone who knows our worth enough to where they won’t leave us.
But back to the friends….We tend to like to give people enough rope to hang themselves with, and from what I hear about you Cancers YOU CANT BE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHOM YOU LIKE OR HAVE FEELINGS FOR. It seems like you guys freak out a bit (for whatever reason) and then realize your mistake and try and backtrack months down the line. This at times can feel like you’re in control of the relationship because things have to be on “your terms” based on what you want at the moment…key word there is moment…remember we Bulls are more about forever and never the moment. It’s cool that you guys have doubts, and may even freak out from time to time, but you can’t ever call a quits on us and think that that behavior is going to get you very far in our book. Because even though we may forgive you the thought of what you did will continue to play in our minds and you will forever be labeled as someone who will roll out on us at the drop of a hat when the “mood” of that MOMENT strikes you. You lose your dependability factor, and we not only want to be able to depend on you but we NEED to be able to depend on you.
Like I said…we give you enough rope to hang yourself with...and that’s what she did. You said you wanted to be “friends” and that’s what she gave you and then you wanted more…granted you were drunk…but you wanted more. And you wanted it on YOUR terms, even after she told you to leave. You wanted that control once again…And in her eyes (most likely) you had that, and you gave it up when you walked out on her (regardless of the situation. You still left. You didn’t fight it out, you left her.) That’s not how a relationship is supposed to be. It’s supposed to be the both of you, not just what you want when you want it.
Do you get what I’m saying?
I think if you want to get back on her good graces you need to really sit down with her and hear what she’s saying. Don’t just LISTEN but hear what she has to say. You need to let her get all her emotions out no matter how much it might hurt you or your ego. But just from what you’ve told me I can tell you two have a lot of push and pull in your relationship, and she’s might just be tired of having everything on YOUR terms. And hey! You might be tired as well. But for you guys to be together for 4 years and her not be ready to live together…I think it’s a lot more in your story then what you might be seeing, or HEARING. Listen to what she has to say. Best bet might be to write her a letter. Let her know how you feel in this letter…and give her a day or two and wait for her to respond. This letter writing might go back for forth for about a week or two but you two will have something to go back to, and something for you to read and REMEMBER what she said and where you two were and want to go.
I’m sorry if I came off harsh or to forward.
Hope it helps.
Confusing Cancer ... you are right ... "she’s might just be tired of having everything on YOUR terms". As for the four years of being in a relationship together and not living together ...two years we were in a long distance relationship (1000 miles away), so we decided once I moved to the same city, it was best not to move in together. She also has her own house, making it hard for us to get our own place together. There were a lot of factors of why we weren't living together. Now I thought we had a routine but looking back at it, it might have been what she considered a routine but on "my terms". All I know was she started to act strange the last month before we broke up ... saying she didn't feel well and didn't want me to come over .... doing more stuff with her female friends. Like I said, I felt as if she was pulling away. As I later found out during our first discussion after the breakup; all she really wanted was a break because the routine was getting to be what she said a "chore". So yeah, I think she was just emotionally tired from she perceived as my terms in the relationship. I realize that now.
I also understand what you mean about the grey area of just being friends and leaving the door open. But my exact words were ... Lets just concentrate on healing the foundation of the friendship and leave the door open and let nature take its coarse. I guess that could be perceived as double talk but I really thought we needed to reestablish trust and I needed to find that friendship we once had before we reentered the relationship.
You are right, Cancers can't just be friends if they still have deep emotional feelings for that person and I do. The thing is to you Taurneans, actions speak louder than words ... my actions show that I still love and want to get back with her and her actions are ... I still love you but I am scared getting back into a relationship with you.
You said I should write a letter of how I feel. She doesn't like long letters or emails. It's drama to her. I already told her that night I tried to kiss her how I feel. Should I go ahead and just write a brief letter, saying that I still love and care for her, that I have hope that we will get back together and that I realize much of the dynamics of our relationship revolved around my needs and not hers? If I do this I believe a hand written letter in a card would be best. Let me know!
What I’m feeling is that you need to give her some time. You said so yourself that you feel she is emotionally drained. This situation might not be one that can be fixed overnight, it’s going to take some effort on both your parts to get to what the actual root of the problem is in your relationship. I get the feeling that this problem is one that she’s been trying to get you to see but for whatever reason you just can’t or might not want to. And because of this she has in some aspects given up or taken a break from you to clear her own head. This is time that she needs…and you where giving it to her…and then you tried to make a move on her.
It seems like your relationship has been a lot of work. From long distance, to moving closer together, to adjusting to that, and now you want to move in, That a lot of change…and if that change is not giving in small douces then it because a burdon on us bulls, and feels more like a job then a relationship. Changes are necessary but they should come with ease, and not all at once.
Is this relationship even fun anymore?
Seems like the thing that she wants or needs is just some time to just clear her head and get her footing.
You have to Put the ball in her court. This may be hard for you to do, but it seems like it’s been in your court for a while.
I mean think about it that’s all the hanging out with her friends was. It was her being able to hang out with people who didn’t put any pressure on her. To recharge her battery, and remember why she’s in a relationship to begin with. If you try and “Pinch” or get clingy with her during this time its only going to make her push you away even more because your not listen to what she’s SHOWING you she needs. We Taurus suck at communications. Actions define our current emotional state or mood (almost like you guys).
Let things settle down for a while, and wait for her to contact you. When she does tell her that you want to go do something with her, but make this outing a different one. Maybe paintballing, museum, art show, or a play, something that you two have never done or maybe talked about doing but never did. Let her do most of the talking during this whole day and keep things light.
Don’t bring back up what has been going on between you two until SHE DOES IT. She has already told you that writing her letters is Drama, and in her eyes she probably doesn’t know what to say because she most likely feels like she didn’t do anything wrong.
In the next couple of weeks keep things between you two casual, and allow her to make the moves on you.
Back off a bit.
You need to break the routine that you guys are in, and allow her to be more a part of the decision of your relationship. Try and get to know her better, because I get the feeling you messed up somewhere where it came to something she said. She might of brought this up to you several times, and each time you blew it off and us being bulls we self-reflect and then move on our own.
But four years is a long time, and I know that she sees some type of future with you, you just need to remind her of why she fell in love with you to begin with.
"We tend to like to give people enough rope to hang themselves with.... " (Posted by CC)
"In fact the best way we get back at someone for rushing us is to purposely take our times." (Posted by CC)
"remember we Bulls are more about forever and never the moment. It’s cool that you guys have doubts, and may even freak out from time to time, but you can’t ever call a quits on us and think that that behavior is going to get you very far in our book. Because even though we may forgive you the thought of what you did will continue to play in our minds and you will forever be labeled as someone who will roll out on us at the drop of a hat when the “mood” of that MOMENT strikes you. You lose your dependability factor......
(Posted by CC)
This is 100% accurate! Are you my long lost twin? LOL.
HuskyCancer..Please take notes. CC is brilliant!
I will be honest with you, for the men who flaked in my life were never considered possibilities for a long term committment. Sadly, they never understood why....
CC was very accurate when he made this statement
"We self-reflect and then move on our own."
If you want to redeem yourself HuskyCancer...
You will have to let your Bull know that you will NEVER leave her side. It's just YOU and HER.....HER and YOU! Now and Forever. Don't over-romanticize your love with love letters or flowers. We need tangible reassurance for longevity.
This is often expressed through extreme patience, consistency and reliability.
No more flaking...emotional outbursts...or hiding in your shell.
Bulls can be just as stubborn as Cancers....if not worse. LOL.
Confusing ... I really didn't think sitting down or writing a letter and discussing what is or what was wrong is a good idea at this point in time. You are right ... this relationship has been work but it's not because it's not natural but it's been impacted by the recession. I didn't relocate to her city just because of her. I actually met her trying to relocate to her city. We did the long distance thing for two years because it took that long to find employment here. We did have a routine during the long distance seeing one another every two weeks and there was always something new, to do, trips to take or parties to attend. The routine was actually fun. Then I found employment in her city and she panicked a bit. I guess it was because of "Big Change", "Sudden Change"! We decided that it would be best that we shouldn't move in together right away because we weren't use to being around one another 24/7. Again we started a routine of spending 3-4 days together in her house, usually during the weekend. But moving in together was even a " Bigger Change" than me moving to her city and it seemed to affect her, needless to say I was always talking about it and she was very passive aggressive about it. So that was the push and pull you were talking about.
Looking back at this now, it totally makes sense! I also realize I was self absorbed because I moved, I left my friends, parents, house and now live in an apartment. You know how we Cancers our when it comes to our homes and family (home and hearth). Again this was a by product of the recession.
Like you stated, she still gave me enough rope to hold on too. She likes my good morning text and some mornings she beats me to it. I agree that next time we do something, it should be something new and different ... paintball, canoeing, or a bike trip. I just bought my own road bike and I told her we need to take the bikes out sometime. But I have been good not to pressure her (except that night I had too much to drink).
I would like to see some progress but man it's slow! She's not dating at all (again I think she needs personal time to recharge) but I have noticed more communication from her. I actually had friends in town from my former city who she developed friendships with. We tried to get together but we couldn't make it happen. So I am noticing the walls are starting to come down a bit.
I should say is NOT a good idea at this point!
I never really thought much about horoscopes until I read mine and then hers. Man did it nail our characteristics. I sure wished I put more weight into this whole Astrology thing before I reacted to her actions!
Hey. I am a Taurus female and well, I can relate to her.
You see, I have this problem that I give and give and give unconditionally. Many times, little hurts will happen along the way and, they don't really effect me bc I understand that no one knows how I truly feel on the inside.
But then, something can happen, a serious hurt, a break up, etc and it is like the switch was just instantly flipped. Lights out, over.
I can tell you what she is doing, she is trying to figure out if she wants to continue with you. Can she trust you? etc...
Taurus7 ... This is actually MascCancer. I posted this as if I was a straight male. You can see my other posts on here under MascCancer. I just found out this past month, my former has started to date this guy and I decided to cut all contact. He didn't like that at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey darling...I sent u an email...how r you?