Hi Captain, can you help me?



  • Him: June 14, 1961

    Me: September 21, 1965

    I knew him when I was 19-21. we worked together. i moved away and returned back home. we met by chance this past fall after 25 years. when i saw him, my heart melted. i could tell he has a wall up. i hugged him, i was so happy to see him. he stood like a wall. we went on 2 dates ( 2 1/2 months apart. he heard me sing and said he booked for a club a few years ago and never heard anyone sing like me. he said I can make a lot of money. he even called me to give me advice after our 2nd date.

    he knows I like him. after our dates i got the feeling he was indifferent toward me. not sure why. his exes were cheaters, I am not. I am a decent woman, not like the trash he has known. he emailed me on valentine's day, suggested to get together that friday night. didnt hear from him. asked him what happened on that saturday. he wrote that his daughter broke up with her bf and moved back home. I never heard from him again.

    I tried to ignore it and check him off. but that day meeting him after being away 25 yrs, the feelings, the connection I felt when i hugged him, melting in his arms, the comfortableness. the desire and attraction. I dont know what that was all about if he didnt feel it too.

    his ex cheated on him 6 years ago. messy divorce. i couldnt help but feel that he harbors a lot of resentment towards women.

    what is he about? I texted him Happy Easter, no response. (we usually emailed in the past).

    I feel disrespected and unappreciated. what is he all about and how do we match up? what happened between us? why? and where will it lead to? will I hear from him? I am very hurt by his actions. and find his behavior strange.



  • The very fact that this man is constantly attracted to cheaters may be working against you, since you say you are not like that. Probably from his experiences as a child with his own parents, he has learned to believe that cheating is the 'norm' and so he is always attracted to the type of person he was wrongly taught is the right relationship partner. So he really shouldn't be surprised when his partners cheat on him. Despire feeling resentment to them, he will fall for them over and over until he sees and breaks the destructive pattern.

    Astrologically, this would be a good matchup if your friend could get past his weakness for loose women. Psychic or electric connections can emerge between you, and each of you can know what the other is thinking when you become close. A romantic relationship can have a sense of destiny to it as if it were meant to be. The downside however is that the relationship, once established, can suffer from drift or stagnation, with neither of you having the willpower to do anything about it. Thus, this sleepy relationship can lie dormant unless it gets a real kick in the pants to get it moving and keep it running. Your rather possessive streak may lead to frustration and insecurity here, Kmuse, over what you see as an inability to get a firm grip on your independent partner, though a marriage can last for years with you both quite devoted to each other. You both just have to give the relationship some direction and impetus from time to time. Your partner can also get hung up on being successful and recognised (to the extent that family life may become stifling or boring to him) - or frustrated if he isn't. Yet greater than his need to feel the acceptance and admiration of his peers is his need to receive love. His desire to feel the loving energy of others is almost insatiable, yet he has learned to be wary and mistrustful of those who want to love him, through his many bad love experiences. It will take a very determined and patient person to break through the walls he has erected around himself to keep him safe. Trust will be difficult to inspire in him. But because of his deep abiding need for love, it is possible. He will need to break his bad relationship habits first, however.



  • Wow. Yes, I can understand what you are saying.

    Especially since I said to him, "your heart is closed and you are afraid to feel your feelings." and he replied "dont go there!" in a very strong tone.

    By the way, he as 3 children and pretty much raised them on his own. He is a devoted father and loves his family. He is family-oriented. Which I find Very attractive.

    I can tell his heart is not open. And yet he craves loves.

    How do I go about this? What I felt while hugging him is very rare for me. (happened before but very few. I can tell alot about a man through their hugs)

    I have contacted him. But I do not feel comfortable pursuing. I want the guy to call and I will follow when I feel he is interested. And there is an established dating ritual. (whenever I have chased in the past it has not worked)

    Since he stopped contact without warning. It has been nearly 2 months and I went against my comfort level and emailed him this week. No response from him yet.

    Do I just allow time to see if he makes contact now. Who knows if he's seeing someone now

    ( though did mercury and mars retrograde contribute to this separation between us?)

    And will it resume now that these 2 planets are direct?

    Is there nothing I can do. Or just let it be, and let him figure it out and if he does then he knows where I am?

    I am tired of prodding men to see the light in me. I want the man to chase me.

    I feel rejected and it doesn't sit well with me doing the work.

    What do you suggest I do, if anything at all. My feelings are that he feels numb to the prospects of us being together? As if he isn't even aware of the potential love he has in front of him.

    Does he like me at all? Considering I am not the type of woman that he has been used to? He also remarked how incredibly talented he thinks I am.

    Is he very sensitive? And is his cancer moon make him more cancer than Gemini? I am new to Gemini love. ( my younger gemini brother and I never got along, I had difficulty when I was younger dealing with his surface ideals and his fickle behavior. I am more understanding now, as I evolve, because I see more of the good and positive in him.

    meanwhile, I like this guy, and want to know him, really know him and his love.

    I appreciate your insight and help.

    Thank you captain.



  • Kmuse

    oh yeah, I also want to mention...... he suggested things to do in the future and nothing came of it. he acted as though he liked me and was into me when we were together. I am beginning to think it was all an act. it is awful of him, if it was just talk. i never took him as insincere, though we were just co-workers 25 yrs ago, and we worked together for 2 yrs. by the way, he remembered the physical attributes of my body and mentioned exactly certain features that he obviously liked about me from that time 25 yrs ago. I am confused by him. (when we worked together I sometimes imagined what it would be like to be with him, but was not really interested. He was older and more experienced and I left home to see the world...he did think of me, if he remembered my body type! And I did think of him here and there, but not that I wanted him, I did miss knowing him...and then fate brought us together.....why??????????

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  • The universe, God bought us to one another....I really thought it was meant, that we are meant to be with one another. Why am I always wrong with these strong feelings. I don't understand....



  • You have to accept that, though you may be ready for relationship, this guy may not be. All you can do is state your case in a straightforward manner saying that you would like to see what can develop between you, and then you just have to wait for him to respond. And no response can definitely be an answer. You can do nothing more than make it plain what you want and see if he finds the courage and will to want it, too. He may be past the point of believing he can find a good relationship, however. So you would need to not put too much hope into this potential matchup in case you need to cut your losses and move on.

    And the Universe simply wants you to grow, learn, and be happy - it does not necesarily mean you will do that through a relationship with someone else.



  • Ok. ¬†But i have several more questions, if you don't mind ūüėĄ

    I Agree that he may not be ready, but can you tell if he is attracted to me and why he disappeared after he suggested getting together, and then poof no word from him? (I read gemini's disappear like cancer men)  Why did he do this?

    Can you tell if he'll be back?

    Did I do or say something that made him all of a sudden not want to communicate?

    Has he found someone else?

    Did his daughter's break up and her moving in, and him having to deal with her crying and angst make him realize that he himself doesnt want the hassle of a relationship?    and reconfirm there is no point in starting one, because it ends badly?

    (but then, how can one explain him not wanting or ready for closeness, when Venus is in his sign and making it possible for him to have love, but in order to have it, he may not repeat his past mistakes.  He needs to do it differently.

    I didn't get the chance to tell him my intentions.  (how do i do this if he hasnt responded to my latest emails.  Do I just 'out of the blue'  write my feelings for him? Or do I not do anything at this point? does he just understand i want more bc of my recently contacting him after 2 months?

    And does his not responding this time, mean that is his answer is no.

    Can you see him changing his view of relationships? and coming to me?  Or is that not clear?

    And last, since we are not in contact, must I tell him my feelings in writing even though he hasn't responded, or do I just wait it out longer and realize his not answering in the past week means he is not interested.  (till 2 months ago, he always responded)

    There's always a chance that he will come calling. Yes?

    Thank you for your insight.  Your understanding is so helpful and makes things clear.

    I understand from the feeling of your post, that there is a possibility that he will come to me & it is hopeful (possible).

    Xx



  • Btw, I have a career question, if you would be so kind to answer, should I start another thread for it?



  • Why dont you talk to him about it? Or write a letter and give it to him?



  • Whoa! Whoa! He responded! Just checked emails.

    Hmmm? He didn't ask me out. He said he was laid off. His oldest daughter moved out. And he's been busy with sports and his kids. How am I. Hope all is well.

    Do I ask to see him? Do I offer to take him since he is laid off? (being the pursuer is not the thing for a Woman to do and it never feels good to me). But he didn't ask to see me, is that the NO hint? I would want to discuss with him in person how I feel.

    Wow! Mars direct today (in Virgo). Mercury direct ( Virgo). All in one week!! Could this be why I got bravery to contact him and why he responded?

    He kept it surface. What now? I should know....



  • Hi crazy cap



  • Kmuse, you need to be very honest with this man as he has been lied to a lot in the past. Writing to him about your desire to become closer to him will be less challenging for him - it will also give him the space to think it out. Whereas in person he might panic and decline. He may decline your invitation anyway as he has a lot on his plate. I did tell you he finds loose women more attractive than nice women so keep that in mind. And pull back a lot of your eagerness - it will scare him.



  • Thank you Captain. I wrote that I feel a connection to him. And I want to see him again. I didn't write that I want to get closer to him. Because I didn't think about it and I didn't want to come off as you said too eager. I told him, I felt something in his hug and I am so glad I know him now. And I want to see him. maybe cook together. He likes to cook.

    I told him how I felt when saw him this fall after all these years. I with I said I wan o get o know him better, but it is implied.

    I w very open. If I can get your email, I will send you a copy so u can look it over and tell me what you think....



  • Sorry my iPad gives typos....I wish I said I want to get to know him better. But it is implied. I can write again.



  • This is my addition to the first email that I sent....I sent this after a few minutes...

    And... What I am trying to say, is that I would like to get to know you more, as the man you are today.  Because I am attracted to you on many levels, and I think you're really great.  KK



  • I cannot post my email here because admin will delete it.

    Interesting to say what (or if) he replies to your emails.



  • He wrote back this afternoon....

    He wrote I am very sweet and he enjoyed my company too. And I am easy to talk to. He said he was laid off and wasn't socializing because he and a lot on his plate. He said he has to get his life in order with his kids and he'll be working on getting back to normal and he'll contact me soon.

    ( I still don't understand why he didn't talk to me for the past 2 months. It doesn't feel good that I wasn't important enough to call and want to talk to me). His letter doesn't say anything about his feelings, but I did just spring this on him and he needs to think it over as you had already mentioned. I started to get nervous and feel trapped myself like why did I out myself don the line, when in fact that is what I wanted to do! I realize I started to push away and make excuses to myself, but I wont allow that unhealthy attitude to stop me from love anymore. I am going to see things through.

    So, I know for sure or not whether it is right.

    He responded! And for that I am thankful and really glad. Bc if he didn't I would have been really depressed.

    What do you make out of his response? I know I need to give him time to digest it and see what happens and what moves he makes next.

    I felt relieved after I wrote my feelings. And inam so happy that he responded! I want to thank you Captain. Because until now, I was so afraid of my feelings. However today, I feel I have the right to express them even if it is frightening to do so.



  • Typo.....why did I put myself out on the line....



  • It's not always about you, Kmuse. Men especially can get very down about themselves when they are out of work - they can feel ashamed and don't want anyone to know they are a failure. Not surprising then that this man didn't get in touch with you - he probably doesn't want to go out much or see anybody until he gets his life back on track and feels more capable of handing a relationship. Try seeing this from his point of view.



  • Hi Captain, sorry for the delay. A lot of living happened since last writing. After writing to Gemini and being open and honest and receiving from him that last short email about his job loss and his needing to take care of his family, and ending his note with, "when I am myself again, I will contact you in the near future. Take care until then." I took it as, his word was the last, how could I respond to that last line? It reads that he will let me know and leave him alone. So, I didn't reply, bc his ending was definitive.

    I also understand that he did not expect a letter like mine. He had no idea that I was going to open up the way I did. I am sure he was flattered and very surprised. I know he is surprised. And yes, things like that take time to digest. So, i cant expect him to run and jump to me. He is also protective of his feelings. But I can't help thinking he has time to see friends, go drinking after a game. He mY have someone else in his life. Or he may not. No idea.

    I am trying not to make it all about myself. And I am the first one to give a guy more credit and excuses for his bad behavior and understanding than he deserves. But in a way, I feel his response was just him being polite to get me to leave him alone, incase he sees me out again. And he doesn't like people to think badly of him. Some of his friends from when he was growing up, work with me. So, he doesn't want to look like a jerk.

    It has been a month, and I haven't heard from him. His B'day is mid-June, I am thinking about emailing him happy B'day, if I don't hear from him. My friends say not to. Honestly, the man has to come to the woman or it'll never work.

    Cn you read anything into it.

    And yes, money and loss of job is a problem, esp since he likes to pay for everything. I don't hold any of it against him. I am just really wanting to know more about how we could be together and I really want a chance to find out. What do you see for this?

    Thank you....

    Xo