Is He Pulling Scopio Hot & Cold Trick On Me? I'm Hurting. Pls Help!
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Hi Scorpio Experts,
I am a Scorpio woman who is trying to understand a Scorpio man's hot & cold ways. I am confused as I don't think have this trait in me. I feel very confused and hurt. Thank you for reading my long post. I appreciate your insights!
He has Scorpio Sun, Libra Moon, Libra Venus, Capricorn Rising (11/9/77)
I have Scorpio Sun, Gemini Moon, Libra Venus, Libra Rising (10/27/61)
We have been dating for 10 months, 9 of which is a long distance relationship. When we started dating we knew I was moving out of the state starting a new chapter in life. My marriage of 9 years ended 2 years prior but never dated anyone until I met him. I knew it was counter-intuitive to start a long distance relationship (believe me it was the last thing I was looking for that time) but I felt strongly about him. He made me feel safe and feminine. After our 2nd date he was already asking me if I wanted him to visit me. When he took me to the airport he said "I will miss you. I will see you again and I don't say those things unless I mean it."
As much as I missed him over the summer it was very difficult for me as he turned out to be very uncommunicative. He only contacted me once a week or so (sometimes no contact for 2 weeks) just to say hello. Most of his texts were also very short "Good Morning" or "Good Night." When I told him how much I missed him he would say something like "our feelings are mutual" "likewise"! But then he would text me "I want to see you more than you may think" then again he goes silent. My girlfriend nicknamed him a Fire Department because he responded quickly when I sent him distressed texts feeling too lonely or sick. I have to say I was very patient with him and did not confront him as I thought we were not there yet.
When I left it was too soon to discuss or to define our relationship so I did not know where we stood. I almost gave up thinking it was not going to work. After all I am a Scorpio and I was afraid to get hurt, but I just could not let go. I wanted to believe what he told me and what I felt in my gut.
It was not until November that he finally came to see me. We had the most amazing time together. He told me nothing had changed since I left and did not know why he did not contact me more often. He thanked me for being so patience telling me he was very focused on work and it was the first time in months he had time to visit. When I told him that I thought he was leading me on he said "I don't do that. I would have called you to tell you we should be friends if it was the case but I did not do that, did I? You worry too much." We never talked about our age difference as we look about the same age and I was hesitant to tell him(it was secretive of me.) He confronted me "Why secret? We are passed that! If I am not too young for you your age does not matter to me." We had a discussion to be exclusive during his stay. I took a good care of him and he made me feel very safe and warm. So far so good....
As soon as he went back home we booked a flight so that he can come back on January. Between his 2 visits he called and texted me every day. Some of the things he texted me were: "Let me fall in love with you", "You are the best thing happened to me", "Would you be the love of my life?", "You are perfect for me in so many ways." He had me speak to his mother on his birthday and told me that his best friend wants to meet with me. One of his new year's resolutions was to spend more time with me. He made me feel very special.
His 2nd visit was more relaxed but still very romantic. He told my best friend "We are going to spend next birthdays and holidays together." We also talked about traveling together to Europe. He shared with me that he dated a lot of girls but he was never in love with anyone or came even close to marriage in the past. The more time he spent with someone the less he liked her. So I asked him "The same thing can happen to us, too", he replied "I like you more now I know you better and I can never dislike you. I just know." We had a couple of fiery arguments but were able to make up very quickly. He even apologized saying "Let's get along, it is better that way", "We have to be careful not to sting each other to death." He also told me "As long as we keep having a healthy relationship everything will fall into place. You have nothing to worry about", "I will make every effort to make this relationship last", I want us to stay together", "You're my sweetheart", "I love being attracted to you", "Anyone would be envious of the chemistry we have", "I can hold you like this every day for the rest of my life", etc.... Yes, he was very intense and affectionate. I felt a little suffocated but loved how he made me feel.
All sound good, right? What is my problem? Here we go....
Well, since he went back this time he has been being very uncommunicative as if he was able to turn himself off from all of his emotions. I knew he had a lot of jobs lined up immediately after his return. He did called me on the Valentine's Day and said we should spend next Valentine's Day together. He was calling me every 3 days first and it became every 7 days with occasional texting "Good Night" in between. He has not expressed any affectionate feelings like he did before at all. By the way I don't call him as his phone is his work phone and incoming calls goes to his voice mail. So my only way to reach him is by texting from my end.
Based on what I felt during the time I spent with him I sensed that he has his own insecurity issues and is very clingy. I also believe he has never been in serious relationships although he dated a lot of "girls" (not "women.") He also has been rebuilding his finances after he nearly went bankrupt. He owns a small business and is a very serious responsible hard worker which I respect. He is an Alpha male with huge ego who he admits that he is very difficult. He is from a broken family and doesn't speak to his father although he seems to love his mother.
From what I read in this forum it is best to leave a Scorpio guy alone with no contact when he pulls disappearing act. But I am not sure if that is what he is doing here because he still contacts me every few days just to check in. When I don't contact him for a few days he contacts me just to say hello. It is just that affectionate part of him is gone and it worries me and makes me feel insecure. He made me addicted to his affection and now I am going cold turkey! It hurts like crazy.
I keep telling myself that he is just busy focusing on his work just like last summer. As long as he keeps contacting me every few days it is his way of showing he still cares. I also realize Scorpio males can focus on one thing at the time and suck at communicating. He once told me that he is much better in person and gets frustrated when he could not see me.
Attempting to make him be more aware I shared what I look for in a relationship. It is important for me to feel him more. Our healthy relationship needs better communication. I also teased him by saying "So are we dating other people?" He sounded upset and said "I don't appreciate the question" so I said "Sorry." None of my messages seem to have had much affects on him, sadly!
So this past 3 weeks I have been keeping my texts lighthearted and focusing on my life. When he calls I tell him how nice it is to hear his voice. It is just too painful to obsess about him and I am afraid I might get depressed over this. I hate to feel as if I am kept at arm's length after spending very intense and intimate time together. I am not in a hurry to remarry or anything but I just want to feel what I felt again. I miss him when he was more affectionate and attentive. As much as I want to trust his words and believe in what I thought we started building I feel like I am running out of my patience. It is almost better to be alone than feeling lonely in a relationship!
Do you think he is playing his Scorpio card on me? Do you think this is his way of testing my patience and feelings for him? Or is he simply busy just like he was last summer? Why he can not understand he is making me feel insecure and it might jeopardize our relationship?
Thank you so much in advance for your time and advice!
Clear your emotion--stand back--read your own post as if it were a wondrful lady friend or a daughter writing it and asking for YOUR advice. Do not deny what you feel--what you crave. You are already "changing" yourself to please him. Your feelings are real so don't be talked out of them. He is who he is and you are you and as it stands your needs are very different. Do not get stuck on the high points as a trade off for all that is missing. The scorpio encounter is intense. You can't trust that to always mean something special. They are magnetic and intense.. A scorpio who is truelly interested---has been captured will not le you go. Something is not right with this picture. Sometimes you must turn a deaf ear and use your head. He knows what to say to your heart. Your heart is vulnerable to him---his head rules---THAT is the coldness--the chill--the detachment you feel--it is real even if it doesn't match up with what he says. Trust yourself! If you betray yourself---he will betray you. You give permision by omision. Speak up. But know that a scorpio can talk circles around anything they wish not to discuss.You need him more than he needs you. That's the way he likes it. Is it the way you like it? He has showed you what you want in passion but do not settle for less than the rest. You are not happy---he is not going to change unless there IS change. You have shut the door to possibility. You asked him if you were seeing others for a very valid reason---scorpios prefer that kind of honesty and you were being very honest. You do not feel committed. He is not committed. Tell him sorry he was offended but it's not all about him--you do not FEEL committed. Your truth is as valid as his. There is no inbetween for you so honor that. You are all heart--he is all head. He lets this heart come out now and then but with his heads permission. Trust your feelings about the turn it on and off issue---that's YOUR head trying to protetct your heart. Stop trying so hard and let the relationship follow HIS lead. Let it follow it's own truthful course---when a man neglects a woman there is a natural consequince to that. You do not need to anounce it but keep your door open for a man that lights your fire and NEEDS you. And if you have repeated this before you must look into your own intentions. Maybe deep down what you need most you also fear most. You deserve to be loved in a way that doesn't hold you back from expressing it as passionately as you feel it. As is--he holds the stop sign and the go sign. Where is your power in that? You really do know the truth. Treat him like any other feel good addiction that can harm you. Let your head deal with this issue---it's not just about weighing the good and the bad. Know yourself--your values--your needs--your boundries. I feel this relationship is beginning to erode your self respect. Decide you need more and tell him---and let the reality reveal itself. He will either end it or fight for it. Don't be afraid to test the truth. Truth is your friend! BLESSINGS!
Thank you for your insight......
"Know yourself--your values--your needs--your boundries. I feel this relationship is beginning to erode your self respect."
I agree....when I entered this relationship I was much happier with myself preparing for a new chapter in life (I was moving to Hawaii from Ca when I met this guy.) Before I knew it I let him take over my inner self. I thought I became stronger after having 2 years focusing on taking care of myself since my divorce. I let my guard down for a second and now I am feeling as vulnerable as ever. Being vulnerable is a blessing if it is with a right person....and I thought he was, as he was showing me his vulnerable side for a while.
Since I posted this a week ago I have been trying to distance myself from my emotional distress so that I can better observe what is really happening. I know I deserve to be treated much better than this and can not let anyone take over my sense of self. I am feeling more anger than sadness lately.
All of questions I am asking myself so that I can see the truth. The truth I did not want to face so that I could hang on to what I thought I found! I might be paying the price of my own deception but what I felt with him was also genuine...that secure warm feelings.
Am I just clinging on to what I thought I had? Did I even have what I thought I had in a first place or just being in love in love? Was this just a rebound relationship after my divorce (yes, he was the first one I became intimate with)? Is he really worth agonizing over?
He is much younger, much less educated, much less worldly, financially struggling.....I thought it did not matter as long as he shows his love and stay true to his words...... yes, his words as once he kept it.
Part of me wants to despise him and want to tell him he was just a jump starter (as my girlfriend described him) for me so that there is no return. But part of me want to keep it going as is so that the warm feelings will return once "he is finished with his projects"......even for a while....
"Do you deserve my love?"
My guy called today we had a honest conversation for 30 minutes (which is a long time for us.) He said he has been overwhelmed with work and did not even realize how long he has been gone. I was able to handle it without making him feel defensive but also was able to tell him how it made me feel and I was not happy!
I even asked him "Do you want us to stay together?" he said "Of course. I miss you." His voice sounded genuine and warm just as I remembered. So I told him what I needed from him. How important it is for me to feel his presence. I felt much better that I had an honest conversation as he listened.
We also talked about getting together soon. He has to figure out his business schedule so I will just let him take a lead on this. It's up to him to make it happen this time.
Meanwhile I will keep reflecting what I am discovering about myself through this relationship with him and working on how to love someone without giving away too much of me. As a Scorpio myself I get obsessed about someone when I am in love. I know it is not healthy.