Please help me with this total mess I'm in

  • Hi,

    I'm really sorry for the length of my post but please help me. I desperately need your helps.

    I've been married to a Libran for 9 years. He was my first love and relationship. Through out the marriage he was abusive, physically, mentally & verbally but he was also a loving person, I know you probably think I was stupid for thinking that he could love me when he behaved like that. But about 3 years ago, he had a therapy helping people who's abusive in relationships, it worked and he became a much better person like day & night. By then I fell out of love with him, I do still have feelings for him though. I wanted to make it work with him but I couldn't forgive him, it made me so unhappy so I put in for a divorce 2 years ago.

    While I was going through the divorce, I met a guy, another Libran! LOL, it didn't work out but we stayed good friends. Because I still had feelings for my husband, I decided to stop the divorce procedure and gave him another chance. But because I still couldn't truly forgive him I became unhappy and resentful so I had to make a decision to start the divorce procedure again last year.

    And Nov last year, I met a Cancer guy through the Libran friend (that didn't work out). Me and the Cancer guy didn't expect it but we fell for each other. But the Cancer is the Libran's best friend so we took it slow. He also lives abroad so it's been a long distance relationship. We never really agreed that we're boy/girlfriend but he once said jokingly that one of us have to move to be with the other in the future. He worked a lot so we didn't speak much but when he had any free time he would phone/text me or chat on Skype.

    But a few weeks ago, he started to not answer my texts/email, I thought he was just too busy and forgot to answer. And 2 days ago when I texted to say that I missed him, he replied with a blunt text saying that "I don't miss you. I hate people who lie." I was really upset and asked what did I lie about but he never answer, even unfriended me on Facebook. I told him, I can promise that never lied to him, whatever it is I'm sure it just misunderstanding.

    The thing is, we planned for me to go to his country for a few days, everything was booked and paid for and it's in 10 days time. It would be the first time we spend together. I never been there before and now he's shutting me out. I don't know what to do. What should I do or say to him? Would he ever let me back in? I even feel that I should go back to my ex-husband, at least he does love me and he's a change man. Should I do that?

    Thank you very much for reading through my very long post. I really hope someone can help me.

  • Ask the Cancer guy to check with the Libra to see what's going on.

    You paid for the trip so I would go and try to see him. I wouldn't call if he is avoiding you but I would show up on his doorstep and ask him WTF.

    I am sorry this is happening but it is some sort of crap miscommunication and I really getting disgusted with men who can't just deal with the issue.

    While you are there, whether or not it works out for you with the Cancer. I would try to see the country, enjoy your trip and think about what is right for you. I get the sense of 'any man will do' when you say go back to your husband and I think you should HALT and figure out what you really want. Sometimes it's good to sit in stillness.

    I hope it works out for you sweetie, good luck and blessings!

  • Thank you very much for your time, Lizuz. I decided to go there and enjoy myself, even though I'm very nervous travelling there on my own. But I hope everything's gonna be fine. Still don't know if I want to talk to him though, I know I'm better than that but I still need closure to what I supposed to have done wrong. No one like to be accused of something they don't know. Thank you once again and have a great Easter, Lizuz. 🙂 x

  • honey, i say that you are really limiting yourself and is trying to find whats convienent for you right now..dont you know that love waits. sorry if i sound blunt right now but it already seems like you've been through a difficult long marriage and now you're dating your ex's best friend.. stop and please evaluate what you really want for your happiness. and im not saying to not take that trip, no, please do but don't go hoping to knock at his door and fall into his arms or even preasure him for answers, no. go for your freedom and see things that you've never seen before and make it worth you're while. i feel that you will keep falling for the same type of guy at this point in your life if you don't think of your needs first. the key is to not put youself in situations where you know it's not right even a little. it's just like walking down the candy ale of the grocery store and being tempted to buy, it takes practice to look and not buy so please beware of your feelings before stepping on that plane. remember i'm only encouraging you to go to have fun not buy candy : )

  • Thank you Waltoy 🙂

    Half of me is a proper Leo, I think to myself, it's his loss, I'm better than this imbecile person, I don't need him. But the other half of me is a Virgo (cos I was born toward the end of August) LOL. I feel really hurt, weak and let my feelings for him going round and round in my head. Just have to try to pull myself together and enjoy the trip. And hope that a few days on my own will give me clarity of what I want for my happiness. 🙂

  • Be sure to let us know how your trip went. Maybe that will be motivation for you to go out into a new place and really try to enjoy yourself, lol. Or else, you will have to hear it from your board friends!! LOL

    I too need closure. That is something that I have accepted in myself so if you do try to get that, more power to you, if you don't, then you don't need it. The main thing is to do what YOU want to do because this life is it, my friend. There is no 'do over'!

    If we don't hear back, ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY!! Stay safe, keep cool and look around, the world is way cool and life is to LIVED!! Blessings!

  • You paid for the trip so I would go and try to see him. I wouldn't call if he is avoiding you but I would show up on his doorstep and ask him WTF.

    I agree with this but call him as weelllll

  • I don't feel your ex is too pleased with you dating his best friend. He may have said something to put your Cancer man off.

  • Hi everyone,

    Thank you for all your replies 🙂

    I postponed the trip after all, until I feel good enough to do it on my own. I felt that I might get upset if I do it when I'm not strong, I would be sad when I visit places that we planned to go together and that would ruin my trip anyway.

    For my own sanity, I texted him to say that I wish things would be different, I said goodbye to him and that I won't forget about him. He never replied but that was what I expected anyway. I felt a bit better after I texted him. I still feel sad about the whole thing though. But I know, time heals every wound.


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