Totally blind-sided by a Scorpio man
I'm still in a bit of shock over what just happened to me. I should preface this by saying that I'm the world's sappiest optimist. I have had such a challenging past 7 years that the only way to dig myself out from the drama (of those around me), two separate health issues and the mounting pressures of frustration, I chose to instead face all my challenges head on to lead me to a feeling of serenity if you will. I take tremendous pleasure in the fact that I am stable, open and loving and truly enjoy being relied upon by those around me (work and otherwise).
That said, I was hoping somehow with all the success I'd manage to manifest in my career and other endeavors that I finally felt I wanted to seek out real love. I left an abusive alcoholic marriage 17 years ago and vowed to "fix myself" before becoming attached again. So, my baggage has in fact been dealt with. My demons disposed of, and I look in the mirror and am just satisfied with who I am. I don't sweat the superficial, I treat myself with respect and I feel that I am confident in my interaction with others.
Well, my dating life has been interesting to say the least. More often than not, the countless blind dates I've been on ended with lack of chemistry, outright weirdos or just something being off. Still, I remained optimistic, telling myself to keep trying and keep putting myself out there, that eventually the right person would come along who didn't think I was too short or too fat (I'm a size 10 and have been told that on several occasions). I figured sooner or later, someone would like me for me, and it would be worth the wait.
Out of nowhere, this Scorpio man came into my life. It was on the tail end of another personal ad about to expire and I'd joked to myself that that round had been disastrous but that maybe I needed to take a break to regroup. His email appeared out of the blue. It was long, detailed, polite. As I read it, my heart started pounding because it suddenly seemed I might have found someone at the very least interesting. When I responded and sent my photos, he wrote right back. First hurdle passed (oftentimes men will just not respond after they get my photo). Great. Next step, explaining that I have epilepsy (albeit medication controlled). The stigma still attached to it tends to freak many out, so I feel it only fair to disclose up front. Check..no issues. We proceed to spend two days like giddy children emailing back and forth and marveling at our similarities. He asks me out for that weekend. We meet, and the chemistry is instantaneous. We spend all night giggling and smiling, touching hands and marveling at how comfortable together we were. The night ended with a passionate make-out session between his car and mine. He asked me out for the next day (a Sunday) and we proceeded to have another amazing day together.
Now, here's the thing. When we began communicating, I stated up front that I'm not into game playing. I don't believe in "the chase" I believe that if there is a feeling, once should go for it. But I also stressed that I am nearly 43, am independent, and am quite happy just "going with the flow". I can't have children (just had surgery in December) so as I explained to him, I have no "end game" just to live in the moment and be happy. He was honest in his first email and told me that he was days away from his divorce being final (his third marriage). While some would shy away from someone with so many marriages under his belt, I actually felt that maybe he'd be more willing to be emotionally open as opposed to so many I've dated that are jaded.
I let him set the pace. He would write me dozens of times a day, he would call constantly. With every communication, he was incredulous as to how lucky he felt. When we did finally become intimate, it was loving and amazing. I honestly (I confess) felt that I was finally getting the love I deserved.
Last week he left on a week-long business trip. During that time, he called me four or five times each day. I was working from home on a project, and my mother (who lives with me) marveled at how sweet. He would email before bed each night. All his words were sweet..I miss you..can't wait to see you..I've been thinking a lot about you. He was due to return on Friday, and we'd made plans the previous week to attend a concert that Sunday, so I was looking forward to seeing him. On Wednesday night he called me before bed and was giddy saying how much he'd been thinking of me, and then sprung a surprise on me, that he was working to arrange it so that I could go with him on his business trip to Hawaii in June. I was over the moon, I told him that even if it couldn't be worked out, that I was honored he would even try to do something like that for me (due to work responsibilities I haven't taken a real vacation in over a decade). As I said, I was flying high.
Well, he came home Friday and it was as if a switched suddenly got turned off. His email that he was home was short. I figured chalk it up to a long flight, give him his space. He called me that night and I told him to just get some rest and we'd talk the next day. The next day, he tells me has to do yard work (he called) and then slips in that he'd made plans to see a male friend of his. Now, that Wednesday that he'd called, he had said to me that he'd like to see me on Saturday. We didn't make definitive plans, but it felt weird him saying about the friend, almost as if he wanted to be sure I "got" that I wouldn't be seeing him. Later that day, he called and was coughing and complaining that he felt terrible. I tried to be nice and told him to get some rest, and that if he had to cancel our concert plans, I would understand.
Now, the thing about the communication from Friday on. It seemed strained. He would call me four or five times a day, and I wasn't sure how to respond. I just picked up a weird vibe on Friday that told me to cool it a little, let him set the pace, and the phone conversations were becoming grating to me because I honestly felt like I couldn't say anything nice (i.e. I miss you, etc.) He was just so distant, and his attempts at being polite were beginning to feel patronizing! He cancelled Sunday then turned around Monday and went to play golf with a neighbor. He still called me several times, but no mention of when I might see him (before, he'd always say "can we see each other on this day") If anything, he again went out of his way to tell me his busy schedule, his upcoming business trip and the fact that he was actually going to leave earlier than expected for his trip to go play golf with a buddy in a neighboring town.
At that point I knew without a doubt that my "sense" about Friday wasn't off. He was pushing me away, and his attempts at politeness were starting to upset me. I debated what to do..keep quiet, give him space..but I honestly felt that it wasn't fair to swing so hot and cold so instantaneously. We agreed to be honest with each other, good and bad, so I felt if he was cooling off, tell me so. So, I finally gave in and wrote him an email. I didn't accuse him or get nasty. I just said that I'd been sensing him keeping me at arm's length. I said I understood if he had a lot going on, but that if there was something directly related to me, I'd like to know.
His response? He tells me that he did a lot of soul searching and that he feels like a three time loser due to his three failed marriages and that he didn't expect to meet someone like me when he ventured back into dating. Basically, it was a regurgitated version of "it's not you, it's me" and the whole "you deserve better".
To say I'm floored is an understatement. I'm so hurt that I couldn't sleep last night "defending myself" in my head. I gave him all the space he wanted, I was there for him when he needed to vent about his job, I never ONCE demanded exclusivity or implied that we had to work towards marriage..nothing of the sort. We had everything in common including physical chemistry. So to suddenly out of nowhere unceremoniously dump me via email, I really don't know what I should be feeling. To say I'm hurt barely scratches the surface. I mean really...you are so happy and excited that you are going to ruin it with self-defeating behavior?
Sorry for such a long post, but I felt the "whole story" would be beneficial. Is this something typical. Heck, I'm assuming I'll never hear from again, which saddens me..heck I'll even confess that a part of me wishes dearly that he would reach out and say he's sorry. But I suppose I dodged a bullet. I guess I'm trying to figure out why on earth someone would come on so strong, so secure, so loving...and then just turn and run and hurt a person so badly? (oh, and I'm a Libra, October 21st) He's a Scorpio, October 23rd.
Ok, So I just read your post. I asked you what happened on my post about the scorpio, But I got to yours. That is so crazy, These Scorpios are just so weird. I don't know if i even want to deal with all that black and white, night and day stuff. They freaken act like they want you so so bad and then poof, he's gone. I don't get it. im starting to think it's all mind games their playing and they just want to see how much a person will like them even if they don't like them. idk. This is just driving my mind crazy, and I'm sure your feeling exactly as I am. But like I said in the other post, be strong and remember, you are a good person and you are worth so much more. Sometimes, I get frustrated with myself cuz I will always try to make people feel better and give the best advice, but I don't take the advice for myself, I will stress it to the extreme. Good luck, and remember, let me know what happens.
You know, the ironic thing is I don't mind black and white. I'm not as "airy" as my sign supposedly tends to be. Maybe my life circumstances have made a little tougher, but I'm a fixer. I get to the root of the problem, figure it out, and figure out a solution. I don't like waffling or for that matter, over discussing.
You asked on your post what you should do, well, only you can answer that. Lavender is right in that sometimes letting someone go is the way to see if they really were meant for you.
Now me...I took action this morning. Like I said, I'm a fixer. But, if I hear one more time how great I am, I am honestly going to throw up. I learn no lesson from that. While I may not be to blame, I'm obviously doing something wrong to send men running in the opposite direction despite being so great (as they put it).
So, I decided rather than wallow in self-pity, I am going to seek honest answers. So, I wrote the jerk. Yep, you read right. After crying all night, venting here and letting it all out, he's out of my system. I can let someone go quite easily when I feel wronged. And so, I sat down and wrote him a matter of fact email. I told him I'm not writing to re-hash or discuss anything, it's over, fine. But, what I wanted from him as a parting gift was TRUE honesty. With nothing at stake (the relationship) I want to know why seemingly normal men fall so hard, then treat women like me like they do. I just asked him outright, am I crazy because I somehow believe honesty and no games will get me love and respect, or, is the truth really that it IS all about the hunter/hunted and if something is just too easy, it's not perceived as worth it.
I realize it's a bold move, but I'm prepared whatever the response. He's already written me that he's not ignoring me and that he wants time to send me a proper reply and do so tonight. So, I'm curious to hear what he has to say (and I'll pass it on!)
Don't think all us scorps are that way. I've been trying to find my way into a Gemini's heart, but I have no idea how she feels about me. As far as I know, she just wants to be friends. But yet we still flirt. I WISH it were a black and white situation. Then I would know whether to give up or try harder.
I totally agree, not all Scorpio's are the same. I mentioned on another post that I have a very dear male friend (we were together a while back) who is fantastic. I think other aspects to the person and/or sign impact things. I know in my case, he was just one of those types that after coming on too strong too fast, he got scared and ran.
In your case, I hate to say that the same theories apply to my situation. Don't lower yourself. If you are a good guy, and she doesn't respond, walk away, you are better than that! For what it's worth, my mom is a Gemini and while she has her moods, you always know where you stand with her. So, if your Gemini isn't responding she may either be flightly, enjoying the attention, or not wanting to hurt you feelings. Regardless, don't waste sleep on it...just like I said about my situation, WE deserve better
Thanks for the advice. There is a big detail I forgot to add. She just got out of a relationship, so I can understand her not really saying or doing much to discourage or encourage me. I haven't given up on her, but I have backed off pursuing her.
I figure if it's meant to be.....
Ahh, well, that added detail does make a difference. My guy, too, was out of a 13 year marriage and that was a red flag to me. It's hard to date someone fresh off a breakup (marriage or otherwise). You don't know where there head is, and they may not deliberately be sending out mixed signals, but many do.
And yes, if it's meant to be, it will happen. You don't want a lopsided relationship where you are questioning the person, so hold out for the person who will show you in words AND action that they like you. Again, YOU are worth more and you deserve to be happy, too. You seem like a great guy with your head on straight, so wait for the right woman who will appreciate that
Playing the game. I think scorpios are pretty adept at swooping in and then leaving. Reading the situation as they want to also. Recover and move on.
A general tarot reading for you might benefit you a great deal also...