Captain, I need help or insight?



  • Captain,

    I am not sure what to ask, we are both committed but I am not sure why I feel so connected with him even he is million miles away.

    I am Sagittarius, i met a MALE Gemini Friend back in September, and we really hit it off. We became friends for only 1 month, then he moved back home. We admitted that we a strong bond or connection and really attracted to each other... so despite of our circumstances and the long distance, we continue to communicate through emails. He prefers emails as he is good at it, and the circumstances we both have is not really agreeing.. It was a roller coaster, as there are somedays I find myself waiting for his emails. At first he was in close contact, I will find 7 emails sitting in my inbox..I got used to it so I became closer to him and find myself emailing every other day or now and then. I find our communication is getting lesser, and realized that he always come out with different reasons why he couldnt respond right away. Since we are friends, I never told him how I feel for not writing back, because it is not his obligation to write me, i feel that I have no right or it is not right to demand for his attention.. I find him so confusing, giving me mixed signal so I feel tired with the mind games. I kept my feet in the ground and tried to get my head straight to not be involve romantically as there were times, I was being sweet as a friend, then I will find him distant he will tell me" Is the planet misalign or switching"? He never took advantage of our friendship, although I think he Knows how I feel for him. He is a big flirt but I know he does not harm or does not mean what he say. He always tease me that I am **** and attractive but I never paid attention with it, as he told me he just want to be friends as we are both committed.

    One day, he told me he need to close his personal email due to his gf found out our emails, our emails is plainly platonic, (so I am not really worried about it). I thought that will be the end, I planned of not writing him, but then I received an email (please keep writing to my AKO email, as you are the only positive things in my life, I need you to push me in the right direction.. etc) So I continued to write. He never failed to respond but it will take 4-5 days to respond. what kills me is the waiting part. I dont mind the waiting sometimes as I understand people are busy, but when he answered he always leave a question and phrase "hope to hear from you soon." but then when I respond it will take a week or 4 days for him to reply., then the longest was 2 weeks.

    I lost my patience because the last email I received from him was long asking questions about starting a blog and so I spent time writing my thoughts, but then I did not hear anything from him in 2 weeks. So I sent him a goodbye letter, that this is it,( i closed my yahoo, fb, and skype).. I never thought he will reply as I thought he already disappeared, but the next day he responded with my goodbye email and this is what he said:

    This is in response to the message you sent on Yahoo and apparently have already closed the account. You are probably correct that we have been saying good bye for some time. Not really by choice but my circumstances are making it difficult to check and reply to messages and frankly the mess that is my personal life right now is putting too much stress on you and on our friendship. Thanks for making the effort to say goodbye, like you I sometimes run and hide versus face a situation. I will honor your request and not write to you HOWEVER I will also say that I can always be reached through this account. If you should ever need me again, no matter when or for whatever reason you can always get a hold of me here and while I may not get the message immediately I will eventually reply. You are a wonderful person and I wish things were different between us. But I agree with your assessment of what is needed right now. While I will miss you I am content to remember what we shared and to remember you as the sweet person you are.

    A friend always,

    xoxoxox

    (p.s. If at all possible let me know you got this so I can at least feel we closed out correctly. )

    it melted my heart again.. I mean why not just stop right? why not just completely ignore my email? he tell me to keep writing and yet he doesnt response anyways..

    I couldn't help myself to respond to his last email, I feel that to bring my sanity back, I need to email him back, so this is what I said.

    "You never stress me with your problems/issues and to be honest, I prefer hearing it. No matter how much you made me feel appreciated, I feel that things are slowly disconnecting and to be honest, I should have get the message, and finally, I did..... Whatever reasons you have, I completely understand... I know people change, priorities, careers, personal life, and (who knows an old friend came back).. I am just kidding. 😉 .. People just come and go, and I am used to it... Thank you for the effort of writing me back. I hope that this is the kind of closed out you need, I hope you feel better. So Goodbye, I wish you all the best... :-)"

    I dont mean to say Goodbye, but I feel like one part of me is stucked... .. I feel like if I continue to write, things will just be hurtful in the end... I love him but even though I want to continue to stay in touch with him, i know the circumstances is not right for both of us, so I have to let go... . I will admit I miss his sweet emails though, evem talking to him in skype.. But not sure what to do... We are just friends, but I do have a feelings for him.. and it is really hard to fight for it.

    I am not sure if I will hear from him again. But I do miss him. His feelings is always a puzzle to me, I am not sure if he did feel the same way for me. Should I just let him go? What is the future for us, if we continue to communicate? I stopped sending him email for almost 2 weeks now.



  • This guy does not feel as deeply about your 'relationship' as you do and does not realize how you feel about him. He only wants friendship and some light flirtation. It was never going to be anything more than that as he is already involved with someone else. He really has no intention of taking this any further even if you resume emailing. There is no romantic future for you here.



  • Thank you Captain. Appreciate it.



  • Dear Captain,

    My question, even I cut all the forms of communication I have with him (FB, SKYPE, YAHOO, ako) I am feeling his energy. There are no days that I never think of him. I have no bad things about him. All I see is his face looking at me. Call it crazy but even when I was busy doing something else, his face will be in my head looking at me.

    We never had deeper connection as we are both committed. I care for him as a friend and I believe he cares for me as well. But for some reason I am not sure why he is in my thoughts all the time not intentionally? If you can read my posts, I cut and paste the last email I received from him.

    My question is, why do I really feel connected with him? Why I can feel his thoughts in the emails? Why I feel closer to him even I am million miles away?

    I am a Sagittarius Female born on 12/2/1980 and the guy who is always in my head is a Gemini Male born on 6/10/1966.



  • Hey, I'm not the Captain but in a similar situation to you and I thought I might provide an answer. Please note I am not psychic or anything, just a normal woman...lol.

    I think when you only communicate with someone by email, text, bbm, etc., the sharing is much more intense. That is the only option you have so you tend to give as well as receive much more information that much quicker and if you have a connection as well, then it is indeed frightening how strong that can grow.

    You are going to feel connected to him, not only because of the friendship you had but also because he is a habit. It will take time for those feelings to lessen and for you to detach. Allow yourself to go thru that and be kind to yourself. Sometimes purely emotional connections can be the hardest to let go.

    I have a friend like yours and despite the difference, we just really click. We wrote each other every day for about two years. Now, it is not every day but we check in with each other once or twice a week. At some point, we will meet but it's not as all encompassing anymore, it is just really comfortable and I give thanks for him.

    You really need to just accept that you had this beautiful moment for some time and it was good for you and for him. I am not too big on getting psychic impressions on a relationship that I am part of because when I did, the psychic was wrong. I think you in your heart knows the answers to all your own questions and don't let the missing of him or the relationship spoil whatever good you got from it.

    Sorry to interject into your conversation with Captain but I just wanted to provide some support and hugs to you.

    Blessings!



  • Lizuz, than you very much and I appreciate the input.

    Since we don't really have expectations from each other, I am not really sure what to do, I mean we are just friends.. I am not sure if I should let go of what we have and just throw it because of the fear or falling for him. In my case, I am debating with my own fear and if it is right or wrong to communicate with him.

    I am confuse to be honest.. I have been a lot of emails sitting in my drafts that I have been meaning to send. Maybe you are right, it is addiction or maybe I just like reading his emails knowing if he is okay or not. I dont know if I need to let go or keep what we have.



  • Well OstrichGem, I think you first need to figure out how you feel. Do you really just like him as a friend or do you want something more?

    If you are attracted to him and feel so connected, I'm thinking you want something more. If you want to explore that with him, then do it. Sometimes we get so wrapped up on what if's that we don't take the bull by the horns and do something. Later on in life, we have regrets over what we didn't do.

    I read that you were both committed, so be prepared for him to say he didn't want anything more but the flirtation and the computer friendship. If he wants something more, then the next step is up to you. I am not going to moralize, as far as I'm concerned, you are an adult and can make your own decision. What I will say is every action has consequences and if you woman enough to do certain things, be woman enough to accept the consequences when they come.

    So OG, I think you need to guage what you need and then make your decision.

    Was that helpful?



  • Lizuz,

    Since I became firmed with him about flirtation, he stopped flirting with me and respected me and our friendship. To be honest, I think I stopped him the way he is because all I want is just be friend with him. I tried to be keep my feet in the ground and respond platonic. Why I feel connected, I dont even know why..

    I am having a hard time I feel like I am in a crossroad. I am lost and doesnt really know what I want. I have done a lot of soul searching and spend sometime alone, but I am always lost and just going with the flow.



  • It's all the communication, that's why you feel connected to him. Give it time and it will pass. Get busy in your own life and try to not think about him. It will become easier as time goes on. Talk to other friends and don't spend too much time alone. When alone you will begin to obsess and that will just keep you in the same spot.

    Do a mental exercise. Sit and breathe and imagine yourself doing things: reading, going for a walk, pottery, yoga, whatever you find interesting and always imagine yourself having a good time doing it. You should start to feel motivated to do something as you do that. Then go out and do it. Feel the sense of accomplishment from doing something new. I like yoga as you are concentrating on body awareness so much that you literally cannot think about other things while you do it. Pottery is good that way too.

    You need to put other things on your agenda and with time, this feeling you have will pass.



  • We are often drawn to people because they have some ability or quality we want in ourselves - I feel you admire this guy's ease with communication which is something you struggle with yourself. Also he is older and impresses you with his apparent maturity. You both share a desire to withdraw from the stresses of daily life or a hostile and uncomprehending world. Thus you can understand, accept, and sympathize with each other in this regard, which can be a great comfort if you have both experienced rejection or misunderstanding from others. But don't mistake empathy or sympathy for love. You make good friends but bad romantic partners.



  • Captain. You are correct, I see myself in him. I really admire his thoughts in the email. He share a lot of his mistakes that he did in the past, and I guess I was picking up the lesson he learned from it. Yes, we are very good friends, as I am pointing him in the right direction on how he can handles his problem and he does the same thing to me. The comfort and we sympathize each other situation for feeling lost so I think maybe that is the reason why we feel connected. The only thing about this friendship is that there is attraction in it. I have a lot of guy friends that I hang out with but to him I am different . I was able to tell him my fears and weakness where I can not tell my bf. I guess he is someone that I never had being able to be comfortable with this person and able to be just yourself, I find it amazing. Our friendship is very platonic, we helped one another to be positive and find the direction towards what is best for ourselves. He picked my brain and I do him.

    I dont know what to do. I am trying to be firm with my decision. But the thing is, I know I only want to be as his friend. And If I only want him as a friend and he wants the same thing, why there should be goodbyes? I dont feel like throwing the friendship and yet I did it anyway.



  • Lizuz- I think you are correct also, I appreciate the input. I think it is addiction or habit of sending him email and not expecting anything back. I feel good with myself whenever I send him email, it brightens up my day. But I know I can not depend my happines with him forever.

    I will follow your advice and the captain. Thank you both, I appreciate it a lot.



  • OstrichGem, you say on one hand that you are attracted to this guy, then again you say you only want to be his friend. But really you want more, don't you? But he is not available for more.



  • Captain, it sounds complicated as it is, but I dont see him as Romantic partner. I am a very complicated individual, i am not sure why, its like "is it the chicken or the egg? "

    I dont want anything from him. I just like hearing from him. He lives million miles and never know if I will see him again.

    To be honest, I am also confused as you are, but one thing I am sure, I like hearing from him if he is okay or not.

    I am not sure if it is possible for us to care for someone unconditionally. In my case, I do care for him very much but not expecting in return. is that normal?



  • That is the highest form of love, actually. To love and expect nothing in return...


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