Captain Help Please!

  • I am struggling with a decision in my personal/love life. I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years and we broke up a little over a month ago. Two weeks after we broke up we started talking again. His b-day is 6-30-70. Also I just found out that a guy I had a crush on 4 years ago is now divorced. His b-day is 3/17/ 79?. I think it is 79. Is there still hope for my ex and I or should I let go and move on and put myself out there for this other guy? My b-day is 1/17/77. Thank you for your time!

  • You and your ex: imagination, fantasy, flair - this relationship had it all and more (perhaps too much so to be realistic or practical). Your ex's self-image can change drastically here and almost overnight. Any vision he had of himself as a stick-in-the-mud stay-at-home type is liable to go right out the window, for you won't see him that way at all. You probably felt quite comfortable in this relationship and would have taken the lead in showing your complete-opposite partner some new ways. Your love affair was likely romantic and flamboyant. Your ex's private personality would have blossomed under your influence as he learnt not to feel embarrassed or inhibited by public displays of affection and socializing. Marriage however would have been much less exciting and more prosaic. Ultimately it may just not be on the cards for the two of you to be able to handle more demanding responsibilities. Furthermore the emotional depth needed for a longer-lasting relationship such as marriage is generally lacking here. Basically you created a 'monster' by helping your ex come out of his shell - he found he wanted to experience more of the world and other people than he had previously known.

    You and crush guy: this relationship can bring out both your secretive sides. Your matchup is likely to become, among other things, a repository for all sorts of hidden information, not only about yourselves but about others. Not surprisingly, you both will show a special interest in gossip, reading the paper and watching the news, since much of what you see throws added light on your private archives and perhaps enriches them. The challenge of this love affair or marriage is to deal with material from each person's own past - sensitively and with understanding. Both of you are likely to have buried many painful memories which the relationship is capable of dealing with in a therapeutic fashion. Through openness and mutual discussion, much of this material can be worked through, and old scripts can be dealt with and discarded. A great deal of trust is necessary for this to happen, of course, with the consequence that for one of you to break off the relationship (this is quite likely as you have such different natures and approaches to life) could arouse devastating anxiety in the other. Power trips and emotional blackmail are likely here too, so you both would have to be careful not to play a dangerous game in the relationship. Any indiscretion would be a disaster.

  • Thank u. Still pondering on this one cause it makes this crush look less desirable! It is really hard to give up this perfect sense of my ex and my relationship.

  • There are many more fish in the sea of love.

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