Need advice regarding an Aquarius Woman (I'm a Sagittarius Male)
Well you obviously dont love your wife at all. Confess and she will go? What game is this your playing?
MJaay, life is pretty simple, actually. Your internal state creates your external situation. And your external situation reflects your inner state. At the moment you are uncertain, drained, and confused, your energy is in a state of flux - and so are your job and finances. When you finally settle down and are happy, so will the rest of your life follow suit. You have a lot of good abundant energy and, because money is a form of energy and 'like attracts like', normally it flows to you. But your energy is very scattered at the moment, all over the place and chaotic. I am afraid until you sort out your life and find peace and contentment, your career and finances will only reflect your inner turmoil.
Thank you SOO MUCH!!! That is soo right on about me! I have so much uncertainty, I feel so confused at times and I often feel emotionally and mentally drained. My concern is that, due to those '3 silver bullets' I talked about many postings ago...my HR Department has basically already told me...that I need to 'leave my current position'.
I've been looking for a new position within the company for about 18 months now...but it wasn't until 10/2011 that HR approached my Management and I...and made this statement to me.
They don't want me to leave the company and they have even 'buried' certain paperwork within my HR File that would normally prevent me from either transferring into a new position or getting a promotion. So, they are willing to make these 'exceptions' for me, so that I can find a new position asap.
The thing is that this 'grace' that they have given me, can expire and run out at any given time.
So with this in mind, I've been looking constantly for a new position for me to move into within my current company...and I have also been looking outside my organization.
There have been several positions that were 'perfect' for me, or so i thought...but they did not pan out for me, for one reason or another.
Right now, I am totally in a state of flux...but I need my job situation to settle down.
** CrazyCap & Captain,
I promise I'm not playing any kind of game whatsoever. It's just that my wife can't accept the fact that I don't want to 'try to make things work'. She has been asking me almost daily if there is someone else. I keep saying 'No' because I know it will hurt her so much.
Even last night, she pulled up some article that she found through Google on 'About.com'...that talks about 'signs' that your spouse is cheating on you and unfortunately as she read all of them to me out loud...I FIT ALL OF THEM PERFECTLY.
My wife even admitted last night, that there have been so many things wrong with 'US' and our marriage. She now realizes why I and 'we' got to this point. She said she really didn't realize what she had, until told her what I told her and she is 'about to lose me'.
Now, after 15 years of marriage, she wants to change...both her ways and the way she treats me.
I know that if I never had what I had with my Aqua Girl...I would give it another chance...to see if I can have the kind of relationship with my wife that I always wanted.
At the same time, if I was really serious about working things out with my wife...I would have to be completely 100% up front and tell her about the cheating. She would never accept this and would never want me back after I told her such things...so I'm like why even tell her then...our relationship is dead either way.
I even told my wife last night, that if I had the money, I would move out right now and get my own place while her and the kids stayed and continued to live in the house.
So these are just a few of the thoughts that run through my mind.
I feel that your wife would only try to change to get you to agree to stay with her - then she would quickly slip back into her old bad ways. It's more the marriage than you she is clinging to - she doesn't want the insecurity of being single again.
And MJaay, you need to focus your attention on just ONE thing at a time at the moment. Your career and finances will continue their downward slide unless you put all your time and effort into fixing them. At the moment you are spreading your energy too thin, what with your marriage dissolving, the affair with the Aquarian woman, and your job-hunting - and nothing gets done.
I know you are so right with this statement. What's worse is that all 3 of those things you have mentioned are so linked with each other.
On the career front, I've been looking for new positions, but it's like no doors are opening for me. Whether it is internally within my current employer...or outside the company that I work for...nothing I do seems to work. The REAL problem is that I NEED a new position or rather I need to LEAVE my current position. This has been made clear to me by my Human Resources Department and they have actually made a lot of 'exceptions' for me...some that violate company policy to some extent...just to help me find another position within my company.
Things with my Aqua Girl have continued to grow and escalate. She has now made it clear to me that, without a doubt, she wants a future with me...period.
Even if things aren't 'perfect' with me financially...at this time in my life...she wants a future with me.
Obviously, right now the timing for us is BAD in terms of doing something like moving in together and so forth...so as we have discussed these things at great lengths we have agreed that I need to go through with my Divorce first...since I'm in the middle of it all.
Once my divorce is final and I am settled and on my feet...then she can think about ending things with her current partner.
In fact, because things between her and I have been intensifying greatly and we have been spending a lot of time together, earlier this week her spouse confronted her about her having 'someone else' on the side.
That led them into a conversation about if she even wants to continue things between the two of them. She asked him for some 'time and space' to think things through...then her and I talked the following morning (this past Friday).
I told her that RIGHT NOW, she has no business ending things with him, due to BOTH of our financial situations.
So I strongly suggested that she stay with him until her and I are ready for each other.
Then I said, if she wants to end things between her and I...so be it and we can move on. Or, if she wants to continue with 'US' she needs to either continue with her spouse as if nothing has happened and when we are ready...she can make her move. OR, the last option was to tell him that she doesn't know what she wants and she is going to need lots of time and space...so as to buy her some 'time' in general.
So she had this discussion with him yesterday (Friday). He basically has agreed to let her do whatever she wants and let her have however much space she needs. He knows that by 'space' also includes 'no sex' with her as well...which he also accepted.
I now find myself just looking at everything and saying 'WOW'. I can choose to stay and work things out with my wife and hope that things get better...or I can choose to break up my family and put them through hell while I hope to end up with my Aqua Girl some day or if not her...someone else.
My wife wants me to give her my final answer tomorrow (Mothers Day), on whether I want to continue with a divorce or whether I want to stay and work things out between her and I and fix our broken marriage.
Once again...I'm like WOW!!
So, whats the answer?
I'm an aquarian girl. First & foremost that I want to tell you here is. There's no one would understand your aquarius girl more than me. Its obvious cause I'm an aquarian too. Ask other aquarian girls too. We understand her totally.
What she wants is the STRENGH & the CONFIDENCE, the LIFETIME GUARANTEE from you. That you would absolutely give everything you would give to save your relationship with her. Believe me she DO LOVE YOU SO MUCH FROM HER HEART. This could be proved by the way she admitted how she's angry when you said about a reconcile with your wife.
She's afraid of losing you. Afraid of any possibilities that you might leave her alone half-way. After the decisions she makes to be with you. To endure any circumstances and difficulties together. TOGETHER. NOT ALONE. You must understand. We air signs have soooo much in our mind. We would think of any possibilities. But the truth that we do love you. Is not, stressly said, IT IS NOT A LIE. Its truly from our deepest & pure heart.
She knew being with you will throw her away from he comfort zone. But she knows above all, all she ever wanted is to be with you. She was just afraid. Just like you had said in previous post : you are afraid that she might run & leave you half-way. (sorry, I'm not sure if I'm using correct words) She too. Afraid that you might leave her half-way.
All she wanted is for you to tell her. That you would never give up with this relationship. We will keep going. Until the end of our life. We will confront this together. I will never let you do this alone.
And I know. You as a Sagittarius. You just don't speak. But you just do it. That's what makes us aquarius crazy about you. Your act shows your feelings. Its just that, we need something that can prove how committed you are.
The fact is, both aqua & sagit is being cautious towards another. Both are afraid of losing each other. Both are afraid of commitments. The different is, when an aqua is in love. She/he is devoted almost 100%. But as for you, as I read in previous post. You are planning to catch some other soulmate other than your aqua girl. If she read that one I bet she'll be totally hurt. & would make a decision to LEAVE YOU for JUST THAT STUPID THINKING OF YOU. "find someone else rather than her"
I'm sorry for being so emotional. Its just I'm having as close as intense relationship as you & your aquarian girl with my sagittarius man.
I know sometimes he do need his quality time alone. But every time I left him to think. I became afraid. Afraid that he might change his decision. He might left me all alone again. We have been on & off for almost about 6 years. The moment he left me had mad he almost mad. Devastated.
But deep in my heart. I dunno. I just believe we are soulmate. I just hoped that wherever he is. Whenever he is tired of playing. When he thought to coming home. I was the one he would come for. I want to be his HOME. ~ and this is what exactly how your Aquarius girl feel towards you.
& the saying that she don't want you to have any woman instead of her & your wife is true. Don't make a joke about it. She's not joking. She wants you to be hers. All of you. No one can have you. But if she knows that you're hurt because of her. That would be the most hurtful for her.
I was afraid the moment you said it was you the one who always pursue her. That she keeps push & pull. I was afraid that you might lose your interest to her when things turns to when it was her the one who pursue you now.
Its just her feeling of insecurity she was that way. (push & pull games) She's afraid that if she keeps hanging around with you. She might fall over head for you. & she might can never let you go again.
But to be fair enough. I think you should give your wife just one last chance. Just think about how you guys end up marrying each other. There must be a good reason why you guys make a decision to get married right? Find that sparkle again. It's not just your wife fault. Fault should be on both side.
For you aquarius girl. We are known as people who cares for humanity. She might be the one who hurt the most if she knows that you would want to give your wife a chance. But believe me. She must have agreed with me. That your wife should be given another chance. But ONLY JUST ONE CHANCE ok. If she agrees, she would feel almost 100% insecurity. But believe me. She's just trying to be fair. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT SHE WANTS TO LET YOU GO! If she doesn't agreed with it. She was just being selfish cause she's afraid to lose you. Above all, SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.
I hope you would make a good decision.
I forgot about one more IMPORTANT thing. Financial. When she's considered buying for you. That only means that she's thinking about what you are going through. You. Filled her mind. All her think about is YOU. Is he alright? Will he be okay if I leave my husband and go to him. Will he be okay? I don't want him to suffer because of me. What should I do? How can I help him?
That's why she's sometimes struggling to buy for you. But she knows this will make you feel down. But that is at least she could do for you. For once, could you just accept it as one of her love deed for you? For once. Not for everytime. Haha. Just to make her satisfied.
Other than that, like I said in previous post, if you give her one anything words or saying, or like vows in married. To be with her in sick or health. To be with her in any circumstances. It's the decision that you guys made together. She doesn't want it to be just her decision. It's a mutual decision. & you guys should confront everything together. She will be happy & with no hesitating to go through any difficulties including financial problem. She will be behind you always.
I have a song to dedicated to you & your aquarius girl.
When I first saw you, I saw LOVE
And the first time you touched me, I felt LOVE
And after all this time, you're still the one I LOVE.
Looks like we made it.
Look how far we come my baby.
We mighta took the LONG WAY..
We knew WE'D GET THERE SOMEDAY..
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us HOLDING ON..
We're still together, still going STRONG..
You're still the one I RUN TO..
The one that I BELONG TO..
You're still the one I want FOR LIFE...
You're still the one that I love..
THE ONLY ONE I DREAM OF...
You're still the one I kiss good night..
Ain't nothing better..
We beat the odds together..
I'm glad WE DIDN'T LISTEN..
Look at what WE WOULD BE MISSIN'
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us HOLDING ON..
We're still together, still going STRONG..
You're still the one..
~ I dunno if these lyrics might make you think of whom. Your wife? Or you Aquarius girl. There may lies you true feelings.
Captain & AquariusHani,
WOW!!!!!!! OMG...this was all so awesome....THANK YOU!! I don't have much time to write but I will write what I can. I have been MIA for about 2 months or so. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED...I don't know where to begin.
The last time I had posted something on here, it was right before Mother's Day. If you recall from my previous posts, I had already asked my wife for a divorce. She was giving me space to 'think' about my decision and would also try to 'cling on'.
On Mother's Day morning (Sunday, May 13th) my wife told me that she wanted my answer that evening. She said that after our 'Mother's Day Dinner', we were going to drop-off the kids at her Father's home and we were going to have our talk somewhere alone, while the kids weren't around.
So we did so. We dropped-off the kids and went to a nearby park to talk. She had an attitude of 'Well then, what's your answer'. I was quiet for about 10-15 minutes just struggling, confused...still not sure if I wanted to go through with this. Since she kept nagging me, I said 'Fine then, yes I still want a divorce'.
This tore her to pieces. Then she said 'Ok, then...now I need you to tell me who this other person is, since I know there is someone else'.
I felt that I shouldn't hide it any longer and I told her everything. This totally crushed my wife, it totally ripped her heart out.
She cried, yelled, smashed my cell phone, cried and continued.
She really was crying for our kids, because she said she was all too familiar with the 'hell' that they were going to go through.
The next 2 days...Monday and Tuesday...were literally HELL.
It just so happened that I was able to sit and work out of my Aqua Girl's office for 2 days straight...which was awesome. But those two days were pure hell for me. Nothing but harassing text messages and phone calls and emails and voicemail messages.
Yet, for some reason...I was still struggling with REALLY going through with it.
My Aqua Girl told me 'You really need to remove me from the picture and focus on your family. Because I don't want you to leave your family to be with me and I leave my family to be with you...and a few years later you have regret that you made the wrong decision. I want to make sure that if you do leave you family to be with me, that you will never have any doubt that you made the right decision'.
So it was a crazy, devastating 2 days. I was still struggling, still confused. All I could think of were my beautiful, incredible kids.
Then my wife asked me to take 2 weeks off of work to really consider what I was going to do.
Tuesday, May 15th was the last time I saw my Aqua Girl.
Beginning the following Wednesday (May 16th) were the worse 2 weeks of my life. Period.
Tuesday evening, after I left work...I met with my wife's Uncle just to have a 'heart to heart' talk...a point-of-view from a different perspective.
We began talking about 6pm and finished at around 2:30am. It was then that I made a decision to give my marriage one more chance. As devastating as that was...I made that decision for several reasons.
First, my Aqua Girl was right. I had to know that I know that I know...that this was indeed the right decision to make, because if not...I would live with pain and regret for the rest of my life and that would also ruin my relationship with my beautiful Aqua Girl.
Second, my kids. One of the things I have always preached and modeled out to them throughout their lives...is that whatever they do...give it your all...give it 150% and never quit...never give up.
If I didn't at least 'try' then it would have showed them that I simply gave up. That they weren't important enough for me to at least 'TRY'.
So that's what I did.
I called my Aqua Girl's work desk line at about 3pm and left her a few voicemail messages, letting her know my decision. It was so painful.
I didn't speak to her at all...for the next 2 weeks. Not by phone and not even an instant message or chat or email.
Those two weeks were complete and utter hell for me. In every way. My wife would come home for lunch and just 'let me have it'.
I would be sleeping in my son's bedroom, on the floor and she would barge in, sometimes at midnight...sometimes at 2 or 3am and just go off on me and 'let me have it'. Calling me every name in the book and getting physical with me on a few occasions.
Then the worst happen. She said that there is no way that I could go back to the building that I worked at, with my Aqua Girl there. She said there is no way I can go back to my job.
So she gave me an ultimatum. She said I can quit my job and stay married to her or I can go back to my job and she would divorce me.
This was the hardest decision that I ever had to make. EVERYONE that I spoke to about this...EVERYONE said...DON'T QUIT YOUR JOB or YOU CAN'T QUIT YOUR JOB or 'SHE'S JUST SPEAKING OUT OF HER PAIN...YOU CANNOT QUIT YOUR JOB'.
I felt that by quitting it was jeopardizing not only our lives but my beautiful children as well and that my wife was not thinking straight and didn't really know the severity of the whole situation.
But then I felt about it this way. I felt that a job could always be replaced but my family could never be replaced.
I felt that I needed to go 'all in' and really try to save this marriage...and if it meant quitting my job...then so be it.
Even if my wife was just saying that to spite me and punish me and even if her intentions were to divorce me right after I quit my job all along...or even if after a few months or a year...she decided to divorce me...I was like 'so be it'. I had to at least try and give it my all.
So I did. I quit.
I resigned on June 4th 2012.
At the same time, after those initial 2 weeks, I resumed my contact with my beautiful Aqua Girl.
She was SO WORRIED about me and so devastated by everything. She said that one day, right after that Tuesday (May 15th), the last day I saw her...that same week...she had been driving home from work.
A song on the radio came on that reminded her of us and she completely lost it. She was crying so uncontrollably that she had to pull over off the road because she couldn't drive.
She called her husband to come home right away...that it was an emergency. Later that evening, then walked to a park and she confessed everything to him...about us, about me...the whole thing.
He was heart broken but gave her another chance.
During our times over the last few weeks that we have spoken by phone or chat...she has cried. She tried to be strong and she tries to be brave...but then she breaks down. This goes for me as well.
There are times where she tells me that SHE NEEDS TO SEE ME THAT SHE NEEDS TO BE WITH ME and there are times where I'm the one telling her that.
Fast-forwarding...my wife and I are now in the process of getting ready to separate. But everyone, all of the counselors and marriage counselors have told us...that we really need to think about this and if we want to continue.
As far as my wife and I...I dunno. I'm supposed to be full of regret and be remorseful and should be lavishing her with love...but I'm not. I'm an just SO ANGRY with her.
When she breaks down and cries uncontrollably...sometimes I don't even care! I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like some days I feel like I love her but that I'm not 'In Love' with her.
Other days I feel like I don't love her and yet still some days I feel like I totally and completely hate her and that we were never meant to be and that I should have never married her.
There are days were my Aqua Girl still wants to meet with me and other days she feels that she needs to do what is right and just work things out with her husband.
So I don't know what to do.
The ONLY reason I decided to give it another try...was because of my kids and I STILL FEEL THAT WAY.
In addition, I'm still just so angry at my wife...I can't even sleep in the same room with her any more.
She asks me to sleep in our bed and I refuse...I choose to sleep on the floor in my sons room than to be with her. I don't understand why this is. I don't understand why I am not in the least bit sorry or guilty.
In one of your previous posts...you said that you didn't see me with my wife or my Aqua Girl in the future...but that you saw me with someone else...someone who has been waiting on the sidelines so to speak.
With all that has happened and all that I have expressed on here...do you have any additional insight or further comments as to what has happened?
My life as I know it has now turned completely upside down and I still don't know what to do.
MJ, this is the situation - you have grown up and changed, in part thanks to these two women, but many of your recent insights were all your own, earned through hard experiences and life lessons. You are now ready to apply the lessons about life and love that you have learnt, you are ready to begin a new life. Now if either of the two women in your life were ready to change and move on, too, then it would be clear which one was to go into the future with you. But both these women are stuck in their old ways and cannot move on. They are still so attached to their old lives. So they will be unable to go with you. Yet that doesn't mean you have to stand still along with them. In fact, you cannot - the old MJ is fading away to be replaced by a newer, wiser person. Even if it moves you have to move on by yourself, you cannot do anything else. I know you are worried about your children but they need to learn a valuable and practical life lesson from you about the difference between hanging on to something which is salvageable, and recognizing and letting go when there is no longer anything left to save.
MJ, you stand at the brink of a completely new life. Rebirth is always fraught with risks like a real physical birth. But it cannot be stopped, for your life has taken on its own momentum - there is no going back for you. If no one else in your life can accept that, then you must go on alone, because going back would be like a death for you, the death of your new improved self. Trust that this is meant to be - we are all of us going through big changes and some will be able to accept it and thrive, and some (like your wife and lover) may be unable to accept the changes and challenges that are necessary for our evolution, and will remain stuck in their unhappy ruts. A new world is upon us and only 'new' people with fresh, brave outlooks will be able to deal with it. And you will not be alone for long - there are like-minded people just waiting for you to emerge from the rut that others have become stuck in.
WOW! There is a lot there for me to think about and consider. So much...so, so much.
As you can imagine, there are so many details that I wasn't able to share...but you get the overall picture.
Captain, you had mentioned that within a year or so, that you didn't see me with either my wife or lover (Aqua Girl), but rather...with a different love interest. One who, as you put it, 'has been waiting in the sidelines'...or something to that affect.
As far as money, well as you know...I was given an ultimatum to quit my job. So now, I'm in the process of looking for a new job.
So finances, are a huge thing right now...as you can imagine.
Part of me feels like I should have never married my wife, like we were not 'meant to be' and that perhaps, that's why, in part...our marriage has struggled so much.
Things are so crazy and upside down right now.
No, you learned a lot of lessons from your marriage, even if they might appear to be negative ones. Sometimes we have to discover what we DON'T want in order to find out what we DO want. You need to follow your gut instincts in this situation - not emotion or even logic. For example, you quit your job because of guilt over your wife and now you are unemployed.
Wow what a beautiful and sad story!! Such a terribly hard situation to be in. I can somewhat relate to this.
More importantly... WHAT HAPPENED???!!