Need advice regarding an Aquarius Woman (I'm a Sagittarius Male)
You had sex last night with her?
so if she wasnt with her husband youd be with her?
would you leave your wife if she left her husband to be with her?
MJ, yes, you and your wife are great together side-by-side fighting against the world and its problems - it's just that you don't get on well face-to-face after things have calmed down. Great allies but poor lovers...The only thing that has held you together for this long is the fact that you have had to unite to solve all the troubles you faced.
The relationship you have with this Aquarian woman is a template for your new approach to love and life. She is an example of what you need - out in the open for you to see. You know know that you want more than just physical chemistry - you want to be close to someone emotionally and intellectually and maybe even spiritually. I feel it is the representation of an ideal match more than the actual woman herself that you really desire. I also feel that about a year from now you will be with your soulmate and she is neither of the women in your life at the moment. She is waiting in the wings while you move away from what you thought you wanted (your wife) towards (and past) what you really need (your lover). This is not your final destination, just a short detour as you sort yourself out of negative childhood conditioning. Neither of the women in the long run is what will fulfill you because you are changing so much and so fast now, and you will see these women in hindsight as simply stepping stones to finding true lasting love.
Sometimes you have to go through the whole library to find that one rare book that you have been seeking.
Also MJ I feel your 'friend' is not all that good a friend to you - she is using you as she has used other lovers to gain the attention she feels is lacking from her husband. I feel she lets him find out about her lovers so as to reignite the interest she feels he is losing in her. They are both game-players who secretly enjoy all this back-and-forth drama - otherwise they wouldn't do it and would simply end the marriage. Don't buy into their games.
Yeah, I've given that some thought as well. I guess like you said...as long as she 'stays with him', I will always be 'on the side'. I guess my whole thing is...IF the day comes, where she does want to end things with him...then what? I would LOVE to be with her.
The more that I think about things, the more I realize that my 'unhappiness' with my wife and whether I end things with her or not...really should have NOTHING to do with the Aquarian girl.
Those two issues really are two completely separate items.
You know, when her husband stumbled up on that note from me...it was a huge thing. That evening when we talked...she asked me what I thought she should do. Whether she should end things with him or not.
At THAT time, I wasn't considering leaving my wife yet. I thought I to could just keep things 'on the side' like her.
I told her that since I wasn't going to leave my wife in the foreseeable future...it would not be fair to her to end her current LIFE with her family...if a future with me was not guaranteed.
I told her that as her lover...I want her to leave him...but as her Best Friend...it was better for her to stay with him as to not rock the boat for her kids.
Now I'm on the other side of things...and it's all so crazy. But little by little, things are starting to clear up and make sense for me. The 'fog' is clearing so-to-speak.
Yes, I did have 'that' with her on Friday night. We had scheduled a time to just hang-out together and it quickly intensified and became much more.
Yes, I would leave my wife to be with her. However, after thinking long and hard about things...I think it would be best for me to leave my wife...REGARDLESS of my Aquarian friend.
In addition to all of this, I think that the 'mess' I find myself in with regard to having to find a new position (within my current employer) or outside the company altogether...is also HIGHLY UNUSUAL.
I did touch on this a few postings ago...but as I had mentioned...this started way long before things began between me and my Aquarian girl. To be more specific, it began over a year ago, WAY before my Aquarian girl and I started 'things' between us.
However, I can't help to think that it is all tied in together somehow.
It's the urge to move on from your old way of life - in all ways. You are becoming more your real self and you are wanting to surround yourself with people, jobs and experiences that are more authentically you.
Have you considered that part of the Aquarian woman's attraction to you might be the fact she knows you are married - and thus a 'safe' part-time lover for her who wouldn't put too much pressure on her to be with him? I'm sorry but I still feel she would not leave her husband for anyone, even if they were single and available. There is a strong tie between them.
To make a balanced objective decision here, you need to pull back your ego that is so attached to this affair by the passion of your encounters are. You love how strongly this woman reacts to you but it is also affecting your judgment of how things really are. I don't feel she means to but she is playing you. Her motives involve upsetting her husband to show that he cares.
Why dont you ask her to move in with you?
That way you will know she is being serious about you and what you have 'together'.
You may be right. I mean, why else would she continue to cheat on him and just not leave him once and for all. When we have discussed this (which we have done MANY times)...she insists that she is not 'unhappy' with him at all. She talks about what a great person he is and how he has been a great Father and a great provider and how he treats her like a queen. She has admitted time and time again, that although she loves him...that she is not 'In love with him'...however...she is also 'happy' with the way things are with him and the family right now.
So if I look at it from that standpoint...there is no real 'motivation' for her to uproot her family and children just to start over with me. It's when I think about these things that I start thinking that yes, she probably won't ever leave him...ever.
However, then I'm faced with the same scenario however with a slight twist. I am NOT happy in my marriage and obviously lack a lot of things that do not exist between my wife and I.
Part of me thinks, that maybe I should just stay married and not 'rock the boat' so-to-speak...and continue to have my Aquarian girl on the side. I mean, she wants to continue to have me 'on the side'...maybe I should do the same.
That seems like something I can live with...but then I start thinking about how I feel 'inside'. I start asking questions like is it really fair to my wife and myself to continue in a marriage where we don't make each other happy? I mean, if she actually found out about the Aquarian girl...it would be over faster than I can pronounce the word 'divorce'.
So I'm faced with a few choices to make, obviously.
1. - Leave my marriage 'as is', continue as I have done so for over a decade with my marriage and also continue to have my 'relationship' with my Aquarian girl as long as she wants to continue as well.
2. - Choose to 'end my marriage' and suffer the consequences that will follow...especially financially speaking and start over. Continue my relations with my Aquarian girl until I meet that special someone that I have been searching for.
It's weird because earlier this past Thursday, my Aquarian friend and I discussed this at length. I told her that I have accepted the fact that we may never have a future together...and if that is the way it is...then so be it. Of course I want us to have a future together...but I cannot just sit and wait and hope that it happens...because it may never happen.
She maintains that whether my Aquarian friend and I ever have something in the future together or not...that I have a right to be happy as well and I shouldn't continue in a marriage where I am not happy.
She already wants to 'help' me with misc., stuff...which turns into her helping me 'financially', which I AM NOT comfortable with...and she knows this. In fact, I hate it.
Even during some of our dates, she insists on paying sometimes...which I really do not like. It turns into one of us, racing for the check before the other one does...so that the other does not have to pay.
So yes, there are so many decisions and realities just 'swirling' inside of me.
However, after going through even some of my earlier posts and everyone's feedback...I now have a total sense of 'peace' about everything.
I feel like no matter what happens...everything is going to work out for the best...it's a 'peace' that I have not felt in such a long time.
For this, I am so...so grateful.
MJ, the only real path to happiness lies in living your own authentic individual life. You have to be true to yourself and your own needs, to be happy and content in order to make anyone else happy. At the moment you seem to be recreating the first relationship you ever knew - the marriage and extra-marital affairs of your parent's relationship. What does the real MJ want? Is anything you have now what you really want deep down inside? You have to connect with your gut feelings to work this out. Your emotional and mental sides are too conflicted by the past and present situations to be objective enough to know what to do.
You want to be loved and have a deep committed connection with someone physically and emotionally - we all do. At the moment you have a deep connection without the commitment (lover) and the commitment without the deep connection (wife). But you deserve to have it all. We all do.
WOW. That is an incredible statement Captain. That last paragraph really hit home with me. I have a lot to think about. So much to think about. MJ
How is it going with the aqua woman, have you had sex with her recently?
Funny you should ask. For whatever reason, she has been THE MOST affectionate and the closest that she has EVER been with me over these past two weeks. It has been absolutely amazing. At times...she was almost 'clingy' a side of her WHICH I HAVE NEVER SEEN and a side that I believe is not the norm with Aquarius women.
Over these past 2 weeks we have been 'meeting up' a lot more, whether for sexual types of encounters or just to enjoy each others company.
Then we had an ULTRA sexual encounter last night. We actually were able to leave work early and spend a good 5 or so hours together at a Hotel...IT WAS AWESOME.
It's weird though. OBVIOUSLY I TOTALLY LOVE ALL OF THIS. But now, I at least have a bit more of a 'balanced' and 'realistic' view of things right now...thanks to folks such as Captain and yourself.
Ironically enough...she has been asking A LOT of questions over these past 2 weeks...concerning 'financial requirements and obligations' and the like...in the event that IF we were to pursue things permanently...how things could be or would be.
These questions range from child custody options, financial responsibilities, location of a new residence and etc.
Mind you, these are questions and discussions that SHE has been initiating...this is not coming from me.
I'm still not going to get my hopes up about anything, but it is still nice to think that there might be a future for us...even if this may never happen or even if it is never meant to be.
I guess what I'm saying is that although I do want us to be permanent...most definitely...I am prepared to 'let her go' should that time come.
It would be interesting to see how she behaves if you became single.
I hope it works out for you both and goodluck.
Thank you both!! Yeah, it's been pretty great yet interesting to say the least. Even over the last 2-3 days...she was really stressing as if she thought that we were both going to IMMEDIATELY end our current marriages and just come together.
She said she was stressing over everything and how it was going to work out and etc. I told her that she just needed to relax. I told her that there wasn't any 'urgency' to make a move and that everything was going to work out.
So finally, just today (earlier in the morning) she finally got out of her 'mind spinning' episode.
I told her, 'Let's just enjoy what we have now and everything will fall into place in its own perfect time'.
She appreciated that and now she's doing better. I mean, she REALLY was freaking out...and I'm not sure why. I mean, OF COURSE I want us to be permanent...no doubt whatsoever...but we need to come up with a plan in order to make this happen...we can't just end everything abruptly...especially with our children in the picture.
So we'll see what this week brings in for us.
I can also honestly say that I am doing SO MUCH BETTER...thanks to everyone on here!!!
The peace that I have now, the perspective I now have about my relationship with my lover and my marriage...everything continues to 'clear up' for me.
The way I see it now, if my Aqua woman and I are 'meant to be'...that would be incredible. If we are not meant to be...so be it. That will hurt if that time comes...but at least I am now well prepared for it (Or at least I would like to think I am...LOL).
WOW!!! What an evening. It's Saturday night after midnight, or I guess it's the first hour of Sunday.
After 2 weeks of very difficult times and argument with my wife...times of animosity and other times of just complete 'I don't care anymore' attitude...I FINALLY did it.
I had my two teenage kids watch my 4-month old baby daughter while my wife and I took a 2-hour walk around a Lake nearby and I told her EVERYTHING...as far as how I felt.
I knew it was going to be excruciating and terrible and horrible...but I did it. I told her how I felt. I told her that I wasn't in love with her any more and how I haven't been in love with her for a very long time.
I told her that I will always 'love her', as the mother of our children and that I don't hate her or have any animosity towards her...but that I didn't want to be married to her any more.
It was crazy, brutal and extremely emotional. At first she took it very 'professionally'...but as time went on...she began to breakdown and display a lot of hurt and anger which is obviously very understandable.
She said that although our marriage has been filled with arguments and strife...that she never stopped being in love with me. So then, to hear that I am no longer in love with her...just totally ripped her heart out. I felt soooo terrible.
But I felt that it needed to be done.
I couldn't continue lying to her and to myself about how I felt. It wasn't fair to either of us. She already suspected something was wrong and she confronted me many times over the last week...how she felt that I was being so distant with her...as if I 'didn't care about her' any more.
So I did it.
Then as soon as we got home...she wanted to tell my kids. I don't think they were too surprised...but they did cry quite a bit.
I can't believe all of this. It almost seems surreal.
She knows that I'm not 'anxious' to rush anything or move-out right away and etc.
In all honesty, there is still SOOO much to figure out financially and logistically.
At the same time, I have no 'expectations' regarding my Aqua girl. I had to do this for 'myself' not for her. Again, all of you that have read 'my story', know how I feel towards my Aqua girl and also know that I want a life with her.
But I'm not worried about that right now. All I know is that I will eventually find someone and be happy, whether it's my Aqua dream girl, or someone else.
Part of me wonders if I did the right thing. With all of this saddness around me...I think to myself...was I just being selfish?? Is it right to just 'throw away' a marriage because I'm not 'happy'?
Then I also think to myself...is it right to continue in a marriage where I'm not happy? Where I'm always cheating on my wife and where I'm not 'in love' with her???
Anyway, lots of stuff is going through my head.
This is all pretty crazy.
You could not continue to live a life that was a lie. Your wife said she still loved you but the way she behaved to you was not love, maybe only her version of it which is very twisted. I think she had just become used to things the way they were. She is now free to find out what real love is - with someone else. You have freed both of you from a prison of falseness and, though it is painful, it had to be done. No one can be happy living an unauthentic life.
Good for you - despite the pain, I'm sure you feel a lot freer.