How does a Gemini Male handles goodbyes? (sorry this is quite long)
This is quite long but let me begin how we started.
I met a Gemini Friend back in September, and we really hit it off. We became friends for only 1 month, then he moved back home. We admitted that we a strong bond or connection and really attracted to each other... so despite of our circumstances and the long distance, we continue to communicate through emails. He prefers emails as he is good at it, and the circumstances we both have is not really agreeing.. It was a roller coaster, as there are somedays I find myself waiting for his emails. At first he was in close contact, I will find 7 emails sitting in my inbox..I got used to it so I became closer to him and find myself emailing every other day or now and then. I find our communication is getting lesser, and realized that he always come out with different reasons why he couldnt respond right away. Since we are friends, I never told him how I feel for not writing back, because it is not his obligation to write me, i feel that I have no right or it is not right to demand for his attention.. I find him so confusing, giving me mixed signal whether he is still interested to be friends with me.. One day, he told me he will close his personal email due to his gf found out our emails, our emails is plainly platonic. I thought that will be the end and we just really need to say goodbye as things isnt right for both of us, but then I received an email (please keep writing to my AKO email, as you are the only positive things in my life, I need you to push me in the right direction.. etc) So I continue to write. He never failed to respond but it will take 4-5 days to respond. what kills me is the waiting part and the mind games. I dont mind the waiting sometimes as I understand people are busy, but when he answered he always leave a question and phrase "hope to hear from you soon." but then when I respond it will take a week or 4 days for him to reply.
Last week, I lost my patience because the last email I received from him was long asking questions about starting a blog and so I spent time writing my thoughts, but then I did not hear anything from him in 2 weeks. So I sent him a goodbye letter, that this is it,( i closed my yahoo, fb, and skype).. I never thought he will reply as I thought he already disappeared, but the next day he responded with my goodbye email and this is what he said:
This is in response to the message you sent on Yahoo and apparently have already closed the account. You are probably correct that we have been saying good bye for some time. Not really by choice but my circumstances are making it difficult to check and reply to messages and frankly the mess that is my personal life right now is putting too much stress on you and on our friendship. Thanks for making the effort to say goodbye, like you I sometimes run and hide versus face a situation. I will honor your request and not write to you HOWEVER I will also say that I can always be reached through this account. If you should ever need me again, no matter when or for whatever reason you can always get a hold of me here and while I may not get the message immediately I will eventually reply. You are a wonderful person and I wish things were different between us. But I agree with your assessment of what is needed right now. While I will miss you I am content to remember what we shared and to remember you as the sweet person you are.
A friend always,
(p.s. If at all possible let me know you got this so I can at least feel we closed out correctly. )
I mean why not just stop right? why will he tell me to keep writing and yet he doesnt response anyways.. So I responded to his email and this is what I said:
"You never stress me with your problems/issues and to be honest, I prefer hearing it. No matter how much you made me feel appreciated, I feel that things are slowly disconnecting and to be honest, I should have get the message, and finally, I did..... Whatever reasons you have, I completely understand... I know people change, priorities, careers, personal life, and (who knows an old friend came back).. I am just kidding. .. People just come and go, and I am used to it... Thank you for the effort of writing me back. I hope that this is the kind of closed out you need, I hope you feel better. So Goodbye, I wish you all the best... :-)"
I dont mean to say Goodbye, but I am tired with the mind games.. I feel like we keep going back and forth. I love him but I just want to be friends with him.. I will admit I miss his sweet emails though, evem talking to him in skype.. But I dont want to be the one initiating the contact.. Do you think he will come back and write me again? without me doing the first contact? How do they handle goodbyes?
patchlove last edited by
Your experience is so very familiar to me that I thought I would write and share my thoughts with you.
Though I never met in person the man I emailed with, we grew to care very much for one another. We had met in a chatroom citing poetry, and we " felt" each other through words.
The man however was married, and had enough integrity to keep our communication on a level that would not compromise his integrity, nor that of his marriage.
I fell deeply in love with this person...and I too would wait long periods of time before hearing from him. He kept his distance, I think, to help both of us, in hindsight.
I too was confused and hurt because I knew he cared.
I reasoned with myself that it was worth going through the pain just to have the opportunity to communicate with him...
After 5 years I finally realized that I was shorting myself of living a happy fulfilled life with someone who could reciprocate the love I had to offer.
I left off communicating with him and I did meet the love of my life and am so very happy.
I emailed him to let him know that I indeed found someone,
Also to thank him for keeping things on a level that did not make me regret my own words in shame; for being committed to his marriage and teaching me that there are men of integrity and strength who can care deeply and yet keep the best for all concerned in the forefront.
I hope this helps.
pfree last edited by
He has a GF??This kind of emotional betrayal unfortunately is common in the computer emails blog/chat world.. We can easily make excuses because nothing "has really happened." I encourage you to look to your yourself and why you are willing to "wait" for his emails and not make it about him. He my be very comfortable letting you "hang unanswered" I'm sorry dear but to me he sounds manipulative trying to keep you in the wings. Your decision to cut the strings was a good one. Put yourself in his girlfriends shoes. My gut tells me there is a lesson to learn for you about personal integrity. Boundaries. When people help us see our capacity to love try to be grateful, thank them internally and move on. Give it to the Universe, it needs it. It deserves it. This push pull is just part of the growing experience, how we learn to make healthier choices.
Good luck dear
Thank you. Our situation is somehow similar. We really felt the connection when he was here but I have to let go as I dont want to feel miserable because of the circumstance between us. I know he cares but the thing is no matter how much we do to keep our connection, there is nothing we can do unless something changed (i.e separated to his GF) Our friendship is very platonic, although at first, he always teased and flirted with me, but as Sagittarius always aiming for the right thing, I tried to fight my feelings for him and always corrected him.
You are right,we have to let go...I am glad you were able to moved on and found the love of your life.
I always tried to do the right thing... And yes I think I made the right decision before I get too attached with him.. Something in my heart tells me it isnt right, but my mind is always over my heart to think and sort things out. I still love him and think of him always.. but i am just going to throw it.
Patchlove, BTW what is your zodiac sign?
I read your post. I do not know how much I will be of help beacuse I dont have any geminis in my life right now and my past experiences didnt end how I liked them too.
What I think is this ( all from personal experience nothing more)
Geminis LOVE mind games! Once the thrill is gone they will water down the "relationship" (friends or whatever) down. As you saw he did.
Thrill is what they want, constant new things, new games, new ideas..
Geminis are all about the mind, like you said he like emails. That is beacuse he is very good with words. You probably found your Gemini man very charming, that its beacuse they mostly are. They are so good with word you might even get lost in what they are saying but seem to be agreeing to them.
Geminis are known to be jacks of all trades but masters of none.
They LOVE to try everything that comes their way and cannot make up their mind on one thing.
I think what he liked was having a gf and the parts he didnt have with he he had with you through emails. Very selfish but thats what they are.
They are not two faced as many say, they just see both sides and can live through both sides and can think both sides. They do tend to sterch the truth but dont intend to lie. They like testing boundaries to see how much they can stretch you. and he did until you said STOP no more. They need someone to put them in their place beacuse they will never do that on their own.
Little children for ever!
as for Geminis coming back? yes they do, when you least expect him he will run to you pretending nothing happened. beacuse, in his mind nothing bad happened.
He probably knows you like him and thats why he tests you to see how much.
One Gemini from my past once came back to me after 4 years!! Like no time past with a text Hey how are you.
In reality I think their chattyness sometimes hides that they dont know how to deal with eamotions. Their showing of emotion is through talking. Is through telling you you are the light in this period of his life. (herd same sentance myself, also he had gf but I was "his light" )
You need to let him go, find a man of your own and yes he will sniff out you have a man but dont let him in any more. What he is doing to you is not fair and should not be continued.
be firm on your Stop and Goodbye even if you dont want the goodbye you need to let him know he cannot play you like a puppet
hope I helped xx
Thanks Fishyone, he told me he needs me to push him in the right direction.. How sweet right?
It seems that all Gemini has the same personality and traits.. I think of him as a great person but at the same time, I cant help myself falling inlove with him... If things are different between us, I guess I will have the patience...
2 guys I dated, one relationship and I still dont know if I could resist a Gemini..
They do all have similar traits, I find them very attractiv but I guess I want them for friends rather than relationship.
I just dont feel like playing games all the time and geminis are like that. They want games all the time just like children, they get bored easily.
Be strong and stay your ground, trust me! more good can come from you being firm then giving in and keep in mind, he has a gf and he would do the same with you if your were together, men and especially gemini wont ever change
In all three I saw similar traits - love to flirt, prone to alcohol and partying.
Mostly the flirting is only fun, they just love to chat up.
Fishyone, thank you for the response, Actually yesterday I have been typing my thoughts for him and I ended up sending in to MY own email address (crazy right?). I never met anyone like him. I mean i have a lot of guy friends, but I never had someone like him who communicates really well in the emails. He could be a writer.
Actually I am not really looking for anything, I just want him as a friend as we are both committed. (nope I am not cheating) I never responded to his flirtations and keep my foot in the ground. As a Sagittarius myself I am very inquisitive, I felt we have the same personality. I never met someone like him who is totally lost with his life and dont know what to do and I am the say way. His emails are mainly platonic as well, with flirting on the side, so we clearly know that we only want friendship. I was always there for him. I guess if I can control myself from falling inlove with him I will stay and just be there when he needed me. But I cant tolerate from being happy one day, then miserable with the next.
You kow what is funny? I am not even sure if I love him as a person or just love the person in the email.
Thank you for your thoughts Fishyone.. By the way what is your zodiac?
I think you "love" the idea of him in the emails I am sure you would think differently of him after some time spent with him. Geminis are very playful and love living like butterflies from flower to flower. Once their main flower starts being the same he switches a bit to another flower but will always crawl back to his main one.
Flirting is in their nature
I am a pisces. Hmm yes pisces and geminis shouldnt really mix is what I was told but I find myself very attracted to them. I feel like I attract geminis like a magnet. Maybe it is my libra (also air) in my acsendant
try and keep away and see how it goes.
from my experience they do come back but you still need to be fimr when he does because that is when he will be most charming
Fishyone. Thanks! you are up early!
When they refer you as one of their "friends" What does it mean? I just find it weird to call him friend.
time difference so it wasnt early here
I was never a "friend" the Geminis i was with it was dating, but if he calls you a friend I think it is because you are both in relationships so it is showing respect.
well techincally he is only a friend if nothing happened between you. Your feelings aside, he is only a friend
yes nothing happened. I think I just find it weird to be friend with him.
patchlove last edited by
I am a Saggitarius, to answer your question.
Friends in this life become so through sharing thoughts and emotions, understanding one another in a connection that forms a lifelong thread between the two.
Some friendships are deeper than others.
Unfortunately, the deeper they are the more vulnerable we are.
Understanding that the relationship between you is friendship and honoring the fact that he has a girlfriend and therefore is unavailable at the moment defines the boundary.
The danger in flirting is that words can be taken to heart when they were never meant to.
Flirtation that involve hints of intimacy is a dangerous game that I don't agree with.
Soon, without even knowing why, we discern a relationship where there was none before.
Remember that playing with fire will get you burned. I would suggest putting distance between you until it cools off.