Relationship issue- please help, I would really appreciate some insight!**

  • Me: 18/09/1990 (only child)

    Him: 22/02/1988 (youngest of 5)

    Casually dating and talking to this guy I met in november. I'm pretty sure he's not ready for commitment as I think he is dating around although he has shown a fair amount of interest in me in that he has stuck around & been in contact since november.. My attraction to him is mainly and very intensely physical (he is very in love with him self and his goodlooks which I find intimidating so I'm pretty sure dating him seriously would do me no good)

    However since the last time I saw him 3 weeks ago (which was also the 1st time i slept with him) he has been in regular contact since. Where as before he would be quite hot & cold. I have made a point of not acting too intense and haven't been trying to chase him as even though his messages are relatively emotional there is no sign of a commitment. I would see him again casually. But ofcourse I am worried true feelings may grow from my side, as I can already see I have become a little obsessed with the thought of him. I have a feeling he feels the same in that it may only be a purely sexual attraction from his side too? Are there any true feelings from his side? Are we compatible at all? Could this go anywhere in the future? I would like some clarity on this.

    He confused me last night in that all of a sudden he got a bit offish with regards to a status update i had which was a little emotional "And all of a sudden it all makes sense..." (I had been coming to some realizations in general) He assumed it was about him ofcourse (being mr vain and all) even though I said it wasn't.

    I know this all sounds VERY childish but have I done something wrong? I feel I should probably leave it up to him now...and not contact first? Do u think it would be best for me to let him go completely? And MOST importantly will he be back in contact?

    I realize my obsession with him has gotten the best of me.. I would dearly appreciate some insight.

    Thanking you in advance,


  • This guy already has a girlfriend (or two) and he gets sex on the side whenever he can. Don't get sucked in or you will get very hurt. He only wants admirers and bedmates as he was deeply hurt by someone he loves - and still loves - who left him.

  • wow that makes alot of sense...he spoke about a girl who he was with for a long time and seemed still very hurt by it... You truly are gifted! 🙂

    Its terrible though that he just uses girls for sex.. He was able to make me feel really special. And seemed to genuinely care... Is he a bad person? I never ever sleep around but I think what led me to him is obviously my 'primal sexual urges' which i was holding back for a long time and of course my intense physical attraction to him.

    Will he be back in touch Captain??

    And if yes, do u think it is possible for me to keep it purely physical knowing that its 'just for fun?' ( I must sound so naive to you)

    Please do let me know your thoughts as this is really bothering me.

    Thankyou for your speedy response- I really do appreciate this very much.


  • ^^^Well he already was back in touch so that answers 1 of my questions.

    Is it completely over between him & the one that left him?

    Are all of what he says really lies?

    I just don't understand how someone can be like that...Its beyond me!

    And I don't really understand why I am so drawn to him as I dislike his charming & over confident personality, I feel awful that I actually like him only for his appearance (possibly because he is perfect on the outside & since Im searching for something I have just picked him). Not sure what that says about myself :s

    Lastly, without sounding completely u think it is possible for me to keep it purely physical fully knowing that its 'just for fun?' or for the mere pleasure of it?


  • He had no real closure with the girl who dumped him. So he will always be attached to her until he gets it. I'm really sorry but when I 'see' the two of you in my mind, he is turned away from you - not ignoring you but like he doesn't know you exist. He is still so focused on the other girl that he only sees her. He looks for partners who remind him of her but when they show that they are not like her, he loses interest. She really screwed him up and over. No, I don't think you can keep it just for fun - I feel in you a desire for more from him.

  • I see...thank you for your honesty... It does hurt a little as I obviously want someone who only has me in his mind, (and heck which chick doesn't! 🙂 )

    Growing up with a father who had a wondering eye has made me see a pattern in that I always feel I have to 'impress' the guys I pick and they have all been of the charming kind. Which is definitely the case with this guy...I guess the best thing for me would be to not see him again...

    I feel I have a lot to give, and really want to attract/meet the right guy! It just takes me so long to find guys I am attracted enough to or just generate interest from my side in general..

    Is there anything I can do or change from on my part to help make this happen? Is there something I'm not doing right?

    I apologize for pestering you with more questions. Thank you for your time x

  • Before you can have a healthy equal relationship with someone compatible, you first have to be clear about who would be good for you and what you want. You have some issues with relationships (because your first relationship with a man, your father, was not a balanced one) that need to be worked through before you should attempt meeting anyone. Like it or not, your father imprinted in you the idea that all men are cheaters - you came to think that was normal and to be expected. So now you have to get rid of that wrong idea so you don't keep attracting the bad guys you have learned to expect. Instead you must expect to meet honest, trustworthy men who want to commit. Repeat this thought over and over until you believe it will happen. You will know it has worked when you attract that kind of good reliable person into your life.

    And stay far away from wounded cheaters.

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