Cancer men... I'm so confused!

  • Thanks Mille

    I really apreciate your advice and you are right but im now in a sitiuation where my head knows moving on is the right thing but my heart has yet to catch up its a constant conflict. I am really glad i joined this forum as you all seem like such nice people and its support and advice like this that gets you through hard times.


    I can totally relate and funny you should say that he is going to medical school as the cancerian male im talking about went to medical school after he did his PHD as it was always his life long dream but he had to quit it when he got unwell with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which still affect his life. I was ready to take all that on his illness as I too have been ill in my life so can understand but like your man i was getting hot and cold messages. I always supported him in whatever he wanted to do and know in my heart he is a good person but what he is giving me right now Isnt enough he isnt putting in the effort i deserve. I am the one now taking space from him trying to sort out my head and he did ring me several times just i couldtnt speak to him as i was hurt and to hear his irish accent i would get sucked in 🙂 and I just want to be objective for a while. sometimes i feel he is pushing me away as not to burden me with his illness so he shuts down and says things he may not be really feeling. Squabull as you are in similar situation to me im sure you head is saying must let it go but its your heart that is holding you back. I have managed to reverse that he is the one wating to talk to me instead of me waiting to talk to him so lets see what happens. if he lets go easily then i have my answer. good luck and let me know how it goes. I will update here. take care.

  • Hello Na Dia,

    Yours was not a unique experience. Though i have no clue as to your age, I would think you were younger, when we are younger we tend to not have a true clear picture as to what we are looking for in a relationship. It's all part of growing up. Your guy, I'm sorry to say seems like a typical cancermanbaby...He too must be young. Cancer men are supreme manipulators, don't allow him to believe he's got you. It's not totally intentional, craving the attention, and fearing the intimacy this is how he can best deal with the reality that you have feelings for him, and he truly has probably no idea of how to convey his emotions above those of physicality. There's more to a relationship than the physical (most worthwhile ones anyway) and right now that's all he can handle.

    Clearly, you want more. And while he may someday be ready... right now it ain't happenin'!

    You sound like a person not without a support system or resources... use them to widen your circle of acquaintances, and find some people who are at the same maturity level as yourself. Babysitting is no fun.. and reaps no benefits.

    Unless you are willing to wait... let this man grow up, keep the friendship, but keep it controlled, and distant...and if it is to be, he will grow and someday be ready for you...

    'Till then, press on girl, 'cause one monkey don't stop no show.. and life it too short...

    Hope any of that helps you... glad to be of service... always remember... there is no limit to the possibilities out there... you just have to be open to accepting the realities!!

    PEACE...R ( and I'm flattered you ask for my specific response.. thanks for the validation)

  • hi July4thBaby

    after i posted the last entry i actually erased his number cuz i know i would prob txt him again, and actually felt better..

    im gonna bak away and do my 21 and hes around 22or23,..but i would think if a cancer man wants you he will try his best to get you..right?and if he wants you to be there mate forever, u all have like a sixth sense of knowing

    i do have to add that he's ex cheated on him when he was about to purpose, they been going out since high, this happen like 3yrs ago..and they still hang but because she goes and knows all his friends and what not, but after a year or two they left each other he went out with a girl,..but that was the last one! when he rejected me, he made me think i wasnt worth it.

  • Yes we really are that sensitive... we want to be adored without any competition. we feel like if a girl doesnt want us bad enough to brush aside everyother guy then she probably doesn't hold us in very high esteem. I guess that why us Cancer men carry that shell around on our backs.

    we are easily hurt if we feel like we are being taken for granted

  • Of course he is hurt. Cancer are the most with the exception of maybe picses who is emotional and they get so easily hurt even if they perceive being wronged. I really think if you want to keep this guy you will have to tell him you are so sorry and how wrong you were ot post those pictures. You threw him for aloop because you told him how you felt then went to Vegas and wham( you in his mind) forgot about him and he feels so wounded. i KNOW IT FEELS ALMOST JUVENILE BUT IF YOU THINK HE WILL COME BACK DON'T COUNT ON IT. He has a shell and if he hurts he will pull away . To him you promised to love him and it takes time but he loved you so much and would have told you maybe not as soon as you wanted. Sag you are too mutuable and he senses this because you left him and went to ahve fun without even considering his feeling (Judi) .

  • Hi mstarx....LOL this is so funny I'm too a Sagi and it sounds like we've hooked up with the same chance he wouldn't be living in Raytown, MO and drives a truck would he???? Hope to hear from you soon.....


  • my comment to them being hurt is they bring on this hurt themselves.....Watch their ACTIONS and DON'T believe their words....they sure in the Hell don't match their actions....I've made a choice to go by his actions from here on out he made his bed and now he can lie in it....and this he has done time and time hope this helps you a little bit. I know for me I'm more worthy of being treated better then this....if they want to play their little game then they can play by themselves I'm not playing the game of love it only breaks your heart and not his......

  • I've been very faithful and considerate for over 2 yrs now it's like a one way street with him I'm doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking....another words he's having his cake and eating it's not worth it to me when 2 souls come together they forgive others just plain and simple. If your cancer is wanting to be secure then he needs to give this to us as well...hiding in his shell is just an excuse for him to do what he wants to....he causes himself his own hurt. Mine has been cheated on by his ex and I have never even crossed my mind to do such a thing, when I'm committed that is what I am. Like I said they are smooth talkers but their ACTIONS tell a whole different story....they can talk the walk but they sure can't walk the talk.... wish you all the best but this isn't the kind of relationship or man I want to be's DRAMA all the time....

  • If you listen closely... they really aren't talking the talk. They're telling you what they think you will hear...

    Get close enough and they WILL talk the talk... it just such a hard journey...

  • You are right on, 4th. He tells me to leave and i get so dejected. My aquarian moon can seem cold and aloof so that he thinks that I don't care about him.

    He told me to lookk for a place to move tis morning; then, called & said he's going to talk to me tonight sensibly about what is bothering him. He said I'll probably deny what he views as my shortcomings.

    I will do my best not to withdraw and realize that he is trying to help me see the big picture. He wants to map my life because he feels that i'm lost & can not do it myself. I need to remember that he DOES love me or he wouldn't even bother helping me.

    We are both very idealistic and have unrealistic expectations about how love should be demonstrated to us. We don't always get what we want, but we get what we need, as the Rollling Stones song goes:)

  • I find this very surprising, but I just did a natal birth report on my Cancer guy and my Gemini ex whom I loved very much, and to my surprising they were both exactly alike From Moon to Ascending sign...THE EXACT ONES! But my Cancer guy rejects me, I am so confused.

  • uuuggghhh! so sorry that your blog didn't ping my email. can't figure out how to get it to do that!

    I need more details to give precise feedback so here is a few scenarios, fit yourself in one or a few or none. Is the first time u have reacted this way to a man turning away, and I realize he has possibly acted like he still was leading you on, this fairly aggressive pursuit of him? No matter where you fall, though, goodness, you have to ask yourself, is this normal behavior for u? would u normally pursue someone who has given you, albeit cloudy, indication he is closing the door? if u were a man, and this is hard to hear, a woman might call it stalking!

    THIS IS HARD ADVICE but you have to step away. your judgment is clouded. and ...a few possibles:

    • u may have just, as I said before, met someone u have strong past life experience with. but clearly he is not ready for a connection now. Your agenda to find closure is lost on him. you need to find it in yourself. you need to try to understand what is driving your, dare I say, slightly obsessive continuation to try to contact him.

    • and if this is the way you have reacted after every relationship or if this is your first relationship and you are reacting this way, I recommend you find a person in your life you trust 1000% and be completely honest and tell them what's happening. If you don't have someone, consider some form of counseling, even group. you need to nip this personal focus and behavior in the bud now because you are crossing a line.

    • gotta tell you he is the norm for single men. they SUCK at breaking things off. either because they want to keep an iron in the fire or they are weak and unable to be honest. it's easier to lie and avoid you than to tell you the truth. he figures you'll give up eventually and either way, he is leaving an ambiguous state that if he were so inclined, he might be able to creep back into more easily then if he were honest and ended it.

    • I swear, sounds stupid, but I am 47, happy in a 5 year married relationship now, I learned this lesson I am telling you 25 years ago, and I still felt like I learned something when I watched the silly movie, "He's just not that into you.". It's silly, and admittedly has fantasy woven in, but provides situations that are REAL from both the male and female perspective.

    • Example- Do you know I once had a man who was a highschool crush-acqauintance, 15 years later, totally connect with me one night, ask for my number, and not call for a week. His sister called with some crazy excuse to get me to come along to a group going to a hockey game, "he was on his boat, could'nt call himself", whatever. I told her I would only come if he picked me up. Poor guy, thought I was kind of odd, picked me up, we were having a good time, started to talk alone and I found out he told his sister about me but he wouldn't have called, he had no idea I thought it was a date! I asked "why'd you ask for my phone number?" he said because "I should have! we had a great time connecting, you expected it, I didn't want to let you down!"

    • What horse poo. i feel a little bad for guys at times but that's crap. not what I want either! I want strong and direct. communicates truth not an illusion. Can you imagine dating or marrying that!?

    The best advice is, and this applies, rarely during, mostly AFTER college, if he wants to get together with you he will. He'll be around if he's shy and can't ask. If shy doesn't turn you off, you'll notice him.

    And just because he pursues, doesn't mean he's important to your life. Guys have a much simpler criteria for connection. and they will say what they think u want to hear to reel u in. and young men that have charisma and use it to do this, many times they haven't developed as caring humans. and then can't figure out how to end it once they've got u. The "Rah, rah" man world even tells them this shitty easy way out behavior is okay and accepted.

    • Another possibility is he could have just not been ready for someone like you. I have no idea ur age but ur either young or dating in a social environment where guys are able to stay shallow and not be judged as so by their peers like in a clubbing circuit. and he had to bail and does'nt have the courage to hurt u. he might feel bad too.

    • Another hard thing to consider is, if you are some how new at this, you must ask if you in any way, misjudged his words and actions... Made ur own "story" out of the facts. Reviewing the complete history, from day one, like you are a forensic detective, just the facts mam, is a healthy exercise for this situation. Did u ever doubt his sincerity or his depth of feelings and ignore it early on? I had a first marriage like that! Was afraid of being alone, ignored some signs and made a mistake that was very painful but a good learning experience in the long run.

    But truthfully, men will tell you this final fact and women who have been around a while will as well, contacting and continuing to contact a man who is avoiding your contact, for any reason, is the WORST possible thing to do if u ever want to have dialog with them again. It is horrible because it makes them try harder to run away and it is horrible because you will feel rejected which degrades you. Even worse, if you corner him, which is the only way you will get him to talk it out, you will not have control of ur emotions. You won't say what really needs to be said. you'll be sad and give him way more self importance than he deserves.

    The best way to ever get closure through conversation is to MOVE ON. Have the conversation in your head and be honest with yourself. 1000 times if need be. Until u find the basis for why you might have SETTLED FOR HIM, this guy who from an outsider seems a non-committal, head games-playing, immature guy. Either so unsure of himself he cannot help but string you along or a player. UUUGH,.. u want either? Get that on your table instead of why he left. Don't hate him, see him for what he is, not for you. Not the right guy, not a good fit for you. There is the possibility he was a jerk, but not the devil's incarnate and an evil being to dwell on and waste time in your head.

    Maybe one day you'll see him out, and you'll be OVER HIM. And who knows? But hopefully you won't be swept by him again, let him take control over your inhibitions, YOU'll be in complete control. And if he was just a jerk, like it sounds like he was, he'll either be mean and run or be attracted to your self confidence. And you will turn away and laugh if he runs, or tell him you don't trust him and your not interested if he pursues! and you'll feel the power of you! But also likely you won't see him and then who cares? That's been my experience anyway. I finally see him and then I really see him and don't need any conversation what so ever! Smile and say I wish him well!

    The moment you find your own power source, your own worth, and decide that you are worthy of complete love and support, even in some cases, like mine, you might decide that alone and lonely at times is better than a bad relationship and remove the "looking for him" for a while altogether, you will find inner happiness and maybe even a soul mate or a good friend and lover.

  • remember this, true love is mutual. the moon and stars can't provide a scientific match, just give insight to their personality traits which you may be attracted to. but even that varies wildly with maturity and if u believe in past lives, true maturity is based of number of times on the planet. and even those truly close to completing their evolution of self may not be the best partners. Look at Ghandi, the Dali Lama, would suck to be their soul mate! As soon as you accept the journey and put your path in the hands of being the best person u can be with what you are driven to accomplish, either partners will somehow be in your path or you'll be happier alone. the tricky part being knowing when to include people in your journey.

  • lastly july4th, you are young. and ahead of your peers in self awareness. you are feeling depth that many girls aren't capable of yet and DEFINITELY the majority of guys aren't. take that passion and fall in love with yourself! wow, what you can accomplish if you show yourself the same depth of understanding a patience. and surround yourself with honest friends that are loyal, will always have your back, but will be understanding, love you and be a good support in your path of exploration. Have faith, Sagittarius women are fierce individuals when they find themselves! And draw extraordinary men to their sides!

  • I cant believe what I'm reading !!!!!! I've been with a cancer man(I'm a Gem), for 10 years off and on....simply because he can't make up his mind if he want's to be with me or not . Everything you all are posting is exactly what I have seen and been going through. The wisest thing I've read was, dont listen to their their actions. I have felt like a Yo-Yo for so long now, and have wanted to give up this relationship so many times, but this guy has my heart and I cant seem to let him go. I thought he was just a psycopath, because of how he was and acted.....maybe it's just the cancer thing.

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  • that comment was right on the money beware i no from experiance be aware of self and dont jump with really noing they arent want they make themselves out to be especially if you are a virgo

  • okay i gonna let it be at this point just walk slowly and keep your eyes wide open hae your tarot cards read often

  • Janele,

    I would like to hear more about your opinion.

    Is it ok if i send you e-mail?

  • Just updating

    My Canceran guy did phone today just like he said he would after I told him I needed space as things got very stressful and tense between us and there was alot of hurt and anger. I had not spoken to him since August 3rd. I didnt know if should take the call as I had been hurting alot but i decided to take it . some one on here said to me speak to him and feel in his voice if he is sincere. the first thing he said to me was how it was nice to hear my voice again after all this time. I have to admit that was nice, he kept asking me how i was I told him everything was fine i made out that everything was perfect when in fact I have been hurting and crying because I care so much about him but I dont want him to know that i have been crying as he says to me im so emotional my response to him is that im a woman its normal. we chatted a while and i ended the call telilng him I would speak to him soon and to take care. it was a light hearted call and I avoided any attempt to discuss wth him what happend between us before our time out from each other. as its to painful for me even though he did try i avoided it as I didnt want to lose my control if he ddint feel for me like he says he does why hasnt taken the first opportunity to leave as it would have been perfect timing for anyone who says they dont feel for you the same way you do/ when you have a brkdown . but like clockwork he phoned exactly when he says he wouldl i feel he isnt tellling me the truth about his feelings for me as when i ignored his calls last week he kept phoning and phoning till i told him to give me a bit ot time leading us to today call. do I keep my distance and observe what he does then decide what is the best action to take. i really dont know what to do.

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