Captain, if you have time
please accept my apologies for posting in the wrong thread.
I am having a hard time with work at the moment, I'm finding it hard to make sense of everything. I trained to be a scientist but just over a year ago I took a job in sales as there was very little out there and I needed a job. I decided to make the most of it and through myself into the work and tried my hardest to impress, however this was to the detriment of PhD thesis which after 2 years of writing still isn't finished!
Before Christmas I was sent to France on a training program, when i got there my "hotel" was closed and I was stranded in an industrial estate on the outskirts of Paris, and couldn't get a taxi for love nor money to take me into the town. I eventually got home the next day but I was badly shaken and annoyed at myself for missing the training. Anyway they sent me back to France the other week and I don't know whether it was because of the last trip or something deeper but I had a massive panic attack and had to return home.
Since then I've dreaded coming into work, don't get me wrong my bosses have been very good to me but office work is not what i trained for. I thought if i tried hard enough I could make the best of an un-ideal situation but maybe i'm just not strong enough for sales if i can't travel alone.
To be honest I moved away from scientific research partly because of the job market but mostly because I didn't feel i was good enough at it, I am very slow and meticulous and that isn't good when you have deadlines. But at the same time I miss my old life badly, I miss the lab and miss the science. I thought if i sold scientific equipment it would be close enough but its not,
I really don't know what to do, I'm waking up every morning dreading work then crying on my way home, I know that's dramatic and silly, there are far worse problems to have, I just feel so trapped and scared that I've messed up and that I'll never be strong enough to do what I want to do!
sorry for garbling, I'd appreciate any insight you can gove
Rosey, I am getting a feeling from you that you don't enjoy being out in the world mixing with people - especially strangers - and that scientific research suits you because it is more isolated and less stressful when it comes to human relationships and life in general. Certainly then, sales would not be your forte, though it was a good challenge and lesson for you. I feel you need to feel safe and secure in whatever you do and who you do it with. If you can identify just what it is in a career that would tick all your boxes, you will find professional happiness. If you can do the same in your love life, then you will find romantic bliss. I just feel you don't know yourself well enough to know what or who really suits you, that maybe the reason you are attracted to jobs and people is not the real reason you like them.
But I can help you with that. If you give me your birthdate, I will try to analyse where you can make changes or resolve issues to ensure more peace and delight in your life. We will work together on this - you are not alone.
thank you for replying. yes you are right i can be quite shy and have been from a young age but it is something i have worked hard on. I am generally an anxious person but the joy i once had with my job came from working with and meeting new people. but perhaps the joy really was from the satisfaction i got knowing that i could do this?
romantically i am engaged to the most wonderful man he brings me so much happiness and is about the only person who can calm my anxieties lol.
science is something i have always loved but i wonder now if i psyched myself out of perusing a research career because i didn't fell i was as good as my peers. perhaps now i am doing the same thing with sales?! that is the real problem i take a bad knock and my confidence just goes so i want to run away!
thank you so much for taking time to help me Captain
my birth date is October 7th 1983
Rosey, according to your astrological and numerological profile, in this lifetime you are called to open yourself to ordinary experience and the lessons it has to offer. Your destiny is to find yourself in the small things of life. Ambitious and larger-than-life, you can become so preoccupied with your goals and mythic ways of living that often you never become acquainted with yourself. Scaling back, opening up, and experiencing life on a more basic level will teach you everything you need to know. It may not be so easy for you to live the simple life since everything you touch tends to take on a fantastic aspect. Keeping romanticism at a minimum, tempering a certain snobbery or superiority, and getting your hands dirty as you join ordinary mortals in the business of living are your goals on this life path. As you experience life on its own terms, you will begin to know who and what you are and your experience of living will deepen in a wholly wonderful way. Your core lesson is to be open to a variety of experiences, no matter how small, and to release the identification with your image and any egotistical, insecure or unaware attitudes. Make your goal to redefine who you are and to use your gifts of warmth, generosity, and aspiration.
In this lifetime you may have to learn the lesson, and thus the value, of separating yourself from a well-entrenched family, social network, or professional organization, if only to gain the necessary time to embark on a voyage of self-discovery. Though well-equipped to meet the higher challenge implied here, you will nonetheless struggle when it comes to getting acquainted with your own deeper needs. In fact, there are many people with your profile who will be content with their measure of worldly power, and are not much interested in seeking out abstractions like the meaning of life. Still, there is the prospect of great success here, and if you follow your more social instincts as a means to gain greater experience of the world, and at the same time use periods of solitude to gain a greater understanding of yourself, you will make amazing progress along your life's journey. You have come here to combine your creative energy with higher principles and integrity, finding ways to apply your creativity in the service of others, aligned with higher wisdom. You are also here to learn the value of having a good reputation, how to fit into society, how to be responsible for your actions, and how to be useful and keep your integrity in the external world. In past lifetimes you were very comfortable and secure within the home environment. In this existence, you need to overcome a dependency on home and mother, plus a fear of being misunderstood or not taken seriously on every level, and go out into the world to become a valuable member of society. Your challenge is to not see yourself through the eyes of others. Your fulfillment will come through reaquainting yourself with who you are through more solitary and spiritual experiences.
What you really want is to be free to pursue Truth, have adventures, be spontaneous, and be right 100% of the time. You want to speak completely from your Truth and your intuitive processes, and to have everyone understand you, learn from you, and appreciate your help. But since it's impossible to be right all the time, you never feel good about yourself. When you argue and try to convince others that you are right, other people don't want to connect with you. To attain your goal, you must stop focusing on 'your truth' and insecurities and problems, and start focusing on the people around you. You need to listen to - and understand - the information that others share about their lives. When you listen in this way, you will be granted the perspective that the other person needs from you. And because this information then accurately addresses their problems, it will be gratefully accepted.
This way of listening to others can translate into a career path too. A new way of focusing on others can improve the work you do in sales because you will then be able to see what the other person needs from you. Writing, teaching, and communicating in all forms can bring you happiness as well as material success when you relate to others in this manner. In this lifetime you are here to teach your fellow human beings the value of communication. You have the ability to understand the importance of the spoken and written word, and one of your responsibilities in this incarnation is to keep information circulating. You have the natural ability to say the right thing at the right time when you are focused on others, and you can talk to them about anything. The information that you share with others has the ability to change the direction of their lives, thus making you a natural teacher or storyteller. With gifts in the areas of philosophy and religion, and an innate awareness of ethics and morality, you can use your spiritual and intuitive nature to understand others' thinking without losing your own Truth. You can use your natural talents to deeply connect with others on a day-to-day basis. You may even choose not to master any one thing in this lifetime but to delve into many areas of experience in order to teach others the value of expanding their choices and directions, and broadening their minds. You can help people realize that there are more horizons and perspectives than they might see - to stop, look and listen and investigate all their options before settling too firmly in one place, to make more educated decisions.
By virtue of your creativity and powerful energy field/presence, you have within you the archetype and inspiration of the inventor, the artist, the athlete, and the leader. A natural networker who will enjoy many contacts when working in the positive, you can represent the paradox of a strong individualist who is also here to serve the larger good of the community. As your creative energy flows, so will your abundance and wealth. Security is important to you and when you step forth and express your creativity in positive ways that not only benefit you but others, you will do very well financially. When not working in the positive, you can demonstrate and experience down-in-the-dumps feelings of insecurity and lack. Money is really just a way of keeping tabs on how your energy is flowing. As long as you focus on creative service, abundance will come naturally to you.
firstly sorry for the late reply it has been a very busy week for me and my heads been all over the place.
Secondly thank you very much for your analysis. my heads been that fuzzy this week i've had to read it over a few times but there are some things that have jumped out at me.
so preoccupied with your goals and mythic ways of living that often you never become acquainted with yourself
this is very true at the moment I've been so focused on trying to impress in work and do things i think others expect of me, that i forget to listen to myself (like travelling back to france when i knew i was still shaken from the first time).
a fear of being misunderstood or not taken seriously on every level,
This is a constant fear i have and i suspect is what leads me to do the below and feel the need to argue/explain my actions constantly
since it's impossible to be right all the time, you never feel good about yourself. When you argue and try to convince others that you are right, other people don't want to connect with you. To attain your goal, you must stop focusing on 'your truth' and insecurities and problems, and start focusing on the people around you.
You have the natural ability to say the right thing at the right time when you are focused on others, and you can talk to them about anything
I have been told that this is true and i must admit this is when i feel the most comfortable when i can do something that benefits others
You may even choose not to master any one thing in this lifetime but to delve into many areas of experience
again this is true, throughout my education and working life i've always found that i could turn my hand to anything but i never excelled or showed a real talent for any one area.
When not working in the positive, you can demonstrate and experience down-in-the-dumps feelings of insecurity and lack.
This is the main issue i have at the moment. i have been very down in the dumps especially with work and i feel my confidence and more so self esteem is very low.
what i gather form your analysis is that at the moment i need to stop trying to impress but focus on the simpler things and focus on others and not my blues so to speak.
is this correct?
thank you again captain!
Absolutely - in any interaction with others, instead of worrying about what sort of impression you are making, it will be much easier on you and will impress the other person much more if you focus on them and what they are saying to you.