Cancer male - huge fight with Virgo
Sorry it's another Cancer topic! I'm Virgo and have been seeing a great Cancerain male for a few months - until two weeks ago when we had a huge fight. It was my fault - although I had my reasons - and I humiliated him (in his eyes) in front of his family and friends. I'm very, very ashamed of it.
I've seen him once since then - to apologise, we had a quick drink and I left. His parting words were he couldn't choose his friends over me. I said I would never expect him to. We texted each other later to say we missed each other - but thats it. He won't reply to my texts and I've heard nothing else.
I really miss him. I know Cancerians feel things very deeply - do you have any advice about whether I should hold my breath - or do you think he's gone for good? Thanks for your advice.
Hello, I'm new to the forum,
i am still finding my way around around the threads ~~ but i found your post here, & read your situation~ yes a delicate matter of the woundedHeart~ basically that is all that it is ~ & your Cancer Friend will recover~ It may take a while ~ for Cancers are that sensitive ~ & Yes highlt emotional ~ it's a double negative Actually~ to have such strong emotions ~ & then fit them in any one type of relationship ~ hard for the Cancer child to adjust It's harder if that Cancer child has Mercury as his / her Ruling Planet ~ making life that much more complex~
I don't know what else to say, other than the Cancerians people are extremely kind & loving smart & intuitive to all thingsaround them, especially people~
I would take time with your friend , since this past circumstance,
once you can recapture the his love & trust ~ there will be a bond so strong ~ hard to break ~~
i pray & hope with what i shared will resonates & make some sense to you, ~~~Feel better soon
loooking forward to be reading more of yur posts...
Thank you very much for your reply - am new here as well. What you said was reassuring, and I'll try to keep it in mind. I miss him so much and feel terrible about the whole thing. One more thing - as a Virgo I find it really hard to have 'unfinished business' and am telling myself its def over because to me no contact for a week means I don't want to know. I've heard that Canceraians can withdraw for long periods of time - perhaps I'll just assume its that?
OK, I am a cancer female, so perhaps what I say is not completely spot on since I bring a female perspective to this whole thing...However, I would first like to say, good on you for realizing that you were at fault (most people of whatever sign do not take that sort of responsibility, so kudos...). Secondly, yes, we Cancerians DO feel things quite deeply, and we are quick to both "snap our claws" at any sort of perceived threat and to then scuttle smartly into our shells, so to speak. Most people see this as us just having ourselves a good sulk but the fact is that it hurts us deeply to have "snapped the claws" at you, especially if you are someone we care about as, it seems to me, your "Crab" cares for you. As a Virgo, I know that this all just seems extremely bewildering: God bless you, you guys take a much ore "intellectual" view of things so this disappearing act of your boyfriend's must just seem a little nuts. What you need to remember is that we Cancerians look upon everyone we care about-even mildly-as family. Even at work, we are unhappy if we do not feel "connected" to our co-workers. I have known Cancerians who have quit good jobs because they did not get on with the other people in their office. Not that we don't give it our all, you understand, and your boyfriend will think long and hard before leaving this relationship for good, but though we do need "mental stimulation", the make or break of any sort of relationship for us comes down to the "connection"...the feelings....
I does not surprise me in the least (though I am sure you were shocked) that your boyfriend would come out with this "absurd" (to anyone outside his own brain) notion that you were expecting him to choose between you and his friends, or even that he thought you were out to humiliate him in front of them! Actually, in a weird and, yes, perverse way, his "panic"was likely a good indication of just how important you have become to him and it seems to me that it took him just as much by surprise! I mean, think about it, two (or more) beloved "family members" are at odds with each other in his eyes...For a Cancerian, you might as well be asking him to tell you which child he loves best! I am not sure how the "humiliation" played out exactly, but it would not at all surprise me that it was some off hand remark you made that he interpreted as a challenge to how much he loved you or his friends...Be that as it may, remember that it all very likely comes back to emotions and very likely the sort of emotions that a loyal family member feels to "his family"
As for him disapearing...well, a lot of that has to do with him being incredibly confused...I mean, besides the whole snapping of claws thing, you've got the realization that you can get to him more than he knew. It's not that that is a bad thing in his mind,it's just shocking, if you see what I mean, and incredibly scary for him because if there is one thig we absolutely do NOT want it is to be hurt, or for people we care about to be hurt. And you can hurt him. I know what you are saying...You are saying "Well, no st, Sherlock! welcome to that thing we call relationships!" I know. HE knows. But he is being wary. If you really want him to not "fade to black", so to speak, you must coax him out of the dned shell. I know that to the Virgo mind, this all seems just too meoldramatic for words but please continue to text him and email him and so on. Nothing heavy, of course, he is a man, after all...Just in a way to let him know that you really do care about him and you really did not realize that you had hurt him as much as you apparently have and that you realize that you must be gentle with his heart...Aghain, not in those words, of course, because hey, man...and any man will likely go screaming off into the night with those words! :):):) But you understand what I am saying. Not to sound harsh towards him but if he really does not want you any more, well, it's up to him to be a man and tell you that. Frankly, the whole not answering you is a good sign in termsof you guys staying together....
A "heads up" for the future: Do not be surprised if he goes through periods of wanting to be alone...It's not that he does not love you etc...It really is that he needs time alone...We tend to put a lot of energy into others and, indeed "the world", if you see what I mean...The "batteries" tend to blow out,if you see what I mean...The reason why I tell you this is because we have a hard time admitting that we need to take care of ourselves, many of us, and so we will "create" ways for you guys to not want to be around us; The whole stereotype of the "crabby crab" is, I am convinced, based on this. Most of my female Cancerian aquaintances, have learned to just be up front with their friends and loved ones and "decalre a vacation". Like and email that says "Hey guys, don't be surprised if you don't hear from me in the next couple of weeks,I need time to recharge..."But the guys often have a harder time with this and so they just get mean or insufferable or just plain ANNOYING so that their girlfriends are the ones to say "hey, give me a call when you have had a civil toungue restored to your mouth, until then, see 'ya wouldn't want to be 'ya!" Actually, a lotof my non Cancerian friends ave taken up this "declaring a vaction" and say they feel much happier because of it.
In short, therefore, my "take" on this is not to worry because with a little coaxing and making him feel he can trust you, I think your guy will be back in no time.
Walk in Beauty, BOTH of you,
Thank you Maygoodcometous for taking the time to write such a detailed helpful reply. I'm going to re-read it a couple of times.
I'll let you know what, if anything happens. It was especially helpful that you said continue to text him - I have sent a couple to say more or less whatyou said - and I really didn't know if I was doing the right thing, maybe dignified silence to leave him to come to me would be better etc. But I'll follow your advice. Thanks again x
Hi, You really didn't mention what the fight was about or what it was that made you so upset. Maybe you should think about that. I guess the fact that you apologized means your willing to forgive and forget. If there was any validity to what made you feel bad, it seems he doesn't recognize it. Is he isolating you. Might want to think about that. He may not care enough to consider YOUR feelings. Maybe this is what made you so upset in the first place.
I was married to a Cancer and certainly don't want to categorize anyone but that was the scenario w/me. It was always HIM. Of course it was ok when I played my part the way I was supposed to. Friends mean a lot to the Cancer I know. Family too. There wasn't a whole lot of balance w/my situation.
My advice is to think of why you got mad, what made you get to the point of busting-out etc. Do you like the feeling of isolation. Then think of what is best for you. Love carries many emotions. Given time he may v ery likely come around. I would talk w/him. See what happens. But don't forget about what is RIGHT for you.
im a cancer and i dissapear from people too.
also i have a virgo girlfreind.
but unlike what this aquarius said, that "the cancer wont consider your emotions"
(personaly i dont know what an aquairius was doing with a cancer to begin with....)
at times in disapearing, a cancer might want to appear to let you know not to be sad, that the point of his or her dissapearing is not to make you upset, but if the cancer will not reapear to do so it is becasue in his or her assesment of his or her emotions he or she has come to the conlusion that his or her emotions must, in this instance of disappearing, come first, for they rarely do otherwise.
i mean, its not easy for us cancers to sit back and let another person hurt becasue of us, and even to let another person go hurting hurts us as well(it hurts us to not nurture) but if the cancer has chosen not to nurture and then dissapears, it is becasue the cancer has decided, well... to let his or herself forget. i mean, i want you to understand that this dissapearing act is a time of much grief for the cancer. but this is what a cancer does. by dissapearing, by detatching himslef he is proving to himslef that he is disciplined. the cancer will willfully subject himself to the pain of not nurturing both yours and his emotions to discipline his mind. this is the decison he has come to becasue the emotion he fealt was too great, and much unbalancing between the mind and soul, so he must detatch from those emotions, no matter how it hurts to do so. it is a great time of spiritual growth, but first he must walk through a great desert of discipline.
my advice as a cancer who disapears from people too, is dissapear yourself for a few more months, dont be afraid of anything!!!! and then after a period of a few moths, maybe a good healthy half a year or so, you can find him again and it will be just like brand new, if u still want it.
so really dont be afraid of time, becasue for a cancer, time works on your side. and no matter what you do dont mess it uP! dont appear in his life premmaturely! you yourself, let youself escape into mytsicism and you will retain yourslef in his mind but if not, like say for instance you text him, thats gonna turn out to be not good for you at all. so go live your life for 6 months or so, have fun and BE HAPPY, and if you are still interetwsted he will be too.
dear virgo abroad...lemme introduce myself...i am virgo female who is head over heels in love with a cancerian male....
read your post and really wanted to let you know that it sounded so much like some of the situations i had been through before...a cancerian male is sweetness personified and they make you feel extreme secure and comfortable. Home with them is a bliss, however, some may take to socialising a lot! Again, they may be busy during the day but will never forget to call home to make sure their family or friends are safe and doing alright. They will invariably come back to their shells (home) at the end-of-day...my advise to you would be...do not worry too much about his friends...for him, they are extended family.....u have to learn to live with that if u want to continue your relationship with him.....
now...cancerians can easily get hurt when you insult them like that andi totally understand it is like our second skin to critisise someone absolutely unintentionally; however, it really hurts a cancerian as they are very sensitive to our words and actions...to stay wihtout talking for a week after a fight is nothing at all for them, and trust me, he will definitely come back to you shortly...just give him a few more days time....let him know in your own small ways how much he means to you....like sendin him an sms saying you have missed him a lot in the last one week (keeping aside your ego, ofcourse).....
finally, canceraians are very giving, kind and adorable people....don't miss him....so all that is possible do get him back...
Thanks all of you for your advice - really do appreciate it. But now I'm more confused - Cancerstar is saying leave him alone - virgoperspective is asying send the odd text...don't know what to do for the best...
I wish to make a short comment ~ there is a simply solution regarding Cancerstars~~
to all dating - married or simply befriending a Cancerstar person
That once you have their heart! and thay have your trust & goodness~ they will forever be your friend- partner- lover- soul mate-
If at any time, there is a dispute `arguement- disagreement- dishonesty- betrayal- thatis the end of that relationship/ marriage~ might as well walk away & seek another~ that is the Ways of A Cancer Star child- HARSH~ BUT ~but - it - is - what - it - is ~
oooooooh B T W ~~ LOL I'm a Cancerstar child ~~ married to a wonderful Stubborn Taurus Male~ who never Gave up on me ~ xoxoxo
Dear Virgo.I am intrigued at why a Virgo would show herself - and her boyfriend up? Cancerians have a very strong sense of propriety which you must have upset. Are you sure you aren't a Virgo Sun conjnct Uranus...ie someone who likes to spark off people to get a reaction? It does sound as if you are a Uranian Virgo - if so, stick to a Taurean who will refuse to react. Sorry if this is not what you want to here, but good luck!
Dear HPriestess, May i Request an Angelic Card Reading~
my Request - is on Health~ (2) Friendships ~ ( 3) My Spiritual Journey & where i am heading in my life~~!!!!
I will check back in a little while
You are in love - and it is 'hot''. Not sure if you can have it all, but you will try and tenacity is your middle name. You ae suffering a certain lack of funds at the moment and feel isolated on the work front. Be ready, be vigilant , but one part of your life is definitely over. Good luck!
Wow H Priestess,
not sure about the HOT part of Love~ but that was once me ~ & i miss that Hot part ofmyself~~~ Isolation is Spot On ~ Lack of Funds Spot On ~~ part of me is Over & Done with ~ Spot On ~
thank you so much ~
most appreciate your time for this Reading ~ thank you thank you
May Goddess Bless all that is wonderful & perfect in your life with light & love abundance Xoxoxox Mille
Dear Millefeori, thanks for the accolade; I am more astrologer than tarot reader, but am learning it slowly - the 2 work wel together. Oh and someoone will be stirring thingsup for you - gossiping that is - don't react and it will eventually pass (they are jealous of you ! )Take care.
OMG!!! cancerstarlibramoonleorising!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I'm a gemini with a chart full of cancer and scorpio involved with a cancer man. I've been on this page for 3 days to get this type of clarity in the whys and what to do's in when my cancer withdraws, it was sudgested by one that it was because our relationship wasn't serious (I knew better then that) can you look at and respond to my posting (cancer men what do they want?) I'm sure your insight and straigtforwardness will be helpful to me and my relationship
Hpriestess hello again.
Thank you for the reply,
I have known about the Gossip for a long while, the ones slandering my name , go unpunhished~ hard to prove it, when they wear so many masks~~~ their jealousy is a CURSE makes people Evil & nasty... nothing i could do but walk away from that~~~
does me no good to be surrounded by people who live on misery and anger...
my innocence... STANDS TRUE & PURE........
thank you maygoodcometous I too am in love with an unpredictable cancer, this is the best advice i've seen on the matter, I have been trying to figure out how to get my cancer to comunicate that he needs space we're currently in touch I will offer this as a way for him to express himself when he needs a break or "vacation"
Good for you Millefeori - a very sensible attiitude - don't let your gossamer wings be pulled down into the mud . Negativity breeds more negativity. With the best will in the world, there will always be some sad person attacking all of us on the sly...empty livees make for empty 'payground' gossip. Take care.
HPriestess. that was a mouth full, wow i think i got it ..BUT please if it isn't to much trouble, I give you permission to tap into my own pysche, & pull out whatever is still hiding inside me.... LOL