• Do feel any bad luck going on in this stage in my life because for some reason I feel I do?

    Im honestly starting to feel suicidal is the best way to put it.

  • There is no such thing as good or bad luck, simply experiences and people that we attract to ourselves for whatever reasons - learning, or from our fears and issues. We all have to take responsibility for what happens to us. Look for reasons why this is happening to you.

  • Your right Captain, and Im really sorry for bothering you with all of this. Alot has been going on lately and I do try to deal with it myself. I usually dont have alot of time to explain often and don't like to bombard people with my issues.

    I do believe things happen to us little to major fault of our own but I usually take it as if I have to punish myself (which I do often) and it takes a huge toll on me.

    Im not kidding when I contemplate suicide sometimes but I really dont want to do it-I feel I have alot to offer then other times I dont. I just really want to find balance in my life and a light at the end of the tunnel even if I could create it with my camera (whenever I can buy one-I would love a t2i 550d to start shooting my own films just in case film school dont work out.

    Besides alot of other horrid things that is going on in my life, I made a huge mistake on my FASFA Verification for school and Im afraid if anything with happen to my family including jail time and an audit.

    Do you feel anything major will come of this?

    And how can I deal with this or make this situation better?

  • And by the way thank you 🙂 I will definetly pray tonight.

  • Committing suicide is not a way out - it just means you have to start another life over again with all the same problems - and more - next time around. Better to work on things in this lifetime.

    Why do you feel the need to punish yourself? That is the sort of self-sabotage that is probably causing your present problems. If you don't think well of yourself, why would anyone else? You need to do some relaxing, fun things and not put so much pressure on yourself to succeed. Material success doesn't matter - real success is just being happy. Think of all the things you have - family, friends, your health - instead of thinking of what you don't have.

    No I don't feel anything bad will come from your school mistake.

  • Thought of what you've said and you truly do have a point. Whenever I was feeling down today-I would remind myself of some good things or put an optimistic spin on it-I ended up feeling a little better. I feel I get extremely anxious till my body hurts sometimes. The mental stress and anxiety and take over to the point I talk crazy (like suicide). Im am very sorry for subjecting you or anyone else to this side of me, but I will say Im happy Im being honest with myself while discovering and trying to heal my dark side. I feel my dark side helps and hinders me in some ways but at the same time, it helps me go through trials and tribulations so I can learn.

    One question though that has been heavily on my mind. Im meeting up with two of my bosses tommorow evening being that I was taken off the schedule and were devising a plan to enhance my performance.

    Now before I go into detail-Ive been highly stressed and pressured from this job and dont feel great about it anymore, I see no room for growth and feel stagnant when I was jovial and upbeat. I can hide a great deal of my issues from my bosses but I feel they as well as my co-workers are disorganized and judgemental. Ive find a few mistakes here and there but nothing major and I feel that its time for me to quit after this meeting (but I wont tell them til next week

    Captain-what do my bosses think of me and how can I enhance this meeting and try to make the best of it?

    My bosses are Stephanie (Taurus-my favorite-blunt and personable), Joe (Taurus-dont trust him to well), Christina (Gemini-cold but secretly nice and loving) and Nick (Capricorn-overbearing and authoritive-he's the young and new manager)

    What are their feelings toward me and how can I show them I am valuable?

  • They are just not sure about you since you seem to be sometimes up and sometimes down. Did you ever go to a doctor to get a diagnosis and treatment for your mood swings? You shouldn't try and manage on your own.

    The best thing to do in any situation is to be positive and to expect the best outcome to happen. And just be yourself...your bright, happy self that is. And anyway if you intend to leave this job, the meeting shouldn't bother you at all.

  • No I havent went gone to the doctor. Hopefully my doctor can figure out if this mood problem is clinical or enviromental.

    About my bosses....

    They're just not sure if I can handle the job?

    Do they like me and my work ethic?

  • Asia, do you want to stay on at this work or not? Because it sounds like you just want to leave if they don't like you. You shouldn't throw a job away just because you feel insecure. Otherwise you will hop from job to job or more likely unemployment to unemployment.

  • No its not that. I dont feel as if Im appreciated at alll at this job and not moving ahead. I really can careless about them not liking me (if they don't) but I do hate when it gets in my way of getting ahead. I dont like this job as much any more (largely due to lack of appreciation) but its all I have.

    Im leaning towards leaving but I would like to stay for the paycheck, I like my co workers but dont feel appreciated enough to where I see a future.

    Why havent I moved ahead when I was on a hot streak for months and other people have that do less than I do?

    Do they see I have a strong work ethic?

  • In what way do you want them to appreciate you?

  • Just how hard I work and push me up as fast as they do everyone else now.

    I loved the company I worked for and its enviroment. I was excellent, made 100s on my secret shops, got my Food Handler license and worked great consistently (not saying I was invinceble or perfect) but its like no one ever moved me up or came to me for ideas. Months pasts no one really noticed me or suggested me for other jobs. But now, guess they are reforming some things-they're moving people quicker than ever. Some people have moved so far ahead of me and have been way under me in the time that they've been there and dont put their all into the job and just see it as a job but they get more hours and better positions.

    They've gotten to a point where the job is now solely based on performance (like it should've been when I first worked their in August) and see me falling behind (as my performance slightly slips-because I feel so underated and incompetent due to how they treat me at times). I really hate when Im not noticed enough for my hard work and some one else gets all the credit.

    I honestly dont feel the need to kiss up to my bosses (particularly Nick and Joe) at this point. Why should I work harder for a company that more than likely can care less about me.

  • You should always do your best for your own self-esteem, not to impress others. You should not let feeling under-appreciated prevent you from giving 100% because that hurts you more than your bosses in terms of how you feel about yourself. It's no excuse to perform badly just because your bosses might not put their whole hearts into their job. Now you have left them with the feeling that you don't care about the work.

  • Hey Captain (and thank you for all of your advice)-Im going into work this Friday and Saturday kind of nervous but going to focus on the positive while Im there-it'll be a hectic weekend so all I can do is put my best foot forward regardless of what they think of me. I just afraid of my mood swings so I try not to think about it too much. Do you feel my mood swings are a clinical condition, enviromental problem or because of something far more serious?

  • You can control your mood swings - when you feel your emotions moving into negativity, make a conscious effort to change them. Do something positive, something that makes you feel good and returns your emotions to the positive. It may be something as simple as buying an icecream or carrying chocolate or sweets around with you and popping one when you feel bad. Or carrying some uplifting affirmations around to read at those times. Laugh! Put together a little 'emergency positivity kit' that is full of things that make you smile. Or just call a friend or pat an animal. Nice things like that to change your mood...

  • Thanks Captain 🙂 The emergency kit-is an AMAZING idea-definetly will put that together. Thank you so much-I finally bought my camera-came in today-this will definetly be going in the kit. :)))))

  • Hey Captain-that emergency kit idea has worked wonders and my mood swings havent been as bad at all! Theres only one thing that has been bothering me deeply-my father and I recently had a HUGE fight/blowout, that does get very emotional to talk about. It started after he called me out of my name many times after he felt I was lying to him (which I wasnt at all). He kept snatching the phone and throwing it back at me until I got tired off it and tussled with him and told him I hated him, glad I never visited him in the hospital and wanted him to die of his stroke he had two years ago. And the names he called me only got worse from there. I called the police but they leaned towards his side which made me feel dumb.

    He moved out the next day and took my car (which stung a little but I got over it because he never gave me it from the heart anyway like I suspected it). Even though he moved out, he still talks about me to his friends and family like Im horrible. What bothers me is that he doesnt care about the things he does to people and which I try to get close to him by telling him how I feel-he runs away from the problem and shuts me down as he gets VERY DEFENSIVE. All he wants is him and my mom, nothing else.

    I really hate the fact my mother talks to him still especially since I feel he is holding her down and blocking her blessings. She is an amazing mother and a great person but he is her weakness at times-she doesnt like too much drama and tries to talk sense into him but I feel its no use.

    I cried and cried but I stopped eventually but it still hurts especially since I hated to get that ugly with him but thats how I felt at the time because of how he treated me. I did want to build a relationship with him though but now all I can do is cut him out.

    Why does my dad do this to me?

    Was he hurt at all (I feel he was)?

    How can I go about this in a positive way?

  • Your father has many issues and responsibilities that he is refusing to face - instead he reacts like a child and runs away instead of staying to work things out. This is not your fault - he should be the one being the adult here as he is your parent. Probably one of the hardest things we have to face in life is that our parents have weaknesses. They are supposed to be the strong ones who support us but instead they often let us down. You will have to accept that your father may never 'grow up' and face his problems. But you cannot let that get you down or hold you back. he may never be the good father you want. Once you stop expecting him to be the great dad of other traditional families, the easier it will be for you. He cannot handle your expectations of him. Yes, he was upset by the fight but he cannot deal with emotional scenes very well so he runs away. In the end, you may grow up faster than your father does. Once you accept that your father cannot care for you and support you as you want to be cared for and supported, you can start to be your own best supporter and friend, and other people's actions and words will not hurt you.

  • Thank you Captain 🙂 This all makes perfect sense. Ive just given up on the idea of him changing for the better or worrying about it for the most part. As much as this upsets me or hurts, I know Im better than that and can/will move on. Im dealing with this the best I can while he away while focusing on things that makes me happy and helps me grow. Im just going to focus on being the best I can be 🙂

    Thank you so much Captain-for everything....

  • That's the way!

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