Taurus Needing help deciphering Cancer Mans actions.
I need help with dealing with this Cancer guy I met (moon rising) if that helps.
I met him back in November by chance via an app on my Iphone. We hit it off straight away. Chatted for some time via the App. We have so much in common; it was uncanny how much he seemed to get me, and our similarities and sense of humor. He’s a bit of a nerd, and I love that about him because even thought I don’t look it I am too deep down inside.
He wanted to hang out, and kept hinting towards the fact. But he said he was looking for “friends” and I was like okay sure, but given my past experience with me most don’t want to just be friends, the benefits is just in the very small print at the bottom. Plus I had just gotten out of a relationship in November (and so did he) and I wasn’t really emotionally ready to be with someone just yet, either physically or spiritually. So I kept on avoiding having to actually hang out with him until I finally caved in and did it. It turned out to be a VERY good night. We went out to eat, sow a movie, and he invited me back to him place to watch another movie. It was like we didn’t want to say goodnight to each other…
I’m a Taurus so I’m hella cautious when it comes to meeting people I don’t know. I kinda like to play guys to the” left until they show me they all right”. But with him I let my guard down really fast. I always know when a guy likes me because they text me “did you get home” this guy text me like 3 minutes after I left his house…I was like wow. He must have thought things went well.
We chatted some more for like another two weeks. I was having some family issues and he was right there for me. He invited me over his house to drink one Friday and then one thing lead to another and we ended up making out and I spent the night (no sex). We spent the next day together and he even invited me out to meet his cousin. Then the two weekends later we hung out again. This time he invited me out to meet his ex-boyfriend and his new partner. I was so taken back by the fact that he and his ex where still friends, considering I can’t stay friends with anyone whom I’ve had feelings for unless I cut ties with them and get over the situation, but even then it’s still hard for me.
Well everything seem to be going good. He was hella attentive. I always got a “Good morning” E-mail when I got to work, and a “Goodnight” text before bed. I really loved this…it’s the little things when it comes to courting me. I don’t need a ton of attention but it was nice knowing that someone actually cared enough to ask me how my day went.
He cooked for me for V-day. Well not V-day, but the day after that. He told me that he didn’t believe in V-day because love should be given year round, but we celebrated it anyways the day after. He was my “post valentine valentine” I know its corny…but its cute to me. Cause most guys are so “hard” they don’t show love unless you force it out of him. With him it just pours out like he’s made of it.
Well anyways…we both agreed to take things slow. And we were…I asked that we have no sex until we knew for sure what it is that we both wanted. He agreed.
About three weeks ago we were talking and I sent him a song that I told him reminded me of him. I told him that I felt he was guarding his heart, and that it was okay because I wasn’t trying to hurt him. He sent me a message back saying “he wasn’t guarding his heart because he didn’t feel like he was ready for a relationship so no one could get to it anyways” I of course was taken aback by his bluntness…so I laid off of him for the rest of the night. I have a FEAR of opening up, or getting my hopes up and having a guy walk out of my life…it has to do with issues with my dad being on drugs when I was younger, and my last relationship with a Libra and his fickleness. I just never felt safe in either situation. Giving my all only to be let down in the end…its not a good feeling.
The guy wanted to get together that Friday to watch a movie, but I declined and told him I had to babysit. This wasn’t true…it was just me trying to figure him out and his comment he made about not being ready for a relationship. Just had me thinking that he was playing me…and like I said Actions+Fickle= Pain and Pain=Bail…
The following Monday we got to talking about my “pet peeves” and I mention to him that I couldn’t stand fickle people. That it steamed from my relationship with my dad and my ex and that if he was to ever become fickle I would have no choice but to excuse him out of my life. It was right after that he told me that it seemed “harsh” to just kick someone out of your life because they are fickle, he then asked if I thought he was fickle? I told him we just met, so I couldn’t say if he was or wasn’t but from his actions thus far he didn’t seem that way, but if he was to become that way I would have to leave him alone… he then went on to say that he had become distant in the past couple of days, and that he was doing some thinking…he then told me that it seemed like I had everything in my life “mapped out” and that he didn’t operate like that. He went with the flow, and that he makes decision and then thinks about them and then analyzing them and then might make a change. He said that he was doing some thinking and that he felt like he needed to back off from me and just be friends because he wanted to focus on himself and that he hoped we could still be friends…
I agreed, because I read up on his sign and knew how moody they can be about starting a new relationship, and since I was moving into a new apartment like a block away from his house that weekend I told him I would see him around. He offered to still help me move and I agreed and during the move he met my parents. That night of the move he met up with his family and got home late that night. He texted me and asked if I was cool, I told him all I had to do was put my bed together and he said he was tired but then decided to come over and help me (I thought it was really nice). He also brought me a bottle of ciroc (my favorite) as a welcome home present (which was sweet too).
He still communicates with me EVERYDAY. And I even had to tell him that he is confusing me a bit because his actions say “I like you, I want a relationship” and he’s doing all the things I seem to think a guy who is in a relationship would do. The constant texting and communication and hanging out. But his words say “let’s just be friends”. But he still does it…almost like he’s hardwired to not be able to back off. We haven’t been intimate (kissing) since we decided to be “friends” but we haven’t really been alone since then. He’s been busy with other obligations and the last two times we hung out it was because he wanted to meet my friends from the Navy that were flying into see me.
He’s a great guy, and I know that if I didn’t believe that in my heart of hearts I would have been left him alone because of his confusing actions, but I cant because I feel like it would be wrong to stop being in his life because he was “honest” with me about wanting to just be friends because he wanted to focus on himself. I wouldn’t want anyone to leave my life for that reason, and I can’t bring myself to do it to him. But I have to say I’m torn…like I said his action say “I like you” but his words say “Friends”. I’m really into him. I’m trying to do the whole “Have patience” thing, and trust me I have a ton of patience, but I’m also the type of person who doesn’t do anything else it makes “sense”. Like I like him a lot, and I get he wants to be friends, but I don’t look at him like that, and I’ve told him that it’s not easy for me to see him as just my friend when we’ve crossed into “Potentially more” waters. So I find myself wanting to do the one thing that I would hate to do, and that’s basically distance myself from him for a bit until I see him in that “Friend” view. But what I don’t want to do is distance myself and then get over him only to have him come back and say “I want you” because by that time I will probably second guess it and think he’s doing it because of his fear of rejection (I read cancer hate this) and not because he truly wants a relationship.
I asked him to be upfront with me and just tell me if there was something that I did that spooked him. I honestly think it’s the “I’ll leave you if your fickle” convo, because he’s brought up how scared that made him, because he needs time to be by himself when he’s doing his cancer emotional recovery thing. I told him that it wasn’t a big deal for me, and that as long as he came back after or at least let me know (which he has done) it wouldn’t affect me. Because I to value my alone time, and I know you cant schedule those times. But he keeps saying its him, not me. That he needs to work on himself before being with another person. I guess it hard for me to imagine what work he needs to do since he seems like a pretty decent guy. But he says he want to focus on his friends, and getting his body right, and relationships are a lot of work. Which i totaly get...but would he really risk me being with someone else?
I’ve been trying so hard to give him space, even though he didn’t ask for it because I still see him as more, and I don’t want to seem pushy or clingy. He’s the first REALLY great guy I’ve met since I broke up with my ex last year, and I don’t want to walk away from him, because of the connection we have. But it would kill me if he came and told me that he met someone tomorrow. I’d probably think that he was basically stringing me along this whole time, and gave me the line of “let’s just be friends” because this guy is a better fit for his life.
So I don’t know what to do??
Any advice…like I know he likes me. But I don’t know if he’s just being "cancer cautious" or if he’s really into me, or he really does just want to be friends.. Like the said the texting and communication between us is pretty intense, and he still wants to hang out and see me. But I don’t know if I should because I don’t want to get hurt. I’m trusting my heart in this situation but my mind is telling me to give up because there are so many guys out there that would push their moms in front of a bus (both moving and non-moving) to get with me, and I’m focusing all my energy on a guy that “just want to be friends” am I crazy or just a fool in love?
I also thought about seeing other guys, but I don’t want him to think that I don’t like him, and then I feel like that would just be me doing it to make him mad and not because I really want to and would start us down a road of “Gaming” one another. I’ve been in that relationship before and don’t want to go at it again. But I don’t want him to treat me or view me like I’m expendable, or as the “Plan B” if "A" doesn’t work out.
I gotta go…he just wrote me on facebook…
Please help a Taurus out!!!
He's a "Leo Moon" rising. sorry about that.
Wow! It seems like to be that he likes you. I think cancers always say the very worst scenario....to keep themselves safe, but that always backfires on them. BC they end up putting their love interest on defensive mode. I have been there. I will more than likely go there again! lol
That what I think...But I dont want to assume anything. Your right about the defensive...Cause thats what I'm on now. I really want to get out and start meeting new people because thats what he's doing right now and I think its only fair but I dont want to give him the wrong impression like I'm not interested in him because I am, its just that I dont want to invest in a relationship and hold out only to be let down...
Your with a Cancer right? Did he give you the run around at all, or want to be "Friends". I really think its a test because like I said he still texts me everyday. Even today he was at work writing me on facebook, E-mailing, and Texting!! I'm like wow...Why would he invest so much in me only to push me away....?
CC-Hello again welcome.......I believe he is being cautious just as you are....Don't we all just want to be friends, it a way commmunicating and getting to understand each other more. I do believe he did get spooked about "The Fickle Cov"......Thats why all the txtin & e-mails to you, to make you more comfortable, to open your feelings 1st....I wouldn't be intimate still, unless he make the 1st move. I would go out with my friends, before going on a 1 & 1 dating. I say this because your hurtful break-up, You to need some time, us Taurusen are soical or we won't be attracted to Cancer's. Because they to can be soical, when there ready to creep out there shell....lol. He is interested in you, wants to get to know lil more in his own way....
I hope I was helpful.....
CC---They give you the run arounds cause he's not ready, just as you are not.....Remember taking things Slow, you both agreed....Also the heart dosen't lie, you can run around all you want, no matter what sign you are......
So go out and mingle with friends, get to met new ppl.....Never stop being yourself...
Thank you so much for your thoughts.
I do believe that the "Fickle Convo" might of spooked him. Seeing as though he does the cancer "shell" thing from time to time. I think he might believe that I would get sick of him needing space or time to himself and eventually leave. I guess the only remedy him believing that is allowing him to get to know me and see that I'll still be here when he gets back.
I think I need to get back out there and start meeting new people. When I met him I wasnt looking for anything let alone a relationship it just kinda happened, the feelings where there and I'm not one that doesnt listen to my feelings. But I still pretty raw from my last relationship, and tired of games. I dont think relationships should be WORK, I mean not all the time. To me its a simpe as You Like me + I Like you + Romance + Trust + Honesty = Us (Union). I dont want to do "Complicated" anymore and I mean that.
Plus I do think that he has been acting different ever since I became so "Avaliable", also I think he feels like I dont need him anymore because my situation at home with my family is different.
We had a convo earlier this week about him being "Superman" and how he was so quick to run to the aid of others but who was there for him? He said that his Ex was there, but he didnt really have anyone else. I told him that I would be that person in his life that has his back. I think we all need someone to look out for us when we need it, and even we "Think" we dont. I know he's pretty independent, and he's told me that if he needs help he'll ask but I can already tell that he doesnt have someone in his life thats just sweet & loving to him, and I want to be that guy. So we'll see how it goes....
Apart of me knows that he's into me, but I want to know forsure, and I know only time will tell.
These guys do seem like they need a TON of patience, and you kinda have to go with THEIR flow.
My question is....is it always like that?Speaking about your Cancer men and your relationship, Does it ever become about the two of you or is it always going to be me(us) playing by his(their) rules and taking things at his pace, or will it ever be a time where we blend and come to an combined speed?
CC- No it's not always like that. But they do slowly move ( act or respond) at there own pace....It does eventually come about you 2, when the relationship is ready for the next level. No we never play by there rules, they don't play by ours...We just respect the boundies of one another.
No not all relationship should be work. sometimes it is, main when you don't agree. Thats where the work comes in....
It took "Z" a while (yrs) to be open with me about his pass life, I knew more less, but when the cov would come up, which I would bring it up, total argumentive, so I saw the reaction, and back off, felt when he's ready he talk to me eventually about it. We Taurus are the same way, we don't like to be pushed either......
Why the need to rush??? Take your time to get yourself strong again, emotionally and physically. When we focus on ourselves the less we worry about the lil things, and move a lil forward. Stop thinking what his doing, or seeing.....Think of You..!! and when you do. He'll notice....
No need to rush...I just feel like we're in this fuzzy "grey area" that I’m not use to or didn’t plan on being in. I said once before that I dont usually stay friends with people I cross that line with for fear of getting hurt or becoming jealous, he is the first one I've made the exception with because I believe he's worth it.
I have been keeping our conversation really light this past week, and giving him A LOT of space. Not really expecting anything from him, and I’ve started to let my Guard down and introduce him to the "Friend" side of me and not just the "Boyfriend" me. Friend me is a bit more...”tongue and cheek”. I was afraid to do this at first because I didn’t want to freak him out because I heard that Cancers can be pretty sensitive but he seems to be cool with it...which is cool. And he seems to be letting me in a little more. Like I can tell his actions are different…but I’m not gonna get my hopes up.
I agree with you, I do need to work on me. Coming out of the relationship with the Libra was hard. I don’t know if you know much about Libra's & Taurus but they are the WORST match for us Zodiac wise and I learned that the hard way. The Cancer seems to be the exact opposite of the Libra in every way. That’s why I think I'm so scared to back off because I feel like I would do myself an injustice after spending all that time on the wrong kinda guy, and running away from the right one. I don’t think I will EVER love or do as much as I did for the Libra. I'm totally over him, and have moved on but like I said I'm still pretty Raw.
Ok - TW8 is dead on the money. I had to really think through my response!
1st of all I was married to an abusive Libra. So let me just say, YES ! YOU do need time to heal. BC it has taken much effort on my part to not drag my past relationship issues into our relationship, bc I knew it would not have been a good outcome. I mean he has listened to me, given me advice and shows me the exact opposite, but Drama is not our thing at all.
We became friends two years before we became lovers. So, our friendship and mutual understanding of each other laid a great foundation for us.
And oh my yes, they move slow, but personally, I like that and have needed that very much.
I think Cancer's can be very misunderstood bc of their complexity and lack to deeply communicate consistently. Meaning, one time, J said he missed me. many months down the road, i asked him if he had missed me..he said..No..I don't miss people....I was like...Oooookkkkkkk...then just a couple of weeks ago, he missed me!! lol
I never called him on it, just let it ride, bc I thought there was obviously something going on with him and I just gave him the time to work it out! And I am glad for that, bc my relationship with him, has changed my life. It really has. Not so much bc of his efforts, but what I have learned about myself and I am pretty sure I would not of experienced that w/o him. Does that make sense?
Now, let me tell you this...a Cancer so needs someone to "have their back" , make them feel important, show them love unconditionally. What a perfect task for us Tauruses??? lol
It is so easy for us, bc we are care takers and nurturers by nature! It is a great match bc they are devoted to those that give them stability. And in time, yes, it can be about you! I am experiencing that right now and it has been 2 1/2 years almost!! But, just like your guy, his actions always showed me how I mattered to him.
Thank you so much for the advice both of you! I think I just need to take a step back and just live in the moment. Which is kinda hard for me because I'm a planner.
I'm a firm believe that EVERYONE eventually show you who they really are, its just up to you to believe them. The jury is still out on him, and its not because I dont trust him, its just that I dont FULLY trust him yet. Kinda waiting for the other show to fall, to see him vulnerable and open. I know that might take some time but Its a goal of mine.
Your right. we are NATURAL nurturers. I love just taking care of someone even when they dont ask.
Its nice to talk to other Taurus folk, its like you guys REALLY understand how I think.
Thank you once again!!
Ya...we're cool like that!! I do know though how much it helps to talk to others! I can tell you this, if you play your cards right, every act of kindness you bestow on your cancer guy will not return void. I am experiencing that!
If you ever need to talk..bc my ex was a Libra and very abusive.....we can...I can post my email...but it will get removed quickly..
Much welcome CC....and Yes T7 & I we are cool like that
Take your time....just go with flow.......
Keep in touch....
Oh wow. I totally relate to what you're saying...been going through Cancer drama for over a year for now...I'm a Taurus ascendant, so I totally relate to the lack of comfort with grey area...i wanted to take care of my guy but his fear reflected and made me afraid of doing what I wanted to do basically....I'm surprised yours is good friends with his ex, mine totally burnt bridges with his exes and always gave me a hard time dealing with my ex (by the way, absolute friendships with exes - especially in the gay world exist - i went with my ex before for 6 years...and we are best of friends, shared the same bed after and even traveled together, nothing sexual ever happened, but we're both the type that never look back).
If you want my take on things, and please discard whatever you feel doesn't apply or makes sense, I am not saying it's etched in stone, but I really did a lot of research on my guy just to understand him...mine is a late bloomer so that adds insult to injury!
I do think the guy likes you, but is probably afraid. I'm sorry, but for the lack of a better word, most cancerian guys are cowards, they are terrified of breakups and heartbreaks - my guy sent me an email the last time coming back to me (after 6-8 times he dumped me, always him coming back!!!) saying that he is terrified of me abandoning him one day and him dying of heart break. As you can see, logic is not exactly their strong suit, and they bask in a sea of emotions, and they change tides every single day. So don't be surprised that THAT day, he was more afraid than usual to get into something - it all depends on timing and whether it 'feels' right - therefore, as a Taurean, you might not like this lack of consistency and unpredictability. I must admit for me it keeps things interesting, but I just wish it were less tiring. I'd rather be with someone consistent but exciting (cancerians are the opposite - inconsistent and rather boring, you always need to poke them and talk really).
Another thing: Cancerian men don't like direct contact or confrontations, they seem to think that this is viewed as an invasion on their turf, so don't use the bull horns, though some assertiveness is needed (else, you really won't go anywhere with them), just be gentle when doing it. Sadly, you will need to try to do the dance at first, but I say why not try to do things your way...after my experience I've come to realize that it's better to stand your ground with someone, if they stick around, they made the cut, if not, then they weren't worth it. You can compromise and meet them halfway later on, but not initially. I really lost so much by being the giver, the initiator, the 'compromiser' (i know it's not a word) and ended up emotionally drained. cancerian guys seem to think that things are their god given right and really they live in their own little fantasy land where nothing makes sense and the world is just waiting for them to say or do something. Think of them as grown up teenagers really: moody, self absorbed, highly sexual (oh, maybe that's why you didnt get anywhere - they see not getting laid as a rejection), highly emotional, volatile, lazy, irresponsible, selfish, idealistic and have grand expectations...and you will feel like a teenager being with them! it';s beautiful at first, but can get overbearing...sometimes you just want a moderate, stable and fun relationship, not a Shakespearean drama.
Damn...Victim you hit the nail right on the head!!! That’s exactly how I feel. I know I’m dramatic but it just feels like so much, and its only been like 3 months. I just want to tell him to PISS OR GET OFF THE POT, but I feel like I can’t because were not “Together” even though it feels that way at times.
I just feel like with me coming from being in a relationship with someone who was so overly indecisive and to be back in infatuation with another guy who shows traits of being the same way...I'm just like WTF is wrong with me and my selection of guys?
Don’t get me wrong…I do believe he’s a phenomenal guy…and I like him a lot. I called him “Beautiful” and I that’s something I’ve never called a guy before, or have ever felt about a guy to whom I’ve felt strongly for. Like I felt SAFE with him… So safe that I fell asleep in his lap one time and I’ve never done that before, but It just felt right….so to go from that feeling to “just friends” is kinda like…settling for McDonalds over The cheesecake factory…
I find myself getting upset and suspicious of him and his actions and I don’t want to do that but I can’t get a clear reading on him. I feel like we were on a good track and then SLAM went on the brakes and now he's like "Let’s just be friends" but his actions don’t really seem to say "Friends". Were in constant contact, and I see him at least once a week for dinner, to hang out, or go back to his place. And if I do try to pull away he’s the first to E-mail/Text/facebook to see what’s wrong…
I feel like I'm getting emotionally invested in him, and I fear that I’m reading too much into his actions and he's going to come to me one day and just say " I met this guy, and I think he's great" and I'm going to be DISTROYED, and who's fault will it be?? Not his because technically we were just "Friends" but mine for becoming emotionally attached to a guy who wasn’t "ready".
Its that Taurus determination that wont allow me to just quite, but its my rational side that’s been in somewhat of this situation before that’s like leave him alone for a while…let him come around on his own…if its meant to be then it will be…
I was upfront with him the other day and told him that I feel like I need to start getting back out there meeting new people so I can have a solid group of running mates (cause I just moved to a new city). I also told him It would be nice to be in love again, and how I missed having someone whom I could call my own, I could be intimate with, and just chill with on a regular bases (because I don’t believe in casual relationships). I think I might have hurt him a bit because I feel like he might be pulling away. But what I need for him to do is step up! If you don’t want me to see other guys then tell me before it’s too late. I want to be with him, but only when we are BOTH ready to build something real.
I get the "let’s take it slow" but it’s a difference between us going slow in a common direction and going slow on our own.
The whole “Lets wait for sex” thing was cool, but it wasn’t because I’m not attracted or didn’t want to have sex it was because I didn’t want him to take it as a casual thing. Take me seriously…sex is like the gay mans hand shake…I want someone who wants to dance not just shake hands…
Still totally confused…I just want advice on what to do! Am I do the right thing by moving on, or is this how they are? You can’t tell me that they show this much attention to all their “Friends”. If this is just a normal thing that all Cancers do then okay…I can deal, but if this is like him playing games then I need to just ex him out of my life completely because I don’t want to be his constellation prize.
I told myself...lets just see how it goes for two weeks...If I dont see any changes then I'm going to pull away even more until I can REALLY see him in that "Friend" light. Cause right now he's all I think about.
Hmmmm i understand all that you're saying and feeling (except for the sex part frankly!!). The problem with them (and I face exactly the same issue) is that we expect people to act rationally, sometimes at least, and try to wrap our heads around them...but these guys...feel...and only feel..hardly rely on logic. they can be practical, but rarely logical, unless they really evolved. That's my observation from friends and the boyfriend as well...
I really think you need to evaluate. you have nothing to lose if you directly approach him: sit down with him, set the scene and really invest. then ask him directly if he's interested in you two being together. or just seal the deal by sleeping with him (they're action oriented and sex isn't a light affair for them I think. not sure yet though).
Think of it this way: it would be a shame to quit something before even trying it....
Your right…Its prob just me laying on the dramatics.
We do have the makings for something great. I just think my determination is fighting my patience at this point, and all that I’m left with is the bruises of confusion.
I will consider talking to him this weekend, but I don’t know how good that will do me (us). I do believe in action. If you like a care about a person then nothing should stand in your way, but that might just be my interpretation of what “being” with a person should be like. I have to stop and remember that I’m so different from others. Acting on feelings does make sense, so maybe I need to set the mood, and go from there.
And if all I have to do is have sex with him to seal the deal…then I wish I would have known that last month
I will keep you guys posted.
Thanks for the help.
I'm also a Taurus.
I had posted a thread on this forum about my experiences with a Cancer man as well.
Most of it was my fault. I flaked on him several times. Typical taurus behavior. Guarded. Uncertainity. Hate to be rushed.
But when they go into their 'shell'...We immediately put up our defenses, too.
Bulls don't budge.
This is usually the problem
Communication with Cancers can be sometimes non-existent or one-sided.
When we're ready to open up, they never seem to give us the opportunity to warm up to the idea of expressing ourselves. They retreat instead. The Bull builds up resentment. And when the Crabs are ready to come out of their shell and communicate....
The Bull chaaaaaaaaarges!
We end up saying things that we regret later. Say hurtful things.
Or simply ignore them.
Cut them off.
Keep a respectful emotional distance. Kep them at arms length.
Lash out. Bad Temper. Throw something at them. Will scare them away.
A Cancer needs to be with someone who is enamored with them , gives them constant emotional reassurance, and is patient with their mood swings and emotional unpredictability. Someone who will not lash out at them...or dismiss them when they're ready to communicate.
I think you're a much nicer Bull than I am
The two of you will be alright.
Wow...TaurusFemmeFatale You are like READING me Girl. I mean like a damn BOOK!!
That is exactly how I feel.
When he retreats into his shell my first reaction is to flake on him, to treat him exactly like he treats me, so I find myself pushing him away because that’s what I feel like he’s doing to me. Since you wrote that I feel like I might be taking it to personal?? Do you think that’s what I’m doing??
Communication with him can be sometimes non-existent or one-sided at times. BINGO. This is a BIG deal for me. But again I feel like this might be something that I’m taking to personal or not truly understanding that this just might be his nature…He keeps telling me don’t take it to personal cause he warned me about the mood swings when we first became friends, but my instinct is to think that its something else because him being honest is to easy, but he could just be a honest guy and I’m messing things up by being so hard or suspicious of his behavior for no reason.
I don’t want to mess this up…
And when you said how when he does finally come back out of the shell we "charge" that is sooooooooo right. That is what I find myself doing, almost like I’m trying to get all these things & emotions out of my head so he’ll know before he runs back into his shell again, and I end up saying stuff that I know is too personal to soon because I feel like I’m making up for lost time. I’m usually so good with patience but that’s when I know the “Routine” with him I’m still learning that when he leaves he’s coming back just have to have patience.
Oh my god girl!!
I feel like I’ve been pushing him away. Like I told him I wanted to see other people which wasn’t true, I don’t want to see or talk to anyone most days but him, but that’s how I usually get reactions out of guys is by saying hurtful things and I know if they fight back or get mad then they care. He says nothing…just takes it and leaves, and comes back, but no reaction. Which makes me feel like…okay? So do you like me or what?? So then I feel like it makes me look crazy or fickle because I keep on going back and forth…I feel nutz!!
I just want to grab him and say I like you! I know you like me too, I don’t want to talk to anyone but you, and I know your not ready for anything serious but when you are I want to be that guy. But I’m so afraid of what he might do, of the thought of rejection!
Can you give me any other advice? Its sounds like you have been in my shoes, and if you can tell me anything else on what you wish you would have done better or mistakes you know us as bulls make I would so gladly take your advice and appreciate it.
I dont want to mess this up, and I feel like if I keep on pushing then I will. I just want some type of guidence from someone who's been there done that. Thats partly how I earn mostly from other peoples mistakes.
Trust me, I know EVERYTHING you're going through. Been there!
Here's where I went wrong with my Cancer....so I will give you the perfect advice on what to do & NOT to do.
They respond very well to vulnerability. I was vulnerable, maybe once or twice. This is the only time I actually got a positive reaction from him. Most of the time, I'm usually just a stubborn b*tch! LOL! Oh, and and when that resentment builds up, watch out! He would hide out for weeks!
I flaked out on him many times because I could never get a direct answer from him. The sulking and one sided communication was driving me nuts! So as part of my defense mechanism, I did things that I know would intentionally hurt him. Offered the possibility of a FWB, pulled no-calls, no shows, dated other people. But deep down inside I was hurt. He also came on real strong initially---and as a Bull we prefer to take things slow. Something else that allowed me to put my guards up.
Bulls . We are known as emotionally strong people. People will never know how we're truly feeling, or thinking because in reality, we practically live in our heads. We over-analyze everything. We're so complex and guarded, at times we forget to live in the moment.
Live in the moment with your Cancer man. They're very romantic, and they really DO live in fantasy worlds. Be loving, nurturing, and very romantic. When the world is against him, let him know that you're for him. It's you and him. Him and you! He wants to be your hero. He wants you to be enamored with him.
This is what you will have to do. Practice ( I mean literally practice what you're going to tell him). This is the only way to simmer your resentment. Learn how to be vulnerable, and effectively communicate. They fear rejection waaaaaay more than we do. Trust me on this. Thus, the main reason why most Crabs communicate or move sideways (contrary to the approach of Bulls, we prefer the direct, more straightforward approach).
My former-Cancer now has a girlfriend. We're now friends on FB. There was a pic flagged on FB of him and his girlfriend. I was emotionally devastated. My fault, of course, I told him to date other women when he did express interest in me. He was in his shell for too long, so distrust and resentment built up on my part. He caught me off guard, basically. I didn't get the opportunity to freely express how I felt about him. Instead, I just told him "I see you took my advice. I always give good advice. Good Luck to the both of you." But when I left work. I cried my eyes out. He took the photo down, and never responded.
Bulls, we're very good at putting brave faces....but with a Crab, they want to see that strength in every other area...but in intimate situations. They want the walls down. Bulls a little less guarded. They want the romantic fantasy. Live in the moment with them.
I hope this helps...