HI Captain, I wonder if you could bless me with your piercing insight and answer a question for me. I have drawn the line with my husband, I have given him 2 months to change his tune and act and if nothing happens I am finishing the relationship. He has made me a list of all the things he wants to change and has told me what he would like me to change. I am a bit well very wary of his promises, having been knocked down so many times in the past (figuratively that is). Am I hanging on to false hope in thinking he will come through? I think he means what he says at the time he says it and then it kind of drifts away from his head. I would really appreciate your insight and advice, any you have to give.
Thanks a mill, Paddi
"I think he means what he says at the time he says it and then it kind of drifts away from his head."
You're right there. Stick to your deadline - he doesn't really take you seriously about finishing the relationship - thinks it's just one of your female 'moods'. I feel it will take you actually leaving to shock him into revising his life and behaviour.
Did you agree with his list of things for you to change?
In all honesty Captain no I did and do not agree. He wants the place tidy so that he can relax at weekends well I try but the only way would be to not have kids or certainly not 4. Me to be more energetic and not always tired. He feels ignored and unloved. He is never j
here and when he is I do not drop everything to be at his side, well actually I do but he never sees it only the computer. There are two to every relationship but ours is completely out of balance. I am also doubting the move to Ireland now, the financial reality says can't do it but hubby says can.
Ach too much stress, don't ever get married
On his day off, you should leave him with the kids and go off for a day of rest and relaxation. Then we'll see who is the tired untidy one! House-hubby for a day.
They just don't realize, do they?
There is a problem, there is never a day off. Always something more pressing than family life. But yes I need to leave him to it sometime.
Maybe I do really need to work on myself, action and reaction, love being an action not a feeling though I am not sure I agree with that, and of course I can try to make the best of a bad situation. I guess there is a learning process here too.
I think you somehow need to take yourself out of the equation of being a wife and mother, to be alone with just you and your desires and needs, Paddi. Sometimes it's difficult to consider ourselves when our lives are so entwined with others. It's not wrong to want to please yourself, you know. Don't feel guilty. I feel you are neglecting yourself due to the fact you feel you have to work twice as hard to make up for your husband's unappreciative and selfish nature and make your family happy. But what about you - if Mum ain't happy, then no one in the family really is.
I stumbled across Burt Goldman and his intention tune and I listened to it last night. I love the mantra "Today, and in every way, I am getting better and better". I hope our move to Ireland will give me more peace. And yes Mum is the cornerstone for a lot of things. Iwish mine was around still.
THX you are very kind
Now go be kind to yourself!