Captain, could you help me out again, please?



  • Dear Captain

    I've followed your last advice, quite some time ago, regarding something along the lines of ''failures plan endlessly, real men act even when they're not completely sure''

    Although I do still plan, I don't think that stops me from acting. But I do act in the way I think is more correct - according to both my feelings, and my principles.

    If possible, I would appreciate answers to some new questions, when you have some time:

    Have thought a bit before picking the questions to ask - don't want to bother you with pointless ones 🙂

    1. Any words I need to hear, in my situation? (Mostly love-related, it really is what bothers me most, although it probably shouldn't be.)

    2. Why do I keep falling for my closest friend? Am I unable to be a good friend with a female?

    I can only recall ONE very-close female friend I didn'ty end up feeling attracted to, and that's a childhood friend of mine.

    1. Is it even love, what I'm feeling? Or just lust? Or both?

    It's been seeming somewhat destructive to me, lately... even bordering on obssession - reminds me of when I(one-sidedly) fell for a girl, when I was 12 years old (11 years ago)... that hit me like a truck for over 3 years.

    It wasn't good.

    Somehow it feels like the past is happening all over again - but before, although it took me over 3 years, I had an attitude change and channeled my frustration, and rage, in a constructive way. As of now, I am unable to do that since we're so close.

    1. Last, but not least, do I need a change of attitude, towards relationships? As in, being more flexible regarding the order in which things happen.

    I have been educated differently, but it seems sometimes what I'm the one who is wrong, in these modern times.

    Do I need any other change in attitude?

    (If you're not sure who I am talking about, it's A. R. N. I. 7th of July, 1990.)



  • 1. I feel like you are searching for a companion to complete you in some way, to make you whole and happy. But that is only something you can do for yourself. Other people aren't here to do the work for us, to carry us. If you are not a happy person on your own, no one else can make you so, because it means that your basic nature is not a happy one, not happy with what and who you are. Work on any issues and insecurities you may have BEFORE you look for a partner - it will make your life together when you meet her so much easier and smoother.

    2. Because it feels 'safer' to fall for someone you know and are familiar with. It's much more scary to look for a stranger, an unknown quantity. A friend is less likely to hurt you (or so you feel).

    3.If you don't know love from lust, then you don't know yourself and what you really want well enough. When you know yourself properly, you will know the right path and person for you. All your anger and frustration stems from not knowing or understanding yourself well enough to be certain of anything. This requires a lot of deep probing of your soul and heart and mind. i know you spend a great deal of time thinking and pondering, but there are some things you don't want to look at in yourself. Everyone has a dark side that must be explored and dealt with. You must be unafraid to confront yours, even if it is uncomfortable to find darker desires and selfish motives in oneself.

    4. What 'order' of things are you talking about?



  • I meant order as in

    1. Know and Like ; 2) Kiss ; 3) Have sex

    In opposition to 2 --> 3


    Quite some time


    1, which seems to happen quite often.

    I always thought it should be 1 ----> 2


    Time


    3

    For me 1 can take a long time though.

    Also, a friend of mine (male) once told me I fall in love fast... I told him that actually I'm pretty slow.

    He replied ''no, you fall in love very fast... you just take a long time to admit that you're in love.''

    Do you agree?

    Anyway, will focus more on the 'darker desires' and 'selfish motives' thing, for now

    Can you just tell me whether the thing I'm at this moment thinking it is about is what we are talking about? I sure hope it isn't.

    thanks for replying by the way 🙂



  • Also, a friend of mine (male) once told me I fall in love fast... I told him that actually I'm pretty slow.

    He replied ''no, you fall in love very fast... you just take a long time to admit that you're in love.''

    Do you agree?

    Absolutely yes.

    Anyway, will focus more on the 'darker desires' and 'selfish motives' thing, for now

    Can you just tell me whether the thing I'm at this moment thinking it is about is what we are talking about? I sure hope it isn't.

    Since we are in different time zones, how am I supposed to know what you are thinking at any given moment?



  • Ah, sorry about that... I thought intuition would work regardless of whether you knew the exact time... I'm not too good with those things, as you can probably tell 😛

    Anyway I've been trying to introspect, throughout the day... still didn't reach the goal of knowing what exactly I want, but I have had good results I think.

    Namely realizing that I should stop worrying about things like ''this is the only person that could ever like me''. I am a fun person, and I'm not boring... if this girl doesn't like me, then someone else will. If she does like me, then great.

    Also, that I too need freedom... if I feel too controlled, I'll start turning the hypothetic relationship more turbulent, and if it doesn't stop I will eventually leave. Realizing this seemed like a breakthrough, since I've always thought I'd never leave any relationship... well, unless there was domestic violence of course.



  • Captain, I'd like to ask 2 more Q's in the light of recent events...

    About the relationship between me and A.R.N.I.

    a) Do you feel the things that happened this last saturday will be fixed?

    If not, CAN I fix them if I put effort into it?

    b) Do you feel we are compatible to live together? (I said I believe we can adapt to each other... she said we're not compatible.)

    Thanks in advance.



  • What are the things that happened - be more specific.

    I think your friend is right about incompatibility. I feel you are drawn to people who are very different to you, but it is not meant for romance but as a life lesson about learning from other people's different ways of being and doing. You will find love with people who are like you.



  • The things that happened = Her being mad at me for having lied.

    Anyway about 'incompatibility, I believe that mutual respect and companionship are important to developing a relationship. And that is something I think we have. Therefore if possible I will not give up just yet. I have not been turned on by a girl as much as this ever in my life.

    If I play, I'll try to win of course.

    But I'd rather play and lose than not play at all.

    Could you tell me your opinion about this also?



  • You know you talk a lot about other people, but your main focus at the moment I feel should be on yourself. I sense you just don't love or like yourself enough and that you can be way too hard on yoruself. And if you don't like or love yourself, why would other people? You need to acknowledge your strengths as well as your faults.