COMMUNICATION FRITZ



  • Hey everyone. I am hoping that someone can offer up some advice on this little problem that I am having. Maybe it wont seem that important to anyone but after the mishap i had last night my day today is really ruined, and more importantly I feel taht if this trend continues, my relationship may be ruined as well. Anyway, here's the scoop.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almsot 3 years. I may as well let everyone know also that there is a large age gap between us. I am 27 and he is 45. The age difference doesn't bother me necessarily, I just thought I'd mention it because I think it may have something to do with the problem I'm having, which is this: We are, again, on a communication fritz. It is becoming more and more common with us, and I raelly don't know what to do. Last night we didn't have a fight but we may as well have. Well actually it might be more accurate to say that we did, but we just didn't use any words, or something. I like to write, I always have (I know it may not seem that I would take writing seriously from the inelequent prose I have posted in forums, but I have to do this on work time so Im rushed, please don't laugh!) Anywhoo, it has never been my goal to get all big and famous. I have never been published. I write for my own enjoyment, but I do put a lot of time in. My boyfriend isn't the first person who's suggested to me that I make an attempt to 'go public' with my work. Anyway, for the past couple of years I have been plugging away at a novel. At first, it was more like just picking away at an idea. It didn't really start coming together until maybe 3 or four months ago. Since then, it's really taken shape. Anyway, last night, I told him taht I was starting to feel really excited because I was getting close to the end, and he comes out and says, You've said that before. ANd I was like, HUH? What's that mean? And he said, well, some people talk aobut things but they never really accomplish them. I was really hurt. It is true that I have said I thought I was getting somewhere with this novel before but then basically started over again...but as I said, I do it for my own enjoyment. I have casually talked about self-publishing this book when it's done but Im not rushed in any way. I really do do it for myself. I'm not even sure how much it would be worth to anyone else, and I really don't care. Anyway, so after a long silence, I said, Is that what you really think of me? That Im just wasting my time? And he said, (drum roll please...) NOTHING. So, oooookay, Im thinking. And another long silence passes. I ask a second time, and still nothing, just some incoherent noncommital replies. Well fine, I thought. He doesn't ahve to spell it out for me. At the end of the night, jsut before falling asleep, he tried to tell me that he didn't think I was incompetent. But by then I was really upset, and I simply told him taht he didn't ahve to try and make up with me, taht I accepted his opinion. THEN he told me that he only didn't say anything at the time because he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. But I don't beleive him; I think he meant what he said. And who the h--- thinks that saying and doing nothing at all is the way to go about fixing a problem? So what should I do? Accept his not-even-really-existent apology? Is there anything I can do to fix this reccurring issue before it dissolves our relationship? Any insight, anyone? Thanks! Be well. -- Marielle 25


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