Dumpt 3 months befor our wedding

  • I met this women 5 years ago she did all the chasing, i had come out of a 33 year marrage at the time. I had a flat on my own she had a house . I gave in to this women moved in with her. I am very handy with building i acn do all the jobs like plumbing electrics etc. so she borrowed 10,000 pounds to do up her house i did all of the work, new bathroom new bedrooms that is plastering skirtings etc. redisined her down stairs, knocked out walls to make a dinnigroom/kitchen bricked up back door puttin a patio door to back knocked out wall to oprn up loung. knocked down out house. made a drive fo off street parking. took me 2 years to almost complete the house . put my hart and soul into this house and the relationship, i loved this women from the bottem of my heart she asked time and time agian to get married but i said no as i thought we was ok as we were. but then on the leep year of 2008 she gave me a ring on valantins day and proposed marrage , but i refusewd but the day after i felt so bad that i then said yes. she did all the planning for the wedding. we did everything together, i did not take one bath in 5 years on my own she joind me in everyone. she was my whole life, then things started to go down hill she stopped making love as much she spent more time at work and with her family i was left at home to vegitate. as i had no friends and family as they did not like my women. her family only put up with me because i was with her. then we went away in our caeavan on easter week end this year. she was so distant i may as well have been on my own. we came home early on the sat, she then went to work on the bankholiday which she didnt have to i was left alone again, we had a big bust up i was given the last chance but i said but ive not had a fist one yet, she then ask me to move out as she did not want to get married in july. i was gutted my whole world fell apart i left 2 week later with only the things that i had bought, she then sent the polce after me i was arrwsed for theft. and now three months on i can not get her out of my mind she is in there 24/7 its driving me nuts closew to killing myself can some one tell me how to get this part of my life out of my head.

    thaks bob

  • Just pray and ask God for forgiveness. Then you must forgive her. You will be okay. You have so much potential and you will do great things this year.

  • how can i forgive some one that has disrtroid my future our dreams and all our plans. she has done this with no explanation to me as to why she wanted to finish us . she told me times many that we were soul mates and we would spend the next 30 years togather u see im 57 not a lot of time left to start again is there. she is only 47 and she is good looking and can get any man she wants . a man on is own at 57 does not stand a chance of being happy again after having his heart broken so cruely.

  • I think the best thing to do is just get up everyday and take it one minute at a time. Shower (don't bathe), brush your teeth, and do whatever else you need to to get out the door and start living again. This relationship does not define who you are, it never did. And as far as being 57, my mom is 89 and my dad 90 and they are in good health, still travel an live a good life. You never know this very well could be the start of a new rewarding life for you, one filled with love, excitement and adventure. So get up dust yourself off and start over, it's never to late.

  • things happen so we can wake up sort of speak. you say she pursued you and you did not except her offer of marriage right away. i have to believe that you on some level did not feel completely comfortable with this relationship.so maybe you need to forgive yourself for giving in and for give her for not being more aware of her need to control, take advantage of you and i am sure others as well. this can be a chance for you to gain some insight into who you are and what you want for yourself, want to be treated better by others, then treat yourself better and then others will as well...hope this helpful...wishing you better times and letting go of someone you decided to love is not easy, our egos don' t always understand love is not always returned in kind....she will leave your thoughts once you realize that she is more of a symbol for what is wrtong in your life...so go with the feelings and see what pops up...

  • Hi, Yes, I agree w/Fixed in Fire. Sounds like she pursued you quite relentlessly. You know, if your instincts are telling you to slow down there's probably a reason for that. I think you were honest in your feelings and did your best. Based on this alone you have no regrets. Reading between the lines a bit sounds like you might have been manipulated. These things happen. I feel like I have been a victim in a few relationships. You have to remember who you are. Many times, things happen for the best. I also agree that you can find a true companion. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself.

  • I agree with Fixed in fire and Dalia...BE GOOD to YOURSELF!! Like I have learned,like you the HARD way, our Heart sometimes overrules our head! But, when we can clear our minds, the lessons are well learned. You are not alone..reach out to friends,and just spend time on YOU for a change...the pain will be there for awhile but just keep on going,,take one minute ,one day at a time...it goes by faster than we we realize..:( Life is to short ...sooo try and think of things and the people you are most thank-ful for...tommorrow is a new day,a new start!! Have Faith...your blessings will come...:)

  • thanks for all the advice sounds goog to me i will try and look after my self and change. yes i agree that she will leve my thoughts but its the hurt thats here right now that is hard to deal with. yes i blame my self for alowing her to get into my life and to take advantage of my talants in helping her inprove her house, i was week and i could hve said no but didnt i gave in. yes time will heal my mind. i know but love is very hurtful if there was a tablet to take to make it all better some one would make a fortune. the hardset part of my day as you say is getting up and out to keep my job and still have some cash flowing or if not i will have nothing then i would be lost for ever. so thanks again all for the advice.

    thanks bob

  • one more thing bob, if she is still in your head and heart as with the hurt, then it is because you are trying to understand the how and why of it...look at it as if it is a course you took in love 101. you can break it down over the years and the hurt or foolishness we feel from it are our egos felling not in control...but you were just doing what you thought was the right thin g to do based on what you grew up believing was the correct action...now you get to decide what the correct action is and will enjoy a much healthier and secure relationship in the near future...you sound like a quick study so be happy...leo, fixed in fire

  • one more thing bob, if she is still in your head and heart as with the hurt, then it is because you are trying to understand the how and why of it...look at it as if it is a course you took in love 101. you can break it down over the years and the hurt or foolishness we feel from it are our egos felling not in control...but you were just doing what you thought was the right thin g to do based on what you grew up believing was the correct action...now you get to decide what the correct action is and will enjoy a much healthier and secure relationship in the near future...you sound like a quick study so be happy...leo, fixed in fire

  • Hello Bob, Sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. I think that the first thing you should do is seek professional help. I know that a lot of guys don't like the idea but this is the best thing for you since anyone would feel traumatized after such a terrible experience. Secondly, you should change your number, emails or block her... get away from anyone who is connected to her in any way. There is no such thing as friendship even if she gets down on her knees and cries. the damage is done already. Also, on your days off from work or after work try to keep yourself busy whether it is working out, join a karate class or simply go to the beach and meditate. Anything that can get your mind off of her. And remember time heals all wounds... Best of luck.

  • yes i am trying to understand the why,s and wherefors , trying to make sence of it all thats why she is in my head. but u see i cant think of anything els through the day. its hard to try and consetrate on my work or anthing else this is what i cant get over why i cant put other thoughts in my head . i try to focus on other things but she still comes back time and time again. this can drive a man nuts u see. im useualy very good at consentating but she has some sort of hold over me thats what i have to get out of my system.

  • thanks snickersbar i understand what u say i am keeping my self bussy so bussy im nackering my self . im wearing my self out going dancing three or four times a week ,thats not any old dancing but moden jive. i have tried to change my apperance lost weight changed my hair style etc but she is still there what next

  • Well, sometimes it's hard to understand how another human being can be so cruel. But they can. You put you trust in her. Counseling would be a good option. Maybe go to someone at the church that you like. Have you thought about asking someone out for coffee, lunch etc., just to break the routine a little. Try to make a connection. There's nothing wrong with being friends, by the way. Let us know how it goes.

  • who do you ask out for a coffie there are no friends or family i can talk to in confidence. i dont go to church to ask some one there. i also work on my own so all i have is my owsn space and thoughts.

  • Take a chance, bust out a little. Go to several churches, see which one you like. Just doing that will take some time. Some churches are open Wed. evenings. Join a church group. There's a lot in the same situation as you. This is one idea. Talk to people. I would start by finding a church and then talking to the pastor, see what he recommends. That is what they are supposed to be there for. It's not good to feel alone but sometimes peoples behavior can make us feel all alone when actually we never felt that way to begin with--know what I mean.

  • you could also try doing a montra of sorts, i love you, i forgive you , i release you, you could just be huantd by her sort of speak, it worked for me... start by saying her name and then ...i have been huanted by man and have stuggled with the attraction for some time but i find if i explore the feelings that go with the attraction and then blessed him this way...things are better for me...good luck

  • Hi bob I've been played for a fool before too. It's the worst feeling in the world to trust and love someone and have to face the fact that they are not only unworthery, but insincere. You have to give yourself time to lick your wounds and heal, but don't let it stop you from living and loving. Dust yourself off and think of what you learned get back up and try again. Remember what goes around comes around and she will get hers in the end and you too will get what you deserve if you give yourself and fate a chance.

  • hi sexygem im sure you are right in what you say, it makes alot of sence i dont never want to feel how i have felt this past 4 months .Iknow that time will heal and she will get her comeupance but like i said she is in my head and try as i may cant get her out , there is no quike fix in love but it can drive you to doing foolish things or even think of doing foolish things, you see all what she said now seem to be lies, that she felt that we were soul mates going to be together for the next 30 years and that she wanted to be the last women i would ever love , all the plans for the future just wiped of in a weekend in a cold and calouse way i look in to her eyes and they were dead no feelings in them at all ,and no explanation as to why this is no a living hell for me till time heals .

  • Bobbuilder:

    Very sorry to hear about your breakup, but I think she used you. She had you finish her house and then asked you to leave, called the police on you. Can you sue her for time and money (labor) spent in fixing her house? Please do not say no, the only think that hurts people like her is money! If you can sue her so that she has to compensate you for time and labor, it will make her think the next time she does this to someone else. Could she have met someone else? I've heard and read of too many of these working late lies.

    Can you join a gym, a library, anything but a Pub/Bar? Hopefully, you will meet someone nice. Time is a great healer and you will get over her, with or without the help of another women.

    The positive side of your break up is: Imagine what your life would have been like, if you had married her!!!!!

    Good luck!

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