Astra how are you?



  • Astra,

    Wow! Okay let's see,where to start? First of all I am glad you have not given up on love. I think that is rally sad although I can totally understand it andI may be right behind you. Still, as humans, as animals, I think we all have a basic desire or instinct to merge. It is how we keep the species alive.

    Communication is key but it is also tricky. Most people are not willing, or are afraid or are so un-self-aware that they cannot communicate. There should be no off limits topics as you say. I have been reading a couple of very sad, very disheartening but also very enlightening book. The author is Steven Carter. Men Who can't Love and He's afraid, she's afraid. They are about fear of commitment and what it looks like. I don't know for sure but from the few things you have shared, you might want to look at them. Just a guess and I could be way off. I was so unaware of these behaviors that I had no way of seeing them. My part or his.

    Now as for what I want. That is not that hard. do I just want flowers and dinner and a movie? No. that is what I had. do I want fun trips on the motorcycle? Sure but that is not enough. Is is sex? Again, fun and part of it but not all of it. What I want is a honest open connection with another human being. I want to share my life with someone, day in and day out. I want to be the person they turn to in good times and in bad. I want someone to go to sleep with and wake up with. I want to do all of the little daily stuff, laundry and dishes as well as the fun stuff, trips and whatever. I want to be comfortable during the boring times when there is nothing to talk about as well as during the exciting time when there is everything to talk about and in the difficult times when it is hard to talk. i want to make decisions together and be supported to make my own decisions when I need to. I want to support the others person's interests and growth as well as be supported in mine. I want to grow old together and when we are old (really old not just sort of old like now) I want to look back and appreciate the connection that we had with another human being. Perhaps I want too much, perhaps what I want is not real. I don't so. I am not naive enough to think this is easy and there are no bumps along the road. i had this once and I know it is possible and I know that I can do it again. I have seen it with many other people and I know it exists. but I also know that it is a choice and both people have to make that choice and they have to choose to make the commitment and weather the storms.

    What would I do if L came calling tomorrow? At this point I am really not sure. From what I have read i should run like crazy. i should not even answer the door. I should shut him out of my life and give up on him ever being about to give me what I want. Quite frankly the idea of seeing him again scares me to death because it most likely means more pain for me. However I also know that I am not that far along in my healing and my process of letting go because the idea of never seeing him again scares me just as much. I need to work on this because it is likely, if he follows the pattern, that I will hear from him again. And it is unlikely, if he follows the pattern, that he will change his behavior or his ability to commit. Both things are hard to do. It will be very difficult for him to change his ways, it would take so much work that I am not at all even close to sure that he could do it. Yet is very hard to let go because of the psychological attachment that is created during a relationship like ours. The way it works is that the bond is quick and intense. then the person with commitment fears pulls away a bit and then comes closer and then pulls away and then leaves and comes back and then pulls away again. Every time they come closer or back it is intermittent reinforcement for hanging on, for trying to stay connected. Intermittent enforcement is very powerful.Also they typically they leave when things are really good. At the height of the relationship , when the feelings are strong and there are no issues, no fights, they get sacred and the run which is very very hurtful and confusing to the person left behind. The joy followed by the hurt, the fear, the reinforcement, the confusion is what makes it so difficult to let go. This is what I am dealing with right now. This is how I see it and I did not see it before. So what would I do if L came back tomorrow? I don't know but i do know what I should do and right now that seems very very difficult. So right now, as much as I hate to say it, as hard as it is to even think it, I have to hope that he has the good sense and enough respect for me to just stay away. Because there is very little chance that he can give me the things in a relationship that I want.

    The question for me, the part I struggle with is, is there anyone out there who can? I agree it seems that the universe always brings pain to those who still believe in the good in people. is that why I keep getting slapped? Or is it just that I am blind to these behaviors i others? I certainly was. Or is it that I am broken and so I only attract people who are broken? Or is that everyone is broken and there is no hope at all? At this point your guess is as good a mine.

    You are right, i am a sag and I am a pretty straight shooter. This is all crazy making stuff for me. Why can't we all just grow up, be honest with themselves and everyone else? the world would be a much better place.

    off to help some friends move now. I hope you have a fun weekend too.

    sadsag



  • Hi Astra,

    Hmmm? It seems my last post to you did not make it on the board. Interesting since on the thread it says I was the last to post but there is no post from me. Bummer! It was a good one. I told you exactly what I want from my relationship. I answered all of your questions and it was a very inspired answer 🙂 But that was about a week ago so recreating it now would be work 😞

    I was reading your thread with danceur. I agree communication is critical in all areas of our lives. Think about how many things would be different in this world if people just communicated honestly and respectfully with each other. Work issues would be resolved, family issues would be resolved, political issues would be resolved...well okay that might be taking it a bit far but you get the picture. Relationship issues would be much easier to deal with. The problem is that we all have so many wounds from our childhoods that we are unaware us but that profoundly affect us. Add those to the events from our early years and our adult years that we do remember and you have a whole lot of road blocks to communication. Some people just cannot get around them no matter how hard they try. It is sad really because there could be so much more happiness in this world.

    I am usually a good communicator. I have spent the last 28 years of my life teaching children how to communicate. hopefully that will have some influence on how people communicate in the future 🙂 Alas I don't think it will since it is the emotions behind the communication that is usually the issue with adults. having said that, I do spend lots of time teaching kids how to recognize emotions in themselves and other so they can interact appropriately so maybe I am doing some good for the world. anyway, I am a good communicator but sometimes in emotional situations, particularly if I am dealing with someone who is not a good communicator it is still challenging. I have my own baggage that gets in the way. humans are complicated and that make it all so much harder. but we can't give up. If we give up on communication and we give up on love then we give up on ourselves and humans in general. So consider yourself one of the blessed ones that you are in touch with your feelings and that you can express them. so many people can't and I think it leads to so much unhappiness.

    I liked your idea of checking out a temp agency. I think that is a good one. My son did that, that is how he got his job in graphic design. he was hired on as a temp, at first for a week and then extended to a month, then 3 and then they hired him on permanently. There are temp agencies, at least there are here, that cater to different types of jobs and skills. And the job market is getting a bit better. You would have a much easier time getting a job here but I do understand that you have obligations there that make it hard to move.

    Do you have a web site where you offer readings for a fee? There are people here who charge big bucks for readings. I have a friend who goes to this woman and pays her over $100 an hour for a reading. They are in person readings. You could do that. And there is a store here that kind of caters to the occult and metaphysical stuff and they have people in there who do readings for a fee. Just some ideas...

    So now, how about a Valentine's Day reading? (One of these days I should just get a deck of cards but I love the way you interpret them. You are way better at it than I am and I think you are more intuitive as well.) I don't have any particular plans for VD except work. Not very exciting, I know. since I have not heard from the one person who I would chose as my Valentine I was not inspired to make any plans 😞 I have never been a big fan of VD but it is still hard to ignore and just has the effect of pointing out what I don't have which I find very annoying! I am going to the Symphony on Friday night though so that will be fun and is something to look forward too.

    What about you? Any romantic plans? They don't have to cost money. A walk in the moonlight, holding hands can be very romantic... it could be a good time to get some of that communication going that might change your entire outlook on life 😉 Yes I know, I am a die hard romantic and ever hopeful, much to my own detriment I do believe. But honestly, I hope we can both find some joy in the day that was created by marketing firms to make money for big corporations ;0

    sadsag



  • Hi sadsag

    yes I had noticed that your last reply didn't show and so I thought I would wait to see what happened. I have noticed that at times on this forum that sometimes the post at the end of a page or starting a new page is hidden until another post goes up. Some sort of bug in the forum software.

    I will go back and read over that last post too... I was just sitting here looking over your most recent...

    As for me, no, not any plans really for Valentine's I won't go into details, the whole relationship thing is littered with landmines for me so best I don't go there. Maybe go buy a six pack and kick back with my RC helicopter haha... I could cut a red heart shape out of paper and tape it to the canopy.

    On the whole communication thing, yep it is a big one... I have learned a lot about it, having been so clueless most of my life, and unaware of the disastrous results of allowing non-communication to be tolerated in relationships. Eventually cost me my job, my marriage. everything goes back to enabling non-communicators in our lives. Honesty, these ones from our past that are problem communicators probably best to say "adios" to... find someone else to play with... you get hooked up with a non-communicator you are in for trouble. It is like the perfext method to maintain control over another human being. When faced with a "situation" in the relationship, all you have to do is refuse to communicate... leave the other person hanging... and then you can dictate the terms of "reconciling" with your "beloved". It is a disgusting tactic too often used and takes advantage of people who haven't learned the primary importance of communication.

    THat is why i LOVE the swords! I would GLADLY take a companion who is not afraid to communicate over anything else... cups, wands, pents... give me a communicative mate and there is no mountain we couldn't scale together! Give me a mate with everything else... cups, wands and money... and problems in communication and that will end in disaster every time.

    Okay... enough of that... but I think you and I and probably most everyone on this forum is on the same wavelength there. I don't even trust this "love" cups thing anymore.. too deceitful too often... love? What is that? A feeling? Ugh. I am weary of trusting a feeling.. give me a smart lady with some sense and not afraid to talk, THEN we can start looking for cups! (I have gotten a little jaded in the whole lovey-dovey thing... )

    So... let's get your reading going sadsag!

    I am really having very good results with the trusty Celtic Cross, that is all I have been using now for a while... so for you...

    Dear Tarot, what can we see as regards sadsag's Valentine's Day lovelife?

    Situation: 8 of Cups. Expansive emotional energies. Shows your heart really open and yearning yearning for love I am sure. This is a very energetic and active card, it is really wanting to get going emotionally! Let's see what crosses that...

    Crossing: King of Swords - that has to be your guy Sadsag. There he is... again! You really have a thing for this man! That is probably what is blocking anyone new from entering. Until that energy is cleared out. WE can work on that if you want.

    Okay, now above...

    High Priestess. That is mystery sort of secret things... gimel... camel... commerce also. Something there in your higher hopes and wishes for your life is not consciously accessible for you. Could be a suppressed desire, goal, interaction, something "up there" is wanting to come forth and yet since you are not conscious of it, it remains a mystery. I had 2 cards flash to me right before this one, the 6Wands and the Tower... those cold be clues we may come back to those.

    Below...

    4 of Swords. That is very resting, calm, repose of mind. That seems to be an anchor in your love life. That is really, really, really important to you in a relationship. Established intellectual and communication. That is the real foundation for you I think in "valentine's" activities and relationships! This seems to go back to the whole communication thing we were just talking about.

    Also ties to this King who may have some issues communicating. Is there something you are wanting him to tell you? That you are waiting on? He isn't the on;y fish in the sea you know.

    Recent past, something important to know from "back there"... 9 of Cups. The wish card! Ahh... the 9 of cups... lovers in arms, everything so sweet and perfect! Blue birds chirping away... cupid floating your heads... so wonderful.. so deliciously perfect... and something happened.

    This says something was "perfect" or pretty dang close in a love relationship back there... and then something happened. To see that 9... and then to drop back to the 8 at present, says that it was "better" back there. ANd now it is a "missing piece" of love... do you see that? So that is really a background lingering energy for you that you deal with, the good ole days of love...

    Upcoming... now what is coming in...

    Judgment! Hmm... what a change of setting. From all of these cuppy cups to now... people launching into the air from a graveyard! What in the world does this mean?

    Well... it is all swords (5) and wands (Q). So it carrying forward your FOUNDATION energies of the 4S as well as something about the King Swords (you know who I guess)... and also for the first time we are seeing some Wands, and this is a Queen 4W energy also.

    So... to take the card at face value you can expect a change of mind (5S) about something related to this KS/8C issue at center... and also this establishes your PATH as a MATURE queen of purpose and focus on your own path, goals, roles apart from whatever is going on with Cup land and King Swords guy.

    Future environment - 6 of Swords.

    You see? This is very much like the 4S although this has some nice romance attached too! The 6 swords to me is VERY romantic and potentially eros kind of energy... dark of night... moon is out... that is all associated to this card with me for some reason. I think the swords, by the time they have made it to the 6 level, are so worn out with their own brains, that they go crazy in the bedroom, or in the bow of a boat... whevever they happen to find themselves hahaha....

    So, whatever you are processing out as this cups going bye-bye and leading toward swords, high priestess mystery and judgment, takes you to COMMUNICATING your needs love-land I believe. That is the future you want for yourself.

    Outer influences. 4 of Wands. That is an energy affecting your from outside your own life efforts, path, thinking, emotions and material issues. This can be anyone or anything helping you from OUTSIDE, and not within your own immediate controlled environment. This is a very established foundational path energy and says that someone or something around you is helping you right now to get your path established as something very dependable and nice. Something that you can really build on. Probably very communicative and forthright I am guessing as it pertains to love and relationship. Could be a book you pick up, a friend you bump into, your guardian angel, or even a tarot reading! Something from "out there" is helping you get to 4 Wand land!

    Hopes and concerns and perhaps advice. 4 of Pentacles. This is Foundation of material, physical, financial all of the settings of life that we like. This is carrying the 4 W forward as a pentacles experience of real love life that is substantive and works in all of the practical ways...

    Hey I am going to take a break here as my laptop battery is about to go... I will come back and wrap up in a bit!



  • Astra,

    I found this on line today. http://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-business-coaching/

    sadsag



  • Hey sadsag

    Happy Valentine's day :)... love is in the air! Or... is that just my Century Raven Helicopter beating her wings haha....

    THANKS for that link I would love to take that course... and get GOING with something more professional in this tarot business. I keep hearing these "stories" of people actually earning a fair income at it... it sounds like urban legends to me but maybe there is some truth to it. I would love to take some trips to Seaattle area and just start making calls, put a brochure together, and pound the pavement until something happens... nothing happening over here for sure.

    Um, as for your reading yesterday I didn't really finish that sri... it all ended on a 5 of Wands and that through me....

    8C

    KS

    HP

    4S

    9C

    JG

    6S

    4W

    4P

    5W

    That is the sequence. I keep getting path change for you, maybe time to end some things from the past, and realize that you have options and can make changes (5w). Lots of 4's so foundations are a theme for you. You really really want something substantive in your life, it is interesting that they are everything EXCEPT cups though... almost like what you really want is simply the other aspects of life... thoughts... plans... and material/financial... to be working and then Love can come later seems to be the sense.

    Judgement "entering" seems to be a release from something that has held you in a past life sort of mode .... love wishes... love change and movement... a King of thinking... non communication... and a desire for communication before everything else (4S below)...

    then Judgement is liberation from that.

    Then, the quiet, smooth and nice thoughts (6S) moving toward the 4 land... of path and material blessing... and then the 5W really seems to be shining a light on the whole thing encouraging change... what do you think? Getting anything on your side?

    Okay well hope your day is nice maybe some nice surprises!

    love and light from the east...

    astra



  • Astra,

    Love is not in the air here so it must be those helicopter wings  I wish I could report that love was in the air but it just is not the case. I think it is time that I just accept that this is my life and it is not going to change. Time to stop resisting the path my life is on.

    As for the reading, it does make sense in a lot of way. I do feel like I don’t have a foundation in my life. Since my divorce, when the carpet was pulled out from under me, and life changed completely I have been struggling. Struggling to find my balance really. When he left he made a lie out of everything that I believed to be true of us and our family and the way our life was going. I think there is a part of me that still really resists that. This is not the way it is supposed to be! How did I get here?

    So if something from the past needs to end it is that feeling. That resistance. But I don’t see any other path. In my day to day life I don’t see many options. Stuck in my job (which I am grateful to have but bored to death with), stuck being single, stuck being the 3rd wheel everywhere I go, stuck in this emotional muck. Just plain stuck. A path change would be wonderful and some kind of substance would be good. My life is not empty and not without meaning but still it feels empty in some ways. Sounds pathetic doesn’t it? Yes it is interesting that there are no cups but then I do know that a love relationship would not fix everything that I feel. (I wonder if hypnosis would help?) Really I just want to be happy and happy looks so far away. It frustrates the heck out of me because I used to be very happy. I have always been one of those high energy, perky, happy people. I’m a sag and we are generally pretty easy going. Now I feel like I am carrying around the weight of the world.

    I know that it goes beyond the loss of the king of swords. He is certainly not the be all end all of this world. Like you know, his ability to communicate sucks. So why am I so attached to him? He is probably way more trouble than he is worth. So why do I hang on? Yes we had lots of fun, we did have that 9 of cups, magical ride off into the sunset on the motorcycle kind of thing going, but obviously it was not real or at the very least not sustainable. But the end of us means that it is once more just me. There is nothing wrong with me, I like myself actually, I just don’t like where my life has been recently and where it appears to be heading. I hope that Judgement entering means that the past can go away and there will be a change in my path. A positive change would be nice. Do you see any lottery winnings any time soon? That would be nice 😉

    Enough of the doom and gloom! This too shall pass as everyone is so fond of saying. I thought that website was interesting. Perhaps you should move to England. The Brits are much more open and accepting of tarot and astrology than we are. We Americans are much too puritan for that stuff! But I thought it was interesting that she actually teaches a class on how to make a living at tarot. Who would have guessed that such a thing would exist? I didn’t really look too closely at it so I don’t know what is involved but I decided to pass it on to you. At the very least, reading the blog and the way people were interpreting the cards was interesting.

    Well I hope that your Valentine’s Day is good and that you have some nice surprises too. Tomorrow is Friday and then I have a 4 day weekend. That is something to be grateful for 

    Sending you love and light from the west side

    sadsag



  • Hey sadsag!

    Yippie we made it though Valentine's day in one piece! haha.... I got a special gift today from my special lover... Tower Hobbies... a charger for a lead acid battery. 🙂

    I think you are doing well... looking over your reading again you have a lot of 4-5-6 energy which is where you want to be... the extreme 9 cup energy is in the past, i would leave it there.

    You are a lot more balanced than you realize. Yeah... how did I get here? This is not my beautiful house... this is not my... you know the song... '..letting the days go by... ' ... yeah/// how in the **** did I get here...

    We are never as stuck as we think... there is always a way out of any situation. Just ask houdini...

    "My life is not empty and not without meaning but still it feels empty in some ways. "

    Yeah, the feelings... that is what we battle if we could see with angel eyes we would see all is well, exactly where we need to be! But I don't have angel eyes and so I have a hard time appreciating the place I am at.... a really hard time... a really really really hard time haha.....

    Hypnosis! I love hynosis I have played around with it and I can induce a trance pretty easily... they are great fun. That would be something to try. I have not done it much in a while but I always went to some fabulous places that way... there is a whole wonderful universe out there to explore that way, but then we have to come back to earth and then its... ugh... hasn't changed it seems and so I got to where I would just as soon work with the muck...

    I don't know why you are so attached to him.... we never know. I have attachments to others I met that stick with me. I never see them or hear from them so the attachment sorta doesn't add up to much! Still, someone leaves a mark on your heart it doesn't go away. Now, if you meet someone new, it will tend to fade that mark with a new one! But then... you want to make sure you aren't being led to slaughter again... you see the predicament. A lot are in limbo now, caught in lala land without a lover because our experiences of love killed us, and then we don't understand how to trust again... so we stay in limbo alone... drifty... that is "7 land" which at first can feel like hell. Eventually you get used to it and it don't seem so bad. THat is my journey. When you get to a place where you don't even care whether you ever find love again or not, you know you are out of the woods. The woods is letting the loss of love rob you of happiness. I got tired of that... so now I am into Extra-terrestrial communications and RC helicopters and "I love you" can go take a long walk off a short pier.

    " I just don’t like where my life has been recently and where it appears to be heading. I hope that Judgement entering means that the past can go away and there will be a change in my path. A positive change would be nice. Do you see any lottery winnings any time soon? "

    You want to change the direction of your life we can work on that together. I am starting to understand how the tarot helps us... it isn't fortune telling, that isns't its real purpose. It has another use which is much more valuable!

    Move to England? Sure thing. I would go tomorrow as long as I knew it was the best for me to do that. And if I had a job waiting. And if I had more than $2 in the bank... and if I knew I could take my RC helicopter with me.

    I am getting signs that Seattle might be good for me... tarot reading over on your side is opening up more and more I think...and i love to give readings... one of these days it will open up if I can last... but that tarot link you sent is interesting I will be checking into that.

    You would think I would know how to make $$$ at anything cuz I was in advertising for 30 years!!! go figure...

    blessings!

    astra



  • Hi Astra,

    yes we made it through Valentine's day. I am happy to have it behind me. I don't know why it bothered me so much. Well that is not exactly true but I have never really liked it. It seems like one of those damned if you do damned if you don't holidays. Happy to have a whole years beofre I have to deal with it again.

    4 5 6 energy huh? If you say that is good then I will go with it. the 9 cups is in the past, at least that one particular 9C relationship is. I do not intend to to any thing to resurrect it as I have said before. I am not sure that I could anyway. It takes 2 and it takes trust and i don't have much trust in that particular King. So be it. Still there is a strong attachment there for me. I am not feeling his attachment anymore. Last time we were apart I could feel his attachment to me energetically. This time is different, there seems to be a disconnect. Still it makes me very sad and the finality of it is painful. The thought of never seeing him again still hurts.

    As for giving up on love, i don't know. That is what I should do I'm sure. I should just let it go and learn to be happy in the life I have. somehow that just does not sit well with me. I am a relationship person. Not just romantic but all kinds. Relationships to me and i want to have people to share my life with because without them what do you really have. Stuff is not important to me. People are. I have good relationships with my children and I am so very grateful for that. they are awesome young men and I am go happy that they like involving me in their lives. I have a number of really close friends who I also value. and I would still like to have a romantic relationship. I want to have someone to share all of the good things that I do have in my life. I probably have to accept that it just might not happen though. I had it for a long time and then it ended and that might just be all i get. It still makes me very sad though. And probably it is just letting go of the expectation and the idea that that is how life is supposed to be. People grow up, fall in love, get married and they stay married. that was my model and that was my expectation. It is not the way it happened and I have difficulty reconciling that. perhaps it is time to go back to counseling to work on letting go of those fairy tale ideas.

    I don't think of the tarot as fortune telling. I think of it more as revealing what is going on in a situation that is not visible to us. it is usually pretty accurate in telling what the current situation is. Soemtimes that is something i already know and sometimes it isn't. What is coming next? maybe not so much but then that is affected by many outside forces and choices. So tell me your ideas on how to use to to make changes.

    Hypnosis is good. I have done some of it for relaxation and inner child work. but what I think I want to do is actually go and work with someone to see if they can uncover some hidden thing that I can't find. something that makes me so unhappy being alone, or something that makes me react so strongly to loss. I do not seem to deal with loss very well and I have had lots of it. you would think that practice would make perfect right? perhaps there is some unconscious force that is working against me that needs to be revealed. Something that blocks my forward progress and makes me feel stuck. If it could be revealed then I could work to heal it. The problem is, as usual, is that it is very expensive and i don't have money to spend on that kind of thing. the woman I want to see is $200 an hour. That is really not even an option.

    A move to England would be fun. I love Europe. I hope that I get to go back someday but right now it does not look very likely. Things change though so you never know. As for tarot reading here, I think it is possible. check out that website. Also I know that they do shows here, convention type things where readings are offered. there is lots of New Age stuff going on here all the time. I am not sure how to tap into that or even find out about it but i do know it happens. i went to one a number of years ago but can't remember what it was called or even where it was actually. you could always come here and set up a blanket at Green lake and offer readings to people walking around the lake. i bet you would find there are many people who would take you up on that. I don't know though if there are city rules about charging for such things in the park. yes, 30 years in advertising should give you some insight into how to make this happen!

    Time to get going on my day now. there is work to be done and no one here to do it except me.

    Take care,

    Sadsag



  • Hi Astra,

    How are things? Not much change here. Life just keeps going and time marches by. I am still working on accepting where i am right now and being okay with it. Resistance is futile, as they say. That seems to be the case because i am going no where fast! But to be honest, things are easing a bit. Time does not heal all wounds, i don't believe that for a second, but distance form a problem does allow for some perspective and it eventually kills hope. That is at least a bit helpful.

    I have just been busy filling my life with friends and family. My son has another play starting up, they were auditioning last weekend. I am probably going to spend some time helping with that. That will be really good. I love hanging out with the 'kids' (they really are adults but kids to me) They all have such positive, upbeat energy. that is good for a person like me. I tend to pick up the energy of the people around me a bit more than I like sometimes. All the more reason to hang out with these very positive people. I love that they don't mind hanging out with an old lady like me.

    My path does not seem to have changed much in the last couple of weeks but change happens slowly. Perhaps I am like a frog in a pot of water. I won't see the change until it is too late. I hope not! That does sound a bit dire. On the other hand i can appreciate slow changes. All of the changes that have happened suddenly in my life have been negative so i am okay with slow change. Having said that, winning the lottery tonight would be a very nice sudden change. That one I would gladly accept.

    What is up with you these days? have you set up your tarot business yet? Is it spring over there yet? It is stormy over here today. That is fine with me. I am not looking forward to motorcycle weather since I will be out of the loop this summer. I still struggle with the idea that someone else will have my spot on the bike. 😞 I guess it is best just to get it over with though. I will get through it and eventually it won't matter anymore. In that respect I would be happy for time to pass a bit more quickly. I am choosing to focus on my trip to Hawaii. The Universe was quite generous with me and I am getting a tax refund! It is not huge but it means I can take my vacation with a few bucks in my pocket. I am very grateful for that. I am working on living in a place of gratitude. I know that I have many things to be grateful for and so I am trying not to look at the things I don't have. It is time to grow up, put on my big girl panties (not to be confused with granny panties) and be happy with my life. Whining is not getting me anywhere, that is for sure.

    So, tell me what you have been up to. Something interesting no doubt.

    sadsag



  • Hi sadsag

    Things are good... I guess, by faith! We can't go wrong I guess just believing things are going well, regardless of how we feel or how it looks at any given moment.

    That was something that I loved about Jesus Christ. That message of faith was so beautiful to me. It applies in any situation. Relationships... it was a message of faith and trust... and seeing the nice side of life. that everything is always working out for the best! I loved that message! I made the mistake of confusing that with buildings and organizations... and yet, I still love the message of faith and hope and love... that was what Paul kept preaching...

    I know... religion... ugh... who needs it... I agree. And yet, I see a door of love, or something... that Jesus must have loved, and seen... I don't know about all of that. but I know that when he said love one another, I think it was love like... x x x ... anything goes... if it feels good do it... you know? FuN!!!!!!!! Life should be a BLAST! And so fun, we are all children playing really... 🙂

    Sri, for the religious side trip there... what can I say... southern bible belt... ha........

    Your path, well whatever is going on is perfect for you sadsag... with him... with anyone... anything. That sounds beautiful about the play with your son, how cool... those are the magic moments I think. I missed some of those along the way for some reason.

    WHat is up with me? I am starting to paint again, a little. At least its a step (more) back to the "real world" which I think I vacated from a couple years ago for some reason.

    And I am writing... finishing up a little book, which is a hand bound effort. should be fun to share that. i don't know what comes of these things. Who cares... we should just sing and not care....

    And you? What keeps you occupied in your spare time? What makes you laugh? And smile when you are alone? Reading? I am reading a sci book...

    I think of pretty girls out "there somewhere"... who maybe I can't see... and may never meet... but for whom I still love, in some way I may never understand., Not because of what I can see, but what I can't....

    I care about you sadsag... even thought I am in nowheresville... and we all have our lives... you don't hang around places like this for long, and not feel compassion and love for one another.

    You are such a beautiful lady is all I know... and somehow your heart will find everything... lovely... you sure deserve it.

    One of these days i will make my way over that way.

    Hey, why don't you see if you can figure out a coffee or something with you and your guy... tell him you met some motorcycle nut from spokane, even though I don't have one haha... and we 3 could get together for lunch as I am driving that way....

    ??

    I wish I could fix relationships... I always loved to fix things... I wish I could fix us all. Starting with me haha.... fix relationships anyway, Hey I am a guy, maybe the guys would listen to me who know...

    love and light

    astra



  • Hi sadsag

    Things are good... I guess, by faith! We can't go wrong I guess just believing things are going well, regardless of how we feel or how it looks at any given moment.

    That was something that I loved about Jesus Christ. That message of faith was so beautiful to me. It applies in any situation. Relationships... it was a message of faith and trust... and seeing the nice side of life. that everything is always working out for the best! I loved that message! I made the mistake of confusing that with buildings and organizations... and yet, I still love the message of faith and hope and love... that was what Paul kept preaching...

    I know... religion... ugh... who needs it... I agree. And yet, I see a door of love, or something... that Jesus must have loved, and seen... I don't know about all of that. but I know that when he said love one another, I think it was love like... x x x ... anything goes... if it feels good do it... you know? FuN!!!!!!!! Life should be a BLAST! And so fun, we are all children playing really... 🙂

    Sri, for the religious side trip there... what can I say... southern bible belt... ha........

    Your path, well whatever is going on is perfect for you sadsag... with him... with anyone... anything. That sounds beautiful about the play with your son, how cool... those are the magic moments I think. I missed some of those along the way for some reason.

    WHat is up with me? I am starting to paint again, a little. At least its a step (more) back to the "real world" which I think I vacated from a couple years ago for some reason.

    And I am writing... finishing up a little book, which is a hand bound effort. should be fun to share that. i don't know what comes of these things. Who cares... we should just sing and not care....

    And you? What keeps you occupied in your spare time? What makes you laugh? And smile when you are alone? Reading? I am reading a sci book...

    I think of pretty girls out "there somewhere"... who maybe I can't see... and may never meet... but for whom I still love, in some way I may never understand., Not because of what I can see, but what I can't....

    I care about you sadsag... even thought I am in nowheresville... and we all have our lives... you don't hang around places like this for long, and not feel compassion and love for one another.

    You are such a beautiful lady is all I know... and somehow your heart will find everything... lovely... you sure deserve it.

    One of these days i will make my way over that way.

    Hey, why don't you see if you can figure out a coffee or something with you and your guy... tell him you met some motorcycle nut from spokane, even though I don't have one haha... and we 3 could get together for lunch as I am driving that way....

    ??

    I wish I could fix relationships... I always loved to fix things... I wish I could fix us all. Starting with me haha.... fix relationships anyway, Hey I am a guy, maybe the guys would listen to me who know...

    love and light

    astra



  • Hi sadsag

    I hope my getting a little religious there was okay haha.... ha.... I think all ways - or no ways - are all wonderful, while we all try to sing and dance as best we can. Actually, at this point, were I given the opportunity to have a beautiful person, to adore, I would say let that be a Lady.

    Anyway, I see nice things developing for youo sadsag... outer influences shows some fun! - Maybe Lee will be showing up on that Harley for a ride with you.... the weather is turning nicer. I knew one day... the big bright thing in the sky would re-emerge!

    The Sun GOd... raKoohnamor! 🙂



  • Hi Astra,

    I am happy to hear that you are painting again, and writing. Perhaps that will lead you back into life. It does seem as if you have checked out of it for a while. I guess we all need to do that from time to time. It is one of the things that heart break does for/to you. You check out of life for a bit. In some ways i think that might be good for us. but at some point you have to get moving again. We can't stay in a time warp forever.

    The religion thing doesn't bother me. Soemtimes I really wish i had it. I wish I had that faith to rely on. I have tried but I just don't really buy it. I was raised Christian and I love the stories and the idea of believing in love and that it will all be okay. Unfortunately it just does not seem to work much of the time. I even struggle with the idea of everything in the Universe being connected, energy, God in all of us etc. I tend to think that way more, there are no coincidences, but still it all just seems so random. Everything is perfect?...perhaps but it does not feel that way and even looking back, trying to find the good in things that happened long ago, I still don't see the silver lining. So it is not perfect in this dimension. It might be perfect in a different dimension but that is much harder for me to buy, and what good does it do me? Again it is just one of those faith ideas, like God has a better plan for you, that we tell ourselves so that we feel better about the crappy things that are going on in our lives. How is that for a bad attitude? 😉

    Still even with all of that there are good things happening in my life all of the time. I know that, I try to just focus on that and not figure out why the bad things happen. It does not seem to get me anywhere. I am looking at what in me might be attracting these things, what do I do that causes them to happen? I guess that is some kind of belief in the Universe or attraction in a way. It seems like the only thing I can do to effect change in my life. And it feels better to be trying to do something about it and not sitting here feeling like a victim of life.

    Working with the kids on a play is always fun. i am not doing the costumes for this play so I really don't have any work to do, i will just hang out with them. They never seem to mind and like I said they have such great energy and give me so much love. It is a balm to my broken heart for sure. There is nothing like being adored by young gay men to improve your outlook on life! Being with the kids truly are magic moments.

    What else do i do? Work, knit, garden, go out with friends, read. Yep, all of those things and more. Plenty of things to do, lots of activity in my life. And I spend time alone. I am tyring to adjust to that and be comfortable with it. I am okay being alone, spending time with myself, it is being single that I have never liked. It just is not the model that I had in life and living forever as a single woman is not the way I saw my life going. I guess the joke is on me. What do they say about making plans...

    It is a sweet idea, you coming here and sitting down with L and I. 🙂 The funny thing is that he would totally do it. If I called him up and asked him to see me, he would. I think he would even if he is with someone else, that is just the way he is. But it would not do any good, even though it is a nice thought. It wouldn't change his ability to allow himself to love. He is in my past now, never to be seen again. That door is closed and I need to stop pounding on it and find another door to open.

    It would be nice if you could fix relationships. Perhaps you should go to school and become a counselor, for real. it could be your new career. Then you could fix relationships; sit down with the couple and talk it all out like you say. Perhaps that is your true calling. You do care, you wouldn't spend as much time here, chatting and reading if you did not. You are a lovely person, we all are. We are all just trying to get through this lifetime the best way we know how. Thank you for saying I am a lovely person. Honestly, it is true. I am a good and loving person, no one has ever argued that. That does not seem to be the problem. People love me and many many people stay in my life. Men love me too, but somehow that seems to be the kiss of death for relationships. It is an odd pattern that they all (all 3 significant partners) have told me that they love me, literally, as they are walking out the door. Perhaps you should draw some cards on that question and see if you can tell me why that happens and how to change it.

    I am trying to maintain my faith in the goodness of people. These days it seems more difficult than ever. there are so many negative things going on in this world that seem to give some people such pleasure. for example, last night a friend and I went to a movie. We were not late but by the time we got in there there were only single seats, between couples. so we asked a couple so shift over a seat so we could have 2 together. that couple was very nice and happy to move but the guy they had to move closer too was quite rude. he had to take his coat off of a chair (did he pay for the chair for his coat?) and told us we should have gotten there earlier. What makes people that angry and selfish? then once we were all settled in and the movie started, someone sprayed pepper spray in the theater and we all had to leave! Again, what causes people to act that way? it was an interesting experience. Fortunately i do still believe there are more good people in this world than bad.

    Boy it sounds like I am really down on life huh? Not actually, just not real high right now, I guess. this too shall pass. Today I am going to help a friend alter a wedding dress for next weekend. No she is not getting married. There is a pub crawl next weekend call the Brides of March. Everyone, men and women, wear bridal gowns. It is a pretty silly event. All kinds of fun and silly things going on over here. We will have coffee is you ever make it across the mountains, or if I go there. With L it was likely to happen, now, who knows. perhaps I will just fill up the tank in my miata and take a road trip!

    have a good day Astra. it is the only today that we will have so we best make the most of it 🙂

    love and light,

    sadsag



  • Hey sadsag

    I want to take a trip over your way. The weather is nice, (or getting there, it is nice and sunny here in Spokane today!)... I just need a road trip or something, maybe I will see something things art wise to try there and back too... I would really like to sit down with you maybe over coffee? And try some conversation ...and use the cards too as appropriate. Maybe. I am starved to try tarot readings for "physical" people in addition to all of the internet people... I have only read for a handful of people in person... is that something you would be willing to do? We just figure out some place to meet out your way... like a diner or something, I dunno... what do you think?

    Yes, I do think there are deeper forces at play in our lives that are "arranging" the settings and situations we face, it seems to me. So, you do kinda reach a place where I think the dialogue is more between you and the "hidden" life so to speak... people aren't the problems... we have these situations so that something is learned, or discovered that we need to see before we can change our roles. I think "roles" are a big part of life... like, we get case into a certain role and it can feel like that is never going to change. Well, it will probably change once the scene is complete.// and that seems dependent on the players learning whatever it is.. we are supposed to.

    Maybe. I honestly don't know. Life is mysterious is all I know! And relationships are the most mysterious of the mysterious haha.....

    astra



  • cast not case...



  • Astra,

    It was sunny here today too. It was a nice change. i am tired of the darkness. It puts me in a bad mood.

    We can meet up for coffee if you make it over this way. That would be fun.

    sadsag



  • Hey sadsag,

    Well if it looks like I can actually gas up a car and get away I will let you know on this thread. I would rather be able to get a motorcycle and take a trip that way... I think by now the passes and all that are no problem...

    Weather here has been nice... sun is out again... I have a new RC plane I am starting to build. trying to paint some too...

    Just sitting here looking at the cards for you... see what you think:

    You look like you are itching to get moving, or step out on something that will require a lot of thinking as you move ahead with it.

    There is something emotional connected to this step. A message or something you may be considering?

    Then the Universe, so that feels like the open outdoors, you make the move and it delivers you into a very nice setting, all is at peace and happy..

    There is a "blending" influence here too... like social life... and then a page of Wands ... step that is new a new role.... and then the 10 of wands

    So that is all interesting... everything was moving ahead and then the 10 of wands at the end... interesting...

    I think its a role issue sadsag... you are really longing for a new path/direction/role... you have these 3 cards all turning up... knight of wands, page of wands and ten of wands... as "top" cards... so that is all path and role...

    to "get there" seems to require some passing through these energies:

    1. A page of cups and a 7 of swords - that is where you are at. This is like an emotional risk to communicate a sort of idyllic or fanciful thought. There is something as a plan that you are considering and it must be asking you to take a step of faith (emotionally) with a message I think.

    2. Then, the 9 swords, the Universe and the Temperance card. So there is some decisiveness on your part. and then the Universe is the relief for that. It is all taking you away from swords though. which I think is good, and pointing back to Wands and path.

    Temperance is a blending, and harmonious card... it possesses a 5 cups and a 2 pentacles. I think it is movement. LIke you may be thinking about moving? You may be associating a move physical with a needed change to find this new role in your life.

    Am I getting anywhere close? just curious... I do think you are trying to get a role established that you really really love.. something new I think.



  • Hi Astra,

    The only kind of movement that I am planning is to use the one month gym membership i have so I can move my body. hopefully that will help my outlook on life! As for the new path, well I don't know about that. I think it is more just accepting the path that I am on. I don't like this path, never have, but it seems to be what the Universe has in store for me so I have to learn to accept it and be happy with it. so perhaps it is a new role but not one that i love. I hate being single, i never imagined that I would live my life alone but having a partner does seem to be my path. I have decided to stop dating and just learn to be at peace. I have my cats so i guess I will just evolve into the crazy old cat lady. Really that is fine with me, i just want to be content with it and not depressed and unhappy like I am right now.

    sadsag



  • Hi Astra,

    Just popping on to say hi. I just returned from my trip to Hawaii. Even though it has been sunny here this week, I would still rather be in Maui 😉 Oh well... It was a good trip though and nice to be away.

    So last Friday night when I was finishing my packing, guess what? Yep. You guessed didn't you? I got a text from L and he wanted me to meet him for a drink. I couldn't/didn't because I had things to do. We chatted a bit and left it at that. Who knows when or if I will ever hear from him again or if I even really want to. I certainly didn't expect to so have been working on moving on for such along time now. I am just going to let it be and see what the Universe has in store for me. I am in no hurry.

    How are you doing? Has it warmed up over there? Any new helicopters? Do you have your on-line business going yet? So many questions, so little time. I have to head to bed now because I am still not on PNW time. Need to get my beauty rest 😉

    Take care,

    sadsag



  • Hi sadsag

    Nice to hear that Hawaii trip went well, that does sound wonderful! It is sunny here today.

    So, L reached out to you, that is something. So, you were busy... are you sure you and L aren't playing some sort of game? Could be something that he is wanting to talk to you about. Let me look at some cards for you...

    So, we will be looking at L here, I wanted to see how he felt about you and what is going on with him. How does that sound?

    Here are the cards: (and this will be the celtic cross spread)

    1. Center - Hope

    2. Companion to center - 6 Cups

    3. Above - 5 of Pentacles

    4. Below - Ace of Cups

    5. Left - 2 of Swords

    6. Right - Leap

    7. 9 Wands

    8. Rule

    9. 4 Swords

    10. Magic

    So, the center cards (1-6) tell the story on him. He is hoping to share something with you of a kind, emotional quality. He has been thinking of a physical change for the better. It must be emotional+physical as the Ace of cups is below. There is an agreement looming out there. Sort of a "we talked about this?" with him and you. I think he is trying to navigate to a point where he can rejoin you physically.

    The Leap card (fool) is on his right (active) side so he is wanting to "take a leap of faith" in that new emotional setting (ace cups) with some physical changes also. It is a tangible effort.

    So leap to a 9 wands, he wants this choice, leap to be solid. Certain, worked out, that is why he is wanting to talk to you probably, test the waters before he "he comes out and asks you" about whatever it is (Ace cups + star + 5P + 6C)

    Then the Hierophant card (rules and commitment) I think he is wanting to arrive at some sort of arrangement with you. Something you both can agree on, that allows the relationship to be fun for both of you. This is an influence position to me which I would generally interpret as the "universe" encouraging whatever this agreement is.

    Then the 4 swords, that is rest of mind in reaching that conclusion (or the "arrangement"). The last card is Magician which is him saying something like.

    "Aw, come on sadsag, I can help around the house, help you finish that project youre working on. Let's give this new arrangement a try!"

    TO me the magician is sort of a very happy carefree "how can I help" card. That seems to be where he is trying to get back to with you. So that you and him can be official pals, or something. It does seem like he wants to have a more formal talked out thing with you, something like that,

    Okay sadsag, put that in your pipe and smoke it haha.... hey I don't know nuttin', I say all that and then wonder if people really can be opened out with cards. Wow, if that is really true. If the cards actually show us things about one another. Well, then there should be a value on that information, right?

    How much was that person making again giving readings in bars there? I feel a road trip comin' on.

    Looks like a little competition just rolled into town haha....

    Okay sadsag blessings,

    astra


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