Captain im falling apart



  • Captain I thought I could leave him, my ex. We had an amzing month. He was the sweetest ever. I thought it would be a good idea to ask him how he felt about us. He tells me he just wants to remain as friends. I got upset and said that I need to move on in that case and to never contact me again. But I'm falling apart. I send him msg's and he won't reply. It reminds me of when he broke up with me the first time.

    Captain, please tell me something that can help me not lose it. I can't continue like this.

    Now I lost his friendship and seems like its for good.

    Sweetoty



  • I'm afraid your ex is finding you too needy and feels he cannot give you what you want. So he cuts contact as he feels it is the kindest way and doesn't want to lead you on. He doesn't feel like you feel for him - his is more a love of humanity than of individuals. If you cannot just be friends with him, you will have to finish the relationship altogether because you will never get what you want from him. But if you want his friendship, you will have to accept that your relationship is never going to be a romantic one and stop coming across as so needy and upset.



  • I can accept what you say... Thank you Captain.



  • Captain,

    My ex bf and I are talking / hanging out again. I want to share this with you and maybe get your advice because my relationship is better then ever before Wich leaves me with a Hhhmmm and scratching my head.... Even my gut feeling is stuck on the wow factor. I do keep in mind what you said. Him and I will never be anything more then just friends....

    He now opens up to me about his feelings. calls/ messages me first thing in the morning and continues all day. Is more over protective. And this Sunday ( for the first time) I'm going to his moms house to visit my beloved dog that his mom now takes care of.

    I hope I find you captain doing well. Big warm hug sent to you = )



  • So if he opens up about his feelings, what does he say about how he feels for you?



  • He says he cares for me a lot. I then asked him why he wouldn't mind me seeing other men, he says he would feel selfish if he told me not to date other guys because he can't control what i do and If I want to date others then I should.

    Captain I think he says this because he can't offer me a serious relationship. =



  • Is he not being honest with me...?



  • When you look so forlorn and helpless at the times you are with him, this triggers the protective reflex he has for all those who are in need. It is not personal. he honestly wants you to be happy but he cannot do that for you himself. You are just torturing yourself by hoping for more. He in turn feels torn between wanting to be nice to you to make you feel better, and feeling bad because he just can't see you as a lover and knows you want it to be that way. He sees you more as a delicate little kid sister he needs to protect.



  • If so, then he's giving in to what I want. I don't see him leaving me anytime soon. I'll keep what you say in mind and enjoy these moments with him. He for once is giving me so very much attention and showing me he cares.

    Thank you for your input and time Captain.



  • It's wrong to play on his good nature to get what you want. That's not the act of someone truly in love. When you love someone, you give them what they need most, even if it is their freedom.



  • Captain,

    How do I leave him?

    The night I read your mssg, I sent him a text msg and told him that I understand he cares about me but could never love me the way I love him. So its only fair for everyone that i walk away and move on with my life. I asked him not to reply to that mssg.

    He replied the next morning. He said I should be hard on my self and everthing I said wasn't true, he cares a lot about me. . He hopes we can continue to see eachother and grow together.

    Hoe do I reply to that???? Especially when he has shown that HE cares. Captain, HE wasnt ALWAYS LIKE THIS.



  • I feel he heard something not very nice about you that has put him off having a love relationship. He just wants to be your friend now, nothing else.



  • That I'm after him for his money??

    If he just wants to be friends and you say hes such a kind man, why lead me on. He broke my heart when he broke up with me 2years ago.



  • he keeps saying he wants to build a healthy relationship and grow from there. But Captain, he ones told me he loved me. then left me. Broke up with me by text after 2 years of being together.

    I can stay around as is, visit my beloved dog again and cherish moments spent with my exut end up hurt and devestated again.. or ignore hes calls, mssg's and not show up this weekend (he wants to take me out of town again ) and move on .. =' (



  • You have to put it straight to him - if he can't ever offer you more than friendship, you need to know so that you won't be wasting your time. Better to end it now before you have to suffer through seeing him with someone else.



  • I asked him. To help me understand why we could never me more then just friends.

    This is what he said;

    Don't know how to answer that. I think it's nice to build a healthy friendship with you and grow from there. That doesn't mean thats all that I wan.

    He said he's all mine. Several times he said i belong to him.

    Anyhow, to me a makes sence to build a healthy relationship. When we had a relationship it was very stressful and very imbalanced. For many reasons that no longer exist. We are so dif together now, actually happy and playful with one another.

    I asked him if he's serious when he says he's all mine or just being cute with me. He says hes serious..... = ))



  • This man desperately wants to be able to commit to one person but he doesn't understand that his true nature is to love and care for all people.



  • Captain,

    Excuse me, but what does that exactly mean ?

    I kind of agree with you. I even told him once that I don't see him ever wanting to get married to anyone. I thought maybe he was afraid of commitment. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I even thought to my self that maybe he's gay... He's in mid 30's and I'm he's second gf he ever had. But he is a doctor. Finished residency a year ago. So I thought maybe he was just busy with that.

    Is there anything I can do or say to guide him ?



  • He is trying to be like other people but he's not built that way. His true nature is to work for the good of many and not be tied to one person. He is very special - a true humanitarian and hero. But heroes almost always end up alone because they have so much to give to everyone.



  • Good evening Captain,

    So this is how it ends between seksan and I.... Atleast I know the truth now ( what you shared with me ) he told me he likes me an extreme of how he once felt about me, he claims he loved me before. I couldn't handle hearing how I've been spending so much time with a man to only hear that he just likes me and like he said, just having fun.... But I know its best to end this relationship.

    anyhow, i just need to share my story and like he said, I'm behaving like a runt. Youre right captain...

    You were right.

    Sweetoty


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