In desperate need of some answers please!
If someone could do a reading for my r.ship, I would greatly appreciate it. My boyfriend and I have benn together for a year now, he now lives with me and my family. Last night he told me that he doesnt see us going anywhere, that the feelings arent what they used to be. He said things have become dull. last night a guy i dated awhile back text me hi, and he said why dont you go have out with him? this was the guy i dated briefly while my boyfriend and i were on break almost a year ago. i had thought my boyfriend was never coming back to me, and i was crushed, so i thought i had to move on so i started dating again. he felt betrayed by that, saying we agreed to not sleep with anyone else during break. but i thought he was gone 4ever, i didnt know. anyway, he leaves again for a trucking school/company this weekend, and he will be gone for about a month and Im devasted and scared. ove him so much, he had mentioned marrying me a few times, and he is the one i want. but he seems to have become bored with me, and I dont know what to do to save this r.ship. he is leaving soon and i dont want him leaving with things like this. Can someone please help me?
I am just saying what comes to my mind, it's not that it may be true, but if your boyfriend is leaving for school and wanting to break up with you, it's probably because he wants the freedom to do whatever he wants while he is away from you. Another sign of him wanting to move on, whether he will regret it later or not, is by him encouraging you to date someone else. If you really want a committed relationship, then this isn't the guy for you, at least not right now. And if he has this attitude that he should be free while he is away, consider his career choice. Trucking. He will ALWAYS be away from you.
My advice is this: Let him have his freedom. But also take yours. I know you love him very much, and it will be hard. But it doesn't seem to me that this lifestyle is a positive one anyways. He's living with you and your parents. He wants/has to be a trucker. Personally, a guy that lives with his girlfriend in HER parents house while he's hummin and hawin about marriage isn't very decent, and doesn't understand family values, much less truly respects either you or your parents. Plus, he's getting a pretty sweet deal without any commitments.
I can't say too much, because usually people that date are definately pairs: while you are in love and want to be fully committed, you are also not sharing a high level of family values to allow this lifestyle in your parents house, and allowing him to bum off of you, which doesn't say alot for self-respect. You should be a little harder to get, and demand a higher level of guy in your life. If you want an adult lifestyle, to live together, at least be independent enough do it on your own, in your/his own apartment or whatever while you are living the life of a single lady.
I think that the best thing you can do for yourself is let him go to his trucking school, but you ALSO go to school in something you enjoy, and can give you a professional background. Don't sit around waiting for him to come back. While you may always love him, wish for him to come back, and have a willingness to commit to him, give yourself some opportunities and experiences on your own. The best thing for a relationship is that each allows the other to grow however needed for the other's betterment.
And, as a last note, if you like the idea of getting some education and exploration in your life, and he denies that you should do it, gets jealous or suspicious, feels threatened, and tries to deter you by saying that you shouldn't or can't do it for whatever reasons, then you should know right at that moment, no matter how much it sucks, he is NOT the guy for you.
If he encourages your personal growth and education, then he gets a gold star. Keep him in mind as you guys go about your seperate paths, for it would be possible that they again unite.
Good luck, lady!
thank you for your input. I would like to make it clear however he is not bumming off us. he was having problems with his brother that he was living with, cause the man is not a good person, so we told him he could stay with us, along with his best friend who was also living there. they both pay their way with unemployment checks. he is having a hard time finding work around here, and the trucking school offered to pay for his training. he need to save money to get caught up and to save, cause he wants us to get a place of our own. for most of our r.ship when he lived with his brother, he was 85miles away, so it was hard to see each other alot, cause of gas and money. so even though we have been together a year, it may not = a full year. He has been good to me and is loving. these past few months, iv been cranky,stressed out due to alot of other problems, so i havnt exactly been easy to be around. So things have gotten a little dull. it takes effort to keep spark alive, and when you get lazy it can flicker. he just told me this morning he loves me, and gave me a big kiss. i know i need to work on the relationship, and be that girl he fell in love with in the 1st place. It drives him crazy too, being away from me, but he needs to work and make money and driving is something he is good at. after he gets some experience on the road, he would like to find a local driving job, but right now they want at least a year experience. Im currently in vet school, and almost finished. and yes he does support me in my goals and is proud of me.
That's good to hear that he supports you, and it's good to know that you are also pursuing your dreams. I'm sorry I made some wrong judgements, I hope it wasn't offending. If you really feel this way then things will work out fine. Long distance is really tough- my hubby and I did it for 5 years before we agreed to marriage. It made for a love story that nobody else has. Who would drive 80 - 90+ miles to see their love every weekend? LOL no one else I know, except now maybe you guys! We also had our ups and downs, and "I want to/you should see other people" situations. Also, one thing you may know already is that the stress of being away from the person you love can start some fights over the phone, by some small miscommunication- so during this time, if you notice that you are just fighting all the time when you call each other, pause for a moment, and just try to understand what the other person may actually be feeling/saying even though they aren't really saying it. Sometimes some sadness or some loneliness can come across in some angry way or cause one to pick a fight over nothing. Don't let little fights like that cause a break up during the long distance.
So, again I'm sorry. Really if this is how you two feel together, than the distance and time away will not bring you any trouble. I wish the best for you and I hope that all your dreams come true with him.
LEOLIGHT(glad to hear you are not suicidal anymore!--did you go to the women's shelter or the emegency room?) what ever changed for you BLESSINGS!
Vettech78--not all scary situations or challanges are bad. Your roadblock is fear right now----you fear that he will be out of sight and there will be a loss. These kinds of feelings--loss--abondonment are your challenge. Emotions take over fast at first but you also have a good logical mind once you get past all the heart racing fear. Spirit says your mantra is always going to be--WAIT BEFOR REACTING. Fear is an intense energy that overwhelms the body and mind and you feel things deeply as it is so sometimes you feel you need to do something--right now!--to move. This in the past is where you made mistakes you regretted. It's not good to live in regret but it is good to learn something about yourself. Always give yourself and the situation some time. This is realing a blessing if you can let go of the fear. Do not see his resslesness as all about you--do not choose to take it personal. It is about him--he is not leaving YOU--he's trying to move towards something--just like you he feels the need to DO SOMETHING. It is about feeling like a man--wanting more--needing to work--be busy---he has so many doubts about the future--feels the weight of failure. A lot of his issue is the same as yours--just lots of doubts and emotions. This break will actually be good for you both if you just use it productively. Please do not meet anyone else for a date or it will plant a seed that will be regretted. Just change your perspective and see if you can feel the difference---if you can let go of fear and just say--I don't know how but this is going to be good for us--then let it go. I am getting that this is a positive event. But be aware that your energy if you choose--fear can actualy manifest what you fear most----like Leo-light said---fear can start arguments and have you seeing and hearing warnings that are not there. Make some goals yourself for this time and you both will be in sync. These goals will productively use and fearful energy or anxiety. And you will get something done that will make you feel good--you can't control all things--only yourself so use this challange to work for you. I am extra emotional too and sensitive so I do know your challange---use that extra energy to serve you--use it for a goal spent on you to better yourself----that's his intention---make it yours and you will stay together. It's all good! BLESSINGS!
thank-you everyone for your input and wisdom. I do love my boyfriend so much, i totally see myself spending my life with him. Ideally I want him home from work every night, since Im the kind of woman who wants to come home to her man every night. He says he is willing to find a local job asap. but companies want him to have about a year experience first. so I understand that he needs to do this in order to reach our long term goals. he reminds that this isnt permanent and everything will be ok. and yes I let my fears control me and drive me crazy. when it comes to my love life, in the past, my worst fears always came true, i lost every single man i ever loved, all for different reasons. I never broke up with a man, but they all dumped me! so i do have abandonment fears. My boyfriend has a bad habit of being impulsive. when he is angry he will talk about breaking up, but he comes to his senses when he sleeps on it/calms down. he too is insecure,afraid of being cheated on, etc.. He does acknowledge the fact that I treat him wonderfully and Im very loving. so when he remembers that, it calms him. He loves me, i can tell, he may take the love for granted once in awhile, cause i think he forgets what its like to be alone. but he always remembers how good he has it lol. He left for trucking school on sat night, he left a mushy love letter on the pillow and sprayed the colgone i got him on the pillows, so i have something to feel closer to him lol, awww. anyway, though, something about paperwork went wrong, and the school is now sending him home! he will be back tomorrow morning. so he isnt ver happy since he started at a different school back in Jan but they were ripping him and his friend off so they got their cdl license and came back home. I dont know if its ok or if it will work to ask about someone else, but cany anyone shed some light on what is happening with his trucking career? he keeps experiencing delays, and he needs to work, he has his cdl and this is important to him, but this keeps happening. I dont know if he will be able to go back to this company to work or if this is just a formality in paperwork. he took greyhound all the way from cleveland where we live to Iowa, and now after just 24 hours, he has to come home! poor guy
Just trust that sometimes we have to wait for the whole picture to play out. Roadblocks and closed doors are not always wrong and be patient--try to reasure him that there is probably a good reason for this mistake and he'll be glad later as something better is going to open for him. BLESSINGS!
thank-you i always try to tell him that there is a reason for everything. he is so stressed right now. he isnt contributing any money into our house so my mom is paying for most of eveything. Im also unemployed right now. we feel so gulilty and bad that my mom is struggling and we are the cause of it. we are trying to hang in there. he has a felony from something he didnt even do 10 years ago and I too am having problems getting a job. thank you for your encouraging words, we nee it!