Cancer Woman and Gemini Man I NEED HELP!!!!!!
I NEED HELP!!!
I met this Gemini male a few weeks ago and everything was going great. On our first date he asked me how many kids I want and talked about when we live together. That was a little freaky but I thought it was endearing. He even told me how much he liked me. We haven't had ****, yet. I want to preface that.
Here's where the situation gets a little out of the ordinary: I went to his apartment a couple weeks ago and we were making out. He picked me up to kiss me and I hit my head incredibly hard on the ceiling. Needless to say I have a concussion. He was really apologetic and I told him to stop apologizing because it was an accident. So I start having post concussion symptoms (i.e. fainting, seizures) while I'm at work and I need someone to give me a ride to the hospital. I called him because he is the only person I know who doesn't work full time. That was Wednesday Feb. 22. The doc told me I needed someone to stay with me the next 48 hours so I don't die. He said he couldn't do it and I didn't pressure him since we are just starting out. I didn't hear from him until Saturday 25th. He invited me to come to this bar he always goes to EVERY Saturday night. He told me the reason he was avoiding me was because he was embarrassed and felt guilty and he didn't know what to say. He introduced me to his friends and they knew about my concussion so he told his friends about me. He also told me he called his dad and told him. I feel like you don't talk about someone you just meet to your friends and family unless you actually like them.
He walked me to my car and said he wanted to slow things down and that he wasn't sure if he wanted to date me. He also said that when he gets distant, he's distant with everyone in his life. He assured me he's not going anywhere and then showered me with compliments. Fair enough. We will take it slow. Monday morning at work on the 27th, I fainted again and called him to pick me up. Again, for the same reasons. He was walking into work and I told him I would take a cab to the ER. When I got home from the ER i texted him to tell him I was home and I was going to bed then asked if he would call me the next day. I didn't hear from him. I sent him a text on Thursday (i went back to the ER) just to tell him I was there and I would like for him to come by that night or at least call and check on me. I didn't get a response. Friday night, the 2nd, I sent him a text asking what he was doing and got nothing. Unfortunately, Saturday night a friend of mine came in town and she wanted to go to the bar that he is going to be at. She didn't know he would be there and she's my guest so I did what she wanted. He didn't say a word to me.
His friends came by to say hello to me but not him. He knew i was there and i was giving him his space but after what's happened, i think he could have at least said hello. One of his friends even gave me a hug goodbye as they were leaving. He stood idly by and laughed while shaking his head with his head down. I called him this morning and got no answer so i left a message. All i said was I don't know what happened because we were having fun and I would like to talk to you, hope to hear from you.
Can someone please tell me what went wrong here?? I'm sure he viewed my phone calls for help as being needy but I don't think that I'm out of line for asking for a text to ask "How are you?"
LadyCancer, what a story ! What's going on there is that he is not mature and not compassionate enough to be relied upon. That's especially sad considering that he is the one who has caused you the injury. The question is - why do you want to be in a relationship with a man, who would rather risk your life than offer a little help ? Clearly he is scared of taking any responsibility upon himself, and is acting in a selfish and cowardly way instead. Do you need a man like that in your life ?
I don't think it's a matter of responsibility. He is actually very responsible in life. He works 2 jobs and works every day. Also, his ex gf has 2 kinds (they're not biologically his) and he cares about those kids so much and it more of a father to them than their actual dads. I know Geminis go through complete bipolar mood swings. I am wondering if this is just a phase and he'll start talking to me again when his mood changes or if we are done for good. I do have fun with the guy. I would like him to be a part of my life, even as a friend.
As a Cancer, I understand mood swings. TRUST ME! But even I am not this dramatic!
LC, this is not just a mood - this is clear unwillingness to get involved into a situation which could put him into a position of a "caretaker", even if for 48 hours, or if God forbid, anything happened to you, would put some kind of responsibility on him. He just wants to extract himself as soon as possible. Maybe those ex girl-frend's kids are already too much for him, and he doesn't want anything more of that kind. Plus some people dread having anything to do with illnesses, and he might be one of them. The question is why do you need a man in your life, who clearly shows you that you can't rely on him to look after you when needed ? Especially considering the fact that he gave you that concussion - very bad sign for a long term relationship ! Walk away, girl, he is not worth the trouble.
I understand what you're saying, I really do. He is still a fun guy to be around, though. I was never looking for anything serious with the guy. Usually, this behavior happens after I've been in bed with a guy, not before. In the beginning he wanted s*x and I told him no because I just met him. I mention one little thing about how he was turning me on and all of the sudden he pumps the brakes and says we should get to know each other with our clothes on. Why talk to me about having kids (he brought it up)? Why tallk to me about when he live together (he brought it up)? Why tell me we should slow things down (he brought it up)? Why tell me he called his dad for advice on what to do about my concussion (he brought it up)? I'm not emotionally invested in him. I just moved to this city and he's a person I like to have a joke and a laugh with. Why go from hot to ice cold so inredibly quick?!
Another thing I didn't mention was Saturday night he did speak to me. We walked by each other in passing and he said "Hello" to me. But he had this smirk on his face. He acknowledged me but that smirk suggested that he was playing a game and he has me right where he wants me.
I didn't think the day would ever come where he would just shut his mouth. He's a very chatty Gem man and most of the time I can't get a word in edgewise. What happened that shut him up?
I think he's got scared and guilty because of his part in your injury, and is not mature enough to man up to a challenge, so he is also ashamed of chickenning out on you. Ashamed yes, just not brave enough to face it. Right now you are probably a walking reminder of his cowardice, so naturally he is lost, resentful, and attempts to cover it all with an arrogant smirk.
You're right, Vop. This whole story SCREAMS inexperience on his part. All he has to do is talk to me. But the longer he goes without speaking to me, the more and more irreparable this friendship/relationship is. He's an idiot and he's missing out on a good thing.
Clearly his behavior tells me who he truly is and how he treats people. I'm not a girl who sits on the sidelines for someone. You don't want to be in my life, I'm not gonna save a place for you.
You are absolutely right, LC.
Well everyone, he talked to me!!!
I sent him a text that was going to be my final attempt to talk to him. He has been ignoring me for a week and a half. I told him: "I realize this thing started out with too much pressure. I just want to have fun, too. I would like to be your friend and see what happens if you will let me. You told me you weren't going anywhere. I'm out of town right now but I hope when I get back you will at least be speaking to me."
I did not expect to get a response but sure enough he said "Sounds good. How are you feeling?"
It's better now that he knows i don't expect to dive right in to a relationship. It's good he responded right?
Now how do I play this? Cool? Indifferent? What?
I'd say, play friendly and observe his behaviour. Tell him that you feel good (if you really do). Try to have a cool head about what's good for you, and what unhealthy. Put yourself first.
I told him I was never better because I'm in LA.
Later last night, an opportunity presented itself to hook up with a guy out here. I was unsure of what to do so I texted the Gem and asked what his stance was on me hooking up with a guy out here. He said "go for it." so I said "awesome. i'll let you know when I come back in town." and he said "ok."
I'm doing me. We aren't together. He's barely a friend.