Cancer Woman and Gemini Man I NEED HELP!!!!!!
I NEED HELP!!!
I met this Gemini male a few weeks ago and everything was going great. On our first date he asked me how many kids I want and talked about when we live together. That was a little freaky but I thought it was endearing. He even told me how much he liked me. We haven't had ****, yet. I want to preface that.
Here's where the situation gets a little out of the ordinary: I went to his apartment a couple weeks ago and we were making out. He picked me up to kiss me and I hit my head incredibly hard on the ceiling. Needless to say I have a concussion. He was really apologetic and I told him to stop apologizing because it was an accident. So I start having post concussion symptoms (i.e. fainting, seizures) while I'm at work and I need someone to give me a ride to the hospital. I called him because he is the only person I know who doesn't work full time. That was Wednesday Feb. 22. The doc told me I needed someone to stay with me the next 48 hours so I don't die. He said he couldn't do it and I didn't pressure him since we are just starting out. I didn't hear from him until Saturday 25th. He invited me to come to this bar he always goes to EVERY Saturday night. He told me the reason he was avoiding me was because he was embarrassed and felt guilty and he didn't know what to say. He introduced me to his friends and they knew about my concussion so he told his friends about me. He also told me he called his dad and told him. I feel like you don't talk about someone you just meet to your friends and family unless you actually like them.
He walked me to my car and said he wanted to slow things down and that he wasn't sure if he wanted to date me. He also said that when he gets distant, he's distant with everyone in his life. He assured me he's not going anywhere and then showered me with compliments. Fair enough. We will take it slow. Monday morning at work on the 27th, I fainted again and called him to pick me up. Again, for the same reasons. He was walking into work and I told him I would take a cab to the ER. When I got home from the ER i texted him to tell him I was home and I was going to bed then asked if he would call me the next day. I didn't hear from him. I sent him a text on Thursday (i went back to the ER) just to tell him I was there and I would like for him to come by that night or at least call and check on me. I didn't get a response. Friday night, the 2nd, I sent him a text asking what he was doing and got nothing. Unfortunately, Saturday night a friend of mine came in town and she wanted to go to the bar that he is going to be at. She didn't know he would be there and she's my guest so I did what she wanted. He didn't say a word to me.
His friends came by to say hello to me but not him. He knew i was there and i was giving him his space but after what's happened, i think he could have at least said hello. One of his friends even gave me a hug goodbye as they were leaving. He stood idly by and laughed while shaking his head with his head down. I called him this morning and got no answer so i left a message. All i said was I don't know what happened because we were having fun and I would like to talk to you, hope to hear from you.
Can someone please tell me what went wrong here?? I'm sure he viewed my phone calls for help as being needy but I don't think that I'm out of line for asking for a text to ask "How are you?"
I think he feels really low of himself, I know I would if I had accidentally hurt someone like that. He probably feels guilty as sin and his friends think he hurt you purposely and maybe he stays away for that reason.
I know he was really sorry about what happened but I told him I had forgiven him and forgotten it. Not to worry about it because it was an accident. I just wish he would talk to me. Now I am afraid he's never going to talk to me again!
There were two ways this guy could have gone with his guilt - he could have manned up and put your welfare before his own feelings or he could have slunk away and hid from you and his responsiblity to you for causing the accident. He chose the second option which shows what a selfish immature person he really is. Don't try to excuse or explain his actions away or you will just talk yourself into a bad, heartbreaking relationship.
@Captain You are right. I was making excuses for him. When it happened he was sincerely apologetic. He asked the first ER visit how I was doing. The look on his face even proved it. Deep into his eyes he was a frightened little boy. We haven't even known each other for a full month so how much contact can I really expect to have with him? I told him in the beginning I dumped my last boyfriend for smothering me (i.e. talking to me 6 times a day, asking my permission to do things). I don't need to talk every day but I do need to talk. I think I left out the part on Saturday when he walked by me in passing and said "Hello" but he had a smirk on his face. He did acknowledge me but that smirk made it seem like he's playing a game and has me right where he wants me. I don't play games. They just make me mad. I like to talk things out.
Oh yes, many Geminis are really into mind games - they like to think they are cleverer and wittier than everyone else. They are also very glib communicators who can talk you out of being mad at them (as in tell you what you want to hear or just plain lie).
So what do I do if he does contact me? And indifferent and short responses?
I want to make it clear what I want from this. I wasn't even thinking about long-term. I was more focused on getting to know each other and be friends first. Intelluectually we got a long great ad of course there was physical attraction.
I just moved to this city and I don't know many people. He's fun to hang out with because the conversations are never dull (when I could get a word in edgewise). I would still like to hang out with him as a friend. I don't know how to do that now. In my voicemail Sunday I asked him if he wanted to hang out some time this week. It's only Tuesday so I'm not going crazy. I'm not sitting by the phone waiting for him to call or text but I would like him to.
I just any imagine what I did that actually made this chatty Gem shut up.
Just because you don't know many people doesn't mean you have to settle for losers and abusers. There are plenty of nice men out there so go look for them and don't waste any more time on this player.
I'll work on it.
Well everyone, he talked to me!!!
I sent him a text that was going to be my final attempt to talk to him. He has been ignoring me for a week and a half. I told him: "I realize this thing started out with too much pressure. I just want to have fun, too. I would like to be your friend and see what happens if you will let me. You told me you weren't going anywhere. I'm out of town right now but I hope when I get back you will at least be speaking to me."
I did not expect to get a response but sure enough he said "Sounds good. How are you feeling?"
It's better now that he knows i don't expect to dive right in to a relationship. It's good he responded right?
Now how do I play this? Cool? Indifferent? What?
I feel you have more expectations of this relationship than maybe you want to admit. If it was really just fun you wanted, you would not have put so much energy and time into trying to stay in contact with him. I think you have to be honest with yourself and with this man about what you are after here.
I am being honest with myself. I was honest with him from the get go.
He asked me what I wanted. I told him a relationship. I didn't mean right away or even a relationship with him. He started doing all the cutesy romantic things with me and got me all confused. I am just looking for friendship. If it blossoms into a relationship then it does.
All of my friends are in relationships. I want his friendship because it will be nice to have an alternative to hanging out with couples all evening.
The reason I tried so "hard" to stay in contact with him was because it is my number one pet peeve to be ignored. I wouldn't even say I did try hard. I wasn't calling him every day. I wasn't texting him every day. We aren't even facebook friends.
My text yesteday was my final attempt to reach out to him. I wanted to let him know I understood the pressure we both put on this thing. I didn't want it there anymore than he did. Commitment actually scares me. I am not ready for a serious relationship and clearly, neither is he. I am in my 20s, i want to have fun. I wanted to get that point across to him.
He thinks because I am older I have everything figured out and I know what I want to do when that couldn't be farther from the truth. I have no idea what I want. He doesn't know what he wants. Why not have some fun while we both figure it out?
First find out what you really want - then go looking for it. It's not fair to yourself or anyone else to be in two minds about relationships.
PS What happens if you find you want more than fun with this guy, but he doesn't? You could get very hurt.
Right now, I want fun.
I'm not going to stress about the what ifs because they haven't happened and may never happen. I can only live my life one day at a time. I'm not bending over backwards for this guy. Whatever happens, happens.
Lady cancer, from what I have read of your posts, you are not being honest with yourself.
You keep contacting him because you want him. No other reason for it.
Stop playing games with yourself. Be direct with him. I want a relationship and I am not sure of thats what you want, so I have to look for someone who does.
you expect him to be honest, but you aren't with yourself.
I was dating a Gemini this winter, he played games even though he said he doesn't play games. They too have difficulty being honest with themselves.
If you did not want to be with Jim, you would not be constantly texting him out of fear that he is forgetting you.
Him... Typos from my iPad
He told his friends and family about what happen so they could all have a big laugh at your expense. I'm sure his friends were crying laughing at the story of him picking you up and giving you a kiss and then you hitting your head and getting a concussion. Sounds like something out of a comedy movie.
His friends came over to you because they wanted to see the face of this woman he gave a concussion to and she's fainting left and right too and now she's blowing up his phone. They hugged you because they are amazed at how you are still into their friend that they know is a jerk to women.
How careless can a guy be to give a woman a concussion during a kiss. I'm sorry but he sounds like a fool. What is he doing picking you up that hard and fast for on a 2nd date enough to give you a concussion? I swear, this story is almost funny. I'm mean normally when you feel sparks and see stars during a kiss it's a good thing.
He's not into you. I don't know why he's not into you. But clearly you're not his type, he doesn't want to date you and it has nothing to do with the concussion. He would have stopped talking to you after that night but he didn't because he felt bad about the concussion.
You need to raise your standards. You need to have enough love for yourself to feel you deserve a man better than this who treats you better than this. Your self confidence and self image must be very low.
Never judge a person based on what you think they will be to you. Judge them based on what they are and have been to you. You sound like you started dreaming up this amazing future with this moronic guy and you were so excited that you were about to embark on this fantastic romance with him. And now the only thing getting in your way is this silly little brain injury. You fell in love with your dream and not with him. Fact is, he has giving you a lot more evidence that he is a fool and doesn't want you. Yet you can't let go of your dream of him being the knight in shining armor you're looking for. He's not your knight. Let him go.
Wow..#6 sounds really harsh. But I guess it is kind of true.
LadyCancer74! Always remember..."Don’t be no hard rock when you really are a Gem"
You teach people how to treat you. I'm a guy, and I can tell you that guys love confident girls (or in my case boys). If you allow him to treat you the way he has been then its only going to keep on getting worse.
If you still want to see this guy at lest know what your dealing with. Don’t be no one’s fool.
and forreal...a concussion! And No flowers, card, or even a trip to see you at the hospital. You could of sued him...The guys a jerk.
I appreciate all the criticisms but I am confident in myself. I haven't tried to contact the guy and he hasn't tried to contact me.
I agree that the story is comical. It's one of many. I am currently writing a book about my adventures with men. It's AMAZING what type of hell I have gone through. They are all comical and bizarre.
I am so done with the guy. I've thought about suing him for the concussion but I wouldn't get anything except for weed. He smokes so every day (Winner!!!)
If I ever see him again it would be only to use him as a psychological study since he is a buffoon.
As for his friends coming over to me to see who I am, I don't entirely believe that was the case. They've met me before several times. I'm sure it was to make me the butt of a joke, though.
I don't have the time nor the inclination to mess around with his antics anymore. He's immature and a jerk. I know I deserve better.
As for me being into this dream of our future...I was not. He talked about that stuff. It confused me and creeped me out. The entire purpose of my original post was to gain insight into the Gemini mind. To understand why his personality switched from romantic to indifferent in a week. I now understand how a Gem operates and his nonsense is not for me.
Thank you all for taking the time to write, though. I appreciate your insights.