Desperately need a reading

  • I have been having an affair for 8 months with another married person. They seem like the other half to my soul. We have recently ended our relationship over the weekend because we both acknowledge that it is wrong for us to do to our spouses. We are both trying to decide if we should just end our marriages and then court each other then. Could someone do a reading for me to see if we ever find our way back to each other? His birthday is 12/17/1964 at 9:00 pm and mine is 12/31/1972 at 3:15 am. I would appreciate knowing if I should just expect this person to leave my life and never become my better half. Thank you and I am so appreciative of all help offered. I know the karma of having an affair is never good and that it will always turn out badly which is why we have decided to try and handle it this way.

  • The two of you are poles apart which means you can encompass a whole world between you. Your lover is by nature optimistic and effusive while you are more realistic and selective. Though a potentially volatile mix, you two can form a powerful union with the qualities of one person synergistically intensified by those of the other; you complement each other perfectly. So natural and effacacious is this bond that the two of you often fulfill more than one role in each other's lives, and reason correctly that success in one area can indicate a similar superiority in another. One disturbing element of this matchup however is that the two of you often activate each other's dark side, and must be sure to keep destructive tendencies from getting out of hand.

    Friendship or marriage between you may develop into a career association and vice versa. Couples with as close emotional ties as you two have can be remarkably successful in business or sports, or in scientific or artistic pursuits. But financial disagreements. arising from the tension between your partner's liberal spending and your thriftiness may be unavoidable. A friendly rivalry between you can stimulate you both to higher levels of performance - a positive form of competitiveness on which your relationship seems to thrive. You are exceptionally willing to learn from each other - in certain areas, each may prove the other's best teacher.

    Your love affair can be perilous, however; darker desires may be aroused here that can lead just as easily to instability and violence as to sexual gratification. Your lover will need some lessons in being a better listener and in productive two-way communication. He may think of himself as smarter or superior in some way to other people (or perhaps the opposite - that he is inferior) and must resist the urge to make too much effort at appearing brilliant or correct, setting standards no human could meet. He might instead come off as grandiose and defensive, or even crazy. He may tend to see everyone as his student and him their teacher. Yet he is on this lifepath to have fulfilling equal relationships and to lead himself out of loneliness and alienation. So despite his fear of losing control or appearing foolish or unwise, he must loosen up, open up, and connect with other people, at the same time keeping good boundaries without being too remote and unavailable.

    You SC may feel most alone when you are in a relationship that you are afraid to lose. You hate having to take care of people who can't take care of themselves, yet you get sucked in when you see someone who is down or in need. It's your fear of abandonment and your anger at not being cared for yourself that makes you resent your partners. And your resentment can drive them to act out so you can confirm your loneliness. Is there any lingering anger at your parents - your father in particular - because they failed to provide the security you needed as a child. Which made you be responsible too early? No matter how you try to pick partners who are considerate and warm and caring, you have to be careful not to end up being their parent. That could make you sick of all relationships. But you don't have to live either by shunning people or caving into their insecurities or problems and having to give up your whole life to take care of them just because you feel guilty. You don't have to put your happiness before everyone else's. Put aside your fears of being left or overrun by dependencies (yours and other peoples) and just do what really makes you feel happy and fulfilled.

  • You are always so gracious Captain and full of insight. You are dead on with the question about a parent failing to provide security. My mother was an alcoholic who got pregnant very early in life and was completely incapable of putting a child's interest in front of her own. My marriage is failing for the same reason you stated above, I let him become to dependent on me and we were no longer partners. The affair I was involved in left me afraid of abandonment over and over because he was never sure he wanted to pursue what we had 100%. I don't like the idea of being in an affair, but I fell in love with this person. He has a strong committment to his family and does not want to make a very selfish decision. I feel like he is selfish to start an affair to begin with. I worry a little that he will do the same thing to me, but I am more open to discussions regarding sexual exploration and his wife hates anything to do with sex with him. There is no intimacy in their marriage and it is more of a business partnership. They sleep in separate beds and function mostly for their children.

  • You're right about your ex-lover being selfish - if he really wanted to be with you, he would end his loveless marriage. His children would be OK if their parents were happy. They must be able to tell there is no love between their parents. Your ex-lover wants to have his cake and eat it too. Be strong and don't give in because otherwise he will just contnue to have the affair with you. You deserve a full partnership and, if your own marriage is not giving you that, you need to get out, even if your ex-lover does not want to leave his marriage for you. Neither your husband nor your lover seems prepared to offer you a full relationship. Find someone who will.

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