• Hi Blmoon,

    I hope this finds you well. Yesterday, I recieved some shocking news. My fiance is going to jail for 90 days. Of course, I knew there was legal trouble but his lawyer assured us that he may not do any jail time just probabtion. All of this trouble he is in started over 2 years ago with an affair and quite frankly, I am not all that upset about it. I am looking at it as a time for healing and clearing out of the old. He even said that he has to accept this as his price for his part in poor decisions that he has made. Our relationship has improved greatly in the last 6 months and I have seen him make postiive changes. I am worried about my children. They have never been without their father. He has asked me not to bring them to jail to visit him. Can you give me any insight?



  • Did he ask you to visit him without the kids? I'll get back to you on this---I'm busy and need to think on this as my first impression was the word HIDDEN---that there is something hidden from you but not sure how important that is. I'll check in later. The other immediate sign I saw was for you to follow YOUR intuition.

  • Blmoon,

    I just assumed that he would want me to visit without the kids. Hmmm, I guess I should ask. Hidden....there are several reasons I can think of that this might come up. We are not telling the children where he is going to go. I guess we are keeping it hidden from them. Also, he has hid so much about this relationship with the "other" woman from me. I am still not sure that I know everything or that I want to know. Just what I do know is almost more that I can deal with.


  • I'm overloaded with alergies right now but will get back to you later as I do get a connection and I fear you are afraid to ask him too many questions and you are afraid of the truth as the thought of dealing with that is exhausting to you. I do get that he is still needing to feel in control---and the more out of control the situation is to him the more secrets he needs to feel less anxiouse. He is hiding things from you. Even the legal aspect---you do not have all the info. But on a positive note---this will change--you will get the hidden info--it will not kill you and actually---you will get the break you need to move forward and get ahead of this situation as it weighs you down--holds you back. I also see another man in the near future but he's not part of your thinking yet or this part of your situation so don't get preocupied with that. Someone on the otherside is over enthusiastic with setting you up!!! This a very strong willed female presence. I'll get back to you.

  • You are right. He has a tremendous amount of anxiety as part of his mental illness and his past actions are that he hides from me when he is feeling very anxious. Honestly, I thought I would be more upset about him leaving but I am quite relieved. Although our relationship has improved, the lying and his past actions weigh on me like a ton of bricks. It is very difficult to live with a person who suffers from mental illness and addiction. I feel sometimes like he is harder to deal with than my three small children. My children's behavior is predictable and his is not. I am looking forward to be able to relax and feel that weight removed.

  • Blmoon,


    I hope you are feeling better. I have been struggling with allergies myself.

    Why can't I just get it right? My fiance's date to report to jail was extended unitl May. You would think that I would have been jumping for joy but I wasn't. So, I guess now I realize how unhappy I really am with him. I cannot trust him and I miss feeling relaxed. He has made great efforts to be a better partner in the last few months but I think it is too late. These efforts have been mixed with "episodes" of his usual addictive behavior. Since they sentenced him, he has been drinking like a fish and I feel hatred for him. I don't think I have ever had this feeling before. I feel like I don't know the true "Him". Does that make since to you? May will not come fast enough. A friend says I should just leave him now. I think that he will make that as difficult as possible. I have asked him to move out in the past with no success. I think it would be better to wait and tell him that I am finished with this relationship while he is in jail. The children will have time to adjust to him not being around and he will have time to adjust to the thought while he is incarcerated. Do you think this is good idea?


  • I see someone 'coming for him". So as usual--expect the unexpected. I'm about to run errands but like to peek in as I finish my second cup of coffee. I so do know the emotional rollercoaster of dealing with mental illness. And it is isolating because it's hard to share with those who do not really get it. It would b easy if they were not ill and just jerks and you could decide cut and dry--ok they are bad and must go. I know the pain of the moment when an ill person is no longer the person you know and it is very disturbing to find yourself hating that person. Truth is if you are going to committ to a person with a mental illness you choose not one person to deal with. My man comes with the others. The other may even lok different--eyes change--voice changes--personality changes. Even with meds and a good doctor you will never have just the one. He is out of control and THAT should not be exceptable----they all slip but you should have a back up system in play and boundries and while he is gone THAT is the plan you need to have in the works. Once they are already sick there's no talking to them---it no longer is in their control to stop themselves--that comes from outside help---either you get them stable by hand feeding them their meds and calling their doctor for backup. I have to run---but will give you more later---BLESSINGS! Ask to see his legal paperwork.

  • Blmoon,

    I am sick to my stomach...He went out Thursday night and that is the last I have seen of him. Driving my vehicle. I had to turn him in as a missing person. I know that I am ready for this relationship to be over but I still want him to be part of our children's lives. I am scared that something bad has happened to him. I think he hasn't taken his meds all week. When I asked him, he got very upset with me. I usually count the pills but he has been being so good lately, that I stopped. My girls were crying this morning because they miss their father. Now his problems are not just affecting me but our daughters also.

    Thank you for listening.


  • OH sweety GOD LOVE YOU!

    I so know your panic. As you know any stress is a trigger and once they cross the line and their illness takes hold they are no longer in control and their thinking is so delusional. Forgive yourself for not counting pills--It happens---I have done the same thing--it gets so tiresome then they are very good for months and you give yourself a break and trust. I just had my mate few months back hide his doses twice and it caused him to go manic and he got into an accident. I feel for you and at the time it's happening the fear can eat you up but really--it does pass and if you are in this for life this IS YOUR LIFE. . I now watch him take his meds and last visit I went with to his doctor's but really, I had to wait a bit for him to be stable to push back as you know confronting them when they are already ill is pointless and all you can do is protect them best and protect yourself. Like doing what you did---you called the police and that's what I was seeing---the police picking him up rather than him going in to the jail on his own. The reality is he does not give you enough power to help---he will never do well on his own----there is no way he could have handled this event without losing it. His intention was not thought out---when manic--a person is ALL MOVEMENT and little thought--it's all chaotic action. You should have had complete access to his court info and schedual--all of it. So no surprise he got in the car and took off. In my mates younger days---he often did that--got in his car and drove for hours---calling me confused as to where he was! I suffered like you and here I am married 40 years and he survived. He's had more lives than a cat. I was young and had no idea he was mentaly ill--just thought he was a wild one. You are at least lucky that his illness has been established so you can treat it and decide your future knowing the truth of what you are facing as I always told myself my man would grow up--it would change--get better. As you know--mental illness is for life and you will have that burdon. My feeling is he's run himself out went on a very big bender and has passed out at a friends and could very likely get picked up and taken to jail or the hospital psych ward---did you tell the police he is mentaly ill. This is a good time for you to get your self a game plan for the future. The fastest way to get him help when he does something like this is to report him as suicidle. All states have a program for that and will hospitalise him even if it's for only 4 days at least they force him to take his meds---and it sends him the message that this is what will happen if he chooses to go off his meds. You can not take away this event for your daughter--it is her life--her father. We all are born into our own life passages. What you can do is always be honest so she is aware. You tell her the truth from day one--her daddy has a disease--he is sick and takes medicine. Be matter of fact. Tell her he can't help it--that when he's sick his brain gets confused but he is still daddy but when he's sick he will act different. She needs to know because it is hereditary and also, so she can spot it in others as she gets older so she'll know and not get surprised like you! You will get news by tonight or tomorrow at the latest. BLESSINGS! I know that sounds hard to believe--blessings but you will use this event to get stronger and more in control.

    MY PRAYER for you---

    Dear Saint Michael lend your mighty strength to this woman during this scary time and protect her loved ones with the comfort of knowing you are there with them now and a higher plan is at work. Please enlist all their guides and Angels to assist you in creating a miricle of healing for this man. Help him find clarity and give him the strength to help himself. Please hear this prayer and bring peace to this man's daughter. She needs to hear his voice right now. If for whatever higher purpose this is not possible please at least embrace her with a healing energy of distraction so she may rest without fear. Thank you --AMEN.

  • Thank you for the prayer for me and my daughter. When I read it I felt the weight lift off my chest even for a little bit. I always believe that God has Angels watching over me and my children. I pray for God to protect me and my children every night and imagine his protective hands around us. LOL> Almost like the second picture that you posted. I just realized that as I was typing.

    He called me today while I was speaking with the police about filing a report of my vehicle being stolen. Had the nerve to say that he didn't need anymore trouble with the police. He was mad that I put the missing persons order on him. What an A@@. Anyway, I told him to get his stuff and move out . He said that he would and that he would return my vehicle. But then of course, he started yelling and I hung up on him because I was at work. He told me that he would just drive the van off a cliff with him in it and I said go right ahead. He is so manipulative. It makes me sick. I am praying not to have these bad feelings for him because I know that it is wrong and that the cycle comes back around.

    I really appreciate your friendship. I hope someday I can return the favors. You give me so much support. In general I feel like no body understands what I have been going through for the last 8 years.



  • Yu are so right. Mostly, no one does understand. It's an isolating place when they are out of control. It will pass. You have to stay strong--so you can do the hard things they do not like and y there will be a backlash. If you let them wear you out with drama they make it their mission to make you regret and fear enforcing protection and concequences again. Take car of yourself--the world is a very big place---do something fun with your daughter and pamper yourself. BLESSINGS!

  • Blmoon,

    I guess you were right about expecting the unexpected. He was home one day and threatened over and over again to take his life. He told me that he took his whole bottle of antidepressants. I called 911 and reported it. When I got to the house, the police and the emergency squad were leaving. They didn't take him in for evaluation. I couldn't believe that they allowed him to stay. I am so disappointed in the police for not taking him in for mental hygiene evaluation. The officers looked at me like I was stupid even after I showed them all the text messages about not wanting to live and where he stated that he had taken a whole bottle of pills. On the upside, I did take my daughers for a picnic in the park this weekend. We had a great time and enjoyed the beautiful weather. I just wish there were more days like yesterday.


  • On the upside your man knows his threats will have a consequence and that's the message you are sending--that you will call for help. The key is he should not know you so well that he can predict and control you---use manipulation. As for the police you just need to find the right angency for next time. You did the right thing and it was not a waste of time as he was not expecting that. The officer really wasn't upset with YOU but the situation. They see stuff like that all the time and they must stay non judgmental--bite their tongues but they get ticked and often spend more time on nuicence calls than not. They get frustrated over what they can or can't do legaly. I'm sure when they got there Mr. charming but crazy gave them a whopper of a story acted cool and in control and what the medic wanted to take you aside and say--look--kick this one to the curb he's manipulating you---but he can not say things like that so you got a bit of a dumb look but he felt sorry for you really. Do not give up. If this man is always going to be in your life you need a plan so start calling crises centers and look up the laws in your state. Every state has a baker act or more. Save those suicide threats and print them out--all of them and keep them hidden for the future. Dealing with a mentaly ill person requires a plan--a back up--as they can not be in control of your life. Start by looking up the free crises centers in your area--if you do not have computer googling time call your local health department for numbers---it's best to get a kind voice on the other end who will be helpfull--you know when you get a person that is just getting a paycheck and is not caring. What I mean is sometimes you have to call back. When you get a nice voice you say you are not sure where to go for help and could she or he give you some numbers. Tell them your situation--your live in is mentaly ill and constantly threatening you with suicide---you have the proof. Ask for advice. When you get a crisis center on the line they will tell you different options. Once your mate knows you are getting help he will change his behaviour because mostly, his advantage over you is that you are alone fighting back. If you have health insurance go to see a counselor yourself as it will help you deal with him. The message you need to send your daughter's father is that you will fight back and he can't just play the suicide card to get his way--if he is really suicidal he needs intervention and if he is bluffing he nedds to stop and make it clear you do not care how dumb it feels to you you will call on him as often as it takes. Do not opologize to the police or medics---or feel embarressed--just be firm---when someone says they are suicidal and says they took a bottle of pills you call. You did the right thing. Knowledge is power----research your options and have them ready. BLESSINGS!

  • Blmoon,

    I hope you are recovering from your allergies and doing well. I have been telling "Mr Charming but Crazy" ( I like that) for years that he does not respect my boundaries. This is one of the first times that I have done anything when he has crossed the line with me. Before I would just sucked it up and went on. Calling the police to report him missing was a big step for me and also calling when he told me that he had taken the pills. I asked him if came up missing for 5 days would he not call the police? If I told him I was taking a whole bottle of pills? Of course, he would!!! So, I explained that from now on, I will not hesitate to call the police if necessary.

    The month of May is not that far away (he is supposed to be going to jail) and I am just hoping that I get a repreive and time to clear my thoughts and make some decisions without being influenced by him. I have went to a therapist before but I didn't really care for her. You see, I worked for a psychiatrist for a time and the therapists at that office would always give the patient's assignments for the next visit but my therapist just would listen to me talk. I just didn't feel like I was getting the help that I needed. Perhaps, I will look for someone else.

    Spring is around the corner-my favorite time of year. I love to see the flowers all in bloom and birds chirping. It reminds me of my childhood. But it is clouded by the ongoing events. I am no longer happy where I am at in life. Do you think a move is in the future for me and my children? I have been thinking of just finding a new job, a new place to live and moving. Even my mother has suggested that this might be a good idea.


  • I do see change--as it is hard to see the forest for the trees for yourself but you HAVE already stepped on a new path ---you reached a crossroads and did something DIFFERENT--that's what most people do not get when seeking change---to make change happen means doing things different. You have started that intention. BOUNDRIES are your challenge as once they are crossed you are at a disadvantage so it's paying attention to even the little cross the line things---because life is about energy and intention---everytime you enforce even the smallest boundrie it sends the universe a message on your behalf---that you protect yourself. Most others who cross your boundries will as long as you let them because they mirror that same weakness in that they have no boundries as well---they are out of control. Do you see how that attracts---he is out of control--has no restraint so he will gravitate towards those who have no boundries in place to stop him. The true turning point in change is not to blame others but to recognize how you contribute to the situation--to do that with detachment--no feeling bad or beating yourself up kind of detachment but just being forgiving and a good wise protector for yourself---he brings drama and emotions---under that emotional intensity you lose your wise head so you are already getting that by switching towards peaceful distraction after a drama assult. We all go through this as we cannot control others or outside events always--only how we keep ourselves strong. I feel you are getting that and you are guided by a very loving strong older female spirit. Just remember that it is an ongoing process and you are never perfect---you just get back up and get your head back and go on. And you are right about counselours----there has to be a good fit and really it doesn't have to be a doctor ---you can find a mentor in other places as well----just has to be someone who feeds your spirit wisely. Pray for that and it will be answered. BLESSINGS!

  • Hi Bluemoon,

    I am exhausted. A few months ago, I had read a post by you talking about how tiring dealing with your husband's illness is. For the first time, I fully understand. Mr Crazy but charming is having a manic episode. This is the first time I have truely seen him like this in the 9 years we have been a couple. He stays up all night, gets 2 hours of sleep and is totally infatuated with this online game. When I mention to him that it is just game, he says "well it is but it isn't". He is irritable one minute and then next singing and dancing around the room. I am not going to tell you all of the rest of the story because it is even more drama. But I am truely exhausted. I have read some information about how to deal with these episodes. Now, I see why you suggested counseling because this is draining on even the strongest, and most prepared individuals. He is only taking an anitdepressant Celexa because his psychiatrist advised that he didn't think he had bipolar but major depression and as his dose increased I swear I started seeing the changes within a few days of the dose increase. He won't see his psycologist. I have been trying my best to get him to go to the hospital and admit himself. I am thankful that I know there is someone who understands what this is like. I appreciate you more than you know. Can you tell me how long until this episode ends?



  • OH HONEY!!

    You are expieriencing a very common problem with meds and diagnoising properly. Many folks never see the manic side because that's when they "self medicate" usually, with some kind of strong sedative that helps mask the manic side . AND this is the most dangerouse part---bipolars react ADVERSLY to most antidepressents--in fact it can trigger and make their illness worse. Google that on the computer. The problem is that people never seek treatment when manic--NEVER as they feel on top of the world--powerful and very full of themselves. Counselours see mostly very depressed people--they ask the questions and rely on honest answers. My man was on antidepressents for years before diagnosed. The antidepressents first helped somewhat but only because when he was manic he self medicated or hid drinking. It was a battle---he'd straighten out--then fall off--I'd threaten divorce--he'd straigten out--fall off---I started calling our doctor and finally the doctor said---he needs a psychiatrist as it was out of his leauge and something more was going on. The psychiatrist diagnosed him immediatly as manic depressant (bi-polar). Of course by that time he was in full blown crises and he didn't sign the consent for me to talk to his doc so it took about 6 more weeks to get that changed. The issue is that the doctor usually prescribes the meds and tests their blood once or twice a week to find the right dose. BUT really another person ust help or who knows when and how hhe's taking his meds. The main meds are like a anti-siezure med--then may get a controled substance for anxiety and if he's not yet stable he will eat all those! It's important those first two months the doctor finds what works for him as all people react different. At first, no, my man was not taking his meds right or telling the psychiatrist the truth so what I did was call the doctor and they agred that no they can't discuss him BUT they can LISTEN. Meaning you can tell them stuff. A good psychiatrist apreciates input and knows bipolars cannot be trusted when out of control. What I did was right a letter of all the symptoms--I left out any emotional dram--kept it very professional and factual--then I faxed it to the doctor. I gave the doctor the long term big picture of my mam's behaviour---the only personal part was that I did say I loved my husband very much. The doctor read that to my husband next visit and he signed the paper and things changed. BUT it is never cured--it is a ongoing thing that will pop up. They are never cured. Younger men will very much resist that diagnose as our society is not mental illness friendly---no one wants to be labled crazy and that's what they fear---being CRAZY. Your option is to send a letter to the doc who prescribes his meds and tell him you fear he is manic depressant and describe his behaviours. The most important one is the mania---tell him exactly how little he is sleeping. Bad things can happen when manic--that's when they are invincible--will do risky things--no fear--can spend wildly--gamble---get super s exual--porn ography---permiscuiouse behaviour. The worst part is before the crash--the mind starts losing it with no sleep--gets delusional and the sign things are about to go really bad--paranoia. Their eyes and face change--they will acuse you of things---they stop smiling--lose their humor---and then they may get violent---get in trouble--get in fights---get in accidents---break things. If that passes with no damage they crash. What goes up must come down. They will sleep for days and go into a deep depression for weeks as the brain is complete;ly depleted of seritonen. When my man starts being too jolly--singing or whistling I know he's off and I get it stopped right there. If your man starts getting mean---angry---his eyes change---he looks hatefull please take it very seriousely and leave or have him removed--altho once they are manic little will scare them. Your man will probably go on a drunk then. Look up Celexa and see if it is aproved for bipolar. You can't be a victim to his illness if he is in your house you must be proactive as what he does or will do will affect your life. I'm not a doctor----you need a psychiatrists help. If he wants to live with you demand you both go to an appointment fast and you speak up---and if you get a bad vibe and don't like his doc you get a new one. Mental illness should be under the care of a psychiatrist--they know quikly what to do. AND once you have that aliance you will have backup---if he goes "SOUTH" and out of control--you call his doctor and he either complys with your help or gets hospitalized until stable. My man has never had to be hospitalized but mostly that is not true for mos cases---every family I know with a bipolar has them admitted at least once or twice a year as it is very very life consuming to do it on your own. BLESSINGS! Protect yourself!

  • I apologize for invading this post to the original poster. I just need some advice/reading/insight from Blmoon

    Dear Blmoon,

    I met this guy, he was older than me (I was born in 12/2/1980 and he is 6/10/1966). The very first time I saw him, I felt the connection with him and couldnt get him out of my head. I felt like I've known him for a very long time. For a very short period of time, although our consequences are not agreeing at all, we became good friends, lifting each other spirit. I feel connected with him in some ways that whenever I think of him, I realized the timing on his emails, that we are both thinking each other. We did not become romantically involved, all our emails and communication are plainly platonic. I planned to be his lifetime friend although he moved back home, but I realized that he is suddenly disconnecting, so I decided to say Goodbye to the friendship. I am very busy at work, but I couldnt explain why there were times that he will be in my thoughts,and I having chestpains. I have no bad memories nor I am not mad him, but for some reason I feel some unexplainable energy coming from him. He is in the US and I am currently overseas. I am not sure if I am inlove with him as I never think of him romantically, but I really do care for him as a person.

    Could it be possible that he is thinking of me too? My tarot keep saying I need to let go of something I really like, but the thing is, what is the thing I need to let go? How do I let go of something I never had? I want to have a peace of mind, not to remember him but I can't stop thinking about him, even I am very busy at work. Am I going crazy?

    I never felt connected like this with anyone, can you please do a reading for me, when you get the chance? My birthdate is 12/02/1980 and he is 6/10/1966

    Will you able to do reading for me please? when you have a moment. I feel like I needed closure I cant move on.

  • I'm off to work so this is a very short reply--will get back later. HE represents someting in your blind spot---something you burried in childhood. I am not sure you knew him long enough to REALY know him--just the feel good side. You can start by making a list about him---his traits---and search your memory to see f anyone else reminds you of him. It's not him as much as what he represents and it is an opportunity to let something go as in healing. There is a psuchic connection in your charts. With your list of describing him---have a gut feeling list---about him--things you sensed may be true and questions---were there things about him--conversations that contradicted your impressions. Write those down as well. BLESSINGS1


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