Lonely, lost, let down, and crying.



  • Good, glad u are feeling so much better, sounds like you are starting to sort things out. I only fell in love once, and it blew me away. My first husband I just married because I thought it was the norm, especially when I had our child. I did not love him the way I should have. I just did not want to be alone. And instead of living in misery with each other I filed for divorce. But I don't regret it cause it taught me so much! Then four years later right after I had lost my mom, wham! I met my man! We went through a rough period for a couple of months after a year where we broke up and man, I never in my life thought that love could hurt your heart so much. I was turned inside out! But in the end we got back together and got married. And we are happy and love eachvothers company. I learned so much just by watching other couples plus my family in their relationships. Respect is a big factor.

    And yes, I said no on being friends after we broke up because I could not bare seeing him with another woman. And then, I realized I had to be grown up about the situation and suck in my pride or whatever it is and atleast be friends. Not ending on a bad note is always good, and let everything play out that is suppose to. And pray your little heart out! Sometimes it works and sometimes it don't but we cannot control some things even though we want to!

    So girl, hang in there, you are learning so much! There is light at the end of the tunnel that is for sure! Keep your head up and enjoy what you do have!



  • Its half 3 in the morning, can't sleep again. Decided to go to bed last night for the first time since we split, needed some rest. I woke up with my stomach churning over, could see a shadow while my eyes were closed again, passing me in the dark, had that happen alot these past few months. Was doing some research, found out it's either spirit of a loved one or my spirit guide trying to come to me. Sherri I'm seeing a post showing up from you on the main forum but when I look there's nothing there. My pc's all wierd at the moment. Think it's got a virus. Ran Windows Defender but its saying nothing detected as far as anything being on the laptop. Me and the ex had just set up an Amazon account, selling videos and other things. I didn't know if he'd change the password to the account or anything to try and get at me. I logged into it the other day, and there was nothing showing up. So I thought he had deleted all of the listings. I asked him about it, but he said he'd not deleted anything, that everything was still there. I looked again yesterday while he was here to show him, and everything showed up. Tried to mail him from my hotmail account last night. Got a message from hotmail at the top of screen. This message account has been blocked, please contact the Windows customer service team for more information. Had thoughts of if his mums had anything to do with that...I don't know, he's been using the family laptop while he's been back at home...says that his mums referring me to 'she'. ..not thinking too straight at the moment...so I can't read your message at the moment honey 😕 I should go back to bed really. House is so quiet and bare now. He's calling in tomorrow again. ave so much to sort out as far as bills and the rest of it go... so much to sort out. If anyone would be able to give me some guidance on where I go next, even though I know in my mind where I have to go next... just help a lot really. Wish my cat was still here. Cindy, sending you some love xxxxxxxxxxx



  • And when I click on the post reply button, your post shows up! Man, this pc is acting real wierd lately! We have quite a bit in common me and you 🙂 I married when I was 19. The first man to come along, first boyfriend. Didn't love him either, was pushed together by my friend who passed, plus my parents thought he was the bees knees cos he had a job and money. I married him to get away from the hell at home really. Plus I had a son to him. Were supposed to get married when I was pregnant, but my body and soul were going through so many changes, pregnant at 18, no job, didn't even know if I wanted a baby at that age, kept thinking my life was over before it had even started. I stuck it out with him for 8 years. Libra, supposed to be my most compatible sign. But I stuck it out for the kids. Then realised that I couldn't base a marriage on that, and that I wasn't being fair to myself, or my kids. So we divorced. He didn't bother with the kids for 15 years, I brought them up alone, as a single mum, was hard, struggled sometimes, but always got through 🙂 Had some issues with my son for the past few years, bad influences around him, plus he was going through the transitional phase of going from boy to man, he had a lot of his dads selfishness in him. He walked away when I met the fella, sent me a nasty text one night saying a few things, really cut me up that did, cut the man up too, showed him the message, and felt sorry for him. The kids, they decided to get in touch with their dad after that, I couldn't stop them, didn't want to, at the end of the day, they had their own minds, old enough to make their own decisions and I knew that the truth about him would come back one day and they'd find out for themselves. My daughter's seen him for what he is already I think, she was talking about him the other night, in not too great a way, but knew she'd see him like I did eventually. I've heard of stories where people have split up and got back together before. Yet there's been so much said now. I'm not stopping him from having his single life if thats what he wants. Won't be looking on his networking sites anymore now, not torturing myself with all that again. If he meets someone else, I can only wish him well as a friend and leave him be. Though I know in my heart that right now, he's wanting the company of his friends, told me he's meeting up with one of his pals on Thursday on his day off from work. I did a compatability test on the home page to this site earlier, and it said the outcome for us should be friends. So that's what it shall be 🙂 Gonna try and get some sleep now. Thanks for the post Sherri, love and light to you hun xxxxxxxx



  • I never thought love could hurt so bad.. I saw him this morning, he was late getting here, only had an hour with him before he had to go to work. We've got so much mess to sort out between us. I'm trying so hard to focus on getting things organised. Made a to do list this morning so I wouldn't forget anything. Not got very far at the minute. Tried to cancel sky but signed a 12 month contract so it's a big mess. I want us to be friends... but seeing him at the moment is ripping me in half. Having a hug before he goes and him kissing me on the cheek. This is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, in my whole life...



  • Missy Michelle,My heart goes out to you,I know how bad this has hurt you. YOU WILL get past this. It may help you to not see or have contact for awhile. i know when I went through this about 6yrs ago, I had to just stay away from any situation that would let me see him. It just hurt to bad. I had to heal some 1st. Take some time just for you, and think about what drove you to this relationship? There were so many differences,and RED FLAGS but you jumped anyway,as we all have done, so take this time to spoil yourself 🙂 and heal.You have learned something from this...you may not can see it now,but you will make better choices next time when love comes to you 🙂



  • To Steve 101, I wonder with you having to get "away" ,if there wasn't something bothering you already with this relationship? I know we all need space, but when your in a loving relationship, don't we at least let our partner know we may need some time? I think sometimes when we know in our heart something isn't working we deny it in our head because we want it to so bad. I was guility of this myself....and I know we can't help sometimes who we fall in love with,but I think in the long run such an age difference will make a difference. Most usually it is a set up for heartache. I know for me ,different ages mean different turning points. what I felt at 20,was different at 25,at 30it was different at 40,and so on. I will turn 50(the new 30) 🙂 🙂 this year and I can't imagine dating a 20 something yr old,WHAT WOULD WE TALK ABOUT,they would have no clue about old movies, what it was like to grow up in the 60's, what was disco???lol It would just be that our lives had happened at different times...lots of gaps. I think Sherri 263 said it best..Your on a different Wavelength when there is that much age difference. to make a great relationship...in the long run I think you need to be great friends and lots of respect..THAT will get you through the hard times that all of us go through. I hope all goes well for you with your tests...I've been there and it is a scary thing...but HANG IN THERE..wishing you all the best and much happiness 🙂



  • Ok Missymichelle! My ex was a libra to! Drove me crazy with his selfishness! Always blabbering about himself!

    Hang in there girl, it does hurt very bad, and it will for a while. Day by day it will ease. I found out that when I was going through the pain even 2 months later my vibrational frequency was a lot higher (I guess from stress) and I saw all kinds of things in my dreams and awake. Like the shadows you see and noises. Weird things would happen around my house. I knew it was my guides and my mom around me trying to get my attention. So be thankful and beg them to help you! It takes time to mourn but you will make it girl!



  • I've been busy with stuff, had so much to do and so much to think about. Yesterday was the worst day so far for me I think.. didn't help me having to see him again and then having to ring everyone up. Just ended up having to repeat myself the same opening lines on the phone and that didn't help. Really drained me yesterday but least I got a decent nights sleep, no waking up either so my body and soul must have needed it. I woke up more + today. Still had a lot to sort out though. Mailed him. Its so easy when you've split from someone to 'clam up' and lose the way to communicate like you used to. I don't want that. Best to stay honest and show how your feeling. At the end of the day, we're all human, and we all need to show that we're not robots and still have feelings, whatever they are. Through the good times, and bad, there's hope. I dunno how this is going to pan out I really don't. All new to me. Usually walk away and never look back, spose that's to get over the loss as quick as possible and to forget the hurt. I dunno this time though. I think we did meet for a reason, maybe we should have been friends first instead of jumping right in at the deep end head first. I just took my chance on love I guess. Told my son that he couldn't deny me of having a shot of happiness with someone and that I deserved that, this time, he was understanding about it. I've been at the bottom of a bottomless pit for nearly a week now. Told him today that you don't really know what you've lost till its gone. Guess time will be the factor in all of this as it always is. He said that he wants to be my 'best friend'. My best friend passed a few years ago, she was a Scorpio too... her birthday was the day after his. It's just the thought of if my emotions can stand upto that.. I don't know.. One minute I'm down, then I'm looking forwards... trying to stay upbeat..

    seasidelas: Yeah I know. I had those thoughts yesterday about having some time out for myself. Easier said than done at the minute though.. he still has some things here and his dad's got to come through again so will be seeing him again at the weekend... probably hurt like hell again when I do....would have been our 1st anniversary to when we met that day too.... how ironic and sad is that? I've just thought of that.... Sunday BLOODY Sunday :-((( The day we should have been going away and he's taking the last of his things .I'm trying to keep on top of things, sure time will be the best way now. Thanks for the message gal 🙂 xxxxxx

    Sherri263: Yeah, Libran's. Supposed to be my most compatible sign, but he proved to be the worst in the long run. Womaniser, liar, never there as a dad for his kids, all he thought about was himself. Glad I got out of that one. He's in touch with his son more than his daughter and that's not fair, no wonder she's resenting him right now. The high energy has been around for a while, I've been getting signs and messages for some time. I had a few minutes in deep contemplation today. Asked the spirits to channel energy in a positive way instead of me getting so many negatives. Hope they'll come and see me with some insights soon. Love n light 😉 xxxxx



  • Missy Michele.I have jus gotten your message back...you have been in my heart,and on my mind,so it was good to hear from you..:) I know how much it hurts when they take their things from the home you both have shared...I remember..:( I know sometimes you feel like you can't breathe,when you wake up ,you just go through the motions...but ..I HOPE everyday..you take some time just for you...when your taking a long hot bubble bath, CRY if ya want to...turn the music up and scream if ya want to...for once it's all about you!!! 🙂 and then before you go to sleep, imagine your heart minding..getting ready for love again...it will come...:), and what you have taken away from this experience will make it better and you a stronger woman for the man that is your soul mate ...that will last...I think your a special lady..and you have alot of love to give to the right person....hold on to your kids,and family,and your friends while you get through this....it HURTS ,I KNOW!!! but, I promise you will get through...and you will find love again...the one you are suppose to be with...:) Hang in there...:) Lots of light to you...and big HUG!!!



  • Sorry I haven't been around... decided to try and talk about things that were happening to him rather than on here...It's been swings and roundabouts with us. More tears, more so on my part. He told me he loved me still, I believed him, because thats what my heart wanted to believe. Told me that his parents had given him an 'ultimatum'. If he moved back in, then they'd disown him, want nothing to do with him anymore. Thats a great foundation to build on, and something that no parent should put on their kid. He's not some young lad that doesn't know his own mind, they should give him a break and let him make his own choices. He said that he'd probably said too much to them, and told them that we were just on a break, so now, he's had this thing with his parents to think about. I met him in town last week. Crazy I know, but when you love someone so much, you've gotta try your best, be your most vulnerable, show how your hurting, and try to 'work it out'. So, he said that he needed some time, and all I could do was respect that, said that he wanted to come back, but he had some plans made, and would I mind if he came back in a few days. He text me a few times, told me he was missing me, I told the kids and the rest of the people close to me what was happening, and all they want, is what's best for me. People that knew us just want us to be happy again, sick of seeing me in such a state with myself, never cried so much in my whole life. It was our anniversary on Sunday, his dad didn't come for his things. He said that he'd come down and spend some time with me. So he got here at tea time, brought me a card, the weather was atrocious, heavy rain, maybe depicting my mood, as it has done for the past few weeks. When he got here, I asked if his parents knew where he was, he said no, so that really did make me think. Even worse was when he told me that he wasn't staying and that he had to go 'home'. That was it, hurt again. I should have been happy, on such a significant day, the day we met a year before, and I couldn't have been further from that mindset. Tried to talk, had my youngest daughter around due to the bad weather, know she was only protecting me by being around. Had to go upstairs to talk, just for some privacy. He told me that he wanted to come back and that he loved me, said he needed a few more days, was scared to come back incase the same thing happened again. Something weird happened while he was out last week, he went into a charity shop (we used to go in all of the thrift shops when we were together) He went into one, and found a CD of a band that I used to know and that I'd worked with years ago. He text me and told me he'd picked up a CD with my name on it as guest vocals. It's like fate keeps pulling us back together, yet the circumstances of everything are keeping us apart. Told him that I couldn't wait forever, I have my life too, can't keep putting it on 'hold' while he sorts out what he wants, I deserve better. He took somthing that he'd sold on EBay, needed to send it off, so that had me thinking too, if he'd just come up for that. Love makes you think like that I guess. So he went, couldn't walk him to the bus stop, used to hate doing it when we first met and he had to go back to his flat, and felt so let down and defeated by him not making the effort, for not standing up for what he wants and saying to his family 'I love Michelle, we want to be together, sorry if its not what you want but you've gotta let me live my life', even though he shouldn't have to make that choice, they should be ashamed of making him have to make that choice, though I know, that as parents, they've seen him hurt, and at the end of the day, they're just looking out for him, its a natural thing that parents do. I cried. Everyone was texting me to ask me how it was going, if we were out having a meal. My daughter rang me when I told her he'd gone, and she kicked off. 'You're joking me!? I thought he loved you?? Why did he have to go back to his mum and dads, he's not some schoolkid??' Then she started to question if he loved me or not. Said that if he loved me, he'd have been with me nomatter what his mum and dad thought. Said that he was just messing me about, then she said that she'd never be the same with him again after what he'd put me through. My kids have seen me in pain for too long now. I went to bed that night, crying into my pillow again, thinking that he didn't love me like he said that he did, felt like he'd chosen his parents feelings over mine, when I shouldn't have even thought that...so yeah, that cut deep. I got up at 5 the next morning, half cut, determined to get some outcome with all of this. So I let my Aquarian logic take over, my head did the talking. Told him that we should have never have seen each other while things were so raw, and that we'd have to grit our teeth, and get on with getting over each other. Tried to come up with an amicable solution to some bills that he's paying for me at the moment. Then I decided to start planning for my future, rang college, enrolling in September for an English and Media course, help me get back into journalism, something that I should have pursued when I worked for my local paper. Went to my daughters and her boyfriends. Found out that she's mailed this ex of his and told her a few things.. kids see and feel I guess. Glad that my son hasn't been around with any of this, he comes back from his holiday on Friday, no doubt my daughter will tell him everything. I sacrificed my family when I met him. Went through so much as a parent, went down the preverbial guilt trip road, but always thought that love saves the day and that they'd come around eventually, which they did. Even my mum saw how sad I was without him, stating to my surprise last week 'Look Shelley, if you're both miserable without each other, tell him to come back' This was coming from my mum who disowned me when we first met, who's stubborn head kept her out of the picture for most of the time. He mailed me yesterday, said that he didn't think he could dishonour his parents wishes, as they'd brought him up right over the years, and he had to respect that. My head tells me to 'move on', my head tells me that he's 'played' on my feelings through all of this. Even friends that are closest to me now say that he doesn't love me and that that's all that he's doing. My heart says something else. So I let my heart speak again yesterday, never wanted to have a cold heart anyway. The logic of my Aquarian nature says one thing, yet I was born on the Aqua/Pisces cusp, so I feel more than most Aquarians, I'm the most sensitive being that I've ever known. I'm staying strong whatever happens. I don't know what's going to happen, so I guess that brings me some hope with all of this. Thanks for the message seasidelass, appreciate it love, nice to know that even though I've got people around that love me, there's others out there that feel it too. Best go for now. Love n light xxxxxxxx



  • I'm really sorry that your going through all this but like most of us we go through it and turn out ok. One thing I can say is you can't let this stop you from being happy and finding that special person. That person that will love you for who you are and what you do for them. We've all been hurt and I mean really hurt by someone we trusted and put our trust into. Just remember you haven't dated all men so remember all men are not the same. And that not all men will hurt you stay hopeful and when the time is right you'll find that special person. I'm in a bad relationship myself with a man younder than me. It's hard because we work together same department and he cheated with another person in our department and yes I have to see them each and everyday. It's not easy but you can't let another person break your spirits. Pray and keep whatever faith you have. A co-worker told me and I'll never forget it. You can't take a short cut through your pain, you must go through it in order to come out of it.



  • Michelle

    My heart breaks for you when I read your posts... Can I suggest that you start thinking about YOU... not the relationship, or what he wants, or whether or not he's telling the truth... but YOU... What makes Michelle happy? It's always hard when you break up with someone you love... and of course you're both going to feel miserable... but that doesn't necessarily mean you should be back together! You have a lot of things to consider wrt the relationship, but first things first... What do you want and need in your life? Start thinking about all the things you are grateful for (ie family/friends)and focus on the things (other than himself) that will give you strength, satisfaction, fulfillment in your life. Sounds like you started down this road with enrolling in college (good for you) ... there's nothing better or more satisfying than "doing it for yourself"!... You will feel less miserable as the days go on - I promise!!

    xxx



  • Hi, Michelle....I`m a Scorpio (female) But, I totally agree with MyViewPoint!

    Good Luck in the futur, don`t give up on love, everyone has the right to be happy, but remember that happyness comes from within!



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