Will someone please help me? I am so depressed.

  • I am severely depressed. Could someone please do a reading on me? so much has happened and I extremely depressed and scared.

  • You'll have to explain your situation so that we can give pertinent and correct advice.

  • Basically so much happened. I had a breakdown and went into the hospital for a month. I returned back to this terrible place that caused me so much emotional mess. Im severely terrified of my future ending up stuck here in this situation. I live with my mom I am so close to her right now because I dont want to date anyone. I want to be single i dont trust anyone but I constantly feel something is right around the corner. I just to care for me and my dog and be close to my sister. I keep trying to avoid these people in the area that I live because of what happened but in order for me to get anywhere I have to walk. Yesterday I spent time with my dog she was so happy and then today she started getting sick again.

    Lets just say I extremely harrassed by people in this area. Any help in this situation? I do not believe in God. I want safety and security and be able to provide that for me and my dog. I have not seen my sister in over a month. I dont know which way is up.

  • Im just really depressed and sick. I wish I were dead. I want to be close to my sister. What do I do?

  • Can you contact your sister?

    Do you understand that you are not a victim, that everything that has happened to you so far has been because you attracted those events for whatever reason, and not just because other people are bad? If you can accept responsibility for your life, then you can accept that, as you and your choices created your situation, you also have the power to change it. This is the first step towards positive change. You then have to identify what issues you have that are causing problems in your life. What negative way of looking at life or the past do you think is something that might be holding you back?

  • Im not stupid.n I knwo certain things happened by my choices. Thank for the advice and telling me what I aleady knew.

  • Carly, don't be so defensive. I am trying to help, but I need to know what your belief system and philosophy is before I can know what sort of advice to give you. How am I supposed to know what you know if I don't ask? If you know things happen by your own choice, then what are you doing to reverse the situation?

  • I honestly feel like I cant trust anyone. Everyone has different intentions by their actions and honestly dont care. I know things happen by my own choice but my biggest fear is I dont feel like I have the room to say no. Im like extremely confused of where I stand and whats going to happen. Like ok Id have prefered not to define who I am by who I get involved in. A recent involvement with someone who id have rather pretend did not exist it kinda feels like its keeps being pushed in my face but then I feel like if I dont hold onto that experience I will get confused and not know my next direction.

    My doctor told me I am extremely impulsive with choices and actions etc. and lately Ive been severely obsessed with the idea of how fragile life is that its put me into a panic.

    Ok and I also feel like my not being honest about how I feel towards my sister and her friends as kinda put a distance in our relationship. Like ok I dont like any of her friends at all. I dont feel any of them are genuine but me kinda being all about them and acting as if I liked them almost feels like betraying her. She is my sister and I would do anything for her and she would do the same and has done so. Well lately Ive kinda been cutting myself off from the world and I dont know if thats upset her as she does take a lot personally not that shes selfish but she is sensitive and very supportive and motherly. As far as her dumb friends they didnt grow up with her and go through what we went through together. They are all losers and idiots and phony.

    She is my twin sister ---- Our birthday is March 8 1983 -- I was born at 12:46 am and she born 12:44 am

    At the same time I havent been a very good sister but I really dont think my sister hates me for that but when others who are her friends know about my actions I feel like I dont deserve to be her sister. Truthfully i was very angry and confused with my life.

  • Looking at your astrological profile, Carly, I see that you are a loner with a very strong need to be self-protective, which you must let go of if you want to have happy fulfilling relationships and experiences. You have come to learn to emerge from the shell you hide in and to express the feminine side of your nature by becoming more compassionate, nurturing, and loving. You can be prone to a sort of emotional dormancy so you need to learn to reach out to others and allow them to share your natural brand of inspiration and magic. The joy of loving and being loved will restore your enchantment with life.

    The call to greater self-expression and openness to others will be difficult for you to answer. Nevertheless you are gifted with profound and soulful insights and would do yourself a great disservice to withdraw from connection with the world. In any event, you will need much encouragement and help to emerge from your shell, for though you may have a great desire for a sense of both personal and universal love, you may well lack the tools to express yourself, as your shyness can reach almost phobic proportions. Too, you will have to undergo a certain amount of trial and error as your capacity for devotion seeks fulfillment, since you are more vulnerable to illusion or seduction than many people. You must learn to rely on and trust your strong psychic senses and intuition more and your doom-and-gloom fears less. If you can manage to summon the courage to reveal yourself more fully to others and recognize that acceptance by others of who you truly are exists in proportion to your willingness to be open to the opportunities that come your way, your life will be much easier. Your fulfillment will come through reaching out to other people to do good deeds and not by dwelling obsessively on your own problems and issues.

    What you really want is to be in control of every area of your life all the time. But your need for control can be a drawback, in that situations and other people can never be controlled enough for you to feel safe to be yourself. Also if you engage in a neverending search for acknowledgment ("If only other people would recognize my contribution and abilities in a respectful way, I can begin to feel good about myself"), it will just be a bottomless pit, because others can never give you enough recognition for you to feel satisfied. Only when you acknowledge within yourself the importance of your contributions (through nurturing others in a supportive way - not be taking charge of their lives without being invited or inappropriately usurping other people's responsibilities) will you begin to feel happy and fulfilled. At some point, you must take a chance and let others know the truth of who you are and how you feel: your insecuritites, fears of rejection and abandonment, and feelings of inadequacy. The irony is that once you risk letting others see who you truly are, you finally will gain total safety, because in revealing your feelings you've taken charge of yourself on a deeper level and have nothing more to hide. You will no longer be fighting yourself by trying to suppress your feelings or fears. This will give you a calm, inner certainty from which to accomplish your goals. By acknowledging your own emotions, you will develop an awareness of other people's feelings and be better able to relate to them. They in turn will support you on your own path.

    Deep down, Carly, you're an idealist and no matter how many times you are disappointed or how many of your dreams are shattered, you will go on searching for ways to help humanity evolve. Yes, many times you will be unappreciated for your efforts. You have a deep need to be accepted and recognized, and fear being left out. But helping others can often be a thankless job. You must appreciate and accept yourself and your gifts.

    You tend to get sucked in emotionally so you have to be extra careful not to allow relationships and commitments to swallow you up. All you have to do is to open yourself to love and it will come flowing towards you. What you are really looking for is not the attention of the masses, but the security and happiness that can be found only through a deep intimate bond with another person. This bond of love will add depth and meaning to an existence that could otherwise give you back a lot less than you put in. But first you have to be open and unafraid for it to happen.

  • Thanks Captain!! I always love your readings very informative!! You are absolutely correct on needing to feel safe and being in complete control.

    Yeah my issue is though when I feel like I reveal my feminine side it makes me vulnerable. The past yearI was very open with my sexuality for the first time and suddenly I felt like that got me into trouble. I didnt like feeling so vulnerable. I felt it left room for abuse for someone to overpower me. Its a shame what a man does when they have that position.

  • Carly, I have a twin sister myself, and I know a lot about the kind of issues you must be facing. In order for you to get out of the dark place, you need to consciously develop and cultivate your separate personality from your sister. It means - making your own friends, letting your sister make her own choices and friends, giving up control over her life, developping your own interests and doing whatever gives pleasure TO YOU. Believe me, your relationship will be much happier and healthier if you allow each other to be her own person.

    Forgive me for asking - what is the dynamic of your relationship with your sister ? Which of you is more "active" , sociable, and which is more withdrawn (you, I suppose) ? Do you feel jealous of her ? Does she tend to make decisions for you ? What role does your mum play in this relationship ?

  • Carly, if you expect people to mistreat or hurt you, then you will attract what you expect. If on the other hand you expect and trust that good people will be drawn to you, then they will. Like attracts like so you first have to become open. loving, and trusting if you want that sort of person in your life.

  • VoplySoply,

    Hi I would say my sister is more the leader in our relationship. She fullfills what my mother lacks in someway. My sister encourages me a lot to be successful in life. I would say we are both active in different ways in our lives I am sociable but can become very withdrawn. I am a very scattered person. My sister however who is just like me as in being a jack of all trades. She can do anything but she sticks to things. I on the other hand drop things and move onto something else.

    My sister as far as having in the moment fun she is like that. She knows how to live in the moment. She goes out more. I am more sociable in a controlled setting. When I feel like Im grounded and safe but still very guarded.

    I can feel jealous of her. I do follow her more and less trusting of myself. I guess our relationship has more so always been about the future. Or fixing something. Never really about just goign out and having fun.

    Im not even sure. The past year has been pretty much of a mess. I lost everything last year. My car died I moved I havent had a job. I went crazy I chased after some guy who ended up calling the police on me I ended up in Jail twice and then ended up in the hospital. Everybody wanted me to stikc to the plan. Get the help but I felt like people were just pushing me to the side. It was humiliating. I dont trust anyone after that experience. With the whole getting in trouble ending up in the hospital. So many people telling me what to do and I listen to them because I dont want to lose them. AT tghe same time I feel like a total joke. That clearly Im not looking out for myself and not geting really what I want out of life.

    Im am really hoping and wanting to get where I want to be in life.

  • Carly, it's really a good start that you can actually identify where you want to be in your life and have certain hopes. That's already a step in the right direction. You have to have something that feels right to YOU, then it would be easier to stick to it. Often family histories impose certain roles and patterns of behaviour on us, which are difficult to escape, particularly for twins. We often act in responce to the other twin, family, and other people's expectations (and Captain is right - other people also act towards us according to our expectations, just as we do). For instance - if your sister was the "responsible" one from the beginning, than you had to occupy the "spontaneous" niche, and in turn she has become "responsible" in reaction to someone else (your mum?), for instance. Mums play a huge role in all that - we are either compelled to become like her, or fulfil what she lacks, like what your sister does. The good news is that you are a grown up now, and can make your own, independent choices - neither to correspond to other people's expectations, nor to rebel against them, but assess your needs racionally. You are now in a position to become what you would like to see yourself in the ideal world. Also sometimes our weaknesses can become our strong assets. For instance, you already have enough material for righting a book, if you wanted to. I bet it would be an interesting one - just an example of creative use of your experiences. I know that your sister loves you a lot, and wants the best for you, but we all have this need for indsependent choices, which either pushes us to become creative in alternative area, or to rebel and become self distructive. The trick is to balance this need for independent self expression with constructive ideas. You have to identify what is it that you truly want for yourself in your life, then brainstorm the situation, make a practical plan of action for yourself and have a will power to follow it.

    By the way, around your age I also had a severe depression and panic attacks, because I felt that I was failing at the "traditional" path, which was more my sister's path, and haven't yet found my own. Sometimes one really needs to hit the bottom, before you start seing the path ahead. Good luck to you !

  • for writing a book * - forgive my spelling mistakes, English is not my native language.

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