Yo Yo Cancer
One week he's moving me to were he is, calling, texting, I love you, miss you, thinking of you.
I respond accordingly and return the sentiments. FIve years now, how much slower can you get? On off like a light switch. Past 5 months almost (without exception) staying in contact daily, then he's off again! It's as though nothing we talked about has any meaning. How do you love someone and then act as though nothing has transpired over this course of time? Simply heartbreaking on my end..I have read and read until I can't read anymore about CANCER. I have been patient and loving, but I can't take much more indecision. I probably need to say goodbye, however in matters of the heart, not so easily done as it would so final. Lost
Does he just disappear without a word and how long does he go off for? Does he still stay in contact during this time? Is he fighting any demons from his past? And lastly, is he hurt when he does this and is trying to figure things out? Sorry for all the questions, I’m just trying to understand the situation.
I had someone like that although they were Aquarius. He had a girlfriend that he had kids with. Only called and came into my life when he got bored/tired of her crazy games. He left with no warnings for months at a time and went back to her. Maybe your "other" has a differnet life too?
Mine came back again and again saying he really wanted to be with me. Did the same as yours....calling, together all the time, then poof! Gone!
This cancer indeed has a past, he is military and throughout his career he has been engaged in a lot of ugly things. He is 65 years old, been married 3 times, all failed because of his career and having to leave at a moments notice or no notice at all. That is another story however. I have been his friend for all these years and I know that he cares for me. On more then one occasion he has told how scared he is of another relationship..this I understand, but I have NEVER asked anything of him (except to be honest and not says things he doesn't mean). When he talks about getting together I don't get all crazy about it and start packing, of course thus far, he has never followed through on anything or as he says all blow no show. I could go on and on about this charming man who is always pulling away. Did I mention I have never met this man? I know..whats the point
Ok, I had a feeling…I understand better now. I was reading on another forum about how different sun signs deal with hurt. One post was memorable; essentially she (a Cancer) said that she would go into hiding for months, and once for years after being hurt really badly. During that time she worked on ridding herself of the hurt so that she could feel normal again. At one point she thought she was ready to come back out, but then she realized that she wasn’t and went back into her shell for a few more years. When she eventually resurfaced she refused to talk about and it was like that event never happened in her life.
This is a very sensitive sign, and when they experience things that affect their emotions that deeply it can be devastating for them. Your man has been trying to heal all his life; 3 failed marriages and even though he blames his military career for those failures, I suspect he knows differently. He could be blaming himself for choosing to marry 3 different women who couldn’t accept military life. The first time my guy told me about his 2nd divorce, the reason he gave me for its failure was because of the stress of his business. Years later he admitted that he should never have married her because he knew even then that she wasn’t the one.
I don’t really know how to advise you, because even though I was in a similar situation and actually witnessed the anger, hurt, disappointment, and depression, I was virtually helpless to do anything about it. As mine told me, it was his responsibility to fix, not mine and luckily for me, he did come back to me a healed man.
You said that you never made any demands on him, but does he actually know what your wants are?
GemTwin definitely tell him how you feel....yes, us cancers are extremely sensitive and sometimes hold hurt and feel it as if it just happened even if the events happened years ago....then we get petrified of moving forward.....I wish you luck
Thank you so much for your input, this has been and continues to be a struggle for me. I feel that I understand him more then he realizes and yes he knows what my wants are. He told me if we ever get together I wouldn't have to work, that I could return to school and at my leisure get a degree and live a normal life. That was Wednesday, by Friday he was pulling away again.
I have continuously let him know how much he is loved, maybe to much, I have no idea. I want to contact him ask him what I've done wrong (knowing I haven't)..Probably best left alone, I can do no more to reassure him that what I feel with him is genuine. As far as the wives..I tend to agree with you. Wrong choices at a different time in life.
How interesting they so skillfully retreat to protect themselves from hurt while the person who is in complete confusion is the one who is hurting and the one who has done no harm to him.
I'm not responsible for his past but I am the future he may very well wish he hadn't passed up.
I can say no more to him, he knows where I'm coming from.
GemTwin52 I wish you the best, stick to your guns!! Sometimes as a cancer I swear I live in total fear about some aspects of my life, I don't get it, I am working through it and just moving forward. I don't know why we cancers do that at times but we do. Fear of getting hurt....so worried that you can't live for the moment and enjoy life...just doesn't make sense....
He sounds scared. He truly doesn’t want to hurt you or even know he’s doing it. You said you haven’t met yet, how are you communicating, by email? Maybe just send him a one liner…”I miss talking to you”…or something to that effect.
Mystic, I find it interesting that you say that, because my Cancer makes a conscious effort to live in the moment. Have you read Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”? It really helped him.
I actually just started reading "The Power of Now"....very deep read thats for sure!!!
Aqua he as no reason to be scared and I'm sorry but people in general are sensitive and easily hurt, that's just human nature, of course there are exceptions to those who are heartless. I am a 57 year old woman, not some teenager in high school mooning over a boy. We communicate through phone and text...I sent him a one liner yesterday telling him that he was loved with or without me. He graciously came back with "HI". This just blows my mind how someone could act as though you are the world to them and then be cold as ice. I refuse to chase after him, I'm to old for that crap and as each day goes on I get more angry and resentful. I have been so loyal to him throughout these years and now I feel used and abandoned as though I was nothing.
I am using great restraint trying not to say things in which to hurt him..my patience is wearing thin.
As this drama continues to unfold, I'll let you know who's on top and who's not...lol
I look forward to listening to anything you or mystic have to say..that in its self helps me a lot.
Actually, I don’t think he was cold as ice with his response, cold would be not to respond at all. His response offers you the opportunity to gently coax him out. I know your Gemini sun requires more communication that this and I can understand your anger and resentment, but please don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you, or what you’ve done, or what he feels for you. Sorry, I can’t write much more since I’m preparing to go out of town in an hour or so. Hopefully mystic has some advice. I’ll catch up with you in a couple of days.
Thank you my friend Aqua..you are absolutely right. I know that this man loves me dearly, I'm doing my very best to understand and the last thing I want to do is have him retreat permanently. I will be patient, after all, I've waited 5 years, what a few more!! Enjoy your vacation and be safe!
Cancer and Gemini are just not compatible.We are friends etc..But, not romantically compatible.My father was a Gemini.He was never in my life..
I don't necessarily agree with that. We have many common interests and both have other aspects based on our birth dates. While astrology may determine a lot of personality traits, it doesn't mean that two people cannot be compatible and if that is the case then my marriage to a scorpio wouldn't have lasted over 20 years.. I more or less look for traits associated with birth signs and am not so naive to believe it is always a determining factor in compatibility. Age tends to also change some characteristics of ones personality..called being wise and mature. We each learn to adapt and compromise for the person we want in our lives.
You know I understand you don't want to be upset and say things you don't mean...but maybe just letting him have it by saying things not necessarily to hurt him but to get his attention might just get your point across...I know it sounds crazy but sometimes you just gotta break down and say your peace no matter how mean it sounds....I would definitely sit and write a list of pros and cons and just make a decision.... never easy....
How is everything going GemTwin?
The more I read of all the different Cancer thoughts and opinions, the more I truly understand the progression of the relationship with mine. I didn’t have these insights while I was going through this, but I believe what happened between us has helped both of us to grow together. For instance Mystic’s suggestion of just letting him have it, but in a well thought out confrontation could snap his attention back on focus.
Years ago, after reaching unbearable levels of anger and frustration (long story), the full force of my Aries Moon let him have it. I have never been so angry in my life and I have never let anyone see that strong of an emotion. However, while the anger of an Aries moon is short-lived, bearing the brunt of it as a Cancer is not. I told him exactly how I was feeling and how he hurt (was hurting) me, but my expression of it was uncontrolled and explosive and it sent him underground for 2 yrs (plus another yr before I let him back into my life). I got his attention, not necessarily in the best way (learn from my mistakes lol) but he really focused on moving himself forward.
Cancers’ understand the emotions of people. Communicate them, including the building anger and resentment, but do so without hurting him. Of course, you will have to decide whether you want to take the risk or not.
Keep us posted GemTwin.
Ahhh yes..so it continues. I have been talking with my Cancer friend, while trying to maintain a cooling sort of attitude without getting to sappy..which doesn't always appeal to him. While he likes the femininity of my personality, he also delights in that tomboy side of me who enjoys doing guy stuff. I of course being the communicator want to know about everything and anything going on, of course some things I'm not privy to in his world and I certainly will not cross that line as he slowly and cautiously revealed things about his life over the course of these 5 years, so I understand the "trust" factor.
As far as my getting angry at him and laying it on the line..I simply know better then to cross that line at this time. He wouldn't tolerate it for a moment!
Understand, he has not allowed "any" woman in to his life..is still closely associated with the ex's and they all get along quite nicely. Yet another cancer trait. He was quick to blame himself for the failed marriages when I asked, stating that he took them for granted.
So I will continue to love him in my own way and be here for him if only as a friend..for I do not believe it will ever be more then that. I figured if he cared enough and loved me as he has told me (not so much lately..confusing again) he would have made the effort to meet me. So I told him, if you have no intention of wanting to meet me, then just say so and I'll leave it alone, its that simple. What does he say? Of course I want to meet you.
I think if I hold my breath, I'll probably turn blue and keel over.
The last thing I want to do is hurt him because I honestly don't believe he would intentionally hurt me.
Thanks ever so much for helping to understand this very complicated sign!
...and people think Gems are difficult
I realize I am late to this discussion, but as a Cancer, I 'gotta weigh in. Yes, we cancers carry hurt around like it supposed to be that way. I have learned (not totally good at it yet) to view everything that causes me pain with a squinty eye. There is a lesson to be learned somewhere in each event. The trick is to learn it, and move on incorporating that teaching.
Yes, it is more difficult for a Cancer to genuinely forget the past and move on. It's just how we are wired, but there is no relationship more treasured and enjoyed than that of a Cancer Love... it's hard, deep, and everlasting... the three things that make it most difficult and ultimately most enjoyable.
I know I seem like I've got it figured out, but it is always much easier to see, than do! I'm forever a work in progress, learning, teaching, and growing each day, and I Thank the Creator for that!