Dealing with life..help



  • ok im a sagittarius and with in the last 8 months my life has changed in many many ways.

    i feel as though with all the changes i have had a problem with depression ( i think.)

    i feel like i cant sleep enough i dont eat regularly

    there is days where i feel any wrong question word or comment will burst me into tears.

    i feel useless and stupid

    i feel worthless, replaceable and not good enough for the things i do have

    i am not confident in my apperance or personality

    i have doubts about life and why im hear "i dont need to be or want to be so why" that is my thoughts.

    with in the last 8 months i failed college classes and have not started again.

    i had to move from my apartment and in with a full house 😞

    my job is stalemate and boring i went from 35 hours to about 25 and there is no challenge in it

    i had signed a lease for a new place to live with two firends after a breakup the two friends decided they were not my friend and did not what to live with me because i was not with the ex i had a new boyfriend. the new boyfriend is great the old one made my life a lot of work. so in this i lost a very large group of friends and i now pay rent for a house i do not live in. i am currently trying to find someone to take over my lease but the two girls are making it difficult and not helping.

    i feel loses very hard, i have had two people that were dear to me die both very un expected. one was a natural death he was 22 and the other was a tragic car ACCIDENT he was 46, both of them i had a very hard time and still am dealing with the loss but i dont feel like i exactly know how. i have been having weird nightmares visions and day dreams about me and people i love in accidents or being dead. i feel the pain i reach for my loved one next to me i cry out and reach and say things in these dreams mightmares. in the dreams i recognize where i am, its usually a common spot that i see so after these dreams and nightmares i get very uncomfotable in these places, especially if the situation starts to feel like a deja-vu (i get these sometimes)

    i have a job and safe haven and i have a relationship and pretty much everything i need plus more. i have friends that love me and an awesome boyfriend. i feel like i have alot more than some people do yet i am unhappy anyway i dont understand why i feel so useless and wrong in life i get sad and mad and quiet and its something the people that care about me have noticed and i feel like im making things worse for myself by letting these feeling take me over but how do i stop them. how do i help myself.

    is there an underlying issue i feel like there has to be something im not seeing or understanding about myself or life.. some one please help.



  • Hi Saggi,

    sounds like you have a very full plate. First, and as a fellow Sag, I hear you. It sounds to me like you are experiencing what I call a "purge". Everything you don't need is being pulled from you, and that includes outdated thoughts, beliefs, emotions, everything. The person you "thought" you were is outgrowing itself, so your true self can begin to take its rightful place in the world. It is a place of strong, upward growth, and that is good!!

    This feels like an uncomfortable place to be because it is perceived as being difficult by the personality (or, ego). I have spent the last two years going through something similar. Just remember that there is an end in sight, and equal to your pain will be the peace and joy you gain.

    Our feelings and thoughts can lie to us. They tell us nasty things about us that aren't true, and which come from our programming as we were growing up. My father treated us to things like ice cream on rare occasions when we dined out. My uncle, of a different financial stature than my father, told me once-- ONCE!-- that I was (in essence) taking more than my share because i ordered a milk shake with a hamburger, and then an ice cream after dinner...a dinner he was paying for.

    To this day I still struggle with the idea that I am "being greedy"!

    Overcoming this early programming takes dedication and insight into one's self. Ask yourself where your thoughts come from; do they sound like a family member? a former friend?

    No one is superior to you; no one is inferior to you. You are perfect as you are, and through this purge, you will gain strength and become even more perfect.

    I'd like to recommend a book to you and a simple affirmation to use.

    The book is Riding the Dragon, by Wicks.

    Affirm daily: I feel my feelings, but I am not my feelings. I am my Self.

    or

    I feel (sadness, anger, etc..) but I am not my sadness; I am my Self.

    Give yourself permission to be where you are in your life. As best you can, embrace letting go of what is leaving you, and look forward to being rebuilt and having your life rebuilt into something that truly reflects who you are. You are far more than you see yourself to be.

    Angels are standing to your left, right, and all around you. Your guides and teachers are awaiting your word to begin helping you. Talk to the empty room; talk to the air around you. They hear you and when you have asked for help, then they may give it.

    May I suggest starting by asking them to "help me help my self".

    Blessed be, Saggi. It's all okay. It will be okay, as it has ever been.

    Namaste

    ~Ahliyah



  • WOW! WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? MINE IS ON DEC. 6TH. I'M FEELING TO SAME WAY!!!

    Every normal thing in my life has changed. I have been looking at astrology and it says Pluto has moved out of Sag. It was in Sag for 12 years. It moved out of Sag in 2008. So ALL Sag are feeling this way. I have a friend that his wife just came out of no where and told him she want a divorce and the kids! He is devastated. His B-day is Dec. 12.

    I quit my job (very good job) and moved because my life was becoming so stagnant in florida. I moved back home to Atlanta and I was going through depressive episodes too! I have never been depressed in my life until this year. I just thought it was because I turned 25.

    When is your birthday?



  • By the way, after I started practicing Yoga and meditation my life is becoming a whole lot better. I am in such a better state spiritually and emotionally. I have learned patience and understanding. Maybe you should start doing those things and see how it goes.



  • Hi all, I just wanted to add my two cents in because honestly Saggi, I get where you are coming from. I am 27 yrs old about to turn 28, and all the inner turmoil you are describing resonates with me big time. Feeling worthless or replacable, like there is no one else out there who values you the way that you wish, though, does not come from anyone else, it comes from yourself. I know it's difficult, but you have to look inside yourself for satisfaction, no one else can give it to you! As Alyiah said, sometimes you are programmed to think this way when you grow up... I know I was for sure! My mom is an alcoholic, and she basically has two sides: sober, she is really indifferent and uninterested in me or in anyone else but herself, and drunk, she is manipulative and verbally abusive, I am no good, nothing I do with my life is right, and anything I say (i.e, Im feeling unhappy or something is going wrong in my life) I am either making up, or making a bigger deal out of than is necessary for attention only. Growing up with a mother like that, I had a lot of issues! And they carried over into my adult life as you can imagine. It's not easy to get out of a cycle of negative thought, but it IS possible! Keep your head up!!! Despite what everyone says about your 20's being the best part of your life, being a young adult is also very turbulent. Maybe you are taking on a lot right now or have gone through a lot of life changes and are thus left feeling lost, not sure of who you are, because the life you live suddenly does not resemble the life you knew - and you feel useless or that everyone you have sturggled with has gotten you nothing but dissatisfaction. I feel the same way often, but you have to realize that this too will pass. Things will continue to change in ways that you can't imagine. I am hoping now after MUCH turbulence that things will begin to make sense for me too, because right now it would be very easy for me to give in to despair. I went through a bad breaup after an 8 year relationship, my job SUCKS ( I graduated from college but can't find work in my field so Im working in a coffee shop) and I also went through bankruptcy to boot. But we all have to hang in there. As much as it doesnt seem like it right now, things will get better. There's something worth fighting for, evne if you dont know yet exactly what it is!!!



  • Hi, I would not blame yourself or be self-critical. You could very well be clinically depressed. To me, what defines a lot of my happiness and self-worth is the work I do. Your environment can definately shape your moods and be a big influence on how you feel.

    I feel that you need to talk with a counselor. I go about once a month just to sort my thoughts and feelings out. I feel like this would be a good first start for you because you are worried and concerned. Recognition of a problem is a good sign.

    I believe in change. Change is so hard sometimes. Change costs money, sometimes you don't really know the outcome.

    I agree that there are many changes going on at present. I agree w/the thought on purging. Sometimes we can't wait for another to change, we have to purge it (or eventually they will.)

    I hope that I've helped a little here. I know how tough things can get and don't feel that you are alone. I have quite a lot going on at present too.



  • my birthday is december 20 1989..

    Marielle25- i too have a mother that is a addict she has been dealing with her problems for years, i can say that growing up with this has affected me alot. yoga i have always wanted to try, my fix to my problems is escaping into a book, or simply by being with my bestfriend or boyfriend.

    i currently live with my best friend and her family and its something i enjoy because i am closer with her i do not enjoy the house hold itself- 6 cats a dog and two brothers none of which know how to clean up after themselfs in anyway. i am a germ and neat freak so this house is a big stressor in my life.

    i have noticed i will stay at the boyfriends any where from 3 -5 days a week at his place. he rents a room in a house which isnt a perfect situation either.

    so i think some of my problem is that i dont have a "home" a place to belong, a place to relax and it be my space.

    my job i hope will pick up i work for the county school system so the oppertunity here is bigger than the current job itself. the boredom and loneleness i get on the job greatly affects the fact that i feel useless and stupid. directing visitors and answering the phone is not challenging or exciting.

    im hoping that i can find someone to rent the room in salisbury, thus freeing up my money to find a place to live, and once i have my own space i plan on getting back into school i want to take out the loan to do animal behavior college hopefully opening up new oppertunitys to a happy succesful job. so see i have the plan and the goal its a matter of waiting out the changes and making things happen some how.

    what has been worrying me the most the last im gonna say solid month is the dreams and fears of death and loss. i think my emotions are worn out and it make it so easy for me to cry and feel empty with loss. when im feeling empty and hurt and worthless it affects my attitude. my boyfriend and best friend and cousin are asking me whats wrong why am i so down why am i quiet why do i seem out of it. and my favorite words are i dont know.

    i dont have the money to see a therapist, i wish but i dont.

    i think i will make it threw these changes and i am praying and hoping and checking my scopes and everything for a better outlook. i am trying to help myself.

    thank you for all the feed back the words i read when i logged on today made today a bit better than yesterday, i feel optomistic and determined. i am a strong independent sagittarius woman.

    even though i might not feel it or see it in myself all the time its there.



  • Saggi, I totally totally understand where you're coming from. I feel like you and I may ge in a similar place in our lives. I have been having CRAZY dreams lately, some of them are violent, frightening and grotesque -- I have dreamed that my boyfriend and myself are being brutally murdered, or that I am running from someone who wants to kill me but they always catch up...I don't know what the reasons are for these dreams but they have been seriously fraeking out. Growing up with an addict parent I think contributes a lot to your emotional state as an adult. Like I said, my entire life I grew up thinking that it was wrong to express pain or even to acknowledge bad thought. While I was dealing with a lot of turmoil on the inside, especially as a teen, I felt I wasn't allowed to show it because my mom told me all the time if I talked about anything taht I was only doing it for attention. As a child I was being molested by a boyu on our street,a nd even then, when I told my mother (She was drunk, but at the time I was very young and didn't really undrestand this yet) that I was exaggerating and that nothing was really going on. Similarly as a teen, I was feeling suicidal, I didn't tell my mom about it but I wrote it in my diary and she found the diary and read it. Then she came into my room one night, drunk, and yelling at me saying that I was being a selfish crybaby who was of course only seeking attention, and that if I didn't appreciate my life, I could get out of the house and not come back. She actually slapped me in the face repeatedly with the diary itself. Hearing this kind of stuff as a fourteen year old is obviously very confusing, and it's only now as I am naering my thirties that I am beginning to sort out the emotional tangles that my mom wove in my mind that has kept me in a naer-constant state of self doubt and sadness my entire life. The bottom line I guess --what Im trying to say -- is that life can be hard. Like REALLY hard! But you gotta hang in there Saggi! Don't give in. Your life with continue to change in ways that you can't possibly imagine. There are still wonders yet to be discovered. I found a few. Good Luck, take care and be well 🙂



  • What is your experience with Alanon programs? I found they helped ALOT in times of constant crisis. "I can't, He(She) can, I think I'll let Him(Her)." That's what I say when I'm having a really desparate day or wake from a troubling nightmarish dream or daydream.

    AS SOON AS your mind starts to repeat phrases that are to your detriment, STOP IT with POSITIVE self talk. If you don't, if you continue to choose to have the negative phrases or behaviour (short bursts of inhaling and exhaling, letting your face crunch up into despair, putting your head down, trailing your feet) YOU WILL SPIRAL DOWNWARDS. It is inevitable because you are supporting the negative downward trend towards despair.

    As with any self-help program or 'trick' it is important not to settle for someone else's "cure." We are individuals who have free will and sometimes it might take a few types of meetings, suggestions, friends to support our growth. Don't be afraid to embrace the changes in your life. Change comes from conflict. Conflict allows you to feel the pain of staying the same, encourages you to look at current behaviours that need to be relegated to the past (including people and patterns that no longer "feel" right for us), and helps us take those first "baby" steps towards new, healthier for us behaviours.

    My one caution to you as you make these changes? TRY SOFTER!! I'm a woman who has always "bitten off more than I could chew." As I've aged I've found that 'trying harder" is a recipe for futile personal pain. Why not REALLY take "baby" steps and ensure your ability to achieve success in making these life changes? Here are a couple of visual aids to use:

    • When you start to say "Yes" to something automatically out of habit, picture a candle near your face with both ends burning e.g. Stop burning the candle at both ends! THEN SMILE as you say "No" to the request.

    • If anxiety about an upcoming event or decision starts to creep in, STOP YOURSELF from automatically lowering your shoulders, eyes to the ground, frowning, dragging your feet or slouching in your chair AND THEN picture yourself as a little baby girl, cute padded bottom with plain or ruffled diaper cover, crawling over to a table or ottoman. Really picture her in your minds eye! Her eyes are bright with the prospect of reaching her destination! Then TAKE A DEEP BREATH and use it to help her RISE UP to a standing position. If you continue to feel "down," just picture the baby girl tottering on her shaky bowed legs. Are you going to help her continue to stand and exercise those chubby thighs and curled in toes? Or are you going to allow her to drop to the floor? It's your choice. Try them both. If your feeling really sh_ _ ty on a really Dark Day day, go ahead, let her totter, fall and knock her little noggin. IT'S OKAY! Hush, hush, calm YOURSELF! Allow yourself to see that falling down is PART OF THE LESSON, a necessary part. Comfort her, tend to the bump and then ALLOW HER TO TRY AGAIN. In so doing, ALLOW YOURSELF to TRY AGAIN until your chubby untried legs are able to master the current lesson and your tiny, unstable toes learn to flex wide, find their root and balance your Core Self.

    Peace to you and all the wonderful womyn who have posted here today!

    laurajames22

    Artist Numerologist Teacher



  • WOW!..That was great advice..Esp.. your Mantra..I feel my Feelings , I am NOT my Feelings, I am Myself!..Excellent..

    I have Empath abilities and some psychic ability when I don't fear it!.....Best of luck to you both..The seeker and the teacher...



  • I can also identfy with all thats being said here but dont know if my moon in saggitarius is to blame or rising cancer! I have a lot in common with both marielle and saggi's backgrounds though it was mainly of an abusive nature my step-father was a drunk and my mother is still fairly emotionless thats not even the tip of the ice berg when it comes to family we are splintered deeply but i am always the one left out when they do get together.

    I struggled with depression for all of my youth (still do) not just due to my violent upbringing but also a sexual assult that took place as a child and began drinking and drug taking as a way out though i saw the light quick enough and took off travelling on my own.

    i've always been a very spirtual person and this is what saved me on a number of occassions. I attempted suicide several times became very ill and was told i cannot have kids had a violent relationship which lasted 5 years which ended last year, and now i'm in a clandestine affair and i'm not deluded this guy and i really are soul mates whatever happens.

    i cant say i'm 100% happy with everything my life is actually nothing to shout about but only i can change it.

    However, i have used these experiences i became a mentor and practice reiki most of the time i can plod along happy other times i feel very alone, but what i'm saying is what the caterpillar see's as the end of the world the master see's as a butterfly.

    Love and light to all here. x



  • Hi again everyone,

    Shadow, that is really great that you used spirituality to lift you out of a dark place -- I can really relate to what you were saying as well. Now as an adult looking back I can see waht I didn't really understand before. what I mean is taht growing up I didn't really get how what was going on in my household really wasn't right, and that the trubulence was not only coming from within. The whole thing was pretty much a nightmare. Now my family and I are totally distant. We act civil to each other occasionally, mostly I guess just to make believe that the ties are not, well, I could say broken but I don't think they really existed in the first place. I guess to make believe that the ties actually exist in the first place, though for whose benefit we go through these motions, I don't even know. Like I posted before, I try to tell myself that I am just going through a dark time and that things will cahnge and get better. I try to believe that but I don't really. On some days it is harder to pretend than others. I have attempted suicide before as well but not since I was a teen. I feel these feelings coming back more and more lately, through.

    Number, that is some pretty good advice about positive self talk. I totally do believe in the power of positive thinking, I only wish I could do it. I know I know everyone says that practice makes perfect but every time I try I just feel like I am kidding myself. Sorry to make such a depressing post! I guess what I originally meant to say is that it was uplifiting to see others that have managed to get away from their own dark places. I do like the concept of a greater meaning, or a bigger picture to life, and using faith to keep going but I guess I am really a cold-blooded atheist at heart.

    Peace and be well 🙂



  • Marielle you are not alone EVER i still go through terrible dark times i'm going through one now!

    but really we must carry on most of the crap we have on our shoulders was placed there by others and if we continue to carry their sacks on our backs we are taking charge of their emotions for them, punnishing ourselves for something we never did but we can all change this.

    Being possitive can be slow when you have had so much of the other but you need to take time out for yourself to discover who you are and what you want in your life.

    i feel you have many gifts that you have thrown aside and someone connected to music when alive requires you to take something back up that you stopped doing.

    Have you thought of trying something like reiki/meditation etc?

    It is no problem at all to come on here and share how you feel as you can see we have all been open and unafraid to ask for guidence you should feel no different i check on here quite often as i'm off work ill at the moment however if you would like to contact me other than here i would be happy to give you my email address.

    Blessings to you Lisa x



  • ok so today i come to work determined to find the problem to my attitude and unsatisfaction with my life and every thing i have. i went to www.facade.com to get a free tarot reading... after entering a few burning questions istarted to read the cards their meanings and what it means to me and i have realized i am the dissatisfaction in my life... im paranoid and i dont trust and i am insecure with deep termoile.

    I DONT WANT THIS TERMOIL ANYMORE!!!!! i dont want it i dont need it.

    i dont want to lose the people i love in my life because of my actions because of my attitude.

    iv tried the self talk and it kind of works. i have been trying to give myself alone time to take care of things and i have been pushing forward but idk if im pushing inthe right ways...

    i feel like me looking for the answers to the future and searching for understanding maybe is what is hurting me....

    find help in religion... idk what i believe i grew up pentecostal and then grew very curious about world religions.



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  • Dear Shadowplay

    Having read your letter I personally feel, that a doctor is the only person who can tell you if you have depression, and the best way to go forward, as for the flat I am sure you might have some legal way out , just move in weather they like it or not I wish you luck and I will send you healing Luana.



  • Luana thanks for your response but i know from personal experience that doctors do not treat depression for over two years i was handed anti depressants without so much as a talk about how i felt two years is not the amount of time for anyone to be taking these and a major side effect is suicide how ironic!

    This by the way was through more than one doctor.

    I'm an ex nurse and have no faith in orthodox medicine i have only (seen the case of friends) been victim to its negativity it was due to a doctors negligence that i have been unable to have children, so i'm greatful for you comment but i'm afraid i do not agree.

    As far as where i live is concerned i think you may have mis read what i wrote i have been here since my Ex was arrested and given the restraining order to stay away which was last year.

    I thank you for your offer of healing.

    Blessings to you. Lx



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  • Dear Shadowplay

    I am sorry I did miss read the latter part of your letter, and respect what you are saying, I am sorry I cant offer more help I wish you well Luana



  • Hello Everyone,

    I am new to theForm Community ~

    i am reading many different posts ~

    i come across this particular thread~ & DEPRESSION caught my attention~

    I am not FAN of sickness disease or Depression~ A Doctor is by Far the very last person you'd want advice on Especially on Depression~

    WHY ~~ well because when we first moved ~ FRom the City ~ to the Country

    i felt isolated not used to the Silence the huge proprties of our homes in our little nest in the woodlands ~! i craved to meet new friends ~ i joined the church fellowship nearby A neighbor invited me to one of their Sunday Sermons ~ during my transformation from city To country life ~ we seeked primary Doctor's ~ Dentist ..etc....

    I also needed my yearly check up ~ so we scheduled a first time appointment with our new Country Doctor~ he seemed kind & understanding ~ he asked a few personal questions ~ & then asked how was I adjusting to the country way of living~ i was honest I told him, I was expecting more social activites in my community ~ seems that my neigbors are home dwellers & rarely show their faces or come outside~

    From this ~ mynew Doctor made his Diagnosis That i was becoming Depressed from the transition of my new country life~~~ he quickly filled a prescription & put me on Zoloft ~ he said these little pills would make me Happy ~

    if i didn't snap out of my depression He adviced that i quickly pack and move back to the city WTF ~~~ HUH

    
    it took months for my body to flush out the toxins of those pills ~~ ughh ~ maybe a few years later i went bacl to my Primary Dr. complaining of a sore throat ~ by the time my appointment was set i didn't get to see myDr. till weeks later~ by that time i cured myself with sucking on small tiny pieces of fresh Garlic ~ my sore throat healed ~ & when i walked into his office & asked how i was feeling I told him I'm fine Now ~ thanks to the Garlic~ He then turned to me U& gave out a Retarded Laugh ~ & said HA ~ were you trying to Ward off Vampires !! WFT ~~Huh ~~~
    
    I looked at my husband & shook my head low in disbelief~ that this Dr was a comppletely ignorant moran he had no knowledge that Garlic is a natural anti bacterial agent
    
    from way back to the middle ages ~ & the Chinese Dinesty ~~ Well anyways long story short ~ this experience & this one Retarded Dr. taught me a good hard lesson~that to trust in (YOU) first before giving away your trust to someone else ~~~
    
    has been years since i stepped foot inside a Dr's office ~ maybe because it's simply out of fear~ the lack of competitance that Dr's show to their patients ~ & I am in need again to visit with a Good & honest trustworthy Dr.
    
    i have been meditating the Act OF * Allowing* what this means : IS that i release the fears of my past and allow the good & positive energies to come into my life "
    
    I ask why take Drugs in the first place ~ drugs maks the real problem drugs suppress the cause ~ & drugs mutate good cells into sickly cells ~ eventually destroying the immune system & organs.... DEATH follows & sad that life for some (many) ends this way :(

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