Choosing our lifepath

  • Shadowmist ,

    Whitney that voice was a gift such a shame , i feel for her daughter , i pray she doesnt go down the same path ,poor kid god knows what she was exposed to it is so sad . My sister was a good girl it breaks my heart to look at pictures of her when she was little never in a million years would i have thought she would have taken this path.I have been trying to teach my kids now about it as they are asking why is Aunty the way she is ? I have told my 11 year old all about drugs but att he end of the day all i can do is hope and pray that it never happens to any of my kids

    Love and light Loap:)

  • You can't control your emotions just your actions. And be kind to yourself during the anger burst--it has to be given it's truth but you just can't be seduced in the moment to do action that will not help. That's the challenge. What you can do as taking control is pray to your guides that they help you find the grace in this situation. What strength you can get from it. I think it brings us closer to being in the moment and finding our "budha" nature. I was born with extra emotion---I feel too much--know to much AND have this great drive to fix and save and nurture. Sounds wonderfuly good---but in reality it is all female energy and my life has been a challange to balance that and to protect myself. This was imprinted on me as well in childhood--not being protected. The family member who gives me your same grief has really forced me to make the final adjustment to heal that. This loving yourself beyound all other instincts to save another is a tough one. I have been using my own expierience to help beef up my emotion control---to be able to choose to not get devoured by that person. The hardest thing to do is cut yourself off---really cut. I can say this took years for me. There are stages. Right now I'm in the forgiveness stage---meaning now that boundries have been set and when this person does visit and is respectfull--doesn't steal from me--doesn't pass out in my home but is ok---it still lingers---past anger. There's been a lot of hurt and worse part is you know deep down that that person mostly prayed on you when you were your lowest! That's what makes them seem so predator evil in your mind. It is the face of addiction---to make them a shark--a blood thirsty lone wolf. They see a soft spot and use it. That is my roadblock to look at that person even when they are behaving and NOT forever see that predator in them. I hate it! But it is what it is---and spiritualy it has taught me the strength of head and heart united----the reality that keeps me safe but does not close my heart. St. Michael is your greatest guide through this process.This is a constant excercise! You are so not alone----people do not like to talk about it but I still say there is one in every family somewhere. Addicts have other issues that are hidden by their abuse---self loathing--which is why punishement gets you no where because really they are like a dog who rolls in his own s hit and crys because no one will pet them. They are unlovable---in fact any good deed WILL not go unpunished. They hate themselves. And they feed on guilt. Guilt is meant to be a healthy moment of self love saying to yourself ok---I screwed up I know better and forgiving your self and doing better. BUT toxic guilt serves no purpose but to self destruct and addicts punish themselves thinking it is what they deserve--- but they do not get that no one can punish themselves without hurting others. The day I got that truth changed my life--growing up very catholic in a mindset of guilt and punishment it seemed right with God. Everyone alive has been hurt by someone who was self destructive. You can not hurt yourself without hurting another. Even if the intention is not there.Addicts are the most self destructive folks out there. In fact they are the closest to death without actually being dead. And most of them are actually mentaly ill and not in treatment--and if they were they would still never be capable of being ok on their own. It is a tradgedy. Some things cannot be fixed---sometimes we must jump in our own life boat and row like hel l. My advice for you is the exhaustion meter----make that a no negotiating boundry. That's what saved me. The moment you feel that they have consumed your thoughts---emotions you cut off all worry and thinking and you say --YOU GOT TO GO! You are killing me and I don't know what's going to happen to you but now this minute you got to go and you do not argue---you go to another room and shut the door until they leave. Addicts know how to wear people down---argue and manipulate---they exhist off of it so they are good at it. Use this situation to get in touch with your body and your needs---to hear your warning bell go off so you do not get dragged to were you are now. Use this for a good thing. THAT is your power! We only loose faith when we are bled dry exhausted. All of us!BLESSINGS!

  • Blmoon ,

    Thankyou so much for your wise words the minute i read your post i knew that you have suffrered this as well my heart and prayers go out to you. I dont want this anger to consume me , i me want to be happy , i want what is normal but i know that will never be , i want my nephew to grow up not thinking taking drugs is a normal way of life he is only 9 and has been taken from her , he lives with his father i so wanted to look after him, but she would come around virtually trying to smash my windows to get him back it was a nightmare . I have 3 small children of my own whos welfare i had to put first . I am dreading xmas this year and we are only in Feb she has ruined so many , last year i drove down to her house in such a panic thinking she was dead as she wasnt answering her phone again, only to find her drugged off her tree .It didnt even phase her how upset or worried i was about her and my husand says why do you expect her to be that way ? My husband is so over it it causes conflict with us . It is the 5 of swords in the tarot a never ending battle , now i put down my sword and say YOU GOT TO GO!

    Thanks so much Blmoon its been a weight lifted to talk to someone who has experieced the same thing i am ever so grateful for your insight .

    Love and hugs 2 u LOAP:)

  • What a loving gift to yourself! Hugs!

  • We choose as we go. At least I do. Lately I have tried to come to the understanding of how I got to the place Im at today. When I I feel like what I had what I let get away was written in the stars for me and somehow I have to face the consequences of letting it all slip away. Im only 28.

  • Carly ,

    You are still young there is plenty of time for you yet enjoy living in the moment i wish i was your age again . I know you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now but im sure whatever it is will sort itself out .

    Now this is the best song ever from my fav band Bon Jovi i feel you should listen to it here are the lyrics

    "Welcome To Wherever You Are"

    Maybe we're different, but we're still the same

    We all got the blood of Eden, running through our veins

    I know sometimes it's hard for you to see

    You come between just who you are and who you wanna be

    If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend

    Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end


    Welcome to wherever you are

    This is your life, you made it this far

    Welcome, you gotta believe

    That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be

    Welcome, to wherever you are

    When everybody's in, and you're left out

    And you feel your drowning, in a shadow of a doubt

    Everyones a miracle in their own way

    Just listen to yourself, not what other people say

    When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down

    Remember everybody's different

    Just take a look around


    Be who you want to, be who you are

    Everyones a hero, everyones a star

    When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break

    Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes

    ((Hugs)) 2 u Loap

  • Thanks again Blmoon im going to take my own advice that i just gave to Carly .

  • ((hugs)) 2 u Blmoon for all your help , what i meant in the above post is that we are good at giving advice but dont listen to ourselves as well .

  • AMEN!

    and for Carly---you can't always judge the right desicion by how smoothe life goes---lessons come in painful but nessassary packages---this is the wisest info I was given--IT'S ALL GOOD--I'M RIGHT WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE! Regret is like concrete and hard to drag forward. No regrets--know better--do better--again and again and again. No one is so enlightened they are a perfect finished product. And not all bad things mean you are doing something wrong. Think boot camp--think training for the olympics---all crisis---is just an opportunity to flex and grow more muscle. You are perfectly imperfect! BLESSINGS!

  • Welcome to wherever you are

    This is your life, you made it this far

    Welcome, you gotta believe

    That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be

    Welcome, to wherever you are

    love to all Loap:)

  • Thanks everyone for your positive replies!!!! I guess I just needed to release the negative build up inside me. Thank you livingonaprayer. Im going to write those lyrics down!!!

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