Cap woman/ Aquarius man 18yrs age difference

  • He is 38 and i am 56. Im head over heels in love with this guy. The first three months were perfect in every way then he walked out on me without any explanation. And still has not explained. I was so devastated i almost had a breakdown . He came back after two month begging me to forgive him. I have lost count of the number of times that he has done it since. It has been going on for the last six years. One minute he is there the next he is gone again. He has serious issues about women from his chilhood. It's almost as if he is terrified to make a commitment. My instinct says end it and have tried to but every time i try to walk away from him he comes back into my life and behaves as if nothing has happened. I am so confussed. This guy is doing my head in. Can someone explain why Aquarians behave so erratically..

  • I would always trust your gut instinct. Personally I would've closed the door after walking out the first time, let alone getting fed up after 6 years of his behaviour!!! Aquarians often come across as unemotional and cold hearted (although they are often not in fact) and independent ....they bottle up their true feelings and put on a front....almost scared to show their tender side for fear of being ridiculed, etc. However that is no excuse to treat someone like a doormat - you're letting him getting away with entering your life as and when he feels like it.......perhaps you are blinded by love...but I think he enjoys the relationship he has with you now like it is and probably thinks you are happy with the arrangement too. If you're not, you need to talk to him about moving the goal posts.

  • I have been trying to get rid of this guy for 5 years. Im in love with him but the trust and the blind love thing went a long time ago. I have done everything from being nice to abusing him verbally. He has been told in not uncertain terms that i am not happy with his behaviour and that i don't want him in my life. He still keeps coming back. I have even changed my phone number and he ends up on my door step.

  • What does he say when you talk to him about this? This is unusual behaviour even for an Aquarian. Disappearing like that is a little different from taking time to process and rebalance. Talk to him at an intellectual level and not at an emotional level and find out why he is doing this. I'm an Aquarian (female), albeit a watery one so I do get very emotional, but I don’t like to display those emotions unless that person is very, very close to my heart. I can become pretty detached if someone gets too emotional on me and then I’ll go off to process those feelings and my own. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel them, it just means I can’t do it right then and there in front of the person.

    Commitment is another thing altogether. There’s long term commitment and then there’s short term commitment. Once I decide I don’t want to be with a person for life, then I’m gone…no looking back. For whatever reason, he is waffling back and forth so he might be having some problems reconciling his feelings with his experiences or what he thinks is right for him. Whether you want him in or out of your life, tell him the reasons why and what you are looking for to fulfill your life. Just do so in a logical manner.

  • Hi, Sounds like he doesn't really know what he is feeling. Has a hard time expressing feelings so he walks away--walks out. Then he comes back. I had a boyfriend once that did exactly the same thing. He was very jealous. Although he was jealous there was something he was missing (lacking.) Therefore, the relationship lacked. A lot of the time it's issues they had growing up. I found out that his parents lived in separate houses. So, I guess it was normal for him to go to his house if he was feeling a certain way.

    Although this is confusing, this is behavior that only he understands. Retreating is the way he deals with it. If I don't want to confront an issue then I retreat also. My dad is an Aquarius and my mom said that he would retreat to the TV.

    I can tell that you don't want to do the wrong thing, don't want to lose him. I would suggest being logical and not emotional like Aqua said. The real emotional thing will really scare him. Try to add humor to it. Ask him if he's really spiderman or something. Aquarians melt if you use humor.

  • The whole problem is that he will not discuss anything. It is his way or no way. I have know him for 20 years and he was was not like that before we started having a relationship. He was the one that approached me not the other way around. He sent me a text message and i replied saying, I think you have sent this to the wrong person, A reply came straight back saying no i didn't i sent it to you. In the first month he sent me over 1000 text messages. After allot of thought i agreed to have lunch with him thinking that he would get cold feet and that would be the end of it. You could not fault him in anyway. He was the perfect gentleman. I had a hard time trying to process the age difference and even now i have a hard time dealing with it. We had never had a cross word till he walked out on me. When he left the relationship he would not answer my calls or texts. Two weeks later he sent me a text that said, i can't deal with our relationship.That was the expalnation. What couldn't he deal with ? Never found out. I was shattered but i thought if thats what he wants then i have to move on. Two months later he rang me at work and he said, have i lost you and i said why. He said i love you and can't live without you. I wanted him back but i had my doubts as to what his feelings were. It would have taken allot for him to say that to me. He is very shy and i have learnt over the last six years that he does not have much confidence in himself. Mrchick thinks that i am letting him treat me like a door mat i assure you that i am not. I have tried not doing the girly thing and not getting all emotional but it is hard and very frustrating. He won't communicate. I know allot of people use the "He is the love of my life" thing but this guy is mine. He makes me melt. I am not a teenager im an adult and i know what i feel for this guy. I know that he is in love with me so why does he behave the way that he does. We have never lived together because he just cant get it together. My children would never understand our relationship but it is my life not theirs. I like allot of others in my position question if he is capable of having a relationship like ours. The last six years says no. Im not prepared to put my entire life on the line so that he can have what he wants. The age difference is a major factor but he says that it isn't..His behaviour says it is. Or am i wrong ? If i could find a way to get him to open up and tell me why he does this all the time then maybe we could find a way to fix what is wrong. Am the only one that has had this happen to them. Every time i trust him he crashes me. I know it sounds pathetic but i thnk he is trying to hurt me to get a reaction. Why ? It took me three years to get over him walking out on me the second time. I couldn't string two words together when he left again. My emotions are a wreck. Im keeping him at arms length for the time being but i don't know how much longer i can do that. Im a strong person but he is doing my head in.

  • Well I agree, if you want peace, you may consider breaking up. I do think there is something lacking in this relationship and I'm not saying it's your fault. My true opinion is that it's emotional blackmail (abandonment.) I think he entertains the thought of moving on. He definately can't handle some aspects of the relationship. This is nothing that you've done. It's some inadequacy he has. So, what's the solution. This is behavior that's not going to change.

    I would tell him that I love him but for your sanity need something a little different. Give him a while to re-think. Don't get back together when he decides he needs you. You need to decide if you really want this disruption in your life.

    No, your not alone. I've had this happen and also different variations of it. My experience is it doesn't get better.

  • Thank you for your input Dalia. As far as im concerned we have broken up. There is no intimacy between us and has not been for a long time. I agree that It is emotional blackmail but it goes further than that with him. It has become emotional abuse now. I thought that it was my imagination but it isn't. Im living it. He wants his cake and wants to eat it. Its when it suits him and as long as it is all his way. No relationship, intimate or platonic survives that. Unless you have been subjected to this sort of emotional abuse you don't have any idea of how delilitating it really is. I'm so sorry that you have been subjected to the same thing. I thought that it was the Aquarian thing but now i realise i have been making excuses for his own insecurities. mrchick is right i should have gotten out six years ago. Im finding it very hard to give up on him but i don't think i have a choice anymore. I have tried everything that i can think of short of sending him to a shrink. The behaviour is just plain childish. He won't change and without change we do not have a future.

  • Thank you everyone for your input.

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