Consider this before you Commit...

  • Thoughtful Conclusions about Commitment

    Deciding Whether to Marry

    Though we may make many commitments throughout our time on earth, few have a lifelong impact on the path our lives will take. The decision to marry someone you love - to bond yourself to them completely - is unlike any other and can reshape your existence. When two people have similar goals, values, and needs, marriage can result in a lifetime partnership of love and respect, shared laughter and tears, friendship, and intimacy that is ultimately fulfilling. Love is often cited as the sole prerequisite of a strong and stable married life. However, the decision to get married should be made with the mind and the soul as well as with the heart. Carefully considering whether you truly want to get married, both individually and as a couple, can ensure that if you do choose to marry, your relationship can grow to unimaginable depths.

    The decision-making process you employ to determine whether you should marry should be a thoughtful and honest one in which you appraise not only your partner but also yourself. Consider that love and attraction do not guarantee long-term compatibility. If your relationship is not secure, marriage will not make it so. Likewise, if your partner is not as attentive, loving, or kind as you would like, your becoming spouses will not change that. Marriage has no power to permanently fill any emotional or spiritual gaps in your life. Before you choose to marry, ask yourself whether you and your partner are adept at resolving conflict, can speak openly to one another, and fully respect one another. Your attitudes regarding the nature of marital commitment, children and child rearing, and marital and domestic roles may be the same or they may differ. It is your shared responsibility to discuss your similarities and come to agreements regarding your differences that will predict how successful your future marriage will be. Often times, younger couples rush into marriage just for the wedding dress, the ring, the party, and honeymoon. Would you still be willing to be married if you couldn't have these things?

    Remember that planning a wedding is simple when compared to the intricacies of nurturing a marriage. The honeymoon and nesting period will eventually wear off, and what you are left with is a partner for life. When you work together with your partner, reassure and support one another, and are honest about your feelings regarding marriage, you'll come to the right decision.

    Daily OM

  • I totally agree ,a wedding is much more than a fancy dress and reception , i love my husband dearly but its been a long hard road at times its not all hearts and flowers

  • Amen to that!! That is why it is so important to make sure you are to marry the one you do. That it is a good, solid, strong relationship way before the marriage option even comes into play!

  • Yes, it's such a life-changing important choice I wonder that so many seem to rush into it without any prior thought or consideration. After all, you don't buy the first thing you see on the shelves when you go shopping, do you? You need to look for a genuine 'bargain'. 😉

  • LOL @ The Captain!! - It's true!! I always tell my kids that the only person that EVER needs to define them is THEM!! That a relationship should only enhance who they are and bring them joy. Of course there will be hard roads, that's just life. People allow life to bring the troubles, not the individuals. Does that make sense?

    I mean if you are constantly trying to figure out, he/she committed to me? Or do they really like me? What's going on...etc....blech!! Useless is what that is!!

  • Sometimes I wonder that if we were free from fear and issues, would we actually choose to live with other people or would just prefer them to visit on and off and leave us to do our thing the rest of the time?

  • Captain ,you always hit the nail on the head lol! I dont think anyone would choose marriage if they were secure and whole, though I have seen some made for each other type of couples, that are exceptions, Marriage is an unnatural institution but a desirable one for social reasons: its the only viable way of bringing up children who are secure and well adjusted.

    It helps to choose sensibly, before the harmones hit us and blind us, but still most marriages are hard work . They may be a source of the lessons that our souls choose to learn, and in that sense help us grow?

    also, I guess one needs a companion in old age, one that we have shared our lives with , for better or worse:)

  • I'm not sure Captain...when I look back, there is no way I should have walked down the aisle with the man I did. BUT, I did. So I have had a lot of reprecussions from that decision.Not all bad ones though.

    I think it is natural to have the ned to find a mate, but I think the process is where it all goes wrong.

    It seems that people are more focused on finding that person, instead of allowing life to unfold it's plan. We want so desperately to be loved, that sometimes, the need for that is the focus, instead of the focus being I really like this person? What traits about this person do I see?

    Instead, I think todays focus is sadly tied to hey.....does this person think I'm hot? Do they want to have s e x with me? Lust is not love. And, I think too many times lust is mistaken for love. Don't get me wrong, love can grow, or come along after the initial lust. And I do know that there has to be a physical attraction or connection in any relationship.

    But I keep thinking back to when I was a kid. Back when it was a good thing to be innocent. Back when hot clothes, fake tans, hair products and the need to look like a super star was not an option at all!! People saw people for what they really were. Naturally. I just feel that there is this huge discombobulation going on now! It saddens me. It does.

  • But isn't the need to find a mate really a fear of being alone or unloved?

  • I don't think so....not stripped down...I think that the need to have someone to share your life with is powerful. I think the fear comes into play when people try to rush pr push a relationship. That is when and where fear if they do not find someone...they are making a mistake there.

  • Having a partner doesn't make you happy or solve all your problems. If you aren't a complete person BEFORE you meet your life partner, you won't become so just by meeting him or her. Completeness is only found inside yourself. It is not the by-product of a relationship, even with a soulmate. We put too much responsibility on other people to make us happy and healthy when it's our duty to do that for ourselves. No one else is here to help us solve our personal issues. They can support us and give some good advice but we must do the work ourselves. The kindest and most loving thing you can do for your lifemate is to work through as many of your fears and issues before you meet them, so that you don't have to do it while you are together.

  • Exactly! That was what I was trying to get at!! lol

  • So true captain, but how does one do that?

  • Victimofcancerian, by spending time getting to know yourself so that you know your strengths and weaknesses and what personal issues you need to resolve to be a 'whole' healthy individual.

  • That is the best, most sound advice. Being whole and being able to sustain yourself, w/o looking for someone else to do it ( which is impossible anyway) is so true!!

  • Hi TheCaptain, I read through some of your love readings and most advices are very helpful so I would really appreciate if you have time to see my case and give me some love reading advices? I really want to work out my issue but not knowing what's the best to do :(.

    Here is my topic:

    Thanks x

  • Such a very amazing link!

    Thanks you for the post.

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