• ive been dating dis guy since i was 17 hes my first love an now im 22 he is a year younger than me,but they were break ups and make ups but now we've been separate for almost 7months im scared that maybe i lost him forever cos theres no contact at all and i miss him badly its like my other half is gone,cos we shared anything wherever i was he was there we were very close,but things got out of hand he started abusing me physically to make matters worse he knew that my mom didnt approve of him as he was younger and was unemployed so my always told that he was going to dump me an leave me for a younger girl and all this confused me a lot, and to be honest he never cheated so as me i wud never cheat.i belived in us and it tears me apart the thought of maybe ill never be with again.cos after the beating i had to lay charge of assault against him luckily he wasnt arrested,but we had to go to court several times and he was found guilty n now hes paying monthly for what he did.sometimes i hate myself for loving him so much i feel like running away from all this mess cos i cant take it anymore pls give me some advice evrynite i cry i dream of him i feel him,whn i think of him i feel like hes doing the same,i miss his love his careness,but when he beat me i felt terrible i hated him and top it all he never apologised for what he did,i need to know wil he ever contact or i must stay as a loner and just keep all this feelings to myself but for how long am i going to feel is there a chance for us and when of my mom not wanting especially after what he did to my mom hes bad and i have a good relationship with mom now when i was still with him my mom wud fight wit me all the time its either i have him i lose my mom i have my mom i lost him. cant i have both of them.pls tell me what i need to for myself i know he loves me or did i push him away pls help me m losing my mind but u know on the outside im strong as ever like my heart is not bleeding the other thing i dont have anyone to open up to.no friend. anyone who can simplify all these for i will gladly appreciate it

  • FemaleB ....stop being so stubborn...typical Taurean! LOL!

    No man should be physically or mentally abusing you. It is not LOVE. Its abuse. Stick with your mum and not this boy. He won't change and despite what he says ...he doesn't love you. He has no respect for you and staying with him you will lose your self respect. You are still EXTREMELY young....yes you're hurting but your heart will mend and your life will get so much more pleasurable once you start to get your self confidence back, and start to respect yourself. Don't be a doormat....if you are strong then prove it and say "No" to him....you'll discover what love is when you meet a guy who will cherish you and worship you and wouldn't dream of harming you. Have respect for your mum too ....your mum gives you unconditional love and she is probably tormented inside worrying about you.

    In answer to your questions: No ..he doesn't love you. No...you won't be a loner for long but you must build up your confidence and have respect for yourself; Join a club or pursue hobbies and meet girl friends ...build up your life and be happy with yourself and you'll soon attract the right kind of guy that you're worthy of; No - drop the wanting an apology....just draw a line under this relationship and learn from it.

    I don't want to sound harsh.....but dry your tears and look to the future....its a lot brighter and better !!!

  • I totally agree with rnrchick. I want to add a litlle extra. Have you utterly lost your mind, this man hit you. I mean physically raised his hand and layed it on you knowing full well he could of killed you. What kind of love is that???

    I know I sound harsh but I want to tell you something. I am a very small women and I was raised that all people respect eachother so when I went out into the world on my own (at 17) I was shocked at the way people treated eachother. I knew because of my size that if any man were to ever take a hand to me, I most probably would die, (I'm 5 feet tall and weigh approx.

    110). I made a vow to myself to never, ever stay with anyone that there might be a possibility of physical abuse. I' ve had my share of mental abuse and from your post it sounds like you have too. If I was in a relationship with a person that I thought might possibly have the will to hit me in any way, I always told go them if they did I would kill them in their sleep, and they can't stay awake forever, and I meant it.

    You have to draw personal boundries, you're confused, this is not love that you have with this man, I don't know what it is, but I know for sure it is not love. What if you became pregnant with this mans child, are you willing to risk a child being abused because you think your so in love.

    Please, Please, Please, I can't say it enough, Please stay away from this man he is no good, not just for you but for anyone. Think of your future. Yes, I know you're in a lot of pain but that's life we all go through it, it's what shapes us into the adults we become. If you're not dealing with some kind of pain, odds are you are not living, just existing. So hooray for you!!! You're living, but, now you have to decide the kind of life you want to have. If you close the door to this man I GARANTEE you someone wonderful will come along and u will have a good life.

    Listen, sometimes we choose the wrong people in our lives because of past childhood trauma's. When your heart is healed and it will heal, trust me, I know, do not let someone like this into your life ever again. Pay attention to the patterns to who you choose and if they are destructive people, let them go and choose the opposite.

    One last word, there is never, ever, ever, a reason for one human being to lay a hand on another human being. This man is sick, save yourself while there is still time.

    I hope this helps you.

  • FemaleB - I was so moved by your post that out of curiousity I pulled a few Tarot cards to see what they what I got. I was actually amazed by how well they relate everything you've said here. What I got is that this guy is bad news (7 of Swords - ugh!). He is sneaky, a deceiver, selfish and prepared to do whatever he can get away to suit himself - he has gotten away with much already. You are deeply disappointed and too focused on the past, not looking at all to the future, stuck in your indecision and hanging on tightly to what you have, even though you know full well it's bringing you unhappiness, it's familiar and you are refusing to let go simply out of fear of what the future holds.

    You need to get mental about things and quit letting your heart rule right now. You are a good person and the cards show goodness around you but you are ignoring it because you can't make a decision. Open your eyes! There is indication that loving messages are all around you, and your next love may very well be right in front of your eyes but you refuse to look. You think you are alone, but you are not, there is much love surrounding you. Finally the cards say that you will find happiness with a mature man (King of Wands), and it will bring you the kind of love you wish for. (Last card was the 9 of cups - the get your wish card!) Based on the cards my advise would be to work hard to let go of thinking about this guy and the past and start focusing on the goodness that is clearly there in your life right now. There is lots of potential for happiness...with someone else, someone more mature...in store for you. I'm very excited for you actually based on what I see here, and can't wait for you to move forward - the future is bright, it's up to you to make the DECISION that you want it!

    Listen to rnrchick and Mypointofview too. These ladies share with you out of love and concern for your happiness and well-being. Listen to what they tell you and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. You may not always like what you hear on the forums, but I've been here long enough to appreciate that everyone's thoughts are based in love and compassion. Some truths are hard to face, but here you don't have to feel that you are facing them all alone. Wish you all the best, and I hope this helps give you some insight.

  • tks for all your respond and concern abt me,im glad u rplied and i appreciate it a lot tks.i dont know how u did it but i feel relieved and stressfree,i love the way u put it straight to de point,maybe i needed to hear it from someone else cos deep inside i knew what i felt was bad,anyway the truth hurts that is what i needed to hear i needed your opinion an everyone is entitled to their point of view there is no better way u could have put it i just need to learn from my experiences and move forward with my life. ive also learned dat loving sumone can also be a weakness to me i know dat big time now and it nearly destroyed my relationship wit my mom im happy it didnt get out of hand all is sorted. thanks a lot I LOVE YOU ALL keep up the good work u are doing god bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • i dont know how to thank you all for giving me the courage to move on with my life, its been hard for me but i've told myself that i'm not going back to him never i've realised how foolish i was to ever think that this guys luvs me. like u said i met a great guy who respect who wont let anything harm me he adores me. i'm so greatful to have sum1 like as part of my life he makes me feel happy i feel like i'm the most beautiful girl on this planet. i cant believe its me sayin this cos i always believed that my ex was the one for me and i was totally wrong no one deserves to be involved with that kind of person ( an abuser no not at all) i want to thank you for givin me the light and hope that there is someone out there who will cherish me and finally he found me waiting for him how sweet is that? its just marvellous perfect!!!!!! tks everyone i now know what love means........

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